Pairing: het
Genre: inspired by romantic historic novel

Note: I jumped the story ahead and skipped to when Sara is already married. I normally do that when writing and then have to go back and write the missing scenes. I never filled the missing scenes in this story but there's enough to understand everything that happened so far.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, 

7 - Married

Well, I’m a married woman. Only sixteen and married. Even before Catherine. This is weird. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do.

As they both retired to bed, Richard opened the door to the room she had occupied before and closed the door behind him. She stood there for a while. Married she was but a she would remain. This was weird. He wanted her as a wife but not in his bed. She knew that in Catherine’s case all the men wanted her in their beds, even the married ones. It hurt her pride. She knew she wasn’t prepared for it and was thankful he was willing to wait. Children would have to come, so this was only temporary. But it hurt her pride that he had proposed it with so little sorrow, in fact, there was a gnawing feeling Richard had felt relief when she said yes to that.

They still shared a friendship but Sara was unsure it could survive this awkwardness. She suspected it would have been easier to just get it over it. If this was really our wedding night then I would know what it is like, instead of fearing it, and that he… Well, that he sees me that way.

On the other room, Richard prepared for bed. He was content. He was now a married man and his father was pleased with his choice of wife and of father in law. Sara was a good person and so intelligent they would do very well in business and would not want for what to talk.

She seemed somewhat distraught. He was unsure why. Maybe it was wedding nerves and tiredness. Why were wedding ceremonies and parties so long?
He felt also pleased with waiting. She was sixteen; it was too early for her to become a mother.

Richard sighed looking at his huge bed. A long forgotten memory came to him, how on his wedding night with ____ he could not wait a second to be alone with her. That struck him. He hadn’t thought of that part of his marriage for a long time. ____ was so beautiful and desirable and he was so young and caught with her beauty. It had not gone well. She endured him because that was what she was supposed to do. He was too eager to notice that, or to know what to do with her or for her, except take his own release. In fact, it was only after his own enthusiasm over his wife had subside a little that he understood she didn’t like him and that allowing him to touch her was a sacrifice.

It had taken a courtesan to teach him how to treat a woman’s body. But by then his marriage was already only a façade and he didn’t want to try his new abilities with his wife.

Thinking of mad him ache. The last time he had been with a woman was back in India, some months before returning to London. Adding the trip and now these months in London, it was way more time than most men would willingly endure.

Richard still felt disgusted that had controlled him. The want for his dead wife and her refusal had eaten at him.

A sound from the other room awoke him from these memories. Calm swept through him. He didn’t desire Sara. She would never have him under the same effects ----- had. Faithfulness was a given fact as no man would envy him Sara, and he intended to keep faithful it as well. He was not worried as to when to try and have children; he needed to focus on securing his business first.

L – “Would you prefer to accompany me to India or stay here and run the Estate while I’m away?”

S – “Doesn’t your father take care of that?”

L – “No, not really, not for some time now. His health is poor and he can’t endure the hours it requires. That has been left to some old trusted servants. But they are almost as old as my father and I believe the estate is starting to show signs of that. It is not as well managed as I remember it.”

S – “How long do you intend to stay in India? Do you plan to ever return here?”

L – “You saw the plans and books for both companies. I will be away for at least eight or ten months and will need to return several more times before I am sure enough that I can leave it to my staff for longer periods of time.”

S – “I would very much like to visit India.”

L – “Then all you have to do is pack.”

At that moment the Marquis joined them for dinner. He looked tired and appeared to have some trouble walking.

L – “Dad, what took you so long?”

M – “Ah, Johnson was trying to win me at chess. I wasn’t about to let him, even if that meant a cold dinner.”

L – “And a cold dinner you got.” – Said Richard with a half smile while he held a chair for his father.

Sara looked at the man sitting next to her. She found it easy talking with the Marquis. That easiness she had experienced with his son that was now tainted with some awkwardness. He was getting older and frailer, set in his comforts and habits, as so were the older servants like the butler. Mr. Johnson was a dear man, very pleasant and funny, and he and the Marquis shared an obvious genuine friendship. But when the housekeeper didn’t check them, them would behave like little boys.

The estate, like Richard described, was still well managed, but not quite as well as it could be. Having grown up always running around her father while he took care of his estate, she knew very well what problems there were and what improvements could be made. I can easily run this estate. I have replaced my father more times than even he realizes. The Marquis had the same trust in her as his son had, and her father could vouch for her if necessary. She was divided, India sounded great, but being in charge of an estate all on her own…

S – “Richard, I think that after all, maybe it would be better for me to stay here and keep your father company and adjust to my new role.”

