Complicated Hearts

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When you try your best, but you don’t succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

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‘KRIS WU YIFAN – IRENE BAE JOOHYUN ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY | STAFF PASS’

He shifts on the bench he has been sitting on, reading the fancily designed off-white pass card for the upcoming elite and intensely guarded engagement party – it’s said to be the fanciest ceremony in the town for the year. He flips the card back and forth, examining every single detail.

“Just like a golden ticket, huh.”

He looks up, finding his friend is towering over him with a grin. “I’m not sure, man,” he laughs as he looks at the card again, “won’t it be like any other ceremonies we’ve played in?”

“Are you serious, Huang Zitao??” Baekhyun shrieks. “This, my man, is the engagement ceremony of Kris Wu, the one and only heir for the Chairman throne of Wu Enterprise; it’s going to be packed with hundreds of upper-class men and women who either will not pay attention to you because you’re doing good or torture you mentally because you do something visibly stupid. This is the biggest we will ever deal with so far. Mistakes are going to be the eighth biggest sin.”

Tao blinks at Baekhyun. “Whoa, now I’m freaking out.”

“No, no, you are going to the amazing.” Baekhyun points at him, stepping aside as a guy excuses himself to sit on the other end of the bench – hopefully he won’t be scared by Baekhyun’s high-pitched voice. “You have to be amazing for the sake of the entire orchestra, Tao. For once in a while, the piano will be the one that holds your life, not the other way around.”

“That sounds… stressing.” Tao frowns, staring at the card again. “Should I pass it to Seulgi th – “

“What??? No!! What the hell are you talking about?!” Baekhyun takes the card off of Tao’s fingers forcefully and shoves it ‘gently’ into the pocket of his jacket. Tao almost laughed when the guy at the other end flinches in shock from Baekhyun’s dolphin scream. “You’re going to keep the card, and come to the practice tomorrow, you understand? Big , Tao, big .”

“Big… .”

“Big !” Baekhyun huffs. “Now excuse me because stupid Chanyeol has been texting me just to tell me to hurry up. Geez, Seoul is such a big place, does he really expect me to be home by like five minutes?”

“It’s your fourth anniversary though. Maybe he’s already eager to do something with you…?”

“Yep, something, something that you shouldn’t be wondering about.” Baekhyun pinches Tao’s already thin cheek before he walks away. “See you tomorrow, peach.”

Tao is left alone again; if the guy at the other end of the bench was not going to be counted. He stares ahead, at the gleaming surface of Han River under the light of four p.m. sun, before he fishes out the card and stares at it again. “What’s so great about it?”

“Yeah, what’s so great about it?”

He immediately looks to his side, frowning at the stranger. “Excuse me?” he muses up. The stranger’s face is hidden under his navy blue baseball cap, which is so contrast together with the angry blonde locks peeking out at the sides and the back of his head. He then notices that the stranger’s outfit is mostly in navy blue, from the jacket, to his jeans, and lastly the pair of sneakers on his feet. And wow, what a pair of long legs in –

“Let me tell you,” the stranger speaks up and Tao realizes that he has been staring blatantly, “the big won’t be fun.”

Tao, instead of feeling annoyed because some stranger decided to talk to him as if they’ve known each other for years, smirks as he leans back on his seat. “Oh really?”

The stranger nods, face still hidden. “There will be a lot of animals there. Not people, but animals. Ones that love to on whatever they can find in order to keep their life on the clouds. Snakes can’t even compare to their ability in changing their skin in every occasion where they need it. What a bunch of annoying animals. And the guy who will be engaged,” the stranger points at the card between the frictions of Tao’s fingers, “is the saddest animal of them all. Like an alpha in a wolf pack, surrounded by many, but howls alone in the middle of the night.”

An alpha in a wolf pack, Tao repeats in his head, failing to see the connection. And instead of asking how does the stranger know the party – or if they’re talking about the same party at all, Tao nods in acknowledgement towards him. “So… you’re suggesting that I shouldn’t come?”

Thinking for a while, the stranger tsked as he tilts his head, feeding Tao the sight of his perfectly sculptured jaw. “The food will be great, though.” he chuckles. “Just come for the food.”

“Why do you know so much about the party?” Tao points out. “It’s like you’re the one to be engaged instead.”

Surprisingly not to his surprise – because Tao’s got this superstition thing about being able to feel something particular coming up – the stranger smiles, but rather bitterly. “Yeah.” he mumbles. “Would’ve been cool if only I am not.”

Tao holds his breath, trying hard not to gasp and end up looking like an idiot. No, this man can’t be him. Isn’t he supposed to be wearing suits and stuff? And does he really have such free time, strolling along the side of Han River in the early evening while he has a lot of things to take care of? But, Tao’s eyes linger at the tiny tuft of blonde at the side and the back of the stranger’s head, this kind of blonde is –

“Nice talking to you.” the stranger smiles, albeit genuinely but rather awkwardly, before he stands up from the bench, still looking at the gaping Tao. “Please do come to the party, though. I promise the food will be great.”

Tao can’t even nod or say yes as he watches the stranger turns around and walks away from him casually. But one thing that he notes first as he watch the slightly hunched shoulder furthering away from him is that –

– Kris Wu is really tall.

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When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

Stuck in reverse

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The engagement ceremony is being held on the thirty fifth floor of BW Tower, not actually the tallest in town but is surely one of the fanciest there is. At the staff room, Tao is checking his own appearance in the mirror while the others are busy shuffling behind him; Baekhyun is fanning himself although the air conditioner is already at its coldest degree, violin resting abandoned on the couch next to him, while Chanyeol carelessly picks on the strings of his big, dark brown cello. He was staring in boredom at his short black locks when Minseok, the conductor, comes next to him and hands him the rundown of the songs they’re about to play today.

“We’ve got an additional sheet.” Minseok says, slightly tense. “Apparently the male fiancé-to-be loves Yiruma’s piece of River Flows In You a lot, and the female fiancé-to-be asked me to slip the song for the time slot where they will be walking together to the front podium to exchange rings. Supposed to be a surprise.”

Hearing the mention of the male fiancé-to-be, Tao can’t help remembering their encounter a week ago. Does he still remember him? Maybe not, considering how he is just a very tiny speck in that person’s memory. But what gives him this weird, fuzzy feeling inside his stomach is that Kris Wu shares the same favorite piece with him. “Okay then. We’ve played it last month, it should be enough for us later, right?”

Minseok nods. “I’m going to ask the others if they’re good with it. We can’t make any mistake today, Tao.”

“I know.”

Baekhyun, in order to fight his anxiety away, asks Tao to accompany him to the restroom. Tao agrees since it’s still around forty minutes until they need to start preparing with their music instruments. Once they found the restroom, Tao sends the restless Baekhyun away as he waits at the other side of the wall in the corridor, near the door to the fire exit stairs. And good thing that he is not a noisy person because he was about to open the door when he hears someone, or maybe a couple, arguing at the other side.

“ – thought we’ve passed through this thing, Sean.”

“Sean? I’m Sehun. Why are you calling me with that name, Joohyun noona?”

“Don’t call me that. It’s Irene to you.”

“Since when did you become Irene to me and I become Sean to you?”

“Since I was signed to become your sister-in-law.”

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