Time to start making plans for my future. the fact that I’m turning 21 is getting to me and I’m realizing now that its time to grow up. Now is not the time to sit around and mope around because of some heart break. I won’t meet him again and I hope to ignore all of his messages. Funny how my brain doesn’t allow me to think of all those moment we shared. Its like censored or something. They say give time some time. Time heals everything. Yeah time heals everything but its a long and torturous process. Its the first time I’ve ever experienced this.

Im not very good with men and i tend to rush things. But with him things were different. Most of the time when I approached someone I would force my self on to them quickly. I never had second thoughts about it….until a week a later. But with him I never once got tired of him. I would unconsciously await the weekend. The mere sight of him made my heart skip a beat. A smile would unconsciously spread across my face. Funny how all this sounds like a relationship. But it wasn’t. If it was then it was a toxic one. One were no matter how i played my cards I always wound up loosing. It all started a year ago. The company christmas party. I was new employee at the time and he was my senior. He was know as a flirt and player. I knew from the beginning. That night was the first time i had drank and things were fuzzy. we ended up exchanging numbers. I then developed a certain liking towards him. Our conversations were innocent at first. I knew he had a girlfriend so he was completely off limits for me.

This happened