‘Dear life, why can’t I disappear?’

Jinyoung was overwhelmed with a desire to scream at the universe for its unfairness. It felt unbearable to experience the same situation over again, with different people being hurt in the same way and place because of him. He was at odds with how much hate the world had directed toward him by hurting others.

The poisonous fear stirred with the guilt spiciness and a hefty dose of the triggered flashbacks was running through his veins, burning him with slow torture. It was too much to handle, yet he forced his trembling body to make it to his best friend’s studio.

He typed on the metal numbers, unlocking the door of his buddy’s studio. As soon as he stepped in, he plopped down on the black leather sofa in front of his friend who was engrossed in his canvas.

“I thought you would party,” Jaebum sassed, eyes focused on the painting. “Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung slowly sat up, feeling heavy with emotion. All he could hear was the sound of his friend putting their brush down on the wooden floor, getting closer to him. “Jinyoung, are you okay?”

He exhaled the suffocating breath he was holding. “I left her—Jisoo is in the hospital. I took her there.”

“Is she okay—” He cut his friend off. “Because of me.” He blurted out with a rough rub off his face, like it would take his guilt away.

Jaebum placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hold on. Tell me everything like how this was because of you?”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to recollect the events that led to him messing up yet again. “She thought I was going to jump, so the nuisance tried to save me, but we fell, and Jisoo took the impact and now she is with a broken arm and sprained ankle. Ironic how we ended up in the same emergency room of the hospital. I hate it so much.” He grunted, pulling his hair out of frustration. “I told her to stop caring! To stay away, but she never listens and ...” He snapped, kicking his feet against the ground.

“Jinyoung-ah, look at me,” Jaebum demanded, hand going up and down his arm to calm him down. “About jumping off…”

Jinyoung turned to his friend, looking up to meet his friend’s worried eyes. “I won’t ever break our promise, you know that.” He assured his friend, who let out a sigh of relief, squeezing his shoulder.

“So, it’s a misunderstanding that led to that and obviously you are partially the reason, so don’t get this stupid nonsense into your head. You are an incredible jerk with a kind heart who helped her, no matter how that damned hospital was traumatizing to you.”

“Yeah… But I must stay away from her. I will crash here until I find a place and leave the projects. it if I lose to her if she is that stubborn.” It felt right to save her from a miserable ending, because one step closer to him and she would be cursed.

“Running away again, Jinyoung-ah. You are pushing away the people who care, worry about you. You are wasting your youth and college memories over illusional fear.”

Jinyoung scowled, shaking his head. “No one should. They will die if they care, and I’m fine to live without living.” He hissed, clutching his fists while forcing the lies he spat at his best friend to invade his mind.

“I care and I’m not dead. You aren’t the reason for their death; it was their fate. Stop feeding your mind illogical lies. You deserve to live and love.”

“I don’t deserve . The only thing I deserved is to leave this ruthless world with them.” Jaebum’s expression changed drastically after hearing his words, and the pang of guilt was almost too much for him to bear. His heart shuddered in response, conveying the deep pain that he was feeling. His pal was obviously pondering deeply, as his lips were being repeatedly bitten.

“You are too agitate