Dear best friend, I love you.

Five words that made Lisa go through five stages: denial, realization, fear, acceptance, and confession to the best friend. Easy on paper, impossible on the action, the seemingly harmless words were a double-edged sword that kept Lisa on her toes around the Thai prince.

It was her fault for unconsciously falling into this wicked trap, missing the blur between caring and caring too much, not keeping the boundaries on track, ignoring the light tickles on her stomach and the fast heartbeats she stupidly convinced herself they were from her unhealthy red bull addiction when the real reason was clear from the farthest point on earth.

Lisa desperately wanted to move back in time to their first meeting to meet him as a lover, silly blind date, or lose him on the spot without having so much to lose at stake. Loving a best friend was skeptical to comprehend as some sort of natural process before BamBam.

The shifts were lame jokes, hard to laugh at. How one day she was listening to her best friend and then swiftly, lightly shifted to noticing the mole under his eye, his sharp jawline, or the cute puff on his face in the early morning.  How the light concern turned into sleepless nights until he would return safely, how the constant chant of pushing him to date became the darkest fear, how the long-lasting friendship changed to a greedy wish of being his long-life partner.

Losing him was close, she felt it as her trembling feet followed BamBam’s aimlessly, silently until they reached the small park nearly meters away from the dorm. His strong, warm, gentle grasp around her wrist never loosened as they stood in front of each other, feeling his intense stare that she didn’t dare to look up to.

She was busy pushing the fear in her heart, her lips bitten repetitively, chest tight to breathe, waiting to hear his goodbye, to let go of her love to grant the happy ending he deserved.

“Look at me,” It was a calm whisper as his fingers traveled from her wrist to squeeze her hand with a gentle reminder. Hesitantly, she lifted her head, her almond eyes meeting his round ones, her heart pounding twice faster from the simplest action.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with a stolen step to lean closer.

“What’s wrong with us?” The added two words to the repeated questions hit deep when she studied his eyes, to him “Us” meant friends, to her it meant something more.

“Nothing, I---I wanted you to focus. I g-gave our space.”

“Since when do we need space?”

“S-since… I don’t know.” The words were caught in , as she diverted her panicking eyes from the confused ones.

Neither the mind nor the heart was prepared for the sudden confrontation or even the appearance of the boy in the middle of the cold night. If it was a normal fight, it was the time for BamBam’s eyebrows to frown, for his tongue to click against the gritted teeth before they would start bickering, but none of these happened with silence encasing their space.

“We have the whole time in our intertwined hands that won’t untangle until I hear your honest answers because I won’t lose you like this. I’m not angry for the unanswered calls or the unread messages but answer me before I go crazy and do something stupid.”

The coldness of the night was fading with the warm touch and reassurance, his magical spells of turning everything into butterflies. Lisa closed her teary eyes, allowing herself to engrave their last moment in her heart with a pained smile.

It was time to let go, to say goodbye, to stop being selfish.

She inhaled a deep breath, letting it out slowly with apprehension. “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, to let this go.”  

His free hand cupped her face, his thumb wiping tears she failed to notice. Their eyes locked again, and she could see the suppression of mixed emotions in his brown eyes.

“Goodbye?”

A shaky overwhelmed whisper with a tight squeeze on her petite hand cornered her for answers, for the truth behind her encrypted words.

“I—I have made a huge mistake, stepping on the blurred boundaries. I— think I have f-feelings for you, and they won’t stop even after the vast space I created between us. You and Minnie are a good match even if there i