L – “Oh…” - Richard was surprised and somewhat sad. He had proposed that she stay out of courtesy, he was sure the idea of travelling would appeal to Sara. He sighed, unable to hide his disappointment. Looking at his father he saw that the old man had a sparkle in his eyes at the prospect of company and he relented. He knew better than to take a woman with him who did not wish to accompany him. Perhaps it would do Sara some good. She was still very young and he was feeling awkward around her now that they were married. Some months apart might do well for them both.

He remembered the Count asking him if he wanted to have children with Sara. His decision to propose to Sara that they be married but wait to have children until she was older, had struck her. She had accepted but seemed unsure of his explanation. Richard honestly didn’t believe it as well. Sara made it clear she accepted him because he could offer her the kind of freedom few husbands would allow. And she had damn made sure those conditions were part of the marriage agreement along with dowry and such.

Richard watched her talking with his father. She looked happy. And almost pretty. It was interesting. The more he looked at her, the prettier he found her.

Richard had been away for a week already. Sara was slowly adjusting to her life as the Marquess of Lavenport. Not that the title was hers yet, the title only really passed from the old Marquis to his son after his death but being an only son, everyone had taken to treating Richard by the title he would inherit. Both Mr. Lavenport and Mr. Johnson were happy to have young Sara’s company. The housekeeper ____ was the gladdest of all since she now had an ally to take care of the two stubborn old men.

The estate was in worse shape than Sara had suspected. The caretaker was another old man that no longer could oversee everything and many things had started to be in disrepair with the consequent loss of tenants and income.

The caretaker and most of the servants were initially suspicious of Sara trying to run things at first, but the Marquis was forceful, they would all obey his daughter in law or be out of a job. Still, by the end of the very first week they all had to concede the girl knew what she was doing. The older ones would say it was as if the late Marquess had returned.

Sara created a routine as the weeks passed by.

8 - Return

Richard couldn’t believe his eyes as he entered the property limits. The difference from the other properties was astounding. The Lavenport Estate was even better tended than he remembered from his childhood days, when his mother was in charge behind his father’s back. The number of tenants had obviously increased. The crops looked very promising. Every corner was used, either for plantation, for wood or for cattle.

His biggest surprise, however, was the mansion itself. The old house seemed new. The garden was in full bloom, the windows reflected the light and it looked freshly painted and with new windows and tiles.

As his carriage halted at the back door as Richard preferred, out from the house, came familiar faces. His father reached him first. Richard looked at the man and had another shock; it was as if his father had lost years.

M – “Richard, my dear boy. Welcome home.”

L – “Dad, you look great.”

M – “Ah, I know. The ladies are all over me. Steve, what are you doing there? Move those feet, you old fool.” – Yelled the Marquis to the butler that was just one step behind him, closely followed by the housekeeper.

J – “My lord. It is wonderful to have you with us again.”

L – “What is happening here? You too? Mrs --- , what did you do to these two? They look younger, how is that possible?”

The housekeeper approached, she too looking younger and with a huge smile on her face.

After all the hugs were done and they had calmed down a little, his father asked with a smile:

M – “So, notice anything about the estate?”

L – “What has been happening here?”

M – “It was our little angel.”

L – “Who?”

M – “Oh, you simpleton. Your wife. The best present I ever had. That’s because I’m still waiting on a grandson, which by the way, is about time you start thinking about one.”

Richard looked around. He saw Sara nowhere.

L – “And where is my wife?”

M – “Your post warning of your time of arrival. The letter arrived only two hours before you did. Sara knows you are soon to arrive but, like us this morning, only expects you tomorrow. I hope you don’t conduct your business the same manner.”

L- “I’m sorry. I quite forgot letters here don’t take long to arrive. But where is she?”

M – “Left early to supervise the north fields. We are building a canal. Remember how your mother used to say we could use one there? We are building a huge one and many smaller as well. Those fields will very soon start to be more productive.”

L – “She went there alone?”

M – “Oh, no.” – The Marquis laughed. – “Poor Mr. G---- went with her. He will not be able to sit on his behind for days after that ride.”

L – “Wait a minute. You mean Sara has been running the estate all on her own?”

M – “Don’t give me that look. You can’t beat the Davernood’s look every time he comes visit his daughter and sees another improvement to the estate. He has started to threaten he will take his daughter back.”

L – “But… you mean… she is really running it all alone?”

