Chaerin carefully covers Jiyong with a blanket. She bends forward and kisses his forehead, a gesture she loves doing whenever he falls asleep with her. “Good morning Oppa… I’m glad to have another day with you. I love you so much.” she whispers in his ear. Glancing at the wall clock, she knows that he won’t wake up anytime soon. It’s only 5:30 AM after all. However, she has to go because he might feel that she’s invading his space too much. They have been together all day since yesterday and she had to stay overnight because of her break down. She wouldn’t want him to feel suffocated with her presence again.

‘Shall I make him breakfast or not?’ she hesitated for a bit, knowing that he’ll be hungry when he wakes up. Sure they have stocks for they went to grocery yesterday, but she’s not sure what he wanted to eat. ‘Will he like it if I cook some soup and pancakes?’

Just then she remembers that they fought before because he didn’t eat the food she prepared, rather, he chose to eat fast food. ‘What if he likes to order? Then I might ruin his mood because he will be oblige to eat whatever I will serve. It’s better if I just go and let him decide…’

Even if it’s against her will, Chaerin picks herself up and gathers her things. She made a small note that she’ll go ahead and paste it on his fridge. If it happens in the past, she probably wakes him up already just to tell goodbye… however, there’s no point in doing that now. ‘His sleep might be disturbed and he’ll get mad at me again.’

She prepares to leave the house with a heavy heart.

‘Bye Jiyong Oppa…’

Instead of grabbing a ride, Chaerin decided to just walk her way home. Although it’s a bit far from her apartment, she opt to walk since she needs some lone time to sort things out. Since it’s still early, the morning breeze slaps her skin gently. She probably feels cold…but nothing can beat the coldness she feels inside. ‘I wish Jiyong Oppa is here with me like before… I hope I can dote on him like the way I used to be.’ However, instead of the warmth coming from his arms, Chaerin feels the wind hugs her, reminding her what she has lost.

She passes by a boutique and sees her reflection through their glass wall. The poor girl chuckles bitterly because she barely recognizes the person looking back at her. ‘What have you done Chaerin-ah? Why did you lose yourself?’

She continue walking along the way, feeling even sadder with the comeuppance of the situation. ‘I just fell in love… but why did it have to take away everything from me? I thought someone finally learns to love the real me…but seems like I have to pretend again so he won’t leave me alone like what others did.’ A tear falls from the corner of her eye. ‘Living this kind of life . I just want Jiyong to be happy with me… but I’m the mere reason why he had to be upset. Maybe, I’m not worth to be loved by anyone. Maybe, my affection is really suffocating to receive. Maybe… someone else is really better than me regardless of doing my best all the time. I just became like that because I don’t want to lose him… but seems like by doing so pushes him even more.’

Her shoulders fall in realization that the people she cared the most doesn’t want to be love by her. Well, at least, not on the way Lee Chaerin professes her love for them. ‘Do I really need to hide myself just to be seen?’

‘If living with uncertainty in this cruel world means having to live beside him, then I will bear it. I can live my life hiding Chaerin in the dark just to be with Jiyong.’

“Because the only real thing left to me is the fact that I love Kwon Jiyong. I love him and will always do no matter what happen…” she bites her lower lips.

“…even if I have to live in pain.”

“Chae?” Jiyong scratches his eyes to get a clearer vision and observes his surroundings. “Baby?” he gets up from the bed and search for her. He tried looking at the bathroom but she’s not there. ‘Did she leave already? That’s impossible. She could have waken me up before she goes off.’  “Chaerin?” he tries once more.

‘Maybe, she’s preparing breakfast? That’s right, you Silly Man. She’s just there… stop overreacting.’ He breathes in and out before walking out of his room.

He goes to the kitchen hoping to find her there like the usual but then again, the piece of paper posted on the fridge informs him that she already gone home. Jiyong bitterly chuckles with this another changes he has to deal with. ‘If luck was in my side, then I guess I can be considered lucky for having a ‘mindful’ girlfriend. I had enough of this push and pull !’

Oppa,
 

I have to go. Sorry for not waking you up, I just don’t want to be a bother. I can manage, don’t worry. By the way, I don’t know what you wanted to eat so I didn’t cook anything. Maybe you could just order or such? Anyway, take care! Bye Jiyong Oppa.’

Chaerin

He pulls his hair in frustration. He crumpled the note in his other hand and scream as loud as he can. “!!! Why are you torturing me this way?!” He punches the fridge’s door, causing his knuckles to bleed. “Why are you treating me like this?! I just want to bring the old us back but you keep on stepping back whenever I tried to step towards you!”

Jiyong can’t control the bottled-up emotions hiding inside his heart as he started screwing the whole kitchen. He throws everything his hands can reach. He kicks all the appliances his feet can touch. He’s beyond mad with himself because he doesn’t know how to deal with this kind of rejection…

For the very first time, Chaerin let him solve his own puzzle…

…a difficult one at that.

Chaerin sits on one of the benches in the park. She is damn tired, not with the long walk but with her constant thoughts. ‘I’m done thinking that he’ll leave me someday…when he gets tired of me again. Just like what he did few months back.’

Memories from that night fills her in. How she wanted to run after him and apologize further. How she wanted to talk to him but he blocks her off. How she stalked him up to his apartment only to see that woman in his arms walking out of his door.

“It hurts. It hurts so much but I can’t complain because I have my faults too. If only I’m y like those women in the club, then he might choose to look at me instead of clubbing and hanging around with them. If only I was as cool as those chic, then he won’t get frustrated whenever we spend time together. If only I was perfect, then I won’t feel insecure whenever he’s beside me.”

She looks at her phone and caresses his picture, which is her wallpaper as well. There, she remember again how many times she tried calling but won’t reach him. She became too worried that he might be in danger because he’s nowhere to be found and cannot be contacted but her cousin TOP proved her otherwise. She can still recall what he advised her that made her rethink and sink…

“Chaerin-ah, stop hurting yourself. He’ll call you when he’s ready…” Seunghyun pats her back.

“No Seunghyun Oppa! What if something bad already happened to him? Aren’t you worried?!”

“He’s fine Chaerin-ah…” he looks away guiltily.

That freezes her on the spot. “Y…You know…where he is? He’s talking to you?”

Seunghyun nods his head slowly. “We were together last night. Trust me, he’s absolutely fine.”

“So…that means… you can talk to him, am I right? He’s fine and not in sort of danger like I thought? He’s alright. Tell me Oppa, is his phone still working? Or did he get a new number so he can avoid me completely?” her tears keep on falling.

“He… he still have the same