Jihoon usually tries not pay attention to it, and especially not to think about it. But in moments like this, when rain hits the window's glass and outside couples gather under umbrellas, when his mind isfull of concerns and the coldness bites hard on his skin, he looks around with wide, lost eyes and realizes that he's lonely.

His thoughts start to wander wildly to places he usually avoids at all cost and, just like that, in a few minutes, his mind is getting full of 'what ifs'.

What if there was somebody to engulf him in a warm embrace, easing the chill that runs down on his skin?

What if his autumn mornings would start with a smiling face next to him? Will they be as cold as they are now?

What if he would have been more open to people? Less scarred, less mean, less introverted?

What if he would have been prettier? Taller? What if he would have been more outgoing? What if he would try to make more friends?

He lets out a shaky breath he didn't know he was keeping. His playlist mocks him, filling his small studio with "Lonely". He frees a dry chuckle and once again turns towards the scenery outside.

Under his window a couple stopped to shield from the raindrops. They thoroughly look at each other before bursting into laughs. He feels the aching pang of jealousy tearing his insides and he turns away from the rainy scenery, hugging his steaming coffee mug tightly between his trembling hands.

Actually he confessed today. He knows Seungcheol for two years now and he had a crush on him since they met. They are not really friends, but definitely more than acquaintances. Hansol was the one that introduced them when Jihoon was in search of a rapper to complete his song. Since then they did a lot of collaborations and, as time passed, Jihoon found himself writing songs as he thought of Seungcheol. Without his will, the older charismatic boy became his muse.

Today, after Wonwoo and Seungkwan encouraged him for months, he decided to let Seungcheol know his feelings. He remembered that one night, when they were writing lyrics together, Seungcheol told him that he wants someone that he can fly together with. Back then he was so touched by the older’s words, accompanied by the sweet smile and gentle look in the other's eyes. He realised a long time ago that he won’t ever be able to confess personally, so he wrote a note and left it in Seungcheol’s locker. The message was short but he knew that Seungcheol will understand: “Do you want us to fly together? If yes, let’s meet at 4pm in front of the usual café.”

So he got nicely dressed and went to the Akkinda café. He had asked the waiter for the good table next to the window beforehand. Soonyoung helped him since Jihoon was a regular there and, despite his y attitude, he was actually nice and always gave him tips.

In the end Jihoon waited for 4 hours. As his third coffee cooled in his hand he started to accept the fact that Seungcheol won’t come. He tried to ignore the looks Soonyoung and Seokmin, the barista, gave him. He didn’t want to be pitied, after all he didn’t think he had any chances right from the start.  Leaving the right amount of money on the table he made his way out of the café, into the slightly pouring rain.

Since he got home he tried to work on his compositions but two hours had passed and not even a single note was writen on the painful blank page. He decided that he needed another coffee, although he had already drank a lot of it since he woke up.

Getting away fro the window, he sits on his bed, abandoning the mug on the floor. He feels hollow. Like he can't express anything and he still feels so much! His sight can't focus on anything and he feels the tears picking at the back of his eyes. He just wants to cry but, even if he forces himself, he can't so he gets frustrated. His heart starts aching and he involuntary clenches his teeth but he still feel like he is out of his body.

His arm feels heavy and he hesitantly moves it, just to see if he can do it, if he is still owning his own body. He gathers his fingers around the blanket, bringing it closer. Maybe if he gets warmer he'll be back to himself.

Jihoon lets his lids fall close, trying to swallow the bitter taste in his mouth but it just gets stuck in his throat. Suffocated, he opens his eyes in time to get scared by the loud knocking on his door. It shocks him enough to get out of the numbness. He shivers as his small feet touch the cold floor, he should really buy a rug. As he approached the door with leaping steps he swears that if it’s Seungkwan that came to mock him he would kill him right away. He turns the key in the lock, forcing the door open, just to stop the loud banging; it started to hurt his ears. But in the doorstep he doesn’t find Seungkwan, not even Wonwoo. No, in front of his door is a dripping wet Seungcheol that looks at him with big, scarred eyes.

“Hyung…” Jihoon hears himself talking but it doesn’t really sounds like his voice. It sounds broken and fragile. Seungcheol meets his gaze and suddenly he is talking too quick and loud for Jihoon’s tired ears. All that the pink haired boy gets is something about Joshua, Seungcheol’s books and the older being sorry. Sighing he holds a hand in front of Seungcheol, successfully shutting him up.

“I don’t get what you are saying.”  

“Can I come in?” Seungcheol asks. Jihoon thinks for a second. He doesn’t really want to talk or even see the older now, but Seungcheol is still soaked in rain and, no matter how much he hates this, he is worried about the taller’s health. And, beside that, there’s something in Seungcheol’s eyes that makes him step aside and open the door wider.

“I found your note.” Seungcheol says as Jihoon still locks the door. The small boy plays with the keys, not wishing to turn around. He doesn’t want to see the same pitying look in Seungcheol’s eyes he saw in the café.

“I’m sorry. Today I left school early and Joshua took my things from the locker. He found your note but forgot to give it to me.”

Jihoon hears Seungcheol getting closer to him and he wishes he didn’t locked the door so he could escape.

“I went to Akkinda but you weren’t there. And Soonyoung tried to punch me for letting you wait for so long.” Now the distance is so small that Jihoon can fell the taller’s breathe on his neck but he doesn’t turn around. Instead, he fixes his eyes on his feet. They are starting to turn blue due to the cold.

“Jihoonie,” Seungcheol says trapping the small form between him and the door. “I’m sorry I made you wait. I want to fly together with you.”

The whispered words make Jihoon’s hair stand up on his neck and his cheek redden. He feels Seungcheol breathe on his nape, followed by a gentle press of lips.

“Do you still want to fly with me, Jihoonie?” the older quietly asks while he keeps on pressing butterfly kisses on the smaller’s neck. Jihoon breathe hitches but he finds himself nodding. It’s almost unnoticeable but Seunghceol still sees it and he smiles against Jihoon’s exposed skin, moving his arms to circle the younger’s waist and bring him closer the his own body.

“That’s good.” He says as he bends down to place another kiss, this time on Jihoon’s temple. As Seungcheol hugs the boy tighter they both smile fondly, Jihoon reaching out to hold on the arms around him.