M – “Well, off course. We just make sure she is never without company out in the fields and woods but she is better at running an estate than anyone I ever saw.”
Richard was surprised. He had suspected by Sara’s letters that she was enjoying helping around the estate but he hadn’t suspected exactly how much she was involved. In fact, it seemed everyone had kept that fact hidden from him and he was now faced with the result. And what a result it was. He suspected the income the estate would start to make after the north fields irrigation would almost be the same as his smaller growing business.

After lunch, Richard grew tired of waiting for Sara and everyone seemed to still be hiding something from him, they kept exchanging glances. He saddled his favorite horse and took the direction of the north fields.

On a higher hill, just coming out of the woods he noticed a rider down in the valley along the little stream. Whoever it was, he was fast and guided the horse expertly. Richard knew that terrain, it was treacherous. Continuing on the edge of the woods Richard moved up and so did the unknown horseman who was apparently yet to notice him.

The stranger was practicing jumps on an old jump course alongside the stream. Richard decided to show how it was done. The man was good but he was better. He started a fast run in the direction of the nearest obstacle.

The other rider stopped in surprise and turned in Richard’s direction. As the young Marquis reached the rider he thought to be one of his servants, he was able to see him better. It was a woman. Caught in surprise, the jump was awkward and he almost lost balance. Holding on to not fall of his horse, he turned in direction of the strange woman. Embarrassment made his face turn red. Whoever the woman was, she was dressed like a man, but she was just stunning.

S – “Richard, what do you think you’re doing? You almost broke your neck. I do hope you don’t accuse me of trying to knock you off your horse this time.”

He froze. He knew the voice. Managing to seat upright again he stared at her.

S – “You didn’t warn us of your arrival so soon.”

L – “Ah, yes, well. I sent a letter that I would be here tomorrow but I managed to leave earlier. My father has already complimented me that my second letter arrived only two hours before I did.”

S – “He is very glad to have you back. He missed you a lot this past year.”

L – “Yes.” – Stammered Richard totally struck. This was Sara? This was his wife? It could not be.

The caretaker that had poorly accompanied Sara approached them.

G – “My Lord, so nice to see you have returned.”

L – “Hello, G-- , how are you?”

G – “Oh, too old for all this running around. Ah, if I may be so bold…”

L – “Yes?”

G – “Could you please be the one to accompany the Marquess back to the house? Your father would have my behind if I allowed her to go alone.”

L – “It’s ok. I will do that.” – Said Richard with a smile, feeling a little pity on the old man, he rather looked uncomfortable on that horse.

Leaving the old man behind to strut slowly, the two took the direction of the house.

L – “What did you do to poor G…?”

S – “Oh, I went ahead of him. Your father has this chivalrous notion that I should always be accompanied and I sometimes oblige. But when it’s G, I take my opportunity to run ahead. I think your father knows even if G would never confess.”

L – “You look very cheerful.”

S – “Oh, wait. We must turn around. You have to see the construction site.” – And without waiting for his response she took off.

Richard always thought of himself as a good rider but after the boat travel he was a little out of practice and she had a lighter horse. He had to make an effort to accompany her. Taking opportunity of the open ground and of her distraction, he looked at her and looked at her.

Sara was seventeen now. The pretty face he had seen hints of, was now becoming more visible. The extra weight she used to have; a lot of it was gone but she had maintained the fuller figure in just the right places. And with the masculine clothes and her genuine smile the combination looked stunning. This was a woman that would make a man’s blood boil. Not even Catherine had looked like Sara did now.

He was too stunned to know what to think of such a change. He had married a young overweight shy girl and he was now faced with an obviously confident woman. His wife. The future mother of his children. That gave him a strange feeling.

A year had gone by since the last time the two had walked down that corridor together. Sara went directly to her room, opened the door, turned to say goodnight and closed the door. Richard stood there. What do I want? His feelings about this marriage were very different and he wasn’t sure how much. A part of him wanted to enter that room behind Sara and that unsettled him. How cruel that one of the reasons he had chosen Sara for his wife was that he believed she would never cause in him the exact feeling he was experiencing, this urge to touch and claim.

He paced his room furiously. This wanting was even stronger than on his wedding night with his first wife, than on those loose nights with the courtesans when he learned what to do. That last part made it worse. Knowing what to do with such a body was too tantalizing to ignore. And his wife. He had the right to take that body. The way she had completely ignored him made it clear she still thought they were still respecting his stupid agreement of waiting until she was older. Well, she was older now, right? Oh, damn, I can’t even think straight. I should just had spent myself on the courtesans, that way I wouldn’t be this hungry for a woman’s body. No, I had to be chivalrous and be a faithful husband for a full year. I even resisted Catherine’s blatant attack in London. And now I returned to a wife I expected to be agreeable but not desirable and see myself faced with the most desirable woman I ever saw. Oh, isn’t life funny?

