You might want to get yourself a sandwich or something so you don't starve to death, because holy , this baby is LONG. And I don't want to be held responsible for any of you dying of starvation while reading my fic. My student's budget can't afford a lawyer, after all.

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Today was Christmas Eve. Today was the fourth year anniversary since Hankyung’s death, Kim Heechul thought grimly as he rested his head in his hands. Things had been awfully lonely without his business partner, and profits had gone down as well – he was an expert in his field, but still, two experts worked better than one. It would also be a lie to say that he did not enjoy Hankyung’s company; though the slightly younger, but talented male had been a bit too naïve and kind for Heechul’s liking, Hankyung had still been his best friend.

 

His only friend.

 

Not that it mattered now. Hankyung was dead, and that was that. It was, of course, sad, but no reason for him to go mourning for a long time. Heechul was not a person to dwell in the past – it was no use, after all, he should just worry about himself here and now.

 

Now… Yes, Christmas Eve. What a ridiculous day.

 

It happened once a year, December came, and suddenly, everyone was going crazy with their Christmas songs, decorations, gifts, but worst of all; the jolly ‘Christmas mood’. Christmas did not magically make people wonderful beings at Christmas, and so he did not understand why everyone kept nagging about it. How Heechul hated all these stupid people with their retarded Christmas ideals of community, friendship, compassion and the spirit of generosity.

 

Kim Heechul was anything but generous.

 

 He hated Christmas, he really did; it was an annoying and downright infuriating time of the year, bad for business and bad for his mental health. He watched everyone become idiots for one simple tradition, had human evolution really only come this far? That was a reality he refused to accept, but apparently, some divine entity had decided that yes, he had to endure.

 

It was horrible.

 

But the worst part was, at least for a businessman like Heechul, that somehow, everyone who worked for him deemed this a good time do slack off and take their leave as they pleased – horrible for business. He had no room in his life for compassion, benevolence, kindness or charity; such a thing was only for fools. Fools who believed this Christmas humbug.

 

Unfortunately for Heechul, it appeared that the majority of the population was engrossed in this season. He was just walking back to his office from the coffee shop down at the corner, when a couple of gentlemen with a small bucket approaching, kind smiles on their faces. Heechul only frowned, he could already suspect what they were on about. The red and green Christmas decorations on the bucket was a small hint.

 

“Excuse me, good sir,” one of the two, the shortest and slightly chubby one, but with a merry smile, spoke. “Would you give a small donation for a good cause? We are collecting money so the children at the orphanage can enjoy a special Christmas, too.”

 

“Orphanage? Christmas?” Heechul snorted, looking disdainfully at the two, his thought of the idea obvious. The  taller one, with somewhat massive eyebrows and a muscular built, nodded eagerly, either not realizing, or not caring, about Heechul’s rather rude reply.

 

“Yes,” he said with a grin. “Poor children without a family should be able to celebrate Christmas as well, it is a joyful time not to be reserved for those of us who have the money to relinquish it.”

 

“Oh really, now,” Heechul said sarcastically, crossing his arms as he felt his mood darken by the second. “Well, I can tell you this. First of all, you’re very late, it’s already Christmas Eve, in fact you retards have forgotten how to make use of the calendar, despite it being this horrible month of the disgusting humbug you call ‘Christmas’. So listen now; you will not get any money from me so that a bunch of pathetic, snotty kids can run around and pretend that they have a normal life. Maybe if fools like you stopped giving them money, they could just shrink about and die, contributing their share to reduce the overpopulation in the world. No, not today, not every; especially not today, when the day of humbug is nearing.”

 

“That was not very nice of you, sir,” the tall one said, frowning at Heechul. The businessman only rolled his eyes.

 

“Then, I’m afraid to disappoint, you, good ‘sir’,” he said mockingly, walking briskly past the two. “But I’m not a nice person.”

 

Luckily for Heechul, the two did nothing further to annoy him, and he soon arrived at his office without any further frustrations. Well, except for the egregious Christmas decorations around the street, Christmas carols, Christmas mascots, Christmas whatever. But after so many years, he had finally learnt to deal with it.

 

Tearing the door to his office open briskly, he shrugged off his coat and tossed it at his surprised secretary, not even bothering looking at the blonde man.

 

“Leeteuk, fix my coat,” he said as he stalked towards his private room. Leeteuk nodded nervously.

 

“Y-yes, sir,” he mumbled, before suddenly remembering something. “By the way, Heechul-sshi, you have a visitor waiting inside. I hope you don’t mind I let him in, I knew you would be back soon.”

 

Though he tried to make his voice sound comfortable, Leeteuk was positively afraid of the slightly younger man. While Heechul was rich and successful, Leeteuk was a poor man with no education or special skills; he had not afforded university back when he was a student, and was only hired by Heechul because he accepted a lesser wage than the rest of the appliers at the time.

 

During his time as Heechul’s secretary, he had really seen the worst sides of the man; his good ones too, for that matter, but they were not much to brag about. His employer could be ruthless, mean and downright cruel if he wanted to; he had no qualms about degrading Leeteuk, in particular, on account of his poor background, which made Heechul consider him a lesser man. He had returned home after a working day with bruises before.

 

He would have loved to find a new job, but knew it was of no use. Heechul was the only one who would hire someone like him, and he desperately needed a job where he was guaranteed some regular income, even if it was not much. And even though Heechul was a greedy bastard, he still paid him more than any other street job he might hope to catch. But Leeteuk needed the money so much; he and his husband were trying to feed their kids as well as pay for their schooling, which was not easy, considering the fact that both of them were uneducated and without any further qualifications. But they did try their best, for their children.

 

Actually, Leeteuk had hoped to be able to take a couple of days off at Christmas, to celebrate with his family; they were all he had, and even if he worked his of the rest of the year, he loved Christmas, when they were all able to be together, like a big happy family. At least that was something.

 

But it was a weak hope, when coming to Christmas. He knew perfectly well how much Heechul hated it; and he feared mentioning it in front of him.

 

But now, Heechul had stopped and was currently frowning at his last statement.

 

“Visitor?” He echoed, looking grumpily at Leeteuk. “You know you’re not supposed to let anyone into my private office without my consent.”

 

“I know, sir,” Leeteuk bowed hurriedly, still keeping a firm hold on the coat in order to stop himself from fidgeting. “But he said… I mean, I think you’ll find that the visitor was better off waiting in there than out here. I think you’ll be pleased to see him.”

 

“Whatever,” Heechul said, going for the door, before casting one final warning look at Leeteuk. “You better be right about this, though, if you know what’s good for you.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Leeteuk mumbled quietly, not quite sure whether or not Heechul heard, or cared, for that matter.

 

Heechul, on the other hand, ignored his employee and instead tore open the door to his private room, closing it sharply behind himself. Then he spotted his visitor, comfortably perched on his impeccably clean desk. His nephew, Kyuhyun, grinned up at him.

 

“Uncle Heenim!” He said friendly, standing up to embrace his uncle. Heechul actually let his lips crack into a smile, returning the hug lightly. The age difference between the two of them was relatively small, only twelwe years, and so they had quite a good relationship. Also, Heechul liked the boy’s spirit; he was quite similar to himself, actually. Although, with his occasional compassion and kindness shown towards the weaker in society, Kyuhyun tended to be a bit more like Hankyung, actually. Heechul was not too fond of that, but he had liked Hankyung, and he liked Kyuhyun, and he was one of the more sensible people he knew; good company was rare nowadays.

 

“Hey, Kyuhyun!” he replied playfully, giving the younger a playful scoff. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home, smothering your wife?”

 

“Aish, I’ve been doing that ever since we got married two months ago, I’m growing tired of it,” Kyuhyun brushed him off jokingly, cracking a grin. “Besides, it was Sungmin who said I should come here. He wanted to invite you for Christmas dinner tomorrow – don’t give me that look, it wasn’t my idea!” Heechul’s face had immediately darkened, taking on a scowling appearance as soon as he heard the reason for his nephew’s visit. It was not the fact that Kyuhyun came for something as trivial as that – no, any other dinner invite would have been fine. But Christmas…

 

“I know how much you hate it,” Kyuhyun continued, unfazed by the glare. Immunity comes after years of getting used to it. “And I told him, but he didn’t really believe it could be that bad. So he said I should at least invite you, so you know of the offer, after all. Politeness or kindness, I don’t know, Sungmin has too much of both. But it would be nice if you decided to join us, after all.” He added gently, smiling kindly at the older. But Heechul only snorted.

 

“You know I would never,” he said sharply. “I don’t waste my time on such ridiculousness.”

 

“So instead you’ll waste your time alone?” Kyuhyun arched an eyebrow. “I know you’re a workaholic, but you won’t get anything done on Christmas Eve, anyhow. There’s no one else at work, you know; you’ll end up just sitting here like the lonely old man you’re turning into.”

