Case #05: WWRPD If Dogs Could Speak?
Taming of the 22nd Floor ScrewballTaehyung grew particularly spectacular at tracking Anna’s everyday peculiarities. 6am: morning jog with “Dog,” the mastiff. 1pm: routine elevator tour. 5pm: fooling gullible down-and-outers it’s never too late. 12:57am: watching an informercial that promised clearer sinuses in 30 days — or your money back!
Anna ordered one for her and one for Dog. “Jealousy roots itself in the faint of nose health,” she dished out another one-liner. The next day she had a motorcycle with a side-car; Dog barked, “Jealous?” His mind palace had a vivid imagination.
Stifling a sniffle, he asked Jimin: part-time movie critic, full-time Taehyung critic, “Too stunned for words?”
Jimin shut the front door with a sigh; Watson was getting tired of Sherlock’s conspiracy theories. “If all this trouble is over 20 bucks, then I’ll happily reimburse you.” 40 bucks now that Jimin had received his share of bull.
The doorbell rang, and Taehyung leapt from the couch. Further inspection revealed his Moriarty peeking through the peep hole. Panic had him pacing. “You’re hopeless and awkward and desperate for love, my good man!” Jimin accused.
“I’m fine; she’s the screwball!” Taehyung rubbed palms together, praying for mysticism. “God bless me with normalcy.”
“Hi Anna,” Jimin answered the door like a seasoned war veteran. 1:05pm, Taehyung noted out-of-sight. Imagined schedules conflicted with reality’s happenstance. “Thanks. Are you busy this Saturday around noon?”
It’d been two weeks, four hours, and thirty-seven minutes since Taehyung last saw Anna; he’s particularly spectacular at tracking irrelevant details.
Foreseeing his partner’s dismay, Jimin later reasoned, “Between the Abominable Bride, reruns of Friends, and mentally stalking the perfectly sane woman who lives above you, did you forget how you pay rent?”
Taehyung said he was right. Jimin quipped, “I'm the sensible one; that's our dynamic.” Counting seconds, this gentleman hero wondered: what would Regina Phalange do? TV-binging couldn’t prepare him for the Saturday afternoon that arrived way too soon — it’s never twins.
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