It was the third night Richard spent alone in his room knowing he had his very desirable wife in the next room. The missing key to the connecting doors was no longer missing. He had even remembered where he had misplaced it all those years ago. With the key in his hand he cursed himself again for not knowing how to approach the subject of children with his wife. He didn’t want children yet, off course, that’s not what he had in his mind, but it was the only way he could ask his wife to share her bed. Deciding his curiosity needed some appease he ignored every rule of etiquette and decorum and placed a chair directly underneath the spy hole that was mocking him.

Feeling slightly guilty he looked. And he was granted the great prize.

Sara was preparing for a bath, still fully clothed, but she was starting to disrobe. He ached. This was like punishing himself.

He watched until she turned the lights off and still he lingered there. Finally collecting himself he felt ashamed. I have to talk with her. This is ridiculous.
His father had hinted of children but never in Sara’s presence. Taking advantage of their time alone revising the books, Richard decided to make his opening.

L – “My father loves you very much.”

S – “He is a great man. Might not have been an easy man but he has softened.”

L – “Oh, I know. He has grown mellow with the years. He even started asking for grandchildren to give him more gray hairs. One of the first things he asked when I returned.”

S – “Don’t mind him. He asks me the same thing all the time.”

L – “Really?”

S – “Yes.”

L – “And what do you tell him?”

S – “That it is still too soon.”

L – “Do you think so?”

S – “Off course. We both have yet too many things on our hands to worry about a small child. I don’t agree with leaving one’s children completely on a nanny’s hand.”

L – “And when do you think would be a good time?”

S – “Maybe another year.”

L – “A year?” – Richard half shouted, half gasped.

Sara looked at him.

S – “Do you want to start now?”

He stared. Damn, she was direct. This was the moment to say yes. God damn, man, say yes. Say yes.

S – “Richard?”

L – “Yes?”

S – “Yes to what?”

L – “Y-yes to… that.” – He stammered.

S – “Ok.”

L – “Ok?”

S – “Yes, ok.”

L – “Ah, why?”

S – “What’s the matter? Do you want to or not?”

L – “I… I think it would please my father.”

S – “Dear Lord in heavens.” – Sara got up and looking down at him said in a cutting tone:

S – “I do hope you are not making a sacrifice just because of your father. He is old but his health is good. He can wait.”

Richard decided to send caution to hell and be as blunt and honest as she was.

L – “I can’t wait.”

S – “What?”

L – “I can’t wait. And… And damn it, it’s not because of giving my father grandchildren. Frankly, I don’t even want children yet.”

S – “Oh.” – Sara blushed. Her confidence escaped her and she seemed as shy as he remembered her.

L – “I… I’m sorry. It’s just that I… Well, we are married and it’s been a year and… well…”

S – “Ok.”

L – “It’s ok?”

S – “Yes, it’s ok.”

L – “Why?”

S – “Why?”

L – “Yes, Sara. Why? Why do you accept my request?”

S – “We are married. I never understood why you wanted to wait in the first place, well, that is, I suspected it. The past six months whenever I have to go to town everyone looks at me differently, especially the men. They look at me the same way I saw them looking at Catherine. And when you returned you also looked at me that way.”

L – “What did you suspected?”

S – “That you had proposed to wait because other than children you had no motive to want me in your bed. And now you do.”

L – “You accuse me.”

S – “I understand your motives, Richard. I do not have to like them or agree with them.”

L – “You agree because it is a marital duty.”

S – “Yes. That reason is the same reason had you asked me the first night and it is the same tonight. It is your right as my husband.”

L – “That is not what I want.”

S – “You better make up your mind what you want. That is all we ever agreed on and all you ever asked of me.”

Richard looked at her. She was still blushing but her confidence had returned. He wanted her passion, she felt none for him. She had never felt any passion for him and until she had turned into this tempting woman he had never wanted her to.

He shook his head. This was a nightmare. It was almost like his first marriage again.

As he left the room, Sara turned to look at him and added:

S – “My room door will be open. It is up to you, my husband.”

Richard made a point of going to bed a long time after Sara had gone. Making a point of lingering behind on the library after everyone had retired he took a bottle and a glass with him. One of the grooms saw him as he opened the door and asked him when he would retire. Feeling frustrated he shouted at the man that he would not retire.