 

“I’m not old!” Heechul interrupted indignantly. “I’m very much youthful and beautiful, thank you. And yes, I would prefer being alone to celebrating this humbug like the rest of the retarded people out there. No thank you, it’s not really my thing.”

 

“Come on, Uncle Heenim,” Kyuhyun pleaded, putting on his best puppy eyes despite his now twenty-one years. “Won’t you even try? For your favourite nephew Kyuhyun?”

 

“My only nephew, for the record, and no, I won’t.”

 

“Come on, it would make Sungmin and I really happy,” Kyuhyun tried a different approach, though he suspected it would be as futile as everything else. As expected, Heechul only raised an eyebrow.

 

“Please,” he said mockingly. “I’m not concerned with making you happy after you turned eighteen. And pleasing Sungmin is your job, actually. Though, if you allowed me near your bedroom, I’m sure I could help him experience some real pleasure, if that’s what you – “

 

“Heenim, that’s a tad disturbing,” Kyuhyun interrupted, frowning. “Sungmin’s my husband, you know.”

 

“Wife, but whatever.”

 

“He’s male.”

 

“You wouldn’t believe it when looking at him.”

 

“It’s the same with you.”

 

“Touché.” Heechul actually chuckled slightly, reminded of why Kyuhyun was his favourite nephew. Erhm, only nephew.

 

Just then, someone knocked on the door, interrupting the two. Heechul called for him to come in, making Leeteuk shyly step through the door. The owner of the office frowned. Leeteuk looked as if Heechul would not like what he was going to say.

 

“What is it, Leeteuk?”

 

“Well… I was just wondering, Heechul-sshi…”

 

“Spit it out, I haven’t got all day.”

 

“Could I… Could I possibly leave early today and have the day off tomorrow, please? It’s my family, and…”

 

“No.” Heechul replied simply, turning back to Kyuhyun in dismissal. But the youngest saw how Leeteuk’s face fell at the devastating reply, and frowned at his smaller uncle.

 

“Come on, Heechul, be nice to him,” he reprimanded slowly. “Let the poor man go home for Christmas. What good is keeping him here anyways?”

 

“I’m working tonight, and tomorrow,” Heechul snorted. “I need my secretary to work.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Kyuhyun corrected, rolling his eyes in slight annoyance. He knew his uncle was grumpy and mean, and though he had accepted it a long time ago, it still frustrated him a bit how he could be like that towards the poor people around him. He had seen several times how Heechul treated Leeteuk, and although not knowing the older more than by just a couple of passing conversations, he felt sorry for the man. “As I said, no one else is working at Christmas, it won’t be any use. Then you’ll both just waste your time. Let him go home; there’s no need for everyone else to suffer for your stubbornness. If you won’t come visit us, then please do this for me.”

 

Kyuhyun vaguely registered Leeteuk’s eyes widen in surprise at the door. Obviously, he had never expected the younger to stand up to his employer for him like that.

 

“I will be lonely in the office,” Heechul insisted, though it was the weakest argument he had ever contributed to a discussion with, and he knew it. Kim Heechul did not get lonely.

 

“Seriously, you haven’t been lonely since Hankyung died,” Kyuhyun sighed. “Speaking of, isn’t it his death anniversary today? Then let Leeteuk-sshi leave to honor Hankyung’s memory. You know he would have done it.”

 

“Fine!” Heechul snapped, turning around to face Leeteuk, who looked positively ecstatic. “Leeteuk! Leave! And don’t come back until this darn Christmas thing has left your head! Although that better be in two days, or else this job is lost for you.”

 

“Yes sir!” Leeteuk exclaimed, barely hiding his excitement as he bowed to the two men quickly. “Thank you, sir! Thank you!” With that, he bolted out of the office before the others had any chance to comment.

 

“That was kind of you,” Kyuhyun smirked slightly.

 

“Shut up.” Heechul snorted. “Now he’s going to think we’re running a charity here. No matter. Well, this was nice and all, dear nephew, but I must really get back to work.”

 

“And you’re sure you won’t come tomorrow?” Kyuhyun tried again, slyly. Heechul nodded defiantly.

 

“You bet. But say hello to Sungmin for me.”

 

“I’ll do that,” the younger smiled as he started closing his coat and wrapping a scarf around his neck. “See you, Uncle Heenim.”

 

“Bye, Kyuhyun.” The younger waved slightly as he stepped out the door, leaving Heechul alone in his office as so many times before.

 

Four years. Four years since another human being had occupied this room with him. Alright, he had to admit, he missed Hankyung’s presence, if only a little bit. He missed having someone who understood him around; Kyuhyun was good for that, but he lived his own life, so separately from Heechul, and there were some things the younger was simply too naïve to understand, just simply because of his lack of experience in life. Nevertheless, Heechul loved him a lot; but he was still lonely.

 

He finally sighed, shaking his head to rid himself of these depressing thoughts as he sat down on his desk, continuing his work from before lunch. And he kept it going for several hours; Heechul’s concentration was legendary. A door closing outside his office alerted him that Leeteuk had finally gone home, later than he expected of the lazy bum, but still far earlier than he would have liked. At least he was not paying for his vacation, damn it.

 

Despite working eagerly, Heechul eventually felt himself dozing off, if only a little bit. At first, he only noticed a vague tiredness creeping up on him; he had been having trouble sleeping lately, and it was beginning to affect his work. Still, he could not help it as he suddenly found himself resting his head on his desk, paperworks be ignored. He never really noticed falling asleep, either – at least, not until a loud bang awoke him and he found himself in an unfavorable predicament.

 

“Falling asleep on work…” he mumbled to himself as he straightened out his clothes and hair. “How undignified.” Briefly, he pondered what had awoken him. There was nothing unusual in his office – everything was impeccably neat, as he always kept it. He was about to shrug it off and go back to sleep when a nearly invisible movement to his left alerted him.

 

He turned to look, but no one was there. Then it appeared again, but this time, in the corner of his right eye. Startled, Heechul rose from his chair and walked in the direction. But no, nothing. Not even a trace. Wondering if it was only his mind playing tricks on him, he turned back to his desk.

 

Only to find a person sitting there instead. At first, Heechul thought he would have a heart attack, but that was soon forgotten when he recognized the form in the chair.

 

It was Hankyung.

 

Hankyung, his dead best friend, was sitting in his chair, in his office, smiling at him with that slightly crooked lip curl only Hankyung had. He was dressed in a simple, dark suit with a blue shirt underneath, ed slightly. His hair was short and light brown, matching his dark chocolate eyes perfectly. Exactly like he was right before he died.

 

But he was somewhat translucent… As if not really there. And truly, he was not supposed to be… He was dead.

 

“H… Hankyung?” Heechul whispered quietly, his eyes wide. The figure’s smile widened.

 

“Who else?” He muttered in that peculiar, accented Korean. “Have you missed me?”

 

“You…” Heechul could not find the words. “You’re dead.” He finished lamely.

 

“I’m glad you noticed,” Hankyung laughed, and Heechul suddenly became aware of a slight echo from the sounds leaving Hankyung’s mouth. “I was beginning to think your miser self only thought I had taken a vacation or something.”

 

“It’s been four years,” Heechul stated, not quite sure what point the apparition was trying to make. Or what point he himself was trying to make, for that matter. “I’m not dumb.”

 

“You’re right,” Hankyung smiled, almost fondly, and nodded knowingly. “You’ve never been dumb. You’re, in fact, exceptionally smart. But also exceptionally grumpy.” He finished with a small chuckle, a sound Heechul realized he had missed far more than he thought.

 

“Are you a ghost? Or am I dreaming?” He asked curiously, but still with caution. He was never good at dealing with unexpected situations.

 

“Yes, you can wonder,” Hankyung replied evasively, still with that grin on his face. Heechul was becoming frustrated at the lack of information. “It’s not important right now.”

 

“Then what is?” he almost snapped, but kept his voice leveled. It was still too weird to see Hankyung in front of him, after seven years, and he was only making fun of Heechul? What was going on? “What is important right now?”

 

Hankyung sighed.

 

“It’s been four years since I died, Heechul,” he said softly. The living man snorted.

 

“Thanks, I noticed.”

 

Hankyung ignored him.

 

“I know you were bad while I was still alive… In fact, I would even call you a bad person, even then,” he frowned slightly. Heechul was tempted to protest, but he knew it was true, and he wanted to see where Hankyung was going with this, so he kept his mouth shut.

 

“But now… Now, you’re horrible,” Hankyung said simply, shaking his head slightly as a small smile appeared on his lucid face. “You’re too mean, Heechul. You have to change, be nicer, kinder; that’s why I’m here. I want to warn you. You need to change your attitude.”

 

“Or what?” Heechul barked, already tired of the confusing spirit, as Heechul had decided that this Hankyung was. He was still fairly surprised by himself for not freaking out more about this particular fact.

 

“You need to change your attitude before it’s too late,” Hankyung shrugged simply. “That’s all I can say for now.”

