Months had passed by since SunHee last visited Kyung’s grave and she counted every day since then. Coughing, she sat up in the hospital bed, staring at the family that now surrounded her. She could feel her energy slowly fading as every cough felt as if it’d be the last breath she’d take. She could see the worried look on her son’s face; the terrified looks on her grandchildren as small tears fell down their cheeks; the saddened look on her daughter-in-law. She didn’t know what to say anymore, and yet, all she could do was smile.

She knew this time would come and she was ready for it. She finally understood how Kyung felt oh so long ago as he laid in a bed just like this one, hooked up to beeping machines that went off like sirens every time something happened to her and nurses storming in only to have it be a false alarm. She felt bad for making them run back and forth so many times, even though she honestly couldn’t help it. Her breathing became heavy and she looked over at her son sitting by her bedside holding on tightly to her hand. She could see the tears welling up in his eyes that refused to fall. Squeezing it as tightly as she could she smiled at him as he looked at her.

“It’ll be fine, okay? This was my fault anyway, so don’t worry. If I go home, I won’t complain.”

Myung’s face scrunched up as the tears finally fell. Shaking his head, he buried it in his mother’s bed. “But it’s not! I should have done something. I should have checked on you! I told you you’d get sick if you stayed out too long, mom!”

SunHee smiled and placed her hand on top of his head, “Myung, I’ve raised you to be a good son, a wonderful husband, and a great father. If it’s my time to go, I’ll have to leave. I’m sure a certain someone is getting impatient.”

She giggled a little as she looked at the last letter that laid on the table in front of her. She gave the teddy bear one last squeeze before turning to her granddaughter who was standing by her mother’s side. SunHee motioned for the little girl to come closer and she did, small tears obviously visible on her face. SunHee smiled and held the bear out. I didn’t take long before the girl grabbed it.

“Keep it warm at night. It needs lots of love and someone to take good care of it. It’s the match to the dark brown one that you guys already have. The dark brown one was grandpa’s and he gave me that one when we were still young. So do me a small favour and watch over this one. It’ll give me a way to always watch over you guys, okay?” SunHee smiled and the little girl nodded sadly before returning to her mother clinging onto the woman’s arm with one hand and the bear with the other.

Looking at her son, SunHee smiled and nudged his head a little to make him look up at her. “I’m ready to read that letter now. Could you open it for me please?”

Myung nodded sadly and slowly opened the letter, carefully giving it to her to read.

 

 

Annyeong, one last time my love.

If you’ve finally made it to this letter, you must know your time is being cut short. I hope you’ve lived a very long and very happy life. Our son must be well and grown up now and I hope he’s given you lots of grandchildren, too. My love, can I still call you mine? Will you still be happy to see me now? I’ve missed you so….do you still love me after all this time? Have you even thought about me at all? I guess soon I’ll be able to ask you all of these things face to face.

I hope your life was everything you wanted it to be. Filled with people you love, people who love you, things that made you happy, and not too much negativity. I guess….now it’s time for me to see you again. Are you happy? Are you sad? Do you wish you could have a little longer or did you have enough time to prepare for this like I did? Since this is my last letter to you, I shall tell you everything I’ve always wanted to tell you.

I love you so much. You were the stars that shone so brightly alongside my moon. You were the rhythm that went along to my every song. You were the rainbow that showed up right after my storms. You were my everything, my all, and you still are. As I lay here in this bed, ready to accept my fate, the only thing on my mind is you and our unborn son. Will he be more like me or will he turn out more like his mother? Either way I’m happy. Please don’t worry about me. I’ve had enough time to prepare, and while I put on a smile for you every day...minutes after you leave I can feel my heart breaking. I am ready to go….but I’m not ready to leave you yet. I’m sure everything will be fine because I know you. I miss your smile. I miss us goofing off at the house or in the field. Do you still remember it?  I miss your questionable cooking, but most of all I miss you. It’s quite lonely here at night, not being able to hold onto you while I try and sleep. Would it be selfish of me to say that I’m ready to see you again?

I love you so much, my dear, and I really hope I can still call you mine when I see you again soon. I can’t wait to see that beautiful smile again. I’ve missed it so much.