After looking at the bottle for what seemed to him like hours, Richard decided he and Sara should talk. He had chosen a wife he could talk to, so they better talk. The house was completely in the dark and there was a heavy silence.

When he finally reached her door he had no idea what time it was. Is she asleep already? Bu he could hear noises from inside the room. He placed his hand on the doorknob, and then changed his mind and was about to go into his room when a loud crash and a muffled plea for help sent chills down his spine. He tried the doorknob and it was closed. But the noises continued.

Fear made him sweat. It sounded like a fight. How was that possible?

Richard went inside his room, took the key to the connection door and opened as fast as he could. He stood still for a moment not believing his eyes. The groom who had interrupted him was holding Sara, a hand over , another pulling at her clothes that were starting to tear.

The groom let go of Sara immediately, mumbling:

K – “She invited me to, to make you jealous.”

Sara dashed to Richard’s side, streaks of tears running down her face. He took one step in the direction of the groom who tried to run away. Richard caught him, sent him flying to the floor and started punching the man. He would have continued if he had not felt Sara’s hand in his shoulder. She still looked scared, her face was wet with tears but she nodded to him:

S – “Don’t continue, Richard. Please.”

He grabbed the man and took him downstairs.

K – “Look, she invited me in.”

L – “Shut up. You owe your life to her.”

Richard woke up his team of hunters who also kept watch on the property.

L – “Do any of you guys know why this guy was hired?”

P – “He’s not a regular face. He’s filling in for a sick cousin, I think. The cousin his trustworthy; what did this one do?”

L – “Send him to the sheriff’s office on charges of theft. Make sure he gets sent away to jail for a long time. If he talks about anything at all, charge him with even more.”

P – ”Yes, sir. Consider it taken cared off.”

Richard entered Sara room. She was sitting on the floor next to her bed crying. He kneeled next to her.

S – “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He heard me say my door would be open. He said you would stay downstairs all night. He… He… He told me he would show me how… how... When I tried to cry for help he put his hand over my mouth and nose. I tried fighting him but he just kept hitting me. I thought he would kill me.”


9 – Talking

Routine had settled. It was a comfortable routine that made Richard feel good.

M – “My son, what is it?”

L – “I’m not sure. I think Sara is upset with me.”

M – “You shouldn’t worry. Whatever it may be it can’t be serious. She loves you too much.”

L – “Loves me?” – Richard made a doubtful smile that caused his father to laugh.

M – “Yes, you fool. And you love her too. Frankly I don’t understand why both of you seem to behave like you are unaware of that when it is so obvious that you are mad with each other.”

L – “Love?” – Asked Richard again.

His father shook his head and went outside to sit in the sun next to his old butler who was playing chess with the housekeeper in a secluded part of the garden.
Richard remained thunderstruck in the same place. Could it be? But I don’t love her, I just care about her. And she never, she…

S – “Richard?”

L – “Sara!”

S – “What is it? Did I scare you? What are you doing standing here in the middle of the hall?”

L – “Nothing. I was just talking with my father.”

She nodded and moved to continue on her way.

L – “Wait.”

S – “What is it?”

L – “I need to talk with you. In private. Maybe upstairs, the servants have finished upstairs by now.”

S – “Ok.”

They slowly went side by side, stealing glances at each other. Still in silence he opened his door and closed it behind him. Sara went to the balcony and looked out at the fields. Down in the garden the Marquis seemed to be sleeping next to his servants. When Richard sat on the settee by his bed, she closed the glass windows to the balcony, sat next to him, looked at him until he finally looked at her and waited.

L – “I want to ask you something.”

She held his eyes and waited.

L – “I want to know where we stand now. I want us both to know where we stand. The reasons we entered this marriage are in the past, whatever they may have been. We are married and I believe we both wish to remain that way. But besides the obvious “married for life” I want for us to clear our reasons, the reasons we have now.”

Sara lowered her eyes and Richard saw that she was as nervous as he was. Somehow that made him feel better, at least he wasn’t the only one with a higher heartbeat.