 

“Well, that was obscure and positively unhelpful,” Heechul snickered, much to Hankyung’s obvios dismay. “Although, you did tend to be kind of a nutcase.”

 

“For your own good, Heenim,” Hankyung said seriously, using the pet name only two people had ever dared speak; Kyuhyun and Hankyung. “Please. Last warning.”

 

“I hear you say that,” Heechul rolled his eyes. “The spirit of my dead business partner suddenly comes to me at Christmas Eve to tell me I have to be nicer? Well, slap me on the knee and tie me to a tree. I don’t buy it.”

 

“I’m serious,” Hankyung said, as he slowly began to fade away into nothingness, and his voice became more distant, as if moving away. Heechul observed in mild interest. “Change, Heechul. If nothing else, then for your own sake.”

 

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Heechul mumbled dryly, but there was no use; the room was empty again.

 

Still confused, but slightly annoyed at the prospect, Heechul decided he had finally gone mad, or schizophrenic. Whatever sounded best in a conversation. In the end, he decided to call a cab and go home to sleep. He had not eaten since his late lunch, but did not find himself hungry, so he decided to skip the meal.

 

Although it was well past ten, it was surprisingly easy to get a cab in front of his office in ten minutes, and the traffic was mild, so he stepped into his spacious apartment barely half an hour later. Stripping out if his clothes, he pondered the spirit once more.

 

Had it only been his imagination? It must have been, spirits and ghosts are not real. But it had seemed perfectly real when he stood there? And surely, he had been awake ever since, so it could not have been a dream?

 

The more he thought of it, the less sense he was able to make of the incident. Maybe the stress of Christmas was catching up to him. Hankyung. Tch. As if that guy ever had anything sensible to say.

 

Semi-content with this half-conclusion, Heechul swallowed his sleeping pills dryly and climbed into bed. It was large and comfortable, and Heechul did not miss anyone next to him. Of course, occasionally, he would bring in a one-time lover or similarly, but he preferred to stay alone; just like in life, he was better off alone. That way, he did not have to deal with stupid people being retarded around him.

 

Eventually, the pills caught up with him, and he fell asleep quickly.

 

But it was not a peaceful sleep.

 

He dreamt, at first chaotic – flashes of red and green and white, of Christmas trees and Santa Claus and small children running around with huge grins on their faces.

 

But then it all stilled, and the dreaming Heechul found himself back in his office, only clad a simple white shirt and dark slacks, and yet, he was not cold, despite the icy temperature in the room. He looked around himself wildly, trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly, he was reminded of the scene in his office earlier that day. If he had been properly awake and aware, he would have wondered why he remembered such a thing when he was dreaming.

 

A cough made him look towards the desk.

 

And yes, there sat Hankyung, comfortably perched in his chair, like earlier, but this time, his hair was a bit longer and wilder, and dyed a bright blonde. Heechul recalled it as the haircut he sported when they were younger, back in school, where they had first met. Now that he thought about it, the white jeans and white shirt emphasized the younger image this version of Hankyung had – even the trademark mischievousness he had toned down so much the later years of his life.

 

“Hankyung?” Heechul tried uncertainly, the situation only confusing him more and more by the minute. The figure only laughed.

 

“Not quite,” he smiled. “I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. But in a way, I am also your friend Hankyung.”

 

“Again, you’re being positively vague and obscure,” Heechul frowned, hesitantly stepping nearer the self-proclaimed ‘ghost’. “And very much unhelpful. What do you want? I’m trying to ignore the Christmas over here.”

 

“I know,” the ghost replied easily, but his cheerful tone was somehow toned down a bit. “And that is why I am here. We warned you, Heechul.”

 

“You warned me?” Heechul replied, disbelieving. “’We’ being you and the other Hankyung, then? First of all, I didn’t see you before. Second, I haven’t met one ing person since then. Except for the driver, but he doesn’t count. Besides, I tipped him, didn’t I? Ridiculously large tip too, come think of it…”

 

“Your actions said nothing,” the ghost said slowly. “But your mind did. Your mind said everything; there was no hope for change there.”

 

“Yes, I’m stubborn, shoot me,” Heechul scoffed, crossing his arms. “I took my pills, so I assume this is a dream. Why are you in my dream? So I miss Hankyung occasionally and , it doesn’t mean his weirdass apparitions should haunt me like this. “

 

“This is for your own sake,” the Hankyung look-a-like said. “I am the Ghost of Christmas past – “

 

“Yes, you said that,” Heechul interrupted. “What does that even mean? It sounds like more humbug than the season itself.”

 

“It means I own the Christmases of past times,” the ghost replied as he nodded  seriously. “For you – it means I shall now take you on a small trip.” Before Heechul had any time to react, the ghost stood up and grabbed his hand, just like Hankyung had done so many times before, in just the same way.

 

However, Heechul got no opportunity to dwell on that as he suddenly found himself standing in an oddly familiar room he had not seen in a while. The living room from his childhood.

 

It was carefully decorated for Christmas like any other living room at the time, their wealth showing through the expenses of the furniture and grandeuse architecture. Their tree was large (although much smaller than Heechul had remembered it to be), and gifts upon gifts were stuffed underneath it – colors and sizes varying a lot, but they were all pretty to look at, and completed the feeling of Christmas in the rest of the room. It was only dimly lit, with a few candles creating an orange, friendly hue.

 

Heechul found himself actually missing this scenario, of only a little.

 

The ghost at his side let go of his hand and stood beside him, a slight smile plastered on his face.

 

“Do you remember this place?” He asked kindly.

 

“Yes,” Heechul whispered, frowning slightly, though his façade was slipping. “Why.. Why are we here? How do you – “

 

“You question too much, Heechul,” the ghost laughed. “Just watch now.”

 

And just as he spoke, a little boy, no older than six years old, came running into the room, his oversized red sweater almost tripping him a few times. He was very cute, with huge, dark eyes and a face that would certainly become wanted by girls in a few years’ time. He immediately charged for the gifts, dropping to his knees next to them and made excited noises. He appeared to not be able to see Heechul and the ghost, which would make sense to Heechul if he thought about it – spirits tended to not be visible when they did not want to be. But he was not focused on that; he was thinking of something else.

 

Heechul swallowed as he recognized the kid. Surely, it could be…

 

Then, a new boy walked into the room, smiling fondly at the kid, arms crossed as he observed the younger at the tree. He appeared to be a preteen, maybe eleven or twelve. Like the first boy, he had big, onyx eyes and was already sporting a handsome, if not even beautiful, face. He stopped right behind the smaller, right next to Heechul and the ghost.

 

“Is it…” Heechul felt his mouth go dry as he struggled to form the words. “Is it… Me and Kibum?”

 

“Yes, yes, it is,” the ghost replied kindly, putting one hand to Heechul’s shoulder. “I’m glad you noticed.”

 

“Of course, I…” Heechul could not reply. Instead, his eyes were glued to the youngest kid that was currently bouncing around like a hyperactive cat. The older was smiling and laughing along, occasionally joining in at the Christmas songs or games. Heechul could actually remember this, even if he did not want to.

 

A girl, older than them both, was watching the two boys from the doorway, laughing and clapping along. It must have been the sister of the two brothers.

 

“The youngest boy…” The ghost started, and Heechul willed him to be quiet as he was lost in the memory of a Christmas that seemed so long ago. But unfortunately, his prayers were unanswered. “Is that not Kibum? Your younger brother?”

 

“Yes,” Heechul whispered automatically, too caught up by the scene to come up with a decent snappy reply. The ghost nodded in satisfaction.

 

“And was it not about a year after this day he died?”

 

“Yes,” Heechul whispered again, almost brokenly. Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered. A year after this very day he was reliving, on Christmas Eve the year Kibum had turned eight, a car had driven too harsh in the snowy weather, and lost control of the car. Heechul and his father made it out fine, but Kibum had not survived. He was buried on New Year’s Eve the following week.

 

“Terrible, terrible,” the ghost sighed, and patted Heechul’s shoulder comfortingly. Heechul wanted to lash out, to snap at the ghost for pretending to be so understanding, when in fact, he understood nothing of him, and what he had suffered because of his brother’s death. He had no right to bring him back and see the happy times at Christmas, when he and Kibum played together and were happy, he had no right. As much as Heechul secretly loved the picture he was seeing, it also caused him a lot of pain.

 

It was a past Christmas he did not need to see.

 

“Take me back,” he choked out, struggling to keep his tears in check as he watched the happy expression on his beloved little brother’s face. He wanted to keep looking at this face he had not seen in nineteen years, the face that he missed so dearly still. At the same time, he could not bear it.

 

The ghost only nodded, and took his hand again, leaving the scene in a bright flash.

 

When Heechul blinked, clearing his eyes from the light, he found himself somewhere unfamiliar. It was a rather scruffy looking street, with matching houses that were far beneath his standard of living. At the moment, he was standing on the porch of one of them.

