My life isn't for a weak heart. Before i was even 2 years old i already went trough more than an averiage person would go trough in his or hers entire life. Before i was 2 years I went trough (ual) abusing, did I saw death in the eyes and just escaped from it, was I surended by fights and many many more. I was always pretending and acting that I was happy even when i felt dead, unhappy and like crying deep inside of me. I fooled everybody.

I got after my abusing placed out of the house into an foster familly. I had only a foster father. A really great, lovely, caring and sweet man. He did all he could to give me an happy and good life. We went a couple times a year on holiday. He putted me on horseridding and even gave me my own horse and other animals like rabbits and a sweet dog. He is a real Angel.

But even when he did so hard his best he couldn't protect me from mroe abusing, bulling and a couple try's.

At school I was always known as an great hard working studend. My teatchers gave me often compliments and where often proud on me. Even one of my teatchers said that he prefferd to have then times me in the classroom insted of one studend as the others. This was on my schoool where I was on from 2004-2008.

But how little did they knew. I was so quilet because i had no friends and got bullied. But I never spoke about it. About the eyes on me because I was difrent than the rest. The names they game me and more.

Anger started to grow inside of me and I learned that friends are worthless because they stap u in the back. I had only one friend with who i hang out in the breaks. I knew him from years back but when he switched school I never heared something from him until 2004.

In the classroom I often sat at the front alone and quilet. I started to get used to it but it wasn't making me happy I started to cut because I blamed myself for everything.

In 2007 I was done with the boy who bullied me. I wil never forget that day. Friday januri 19th 2007. The day that I broke.

I had hours of free time and just walked my only friend to his next classroom on the second floor. I saw the bully stnading by the door to the staircase. I didn't wanted to avoiled him so I planned just to walk trough the door, ignoring anything he would say and going downstairs.

This shouldn't be to hard because only he was standing there. The rest just went into the classroom but when he saw me he kept standing.

Soon as I wanted to open the two doors he holded them tight closed. This is the point on what I broke. I felt a lot of energy comming up in  me and with a powerful push did I pushed open the doors lanching him against the wall with a blow. Before even he could regain his balance or relice what just had happend did I started to reliece all the anger what I had with me for 3 years in me on him.

The twingirls tryed to sepret us but failed. I only saw him and refused to stop until he stopped fighting back.

I did the stoppiest thing that you ca do after a fight.

I turned my back to him to continue my way.

Al I remamber is one twin standing by the bully and the other twin standing beside me. I have my left feet above the stairs to go downstairs. In once I felt something in my lower back.

The next thing that I remamber is when I woke up.

I hear one of the twins calling my name. I feel an horible pain shooting trough my head and back. Soon as I open my eyes allI see is blackness. After a couple blinks is my vision slowly returning to me.

I see one of the twins kneeled beside me. She has one hand on my shoulder and looks at me worried. Her twin sister is holding the bully in the corner at the top of the stairs and the whole classroom is standing there now on the top of the stairs looking at me together with there teatcher shocked.

Sinds this day my agretion growed.

But this isn't where mmy story is about. I could easy wright a while book about the bad things alone in my life, but not now. No I am going to tell you about the day that my life changed for ever and my love life.

Soon as I'm talking between (...) it will be my thoughts.

My story will start at Januari 5th 2015 not even 2 weeks after my last suicide try and another almost dead experiance.