 

My love, forever and always, your Kyungie

 

Tears fell down SunHee’s cheeks as she could no longer hold them in. A happy smile crossed her face while the tears never stopped. She remembered all of the good times.

For when you’re missing me

“Kyungie!! I love you so so much, you idiot!” SunHee screamed from the top of her lungs as she ran down the field through the rain in the middle of the night, a huge grin plastered on her face.

“I love you, too, my angel!” Kyung yelled back and watched with wide eyes as she tripped over a rock, stumbling straight into his arms.

Looking up, she blushed and tilted her head at him.  “Let’s never be apart, okay?”

He nodded at her as he picked her up and pecked her lips.

“Never.”

 

For when you have a fight with our son

Sitting at the kitchen table, SunHee covered her face trying her best to hide her tears from Kyung as he walked in. Hearing her sniff he looked at her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, resting his head upon hers.

‘Yah. What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

She laughed sadly and shook her head, “I’m pregnant...it happens.”

“Did you not want to be?” Kyung questioned and SunHee raised her head, knocking hers into his and leaving pain shooting up his chin.

Her eyes widened and she apologized before starting all over again. Kyung’s eyes widened, confused at what to do.

“SunHee, tell me what’s wrong.”

Turning to face him, SunHee shook her head.

“I can’t do anything right. I just almost knocked you out. I didn’t know how to fix dinner tonight. I keep complaining about everything….How do you expect me to be a good mother to our son when you’re gone?! How dare you just leave me like that?! What the hell, Kyung? I need you! Here, with me! With your son! I love you! How dare you just -”

Her words were cut short by two arms wrapping around her, clinging tightly onto her as if it were his last days.

“Do you really think I want to leave you? Leave my son? You’ll be a great mother, I know it. Everything will come with time so just relax. I love you, SunHee, okay?”

SunHee could feel Kyung’s tears as they ran down his cheek and clung onto him now nodding furiously.

“Okay. I love you, too, Kyungie.”

For when our son grows up

 

“Congratulations. It’s a little baby boy,” the doctor exclaimed as he showed the picture of the tiny human being in SunHee’s stomach on the monitor beside her.

Smiling, she looked at Kyung. “Kyung, we’re having a mini you. Aren’t you excited?”

Kyung stood there for a minute staring at the screen as his blank expression slowly turned into a huge smile.

“A mini me….” he whispered before screaming from the top of his lungs, “A MINI ME!!”

SunHee laughed as she watched Kyung hop out of his seat and jump around the room of excitement, for once completely forgetting about his worries.

“Mhm...any idea on what to name him?”

Kyung stopped and looked at SunHee still smiling as brightly as before, “Myung. Park Myung.”

SunHee looked at him for a minute and grinned slightly, “Myung? I like that.”

Kyung nodded and laughed.

“And when he grows up, he’ll have a beautiful wife with cute kids, because you’re beautiful and I’m sure he’ll get his looks from you, and he’ll have our secret spot and he’ll have a good life filled with nothing but love!” He stopped for a moment and looked at SunHee, his smile never fading before mumbling. “Even if I won’t be there to greet him.”

 

For when you move on

 

“Now, tell me again why you think the pizza guy has a crush on me?”

Kyung frowned with a serious face as he pulled out the vase of roses from behind his back. “I found these on our doorstep earlier. The only person that I’ve seen around here is the pizza guy. They’re pretty, huh?” he questioned staring the bouquet down with a hateful expression.

“Kyung….”

“Are you going to accept them?”

SunHee shook her head and walked over to him. “No, I wasn’t planning on it. I’ll just have to let him know that I’m happy with who I am with, and am not planning on leaving him any time soon.”

Kyung’s gaze never wandered from the roses in his hands,“Good, because if you won’t I will. You’re not allowed to leave me until I’m dead, which won’t be for a very long time, understood?”

SunHee laughed and nodded, “Understood, Kyungie.”

 

 

For when you’re coming to see me

“SunHee!! When will you be home again? I miss you!” Kyung whined over the phone as he laid down on the couch of their shared home.

SunHee laughed when she heard him huffing over the line. “Kyung, I’ll be back on Monday...so tomorrow. I’m just visiting my parents over the weekend. You’ll be fine there by yourself for a few days. I promise.”

“I can’t wait to see you again!” he exclaimed excitedly making her laugh even more.