 

As he looked to the side, he saw that a new form of Hankyung had replaced the younger version. This one had long, brown hair with a navy wool coat, resembling a Hankyung that was about seven years older than the last. Only a few years before he died, then.

 

He… Or maybe, it, whatever the ghost was, must have noticed Heechul’s confusion, and smiled at him like his predecessor had done.

 

“No reason to be afraid, Heechul,” he said. “I am the Ghost of Christmas present.”

 

“So you are,” Heechul repeated, frowning slightly as he looked at the door in front of them. “Fine then. What are we doing here? Where are we, actually? I told the other guy… You… Hankyung… Erhm, I told him to take me back. Back to my home. This is not my home, where – what’s this?”

 

“You’ll see soon enough,” the ghost replied mysteriously, just with the mischievous twinkle in his eyes Hankyung had. Heechul found his heart leaping in his chest at that sight.

 

But right after the ghost had spoken, a figure wrapped in a dark cloak and thick scarf came trotting down the street, clutching a paper bag tightly to his chest. As it got closer, Heechul recognized him as his secretary, Leeteuk.

 

“Leeteuk?” he whispered as his brows furrowed. Surely, Leeteuk did not live here? He knew the other was poor (not that he was helping the situation) but a neighborhood like this…

 

The ghost nodded slowly, almost sadly, as Leeteuk made his way towards the door and fumbled with a key. Like in the last scene, he did not appear to see Heechul and the ghost. Finally succeeding in unlocking the heavy door, he stumbled in, closing the door quickly behind him. The ghost lead Heechul wordlessly into the house, and Heechul found himself once more almost disturbed by the poor state of the house.

 

Paint was flaking off the walls, and the staircase in the hall was crooked and looked unsafe. The floor was unpolished and bleak, the furniture scarce. No excessive decorations were found in the room, except for a few drawings presumably by children’s hands plastered up on the wall as a sad excuse attempt at making the house seem more welcoming. Heechul also vaguely noticed the freezing temperature and lack of light sources, except for a flickering light in the ceiling. It was a stark contrast to the previous house they had visited.

 

Leeteuk shrugged off his coat and put it on a hook on the wall, and for the first time, Heechul noticed a number of jackets and coats on similar hooks, and frowned. Leeteuk’s family appeared to be quite large…

 

His secretary then sighed heavily, and picked up the paper bag before venturing into one of the rooms. Heechul followed on his own accord, this time, although Hankyung’s mirror followed him easily.

 

It soon became obvious that the room they had entered was their living room, and a flock of people, mostly children, were situated along a table in the middle of the room. Except for one small boy, who was lying on the couch, heavily covered in blankets, but facing the table as well, a small smile tugging at his lips, and one big, burly man, who smiled warmly at Leeteuk as he came in, and embraced him lovingly before they shared a quick kiss. Heechul figured that had to be Leeteuk’s husband, whom he still had not learned the name of.

 

“Welcome home, Teukie,” the man whispered and the secretary’s cheek. Leeteuk smiled at him in return and gave him another peck on the lips. Heechul wanted to roll his eyes at the cheesy exchange, but somehow felt it would be indecent, even if the couple could not see him.

 

“Thanks,” Leeteuk said lowly, but his smile faded as he turned to glance at the child on the couch. “How is Wookie?” The bigger man’s smile faltered as well.

 

“Not the best,” he admitted, and Leeteuk looked positively devastated at the reply. “But he’s better than yesterday, so I guess that’s something.”

 

“It is,” Leeteuk agreed quietly. Their worries were interrupted for a second when one of the other boys dared escape his position at the table and ran forth to hug Leeteuk’s waist.

 

“Umma!” He cried in joy as the man bent down and gave him a hug. “We’ve missed you!” Heechul briefly pondered why the boy called Leeteuk ‘umma’ – was Leeteuk not a man? Should it not be ‘appa’..?

 

His musings were interrupted as the other three boys at the table followed suit and went to hug their ‘umma’ – everyone exclaiming loud cries of happiness as Leeteuk took his time to hug and kiss every one of them. The other man had taken over the brown bag and watched in amusement as he put the contents on the table. Heechul frowned. It was a Christmas dinner – complete with turkey, gravy and vegetables – but should it not be cold by now? It appeared Leeteuk had bought it and brought it back just now…

 

Again, his thoughts went back to his own childhood memory they had visited only a while ago. Which made him think of…

 

“Wait… If you’re the ghost of Christmas present…” he started, looking over at the ghost, who only stared at him in mild interest. “And the ghost of the past visited my past Christmas… Is this Leeteuk’s present Christmas, then?”

 

The ghost nodded sadly. “It’s not much, is it?”

 

“It’s… Nothing,” Heechul frowned. Despite his dislike of the holiday, he knew it was not supposed to be like this. “This is… I never knew they were that poor…”

 

“Obviously, they are,” the ghost said, his voice sounding exactly like Hankyung’s regretful voice. “Leeteuk was an orphan himself, so even though he doesn’t have much money, he adopted these four boys – he and his husband. He wanted to give them a family, if nothing else. And as you can see, they are a family – how would you say their love is compared to that you grew up in?”

 

“The same,” Heechul muttered, before catching himself. “No, it’s actually a better mood here. My parents were never the best, and my brother… Well, I still have my sister.”

 

“They may not have much, but they have each other,” the ghost nodded, gazing over the loving scene. Heechul followed, but his eyes soon caught something that troubled him.

 

“What about that kid in the couch?” he asked curiously. “Why isn’t he up and greeting Leeteuk like the rest of the boys?”

 

“He’s very ill,” the ghost sighed sadly. “And they don’t have the money to buy treatment for him. Do you remember when Leeteuk asked for a raise earlier this month?”

 

“Yes,” Heechul replied reluctantly. He was slightly surprised to feel guilt creep up in his chest as Leeteuk made his way over to the smiling little kid, soft hair on the petite head in adoration, though his eyes were crying. “I refused.”

 

True to himself, Heechul had indeed refused. He meant Leeteuk was being overpaid as it was, in fact. Although Leeteuk was efficient and hardworking, he still had no qualifications or education, and should accept any job happily, he had thought, and had actually been mad that Leeteuk had dared asking for more when Heechul found himself being merciful when employing him to begin with.

 

But now…

 

“Would you still do that now?”

 

“I…” Heechul paused. The answer should be obvious. As he watched the little boy cough weakly, but smile encouragingly at his ‘umma’, he knew the answer was obvious. He was a cruel and cheap bastard, but the sight of a loving family struggling to hold together, and as the innocent little boy was slowly dying due to his greed…

 

“No,” he finally said. “I… I think I would have given Leeteuk the raise.”

 

“Okay, boys, gather around,” the big man said as the boys flocked around the table again, seating down in excitement at the food. Leeteuk also followed, plastering one final kiss at the little boy’s forehead before sitting down next to his husband.

 

“Boys,” he started, silencing the chattering little gang. “You must know, we have to thank Kim Heechul-sshi for this meal today. It is he who pays me, after all.”

 

“Thank you, Kim Heechul-sshi!” The boys chorused, and the two parents smiled in pride. Heechul frowned in obvious confusion. Why on earth were they thanking him? Granted, he had provided Leeteuk with a job, but it was with horrible pay, and he refused to give him a raise when he asked for it…

 

“We are very grateful, Kim Heechul-sshi!” The small boy from the couch peeped up. The rest of the family looked at him fondly, as they began eating, though Heechul could tell Leeteuk and his husband were greatly saddened by the weakness in the kid’s voice.

 

“By this rate, he’s not going to live to see the Easter,” the ghost commented to Heechul. The businessman’s eyes widened.

 

“Is he really that sick?” He exclaimed. “Is there really nothing the doctors can do?”

 

“There is,” the ghost sighed in exasperation. “But they can’t afford it. Didn’t you listen?”

 

“That’s…” Heechul went silent. For some sort of reason, he really did not want this kid to die. He was adorable, sweet and innocent… Why should he not be given the chance to live? He only looked a couple of years younger than Kibum had been when he…

 

He shook his head. No. Bad Heechul, bad. Stop thinking about that.

 

“He thanked me,” he ended up whispering instead, watching distantly as the family ate. “Why… Why did he thank me?”

 

“Because what little they have, they still have because of the money you pay Leeteuk,” the ghost replied nonchalantly. “They don’t have much other income. Leeteuk’s husband, Kangin, is unable to work, so Leeteuk’s small income is all they have.”

 

“I…” Heechul did not know what to say. He did not consider himself a sympathetic person – no one did. But the scene was just too wrong. “Take me away again.” He said stiffly, turning away. The ghost raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he grabbed Heechul’s hand.

 

A bright flash again, and Heechul had to take a moment to figure out where they were now. A park? Garden? … A graveyard?

 

How ominous.

 

He was only slightly surprised to see yet another incarnation of Hankyung next to him. Although this Hankyung looked… Older than he had been, when he died. His face was more worn, more tired, but still warm and handsome. His hair was back to black, a color Heechul had never seen him with, in fact, and his suit appeared to be a much cleaner version of the suit he wore when he first visited Heechul in his office.