L – “I had an unhappy first marriage, a big part of it my fault. I chose poorly, was immature, and expected my wife to be happy just by being married. We didn’t know each other, didn’t even care for each other. I felt desire for her but she felt contempt for me since our first night. The trip to India, of which she knew nothing of until weeks after our marriage, was awful for ____. I was excited with business and it took me too long to realize she didn’t like me, that we didn’t talk and to notice how she reacted when we slept together. When business forced me to be weeks away from home, I would return every time to a more distant wife and endure rumors of lovers. In the meantime, __ was spending more and more money, to the point that I had to cut her allowance and prohibit any credit on my name. Then her lovers stopped being rumors, I even caught some at home. And the spending continued even with my better efforts. I started visiting courtesans and drinking. I didn’t know what to do.

It was Gladstone that started suggesting that I divorce her. And with his help in business I slowly managed to recover some debts.

That’s when she contracted a fatal fever and died. I felt relief and guilty for feeling relief.

After her death I spent a year where slowly I stopped seeing courtesans and drinking, started making a considerable profit and could consider thinking about my life.

That’s when Gladstone started to entertain ideas of marriage. He felt he had a good enough fortune to tempt a lady. So, we returned to London where he always intended to return for good. I accompanied him because I needed more contacts here, to visit my father and pay my condolences to ___ father. It was only on the trip here that Gladstone started bugging me about marrying again. What was I working for if I would remain with no children?

I wanted a specific wife. A plain looking wife. That way maybe she would remain faithful. And with no constant need for clothes or spending money. I wanted some quiet lady that would not give me troubles but would provide the legitimate son.”

Sara was clearly not happy listening to this; he could see the hurt in her eyes. Richard forced himself to continue.

L – “For this specific kind of wife, I had no need to attend balls. I was forced to, because all the men I wanted to conduct business with were there.

Then one day I entered a library and I found you. We talked and I enjoyed talking with you. So much that I searched for you a second time in a second library. Your idea to start my own shipping company to help my import business was excellent. So, for a while that was all that was in my head, hearing your ideas and suggestions.

Something your father said at a ball about how you would probably marry the following year, made me think. We both had to marry, why not with each other? I thought you were pretty but it didn’t show because of your weight. I confess it took me some meetings to reach that conclusion, but from the moment I noticed you more I could see clearly that you were pretty and that your body was well proportionate. And since no men would talk with you about business and you had no patience for the small talk other ladies employ, you were shy and quiet. Your fortune, especially as an only daughter, meant you had no need for mine. You fulfilled the requirements I had in my head.

You were right when you accused me of only wanting to talk with you for your help. It took that to show me that we had stopped talking about other things. On that weekend here we did that again. We enjoyed each other company. Actually we became friends.

You were very suspicious of me for proposing for your hand. I only told you I needed to have children and if possible to someone I could be friends to and still talk to in our old days. That reason was not my only one, but it was a reason that happened because I met you. I never would have thought about that before I saw how easy we could talk. I didn’t tell you then that plain, shy and thrifty were other requirements I had for a future wife. I knew you would throw those in my face and say no.

My idea of waiting to have children that caused that until today we have not consummated our marriage was, as you accused me before, because I didn’t not desire you. Since I didn’t desire you, I saw no need to bed you.”

Sara looked right at him with hurt in her eyes. He sighed. This was awful but he believed he had to tell her everything. Maybe that way all could be left behind and they could make a fresh start.

L – “When I returned from India, after almost a year, you were a different woman. You had grown more mature and confident. You lost the extra weight that had kept your beauty and figure hidden. I didn’t recognize you at first. That’s why I almost fell from my horse. All your other qualities were the same or improved, but your beauty made me doubt my eyes for some days.

A new feeling came over me. Desire. I wanted you. I wanted you in my bed.”

Sara blushed deeply and turned her eyes away.

L – “My desire was so intense I even spied on you. And having seen you once I…”

S – “What?”

L – “I saw you taking your bath or changing clothes. More than once.”

Sara got up and paced the room. She was angry and looked as if she wanted to hit Richard.

L – “That happened a few times before I finally talked with you about consummating our marriage. I am not proud of it, but, well, I know I should be ashamed, but I am not, I enjoyed too much seeing you to pretend otherwise.”

Sara fully stopped at that and stared at him. He held her gaze. She could not believe her ears but there was no mistaking his calm admission. She knew he had wanted her since his return and that had made her angry many times because it showed he didn’t before. That sparkle of desire hadn’t left his eyes ever since. A tiny feeling formed in the back of her mind, it was pride and triumph. He wanted her enough to go as low as to spy on her. She almost smiled; the image of him looking through a key hole was rather funny.

