Author’s POV

It was 4:30 AM in the morning, seven hours of lying on their bed, when she suddenly remembered something. Her gaze which was filled with anger and sorrow before had calmed as she mumbled, “Oh, I remember!”

Her movement shoke the bed. Her two bare feet stepped onto the cold white floor as she shifted into a sitting position. She began to stand up, but paused for a second to turn back. She glanced at her husband who was sleeping silently with his back turned to her.

She heaved a deep sigh, before closing her eyes for a moment. When they flickered open again, the angry and sad gaze she had had before had returned, but then she remembered again the same thing she had had a few seconds before. She was upset, yes, but she knew that she would soon feel better.

***

Sungjae looked good whatever he wore, or at least that's the thought that occured to Sooyoung as she shifted through her husband's clothes and placed some in the large, white suitcase beside her. He was going to Japan for work, as he need to shoot for his drama– again. Being a caring wife, Sooyoung put all of Sungjae’s necessitites into the suitcase– clothes, toiletries, and even gongjindan—a herbal medicine that Sungjae made sure to take everyday. Staring at the gongjindan, Sooyoung couldn't help but grin a little as her mind drifted back to a happening from early on in their marriage, when her husband had tricked her. Sungjae had lied saying that the gongjindan was chocolate, but to make up for Sooyoung's shock and displeasure when she consumed the bitter medicine, he had immediately smiled at her and said, “I want you to always be healthy like me. I don’t want you become sick.” It was a sweet memory.

As Sooyoung prepared all the things that Sungjae would need, she couldn't help but be uncertain of how she felt. Nothing had changed since a few hours ago, and she could only go back and forth between two thoughts in her mind– “I will be lonely again.” “But I want to avoid him too.” It was the first time, actually, that she wanted to avoid him.

Two weeks without Sungjae. His apparent chemistry with the actress who played Seo Hyura in Love Recipes was praised by many fans and it even brought up the drama's ratings by 9%. Because of this, the production team also decided to extend the drama from 16 epidoes to 20. Yes, 4 additional episodes. And because the scene where the two leads made out (the one which Sooyoung had just found out about yesterday) was the main cause of the increase in ratings, she couldn't help but guess that another one of those scenes would occur in one of the additional episodes. She just hoped, that if she were right about her guess, that no one inform her; she would prefer not to know. Honestly, Sooyoung still felt a bit dissapointed with Heechul sunbae-nim, as she would've liked him to not tell her something she would be upset about.

She sighed again. Sooyoung’s face wasn’t wet with tears anymore, but her eyes were puffy and swollen from crying all night. It was because of Sungjae. And because of herself. She was conflicted on what she should do with her husband, and she was getting a major headache because she wasn't sure which option would be best.

“That’s my job, Sooyoung-ah!” That was what Sungjae had said to defend himself in response to her words. Sooyoung knew, yet it was how he said those words that hurt her; the anger in his voice hit her chest as if there was something terribly wrong with it.

She didn't know what to say to her husband. She knew it was his job. But deep down in her heart, she still wasn't willing to see her husband loving another woman, even if it was all acting. She had almost said to him, “You should've asked for my approval first before you did a scene like that!”. But then she realized that that would be being too selfish. It was his job, after all. But sometimes, Sooyoung felt that it was unfair that she be required to understand everything.

She was his wife after all.

***

After Sooyoung packed some clothes for Sungjae, she immediately entered the bathroom. That morning, she had to be at the SM building, and there she wouldn't be a wife but a professional, an idol. According to the newest update from her group’s leader, it would be the first day of practice for their fifth full length album. At least there would be things to do while Sungjae was in Japan. Sooyoung thanked the fact that her schedule would be busy for the next few months, because she had no idea when her conflict with Sungjae would be resolved, and it was nice to have something to take her mind off of it.

She wore four articles of clothing, with one of them being a thick pink coat. It was wintertime so of course Sooyoung would dress in something warm. She hated being cold. As she dressed herself in front of the mirror, her vision slowly moved to the shadow of her husband which could cleary be seen beside her reflection. She watched him lying on the bed for a while before reaching to grab her tosca clutch and walking towards him. Sungjae was closing his eyes, fast asleep. If things were normal, Sooyoung would've shook her husband to wake up and go to work like she always did, but of course things weren't normal. And so, Sooyoung instead kneeled beside Sungjae, observing every curve of his face and every feature of his body. She slowly raised her hand and brought it to his head, slowly it with all the affection she had for him; running his maintained hair through her fingers.

“I don’t know if you're just pretending to sleep or you're actually still sleeping,” she said softly, as she watched his closed eyes carefully. Just then, she spotted a small movement in his eyes, letting her know that he was indeed awake although pretending to be sleeping.

Sooyoung sniffed the air around them, which was scented with the distinctive aroma of the chamomile shampoo they shared. “Oppa, I want to say goodbye before you go to work. You...” She paused for a moment before she continued, “Be careful on your way to Japan.”

As she got up from her position, Sooyoung leaned her body on her husband before bringing her face closer to his. Then, gently, she pressed her lips onto his forehead. She didn't care if Sungjae wasn't sleeping. If Sooyoung kissed him, he couldn't move away from her although they were having a fight. She kissed him for a while, inhaling that chamomile aroma again. She wanted to remember the scent as it was one of the things that connected her and her husband together, and she knew that for two weeks he would not be with her. Though I don't want to talk to you, surely I will miss you everyday.

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