 

This was how Hankyung had looked, had he still been alive today, Heechul realized with a pang. It was a sight he never got to see, an age Hankyung never got to reach…

 

He wanted to slap himself. Why was he thinking of this? What was wrong with him? Did these ‘ghosts’ in his dreams really affect him that much? They were only figments of his imagination. Nothing more, nothing less. He would wake up soon, and everything would be back to normal.

 

… But why was he so aware, even asleep…? Usually…

 

No, he thought to himself, it was only a really weird dream. Maybe he should switch sleeping pill label.

 

In the midst of his musings, he barely noticed the lack of anything striking in this scene. There were no one else here, no one he should remember or pity. Just nothing. Only himself, and the Hankyung image, looking at him intently, but keeping quiet.

 

“Alright,” Heechul sighed after a while of just standing there. “What’s it this time?”

 

“As you might have guessed, I am the Ghost of Christmas yet to come,” the Hankyung said calmly, quite different from the two previous. “This is the future, Heechul.”

 

“Whose future?” Heechul asked slowly, a feeling of dread forming in his stomach. “It’s a graveyard…” So far, he had seen his own past, his employee’s present, and now… What now?

 

“Silly Heechul,” Hankyung – the ghost – smiled, his expression taking on an almost fond look. “This is your future.”

 

“W-what?” Heechul did not know what to say. He was dead? No, this was the future – he was going to die?

 

“Is that really so odd?” the ghost questioned seriously. “Everyone dies someday. Look at Hankyung.”

 

“Hankyung did not die, he was murdered,” Heechul whispered coarsely, acknowledging the fact for the first time in a long while. “Long before he needed to go.”

 

“Nevertheless, he is now buried six feet under,” the ghost shrugged him off, and Heechul had to frown at that. It was so weird to see an exact copy of Hankyung, older than Heechul had ever seen him, but still Hankyung – it was so weird to see him speaking of his own cruel death so casually.

 

“And I am dead, too?” Heechul sneered. “Is that it? Is that why we’re here?”

 

The ghost smiled sadly at him, a tiny little curve grazing his lips, as he nodded and motioned for Heechul to follow him. Not seeing any better option, Heechul complied. They stepped through the snow-covered ground at the dark graveyard, sidestepping gravestones once in a while and, for Heechul’s part, trying to avoid stepping on the flowers laid down by the grieving family and friends. It took a while before he noticed that his footsteps were not even making tracks in the snow, so he probably should not bother trying avoid anything.

 

The ghost continued at a slow pace, as if in respect to the numerous graves surrounding them, and Heechul found himself slightly unnerved by the silence surrounding the couple. He shivered, although not in cold; despite the deep snow and his light clothing, he felt nothing. Only a disturbing foreboding he would rather be without.

 

What was worse, the graveyard was completely empty – no one else was around. Heechul did not think this was bound to be good for him.

 

Just as he was beginning to frown at the size of the graveyard – they had been walking for quite some time now, and Heechul had never visited the place by himself – the ghost stopped, and pointed to a small group of people appearing to surround one grave.

 

“Do you see them?” He asked quietly, looking seriously at Heechul. The businessman nodded.

 

“Yes, they – “

 

“Do you recognize them?”

 

“I – what?”

 

The ghost sighed in exasperation. Heechul recognized the trait as one of Hankyung’s. “Do you recognize these people? You have seen them before.” Heechul briefly registered this version’s more serious appearance compared to the last few, but nevertheless, turned to stare intently at the group.

 

“It’s…” he started before realization struck him. “It’s Leeteuk and his family…”

 

“Right,” the ghost nodded, urging him to go closer. Heechul did, wordlessly.

 

The big family was huddled together, all quietly, as they one by one placed flowers or cards at the foot of the simple grave. It was nothing major, just a little thing, but from what he had seen earlier, Heechul guessed that this was all they could afford. After all, the family looked possibly even worse for wear this time than the last, but they appeared to have aged a bit, the boys now looking more like teenagers than the innocent children they had been last time, and the parenting couple had visibly more tired and drawn faces, Leeteuk even sporting a couple of wrinkles near the corner of his eyes, and the husband’s back was hunched over, as if he had carried a burden for too long.

 

Nonetheless, they still held each other.

 

Soon, Heechul was only meters from them, he could hear their poorly restricted sobs, but also, see the small smiles on their faces, and he frowned. Until he looked at the gravestone, that is.

 

Kim Ryeowook

June 21^st 1996 – January 6^th 2005

Beloved brother, son, friend. May the next world be more just than this. We miss you.

 

Oh, Heechul thought to himself, feeling a pang of sadness – maybe even guilt? – appearing in his stomach.

 

Ryeowook, he assumed, was the tiny, sweet little boy he had seen last time, the one dying because he refused to give Leeteuk a raise. ‘Wookie’, his family had called him then. Little Wookie. It had been a suitable name; cute, ridiculously so, and very kindhearted. Heechul had never thought he would feel this ty about how he treated another human being.

 

Save perhaps for the times he was unfair to Hankyung.

 

“He…” He started uncertainly, not knowing what he wanted to say himself. Emotions he did not understand overwhelmed him, and he became confused, why was he feeling like this, why did he even care, this was a dream. “Wookie died?”

 

“Yes, he did,” the future ghost replied, his smile growing sad. “And his family misses him dearly; they visit him each Christmas Eve.”

 

“How long…” It frustrated Heechul to no end that he was somehow incapable of forming coherent sentences. Mostly because he was not too astonished to talk, he did not have something stuck in his throat. He was, however, confused; what were these feelings, and how was he supposed to react? He did not want to react. He wanted to be back sleeping in his own bed, dreamlessly, peacefully. Yet, here he was, struggling to form words he knew, deep inside, that he should say, although he did not know what kind of words, and in front of a deranged vision of his imagination. It was too crazy, too wild. He was going insane, even in his sleep.

 

And somehow, Heechul did not find this explanation or reasoning good enough at the moment.

 

“This is the sixth Christmas since he died,” the ghost replied quietly to his hesitant question. “He would’ve started school. He would’ve made friends. He would’ve experienced playing outside in the snow, or playing football with his brothers. Wookie never did those things.”

 

Heechul swallowed. He was not aware of anything anymore. Just this vague, sort of unsettling feeling almost akin to pain in the bottom of his stomach, and he could not for the life of him understand what it was.

 

Only one phrase repeated itself through his mind, again and again, torturing him with its ring as well as the strangely ominousness.

 

Poor Wookie. Poor Wookie. Poor Wokie.

 

“This…” He his lips quickly, trying in want to put any kind of moisture in his mouth to aid him. No such luck. He let his frustration out in a loud protest. “I don’t want to see this. Is that it? I’m meant to be sorry for bringing this upon them? Well, here is what I am sorry for, I am not responsible for their lives. Whether or not they die is not my concern.”

 

“It’s true,” the ghost agreed slowly. “You are not responsible for their lives. But you could have helped them. Doesn’t that make you feel anything? You could have prevented this from happening. You could have prevented great sadness to five people, as well as the death of a sixth. It is only human to feel something about that.”

 

“I don’t feel anything,” Heechul muttered, being painfully aware of how fake it sounded himself. But he did not want it to be fake. He did not want to care for these people.

 

“Of course you don’t.” Much to his surprise, the ghost did not pry further. Instead, the Hankyung image started walking away from the scene, no longer motioning for Heechul to follow him, because the rich man did anyways.

 

This time, they had not walked far before they stopped, standing before a much larger, much grander grave. Even if the graveyard was huge, with thousands of graves, this particular one was somehow set apart from the others, even though there were some nearby. It was, however, clearly worn with time and not taken care of; although none of the other graves around (which were much smaller, by the way) were covered in snow, yet, this one had a very thin layer covering it, even as the wind blew furiously around them. No flowers or cards or baskets or lights were placed at the foot of it, like all the others. The stone appeared darker, not quite as light and polished as the other, adding to the grim appearance. Weed had gathered and wilted around, just peeking through the snow, and there were no footprints in the near vicinity, as if there was an unspoken rule at the graveyard that no one approached this grave. For the first time this night, Heechul felt cold.

 

“What’s this?” He said, refusing to acknowledge the suspicions slowly forming in the back of his head. “Why are we here? I thought we were done!”

 

“Don’t you remember?” The ghost said, almost jokingly. Almost. “I told you we were going to see your future. What have I shown you that is somehow related to you?”

 

“You showed me Leeteuk…” Heechul frowned slowly. “And he’s my employee…”

 

“Not anymore.” Almost-Hankyung shook his head. “You fired him. You said his old, ugly face was making the office unwelcoming.”