“You’re not going to die over it so just relax.”

“We should go out tomorrow night for dinner...or have a nice relaxing night in with movies and popcorn….something where I can keep you all to myself.”

“Okay, okay, Kyung. I swear we’ll do something nice tomorrow when I get back.”

The phone went silent for a minute before Kyung spoke up again.

“SunHee?”

“What, Kyung?”

“I love you. I really do miss you.”

SunHee could hear the sadness in his voice and smiled a little.

“I love you, too..and I miss you, too, Kyung. I’ll see you tomorrow”

 

 

For when I’ll see you again. I hope you’re still mine.

 

Laying in the hospital bed, Kyung watched as SunHee sat by his side held onto his hand while she slept in the chair. He smiled sadly down at her before calling for the nurse. Already used to it, the nurse entered the room quietly, softly opening the door and looking in.

“Is she sleeping in the chair again?”

Kyung looked up and nodded with the same sad smile. “I’m sorry for always calling about her. She’s pregnant, though, and I don’t think it’s the best idea for her to sleep like that. Could you guys please lay her in the bed over there again? She refuses to leave my side nowadays. I can’t really blame her, I guess. I don’t want to leave hers either.”

The nurse nodded and exited, only to return with more help. They slowly and carefully placed SunHee into the bed beside his and Kyung grinned.

“Thank you so much.”

The nurse shook her head at him before reaching into her pocket and giving him a pad and a pen to write with.

“It’s really sweet of you to care so much for her. Even leaving her little notes for the future.”

Kyung smiled weakly at her, grabbing the pen and starting on his note. “I love her with my entire heart. She’s the mother of my child, and she’s always by my side no matter what. I don’t want to leave her...ever….so this is the best I can do. I hope she won’t be too mad at me once I leave. I’m ready to go…..I’m just not ready to leave her. Does that make sense?” he asked and the nurse nodded with a sad smile while walking towards the door.

“It does.”

Kyung watched as she left and turned his gaze once more on SunHee before turning back to the note.

 

 

Annyeong, baby,

 

 

Or should I call you ‘mother of my child’ now? I’m sure you’re still as beautiful as ever either way! …..

SunHee could feel her tears rolling down her cheeks as she laid her head back onto the pillow unable to keep it up for any longer as she remembered everything they went through. The happy. The sad. The good and even the bad. She could feel her heart aching for Kyung. She understood what he meant when he said he was ready to go….but not ready to leave her.

Suddenly, she felt the same way as she turned to look at the family that she was going to leave behind. She was ready to go...but not ready to leave them, yet. Looking at his mother’s weak eyes clinging onto the last bits of life she had left in her, Myung kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand as hard as he could without injuring her.

“Mom, dad is waiting for you. I’ll make sure to keep everyone safe for you now, okay? You’ve been a wonderful mother. The best any boy could ever wish for. And amazing grandmother and mother-in-law. You’ve taught me so much during my life and I am honestly so grateful to have had you as my mother. I love you mom with all of my heart, but you can let go now. It’s fine. Go and greet dad and tell him how much we all love him down here, okay?”

Hugging her tightly one last time, Myung could see the small smile on SunHee’s face and watched as her eyes slowly closed.

Tears rolled down his face as he broke out crying, unable to handle seeing his mother die right before his eyes. The next few moments went by as if time itself had stopped. Nurses rushed into the room as soon when they heard the alarms going off. The children starting crying, asking what was happening to their grandmother as the nurses hooked SunHee up to several different machines in an effort to bring SunHee back. Myung looked up at her once more through teary eyes and knew.

The smile on SunHee’s face was there for a reason. She was happy again. She had finally found what she was looking for, even if it meant she’d have to watch over them from heaven now.

 

 

 

SunHee could feel herself walking down a long hall, following a small light that seemed to be calling her name over and over again in a familiar voice. One she hadn’t heard in years. Her eyes widened when she finally placed the voice to a face and she started running as fast as she could toward it. She wanted to see if she was right. Wanted to see who was calling for her, and by time she came face to face with the figure the tears rolled down her cheeks. There Kyung stood, surrounded by a bright light and that beautiful smile across his face that she missed so much.

“Annyeong, my angel. I’ve missed you.”