Out of all relationships Jihoon had been in the one with Soonyoung had been the most beautiful, but also the one that ended the ugliest. And that, the ugly end, is what Jihoon should probably be thinking about when he hears Soonyoung's recorded voice through the phone for the first time in three years, but somehow the only thing coming to Jihoon's mind is how soft his voice is, and that it sounds deeper than he remembered it.

“Hello,” Soonyoung says catiously, and Jihoon tries not to imagine what Soonyoung’s face probably looked like when he said it. “it’s me.” Jihoon would have punched Soonyoung for assuming Jihoon would recognize his voice just like that if he was there now.

“I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet, to go over everything.”

Jihoon puts down the phone, hearing Soonyoung whisper something about how time's supposed to heal, but he refuses to listen to it, beacuse if he does he might start thinking that he should forgive Soonyoung, and he has promised himself that’s the one thing he won't do.

The second voice mail comes a week later, from a different cell phone number. Jihoon plays the voice mail, and he wonders what's making the noise in the background, because for the first seconds Soonyoung doesn’t speak and the loud noise in the background is well, really loud.

“Hello,” Soonyoung starts “Can you hear me?” He chuckles and Jihoon suppresses a smile.

“I’m in California, dreaming about who we used to be…”

Jihoon hangs up.

When Jihoon recieves the third voice mail, four days after the second one Soonyoung doesn’t even introduce himself.

“There’s such a difference, between us." He says. "And a million miles.” Soonyoung sighs, and Jihoon almost does too. When he realizes that he at once turns off his phone and throws it on his bed, refusing to look at it for the rest of the day.

Jihoon recieves a lot of calls he doesn't pick up, and it isn’t until after a month and a half he finally opens the voice mail Soonyoung left three days before.

“Hello,” Soonyoung says, and he’s sounding so tired and Jihoon shouldn’t notice that, but he still does. “I must’ve called a thousand times, but when I call you never seem to be home. I’m sorry.” The voice mail ends, and Jihoon takes a deep breath before slowly putting his phone down. His heart is beating fast and he should scold himself for allowing it to, but at the moment he is too relieved that finally, after almost three and a half years Soonyoung had actually apologized to care about silly things such as the rate of his heartbeat.

“Hello,” Soonyoung says cheerfully, and Jihoon doesn't try to restrain his smile this time. “How are you?” Jihoon is surprised by the question, because it's a voice mail, but the question makes it sound more like a normal conversation over the phone.

“You’re probably shocked I asked you that, right?” Soonyoung asks jokingly after a few moments, and it makes Jihoon embarrassed how right Soonyoung is, before he continues: “It’s so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry. I hope that you’re well. Did you ever make it out of the town where nothing ever happened?”

Yeah, Jihoon wants to answer. Yeah, I did. But Soonyoung’s voice is a recorded voice mail, and it doesn’t matter if he screams his answer.

Jihoon feels guilty when he hears Soonyoung’s tired voice and yawn in the beginning of the voice mail.

“Hello. You still don’t answer my calls, and I’m not sure if that’s only because of the time difference anymore, because I did sit up until four am last night, because you still make sure you have one hour free from nine to ten pm, right?"

It hurts Jihoon how well Soonyoung still knows him, it hurts him how these voice mails makes him feel like he's the bad guy, when it was Soonyoung who kissed another guy in front of Jihoon. It hurts so bad, but still he refuses to do answer the incoming calls, still refuses to do anything to change.

The last voice mail from Soonyoung Jihoon rescieves is straight to the point.

“Hello." It starts, just like how every single one exept the third voice mail had. "I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. I’m sorry for not being there for you. I'm sorry for letting you cut me off. I’m sorry, but I don’t know if these calls will make things better. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done, but you probably won’t care about apologies, will you? You always said that actions speak before words.” Soonyoung laughs weakly, and Jihoon thinks he hears a second voice in the background asking Soonyoung who he's talking to, and Jihoon's heart breaks a second time because of Soonyoung, because did that second person call Soonyoung 'babe'? Soonyoung ignores the voice, and Jihoon hears Soonyoung swallowing nervously before speaking up.

“Bye, Jihoon.”