 

Heechul felt something curl in his chest. Had he really… Would he ever…

 

The worst part of it was that yes, he could actually imagine himself saying something like that. It was cruel, and he knew it; he was cruel. But somehow, he heard exactly how wrong it was when Hankyung’s voice spoke it like that. Hankyung was always the only one able to bring out some resemblance of good in him.

 

“Take a look at the grave,” the ghost commanded, his voice firm, all of a sudden. Heechul only briefly glanced at it before tearing his eyes away again.

 

“It’s a grave,” he stated dumbly, weakly, becoming increasingly aware of where the ghost was going.

 

“Take a good look at it,” Hankyung’s voice, somehow darker and older than he remembered, yet still the same, left no room for argument. Obediently, Heechul stepped closer to the grave and looked at it, like he was told.

 

The name and year was still covered by the thin layer of snow, making it impossible for Heechul to see anything but a sadly withered grave, depraved of attention for what seemed like years.

 

But he did not want to see anything else.

 

“Wipe off the snow.” Heechul absentmindedly thought that it was amazing how even his imaginative ghost versions of Hankyung kept the dead man’s proud Chinese accent as he spoke. He did not acknowledge the words spoken.

 

“Wipe it off.”

 

Heechul stood quietly, unmoving.

 

“Wipe it off.”

 

No sound, no motions, no thoughts. Nothing.

 

“Wipe it off!”

 

He did not want to.

 

“WIPE IT OFF, DAMMIT! KIM HEECHUL!”

 

Heechul had never considered Hankyung a scary man, just simply because he had seen no sides of Hankyung to indicate that the friendly Chinese had any sort of ability to be scary. In that way, this ghost was so different from Hankyung. Heechul was terrified.

 

Putting a shaking hand to the gravestone, he hesitantly wiped the snow of, fearful of what he would see. But he was also fearful of what would happen if he did not. Torn and at a crossroad, at loss of what to do, Heechul did what he always did.

 

He followed Hankyung’s guidance.

 

As soon as the faded, carved words became visible to Heechul, he unwillingly let out a sound of protest. He knew, he had seen it coming, and yet, it hurt so undeniably much when he saw it displayed plainly liked that, and his entire being was filled with fright.

 

Kim Heechul

10^th July 1972 – 15^th October 2007

 

And that was it. No words of remembrance, not salute to his being, no friends or relatives commenting on his death. Nothing. It was empty, he was alone. The obvious shows of neglect were like obvious punches to his gut, that no one cared enough to put flowers on his grave, no one ever visited him, no one even maintained his memorial. There were nothing to remind the world of who Kim Heechul was, or once had been, except for a faded gravestone and empty words from a statistics base.

 

He was dead.

 

Kim Heechul was dead.

 

And no one cared.

 

He wanted to scream, but no sound came out. He realized he could not breathe, he was unable to pull in any air to help him avoid such a fate, but it did not matter; in the dream, he was just as dead to the world as his grave showed.

 

He could do nothing but try to comprehend the fact that he was dead; at least in this time, which meant he would soon be, in his own as well. And after that… Kim Heechul would be lost forever. He would not live on in anyone’s memory, nor would he be dignified by a worthy afterlife. He would be nothing. Not someone to anyone.

 

Just like now.

 

He had time to cope with the fact, time well spent, and yet, it still remained unfathomable to him. The magnitude only increased as he stared at the mocking stone, so dead, so cold. Tears trickled down his cheek, falling and falling, showing more emotion than Heechul had done in almost twenty years, but he did not care, as he watched the gruesome sight before him.

 

What sort of fate was this?

 

“You see now, Heechul,” the ghost said, a faint sound almost akin to concern coloring his voice. “You’ll die. And you’ll disappear. No one will care, for you cared about no one, and only pushed people aside. “

 

“That’s not true,” Heechul tried weakly. He knew, however, that it was. “Why doesn’t anyone put flowers on my grave, like on Little Wookie’s? Kyuhyun and Sungmin, my sister, Leeteuk, anyone?”

 

“Do you really think you deserve such a thing, Heechul?” Hankyung’s voice had taken on a pitying tone now. “No one even attended to your funeral; there was no funeral. The state fixed it all, and no one thought twice about you after your body was lowered into the cold, unforgiving ground before us.”

 

“That is just…” Heechul did not even know why he tried. Reasonably, he thought, he was justified in saying what he did. However, his heart, small as it might be, did not agree. “That’s wrong. Everyone deserves decency and dignity, to be loved and remembered, no matter how…”

 

“No matter how unfortunate they are, compared to you?” Hankyung smiled now, a calm, almost encouraging smile as what Heechul had refused to accept dawned upon him.

 

“Yes,” he whispered brokenly, and found himself turning away from the grave and into Hankyung’s embrace. It still felt so warm, so soft, so safe, just like Hankyung had always done when he was alive. He wanted to stay here forever, in this illusion of a dream, where Hankyung was not brutally murdered, where he was not dead, where he could not die… Where he could find love.

 

He had always refused to accept such feelings. Only with Hankyung. Hankyung was his, his only, and he was fully Hankyung’s.

 

Not anymore. Hankyung was dead.

 

And soon, he was dead too.

 

It scared him, and he never wanted to leave the warm cocoon that was dreamy Hankyung – no, the ghost, the ghost’s embrace.

 

Yet somehow, he felt the form around him shift, and a hand sneaked itself underneath his chin and lifted it up, teary, long-lashed eyes meeting perfectly soft onyx. In the back of his mind, Heechul noted that they somehow were not at the graveyard anymore, but rather, back in his own office, where it had all started. Hankyung smiled.

 

“Do you see now, Heenim?” That fond nickname. Only Kyuhyun ever used it nowadays… “Please change. For your own good. Enjoy the world again. Enjoy life.”

 

“I’m…” Heechul was beginning to get tired of being at loss for words. But Hankyung seemed to understand perfectly.

 

“I know you can do it,” he reassured his former partner. “I have faith in you. It’s not too late. Give it a try.”

 

“It’s too late,” Heechul scoffed with a frown, surprising himself even. “No one… I’ve been a miser for most of my life, Hankyung. I can’t suddenly begin to care, people would not… Not accept it, they wouldn’t believe…”

 

“Yes, they will,” Hankyung smiled. “Sincerety is not to be underestimated, Heechul. Give it a try. Please.”

 

“Then…” Heechul smiled sadly, almost vulnerably. “Will I not die?”

 

“Not if you change, no.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“I’m still dead. I’ve been dead for four years, and I will continue being dead until you keel over yourself.” There was a tint of sadness as Hankyung brushed a stray lock of hair from Heechul’s beautiful face.

 

“But you are still alive. Cherish it.”

 

“Hankyung…”

 

“It’s Christmas, Heenim.” And Hankyung pointed to the window, where Heechul would see the snow falling, and through it, the Christmas trees in the streets, and the lights and garlands brightening the street as well as people wandering about, cradling gifts in their arms, holding hands with happy children and singing their praise to the most joyful time of the year. And finally, Heechul smiled.

 

“Kibum isn’t coming back, Heenim,” Hankyung stated quietly, brushing a hand over Heechul’s head almost absentmindedly. “Nor am I. But you are not dead. And you can still make the best out of your life, not to mention, you can help others. Do you realize that?”

 

“Can I save Little Wookie?” Heechul was surprised at himself for his outburst, but suddenly, he felt an overwhelming rage of desire to save the little boy, a wave of protectiveness. Hankyung positively beamed.

 

“Yes, you can save Little Wookie,” he said, and kissed Heechul’s forehead slowly. “Are you willing to do this?”

 

“Yes,” Heechul stated confidently. He would. He would still be a bit grumpy at times, he would still be snappy and a , but he would care. He knew he could care. He had, all of his life, suppressed the will to care. But deep inside, he knew; he could not stop himself, after all.

 

“Good,” Hankyung said, and closed Heechul’s eyes with his fingers.

 

I’m proud of you.

 

When Heechul opened his eyes next, he was no longer in his office. Instead, he was lying down in his bed, the light of the day peaking in through his curtains. His alarm bell had not gone off, which meant he would be late for his self-appointed work, but somehow, Heechul did not care. Instead, he threw away the covers and went to get dressed, for some sort of reason feeling happier and more rejuvenated than he had in a long time.

 

Had it really been only a dream? He had kept telling himself that during.. Whatever it was, but now, he was not sure. It seemed so real, and yet so surreal at the same time. But it was certainly not like a usual dream. This one did not fade into vague images of absolutely nothing at all, instead, it remained stuck, like a memory from the day before.

 

And Hankyung…

 

Heechul had suppressed all feelings for Hankyung, including grief for his death. He would not be able to do that, anymore.

 

But now was not the time for grieving, he realized with a pang, and hurriedly finished dressing before grabbing his breakfast and heading out the door. He knew, immediately, somehow, that he had something he needed to do.

 

Something that Hankyung made him realize he should have done a long time ago.