L – “After almost two years without touching a woman’s body I found myself married to the most desirable woman I had ever seen. Yet you only agreed to accept me in your bed because it was a duty you couldn’t escape. In fact you made it perfectly clear you didn’t want me there but would nevertheless accept me. You told me your door would be open. I didn’t like that you didn’t want me, I really didn’t, it hurt my pride. When time came I went into the library instead. And I almost stayed there all night; angry by what you said, except all the spying on you had me burning with desire, so I decided I didn’t want to wait. But I only decided that after having told that groom that…”

Richard had become agitated remembering that night. When he reached that point, Sara was already holding her forehead against a nearby wall, trying to block the memory.

L – “I can only thank God that I saved you. I just wished I could have arrived earlier.”

S – “I know.”

Sara walked back to Richard, sat next to him and took his hands. Looking down at his hands in hers she quietly talked about that night for the first time.

S – “I had been wishing you wouldn’t show up. Then I heard the door being opened, closed and the key turned. I was sitting with my back to the door and didn’t look. It was the smell that caught my attention, it wasn’t your smell. So I turned and recognized the man who had come to replace one the new grooms. He had closed the door and the key was in his hand. I was so scared. I tried talking with him to buy time. You had said you would come, maybe if I could stall him… But I wasn’t sure if you would suspect what was happening if you saw the door closed. He said awful things, tried grabbing me, I screamed and fought him but he was so strong.”

She lifted her head up and looked into Richard’s eyes.

S – “It was when I looked at the doorknob and saw a hint of movement that hope gave me the strength to free myself just long enough to scream again and try and knock furniture down.”

Richard saw a hint of tears on the back of her eyes, that she lowered her head to hide.

S – “But he caught me again and put his hand over my mouth. Told me he would kill me if I kept resisting him. I started crying when you didn’t enter through that door like I expected you to; I really feared I was going to be killed.”

She started crying then. Richard held her tight and let his own tears fall down his face. His chest felt so tight, like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted so much to take away from her that memory, make her forget. When Sara calmed down, she allowed herself to remain in his arms, she loved his smell and he was so warm.

S – “Richard?”

L – “Yes?”

S – “Do you still want to?”

Richard sighed. He suspected what she was asking and that made him instantly aware of how she felt against him. Damn, he wasn’t made of iron. It took some sacrifice but Richard put some distance between them. Before they could talk about that, there were still some more things that needed to be out in the open.

L – “I have a very important thing to admit to you.”

S – “What?”

He slowly slid her off his lap and onto the bench. She looked disappointed at that but said not a word.

L – “All this time we spent together has brought on a change in my feelings towards you. The reasons why we married rather stopped being relevant to me some time ago, in fact, they are as much a part of the past as what happened years ago, it seems to me like we were talking about two strangers just now as we remembered all of our story together. I no longer recognize your or me in the two people who married almost two years ago. The attraction I felt when I returned last year, that, I must admit has not lessened.”

She held his glaze, blushed a little. Sara long wanted to be sure of that, Richard had returned different from his second trip to India. If one year ago he basically demanded that they consummate the wedding, after her attack and having to go back to India, he had never mentioned that again, until tonight, and she was sometimes unsure if he still felt attracted to her. Two years had made a lot of difference; she longed to fully become a woman, and he was damn attractive.
L – “I have before me a very beautiful woman, intelligent, funny and lovely. The physical attraction is perhaps stronger than what it was a year ago. I also feel drawn to your company, to just be with you, even when we are not talking about anything.”

She was really blushing now and had to look away. He studied her reaction with some uneasiness. She got up and walked about the room. Sara was nervous, so much anticipation, so long waiting, wondering what it would be like. The fears her attack had instilled in her were long gone, Richard always made her feel safe with him and she knew he would not hurt her. But there was something about his tone, like he wanted more of her than her free consent to her bed and body.
Richard hesitated. Should I confess?

L – “Sara, I love you.”

Shock made her stop and look at him. What did he said?

L – “And I hope you… Well, that at least you like me.”

Sara stood still. Could he really mean it? He has no reason to lie, for the last year it was his choice alone not to enter my room. Love or no love, I’m his wife and I’m going nowhere. And me? What do I feel?

S – “I didn’t know you… But…”

L – “Oh, I don’t know when it happened.”

Richard smiled and looked helpless.

L – “We spend tons of time together, I laugh with you, I desire you, I care about you. I don’t know when I first realized it was more than companionship, respect, friendship, lust.”

He got up, walked to her, took her hands, and with the tip of his finger tilted her chin up to look into his eyes.

L – “But what I do know is that I feel all of that with the need of you, with the need that you maybe feel something for me too.”