 

People that recognized him looked at him with wide eyes as he strolled down the streets. He was smiling, no, he was grinning – a very unusual sight with Kim Heechul. It was not a gleeful smirk, nor was it a wicked grin. It was a sincere smile, speaking more than a thousand words.

 

As he walked, he recognized the two charity workers from the day before. They were still working on gathering money, presumably still for the children at the orphanage. Remembering Leeteuk and his family with a pang, Heechul casually walked up to the two of them and watched as their eyes widened in recognition, before narrowing in wariness.

 

“You,” the slightly overweight one sputtered. “What do you want? It’s Christmas Day, please – “

 

“I know it’s Christmas Day,” Heechul replied nonchalantly before fishing up a few bills from his pocket. “Everyone knows it’s Christmas Day.”

 

“Wait…” The one with the eyebrows knitted them marvelously together, and Heechul resisted the urge to laugh. What a horse. “Didn’t you say Christmas was humbug? Please save his soul, dear lord.”

 

“When have I ever said that?” Heechul replied merrily, flashing a bright grin before walking away, bemused at the overly confused looks from the duo, though they at least had the decency to cry their thanks after him. “Christmas is a lovely time.”

 

He kept running small errands for himself, greeting people on the street with words of ‘Merry Christmas!’ and ‘Good day!’ at practically everyone. After getting everything he needed, he was indeed quite packed, and he thought to himself that he must look like one of the Christmas idiots that kept carrying around more packages than they could manage. Not like it mattered now.

 

Finally, he made one brief stop at his office to check out something before proceeding to his final destination.

 

And for some sort of reason, he did not find Leeteuk’s house as disconcerting now as he did in his vision, dream, whatever it was. Taking in a deep breath, he knocked the door thrice, for they did not have a door bell. He heard some muffled shouting from inside the house, realizing once more how little isolation the wreck provided, before the door swung open to reveal a gruff looking man. Leeteuk’s husband.

 

He looked at Heechul confusedly, not recognizing the man carrying the many bags at all.

 

“Uh… Can I help you?” He finally said. Heechul hesitated slowly. Now that he was actually here, what would he say? ‘Sorry, I’m your husband’s y employer that refused to pay for your son’s treatment, can I come in for a moment?’

 

Fortunately, he saved from his predicament by, surprisingly enough, Leeteuk, who walked down the stairs, the wobbly, unsteady stairs, in the hall with a questioning look.

 

“Kangin, who is it – “ his mouth fell open as he saw Heechul standing sheepishly at their poor porch. Kangin, as the husband was apparently named, only looked dumbly between them.

 

“Uhm, Teukie…?” He questioned, frowning at his husband. “Do you know him?” This seemed to snap Leeteuk out of his trance, and he quickly leapt down to the door and started to usher Heechul in, bags and all.

 

“Come in, Heechul-sshi, please, you don’t have to be outside freezing,” he frantically spoke, almost tripping over himself in a clumsy, nervous attempt at getting his employer inside the house. Not that it was much warmer in there, but at least there was no wind.

 

Although, apparently, Kangin had caught on to the situation somewhat, and he appeared furious.

 

“Heechul-sshi?” He echoed, once more looking between his husband and Heechul.

 

“That is me,” Heechul replied nervously, and scratched his neck slightly, mentally reprimanding himself for being like this. I don’t have anything to be sorry for, he tried to convince himself. I’m not in the wrong here, I come bringing goods. Teehee.

 

Although he knew perfectly well that Kangin had every reason to be pissed with him, considering how badly he treated Leeteuk every day; it was no surprise to him that Leeteuk had told his husband of this.

 

However, Heechul wanted to start anew.

 

Since neither Leeteuk, who was wringing his hands nervously and trying to figure out what to do to please his demanding boss, or Kangin, who was silently fuming, appeared to have any intentions of breaking the silence, Heechul took it upon himself to do so.

 

“It’s Christmas, Leeteuk,” he stated, resisting the urge to slap himself due to the lame response. “And… Well, I wanted to wish you merry Christmas. After all, you’re my favorite employee.”

 

“Your only employee,” Leeteuk muttered weakly, quickly covering his mouth with his hands afterwards, staring at Heechul in shock. Heechul only laughed, but it somehow hurt that he had done this to the man.

 

“True,” he said, trying his best to sound good-naturedly as he added; “Though I’ve had quite a few before you.”

 

This, however, appeared to not calm Leeteuk down in any way, and instead nearly sending him into a panic attack, by the looks of it. Kangin was at his side immediately, scowling at Heechul again. The businessman figured Leeteuk interpreted it as a thinly veiled warning that he could easily replace Leeteuk too. Again, he wanted to pound his face in. God, what had he done.

 

“I think you should leave,” Kangin said quietly, rubbing Leeteuk’s arms comfortingly. But Heechul knew, he could not, would not, back out now.

 

“No,” he said simply, liking the sound of his confident voice. “Not before I’ve given you what I came here for.”

 

With that, he bent down and picked up the plastic bags, and walked into the living room he had seen the previous night. He had to hold back a gasp. If he had not been sure of it before, he was now. It was exactly the same as he had seen, despite never having visited the room before.

 

Even the kids were just like he had seen them; the three eager boys playing around on the floor, a couple of them wrestling while the other watching in mild bemusement. And finally, there was Little Wookie on the couch, covered by a blanket and still looking sickly and pale, but with a tiny smile plastered on his face, just like Heechul had seen in his dream, and once more, he was filled with the urge to protect the little boy.

 

That was no ordinary dream, after all.

 

“W-what are you doing, Heechul-sshi?” Leeteuk stammered nervously and followed Heechul into the living room. Heechul, however, just ignored him and started to unwrap the contents of the bags; and the couple turned wide eyed as they watched.

 

Food, food, glorious food in amounts they had never seen except in their wildest dreams. A grand part of pig, with crispy roasted potatoes and sauce and vegetables, as well as the most expensive bread Heechul could find, topped with the world’s most renowned delicacies, he put them all plainly down at the table, and finally, three bottles of wine.

 

The house went silent for a few moments. The boys were only staring at him in awe, and Leeteuk and Kangin could not form words.

 

Until, in the end, one of the boys, a small little thing, almost like Wookie, with huge eyes and a shy smile, in addition to a face that would surely be handsome one day, walked up to him and tugged at his pants lightly. Heechul thought he heard Leeteuk or Kangin move slightly from behind him, but he did not bother check.

 

Instead, he bent down on one knee to be on eyelevel with the boy, smiling uncharacteristically patient as he looked at the little kid.

 

He had never been as surprised as when the boy promptly put his arms around Heechul’s neck and hugged tightly, not letting go. Heechul let out a surprised sound, making the parents move slightly behind him again, but Heechul was determined, and this was his chance. Gingerly, he wrapped his arms around the small boy, returning the hug as strongly as he dared.

 

The other boys watched in strange fascination as Heechul patted the boy’s head gently, finding his smile to come naturally now.

 

“Thank you, Santa,” the boy in his embraced said quietly, and Heechul did not know whether to feel happy or touched. In the end, it was a bit of both.

 

The other boys, sans Little Wookie, erupted in laughter and smiles, and pointed to the young boy around Heechul’s neck.

 

“Santa doesn’t exist!” One of them, the one the kid had been wrestling with, laughed and smiled affectionately at the other.

 

“Yes, he does!” The kid Heechul was hugging insisted and snuggled deeper into Heechul’s neck. He heard himself chuckle at the children, but made no move to untangle the clingy kid at his back.

 

“Hyukkie, be kind,” Leeteuk reprimanded gently, but all Heechul heard was amazement at Heechul’s handling of the kids. Suddenly, Leeteuk’s form was next to him, attention focused on the clingy boy.

 

“Hae,” he started slowly and put his hand atop of the kid’s head, his eyes briefly meeting Heechul’s before looking away. “It’s not Santa. It’s Kim Heechul-sshi, the man that umma works for.”

 

“Oh,” the boy, ‘Hae’, said and slowly untangled himself from the hug to stare deeply into Heechul’s eyes, his face serious, but adorable. At least, that was what Heechul thought and would not say out loud. He indulged the boy.

 

“Then thank you, Heechul-sshi!” Hae finally concluded and bowed down deeply, surprising Heechul a little. “Thank you for giving umma work and bringing us food!”

 

Heechul was speechless. He vaguely noticed Leeteuk smiling at the corner of his eye, but he did not need to do more, because suddenly, the two remaining boys, ‘Hyukkie’ and the other stormed forwards to bow and thank him as well. Little Wookie echoed the same thanks from his position at the bed, and Heechul could not help but smile warmly at him.

 

“It’s my pleasure,” he announced to the room, flicking a lock of hair out of his eyes graciously. The same lock that Hankyung used to fix…

 

“Anyways, I have something extra for you,” he added, going through one of the bags again. In the end, he fished out a chocolate plate, and walked over to the coach where Wookie was still situated. The boys watched him in amazement, Wookie in particular. As he stood before the sickly boy, Heechul suddenly hesitated. He looked up at Leeteuk. The man only smiled, smiled and nodded his head, in either thanks or support, maybe even sadness, Heechul did not know.

 

But at least Leeteuk approved.

 

Bending down again so that he was kneeling in front of the couch, Heechul presented the chocolate plate to Wookie, who slowly accepted with wide eyes constantly focused on Heechul.

 

“Don’t worry, Wookie,” Heechul smiled encouragingly, still surprising himself with how natural it came to act kind around these children. Kangin frowned, wondering how Heechul knew the name of his youngest son, but did not comment upon it.

 

“Here, I’ll let you have this,” Heechul continued, patting the hand Wookie held the chocolate with gently. “Eat it, it’s chocolate. Just make sure to share with your brothers, okay?”

 

Wookie finally smiled, and nodded. Heechul could not help but smile back.

 

“Good,” he said, ruffling the small boy’s hair slightly. “And soon, you’ll be healthy again, too. I will make you not sick, what do you say to that?” He had decided. He would pay for whatever treatment the kid needed. He had to live.

 

At first, it did not seem like Wookie completely understand what he meant. Then, as he slowly began to grasp what Heechul had just said, his confused look turned into a huge grin. Carefully, he put down the chocolate plate on the couch, and sat up slightly to lean forward, towards Heechul. Instinctively, the businessman knew what the kind wanted, and leaned in closer as well, allowing the poor boy to hug him easily. He slipped a hand on the small, bony back and gently rubbed soothing circles there.

 

“Thank you very much, Kim Heechul-sshi,” Wookie repeated his older brothers, small arms holding on to Heechul dearly. “Thank you for everything! Are you sure you’re not Santa?”

 

“I’m not Santa,” Heechul assured him as the kid pulled away, looking in his eyes much like Hae had done. Only, Wookie’s eyes were so much more animated, so many other emotions. Almost… Almost more full of life. “Santa is a much kinder man than I am.”

 

“That doesn’t exist,” Wookie pouted slightly, making Heechul automatically reach out and pinch the huffed cheeks slightly. “Yes, he does. He is much kinder than I am; just ask umma, and you’ll see.”

 

“Umma?” Wookie turned obediently to face Leeteuk, whom Heechul noticed was almost crying at this point. Crying, but so very happy. Even Kangin appeared to smile at the man he initially showed such a dislike for. “Is it true? Is Santa nicer than Kim Heechul-sshi?”

 

“Yes,” Leeteuk choked out eventually, smiling gently. “Yes, he is. But Heechul-sshi is very kind too, isn’t he?”

 

“I haven’t seen Santa,” Wookie pouted again, and looked back to Heechul. “So I don’t know him yet. But that’s why Kim Heechul-sshi is the nicest man I’ve ever met!”

 

“What a sweet, sweet child you are,” Heechul smiled, and reached over to find the chocolate bar again. “Here, keep this now. And remember to share with your brothers, right?”

 

“Right!” Wookie chirped merrily as he clutched the bar to his chest as if it was a precious treasure. Heechul had no doubt that he would indeed share with his hyungs. Standing, he walked over to Leeteuk again and smiled almost apologetically. The older boys immediately flocked around Wookie in curiosity, no longer minding their guest. Heechul did not care.

 

“Thank you so much, Heechul-sshi,” Leeteuk bowed hastily before Heechul had time to say a word. “Thank you, thank you! I don’t know how to repay you this…”

 

“And you shouldn’t have to,” Heechul cut him short, smiling gently at the slightly older man. “This is the least I could do. You know, it’s Christmas, after all!”

 

“Yes, I know, but you…” Leeteuk appeared to be confused, but in the end, just gave another grateful bow. “Thank you!”

 

“It’s okay, Leeteuk,” Heechul said friendly, and put an arm on Leeteuk’s shoulder to keep him from bowing anymore. “I haven’t been treating you well. If I can, I’d like to change that. So, please, take as much time off for Christmas. I’m paying.” He added quickly as he saw Leeteuk begin to protest. “I can manage without my secretary a few days more. Besides, I was thinking of enjoying the holidays as well. I have a neglected nephew I should care more about.”

 

Leeteuk found no words, that much was obvious. But Kangin did, and as he stepped forward, there was no sign of the hostility he had shown earlier.

 

“I don’t think you know how much this means to us, Heechul-sshi,” he said with a smile. Heechul cracked a grin and shook his head.

 

“I probably don’t,” he said confidently. “But it doesn’t mean I won’t give it to you anyways. I hope you will enjoy it; consider it my Christmas gift.”

 

“It really is too much,” Leeteuk mumbled, not quite knowing what to make of this sudden change in his boss than only the day before had so loudly stated his hate for compassion, Christmas, and every kind aspect of the world.

 

“It’s not enough,” Heechul corrected him. “I’ve really been a , and I’m not paying you properly, you know that. But I guess, you can say, things change.” With that, he left the puzzled couple and went to stride out the door as Leeteuk called him back.

 

“Wait! Heechul-sshi! Won’t you stay for dinner, at least?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Heechul flashed a grin again. “But I’ve got another appointment. Thanks for the offer, though!”

 

“Alright, but thank you, nonetheless!” Leeteuk smiled back at Heechul as he gathered the coat around him and stepped into the cold winter. Taking one final look at the happy family, Heechul closed the door, the smile not fading from his lips. He was happy, too. He was satisfied. He knew what he had done right, and it felt good.

 

But there was still one more thing he had to do.

 

Fumbling with his cell phone, he dialed a number he only barely remembered, not having used it too many times. He knew he would get it soon, though. As he had said himself, times change. People change.

 

“Kyuhyun? Yes, I know what I said yesterday, but is the dinner invitation for today still valid?”

 

Thank you, Hankyung. For everything.

 

Then Heechul abruptly sat up in his bed, panting hard despite the dream not being a nightmare. But it was so real. Completely ridiculous, of course; Ryeowook was not a little dying kid, Leeteuk was not his poor- employee, Shindong and Siwon were not charity workers and Kibum was not his dead little brother. No. They were all fellow members of the ridiculously popular pop group Super Junior, and they all lived fabulous lives where everything was (mostly, at least) as it should be.

 

And Hankyung was most certainly not dead…

 

Glancing to his side, he saw his precious Chinese still asleep, lying flat on his stomach and snoring slightly into his pillow. Heechul smiled fondly. What a weird dream, but at least it got something right; how ridiculously dependent on Hankyung he was, how much he needed the Chinese to function properly.

 

Lying down again next to his lover with a loving smile on his face, he put one arm across the waist, pulling himself closer to Hankyung. He nuzzled slightly into his shoulder, breathing in the scent of musky, lovely, manliness. He adored this man so ing much.

 

“I love you, ghost.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE I DON'T EVEN.

Whoa. I haven't written this much since... Well, since I quit writing originally, actually. xD By far the most satisfiable and longest chapter in this story, imo. It's sort of not canon at all, but I think you got the main gist of it. For those of you who're uncertain, yes, it was based around Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", which is a brilliant book I adore so friggin much. Then again, I'm just Dickens-biased to begin with. *shot* Most English fans would know of it, as well as quite a few others, I'm sure. Most of you probably do, come think of it. x3 It was also supposed to focus more on Wookie than Hae, but Hae just snuck in since he's my second bias (after Leeteuk, can you imagine) and he and Heechul apparently have a very good relationship, which I find adorable. So yeah.

The Hanchul is somewhat vague and mostly implied, because I kept changing my mind whether or not this one should be slash with them too, or if they were gorgeous as friends. In the end, it's... A heavy middle-thing. Take it as you like. x3 Also, I might have gone a bit overboard with the settings at times, especially KangTeuk's house. Seriously, it's not Victorian period, moronic author. *facepalm* But it's Heechul's dream, so it's allowed to be ed up. Is my logic. OTL

And I sort of slacked off regarding the Christmas thing at the end. At first, it was like CHRISTMASMONEYCHRISTMASMONEY but in the end, I just failed and ended up with, "lol, let's just be nice and stuff because that's cool". Aish. xD

Still, this is my gracious Christmas gift to you! Nothing's ever gonna top it, no way. xP AHMAGAWD IT TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE YOU BETTER APPRECIATE I originally only intended or it to be a short parody thing, hence why it was going to be a random passing chapter 18. But, knowing me, it friggin evolved to 42 pages. 42!!! Gah, and so much more emotional and weird and I don't even. Plus, it made me go dizzy with the math regarding dates, and amount of children, and what not. AHAOEGAPØEJG

Anyways, yes, this is the end.

.... NOT. I know I said it would only be 24 chapters, but then I realized I live in ing Norway, who are weirdasses and celebrate the main Christmas events with gift openings and whatnot on the 24th. While 90% of the world has that being the 25th. *facepalm* SO YES, there's going to be a 25th chapter, though it's nowhere near as grandeuse as this one. Only tying together things and whatnot, SO YOU BETTER APPRECIATE THIS, YES. >D

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!