Unable to wait a second longer, even for her answer, Richard lightly kissed her lips. And then he stood still, looking at her, waiting, dreading. Please say you like me; please say you might one day love me.

Sara had realized he would kiss her but couldn’t move out of the trance his words had sent her into. And when his lips touched hers, it was like some flood gate had burst open. All her senses were heightened, she tasted him, felt his smell, his warmth, the touch of his lips, their softness. It felt good even if her heart was racing out of control. There was a feeling of loss when he stopped. She waited, he didn’t move. She wanted to feel his lips again so much that before she knew what she was doing, the distance between them had lessened.

Richard saw her eyes on his lips and noticed the hint of movement. There was too much longing and desire on his part to wait for answers with such an opening, he greedily took her lips and fully kissed her with all the hunger he felt, almost squashing the body against his.

Sara panicked for a second but soon she was overwhelmed by all the sensations his kiss and body caused her. She felt proud that such desire and hunger was all for her.

They had to part to breathe. Sara grabbed him for support and leaned her head on his shoulder. Richard could hardly think but a tiny voice on the back of his head insisted. He needed to know.

L – “What do you feel for me?”

S – “I… I don’t know. I never felt the need to analyze it.”

L – “Did you ever miss me?”

S – “Yes. I didn’t the first time you left. But your second trip was hard to endure, I kept waiting for letters and I would ask your father to hurry your return.”

L – “Why?”

S – “I missed your company.”

She lifted her head up, her lips swollen form his kiss.

S – “You love me?”

L – “Yes, I love you.”

And he kissed her again, longer this time. His hands firmly on her back, holding her as close to him as he could. The way she was welcoming his kiss drove him crazy. This time Sara softly returned the hug, and one of her hands came to rest on his nap where she lazily played with his hair. The kiss was briefly interrupted but Sara went in search of his lips, sending a jolt over Richard’s body.

Some alarm started ringing inside his head. This is getting out of control. Richard tried to release Sara but she held him stronger, so he moved his head away from her reach taking advantage of his height.

L – “Sara, we have to stop.”

S – “What?”

L – “This is getting out of control. I can’t…”

Sara looked him in the eye and in those moments of confusion, as her heartbeat calmed down, she finally was aware of how and where his body was hard against her and what that meant. Taking only a second to decide, she tightened her grip and very honestly told him:

S – “Richard, I am tired of waiting. I can assure you I am completely certain that I want this, that I want you. I want to finally become your wife. I have waited for you for so long and until today I hadn’t even been aware of that. I know there is pain involved in a woman’s first time but I don’t even care about that, I don’t even fear that, whatever pain it is I will endure it.”

He ached but didn’t move.

She continued to firmly stare him.

S – “This… being in your arms… it’s not the first time you held me, but today you are making my heart speed, I loved your kiss, I want more. I am tired of being just someone who lives in the same house. I am a woman and I want my husband to treat me as such.”

He could not resist her honesty.

L – “I haven’t been with a woman for more than two years. I fear I may hurt you.”

S – “Then don’t.”

Richard lowered his head and she stood on her tiptoes to meet him halfway. This kiss was no longer urgent, it was gentle and slow. He started directing them in the direction of the bed.




Note: Sorry! I know it's a heck of a place to stop but this is really all of what I wrote of this story.

The idea was to have Lavenport following Davernood's advice, even going as far as trying to see if he could find any other woman interesting, and in the end coming back to ask for Sara's hand in marriage because she's the only one who intrigues and challenges him. Only this time he would go directly to her. Sara accepting because he would be the best husband to allow her the things she wants. After all, she would always have to marry someone, might as well marry Richard Tempest.
Wedding night he proposes no until later. Yes, he regrets that after.
First year of marriage he goes to India, she stays back to run the Estate and finally gets all the freedom she never had. Also grows more confident, starts to be more of a woman and less of a teen. Lavenport returns and goes ga-ga.
After the incident with the groom (did I really had to include attempted ? Lord! how does that sneak into so many stories?), Lavenport ends up returning to India alone one second time.
When he comes back, she's eightheen years old and he's doomed. This time nothing is going to keep him away from her.
The ending would be him finally taking her with him to visit India and they would have an interesting life between her running the Estate and both of them running their several companies.
Oh, Gladstone and Catherine would actually even succeed in making more money just cause Catherine is more ambitious, cunning and thrifty than Sara.

And that's all.

Vintage Mine. Back when I would write but since I had no one to read anything, I never bothered to finish writing cause there is only so much personal satisfaction you can get out of writing just for one's eyes.