“Mmmfrgrbl... baby~” was the usual first sound out of Bom's mouth when she woke up in the morning, and then a squeak usually followed it when she threw her arms around her boyfriend and 'snuggled' him like a linebacker 'snuggles' a football. That woman was damn strong, too strong; it's why she only went to work out once a month because if she went more often she'd probably crush somebody to death every time she touched them, Ssabunim knew about it too but he nagged her anyway because that would just look ridiculous to say on TV. Anyway, today when she tried to snuggle boyfriendie she only caught air.

“Baby?” She opened her eyes and searched around in the same places her arms and legs were searching. “Maybe he's in the kitchen already.” She got up and took off her sweatpants to make sure her legs were showing – YG contract stipulation, Bom's legs are always visible – and went into the kitchen, where Minzy was already doing bicep curls with Dougie as a weight.

“Mingkki-wah, where's my lurve of my life?” Bom asked after she'd looked in the sink, frying pan, refrigerator, and countertop. He wasn't in any of his usual places.

“Oh, he left a note for you this morning. I didn't read it so don't blame me when he says he's brea – I mean when it says, whatever it... says.” She switched to deltoid lifts and Dougie started doing the dougie to make it more challenging.

Bom raised an eyebrow and picked up the note from the counter. A couple minutes later she dropped it on the floor and raised her head to the sky with a “NOOOOOO!!!” as the camera that followed her every movement did a fast zoom-out from above.

“I told you, don't blame me,” Minzy pouted as she picked up the note and started reading it... again.

Deer Bom,

Dis is yer boyfrund. Haha jes kidding im not anymor. Im brekking up wif yoo. Yer annoyin n skerry n yer herin me. Plus yoo always eet my bruthers n sisturs n dats jes fekked up. I havs a new girlfrund nao so dont go lookin fer me n jes leev me aloun. I hayt yoo vurry much.

Lurvs,

Oksusu <3

“WHY WOULD HE DO THIS TO MEEEE!!!” Bom moaned with her face in the carpet. Then she sat up and she was fine. Bom was kinda emotionally stunted like that. “I guess I gotta go find him.”

“Where?” Minzy asked, tacking the note to the refrigerator with all the other love(?) notes that the corn had left her in the last five years since they'd been official.

“The hood, where else?!” Bom snorted, and then raised her right hand in a fist with a 500 won piece. “Hoodrat Bom, maaaake UP!” With a bright flash of pink and purple and sparkly stuff, Bom transformed into her unknown magical alter ego, which Dara had almost revealed on 2NE1 TV but then Bom kinda tortured her on the plane later for talking about it. Yeah she had the powers of air turbulence and ballin. Well, it was something.

Hoodrat Bom made her way to the hood and she started bustin some jive- turkeys trying to find her baby corn's whereabouts. Lucky for her, one of them snitched fast and tipped her off to the corn's favorite hiding place, a vegetable stand on the corner.

“A vegetable stand?! What's my boo doin bummin round a place like that?” She went over there and sho nuff, there he was... with none other than...

“...you're cheating on me with LETTUCE?!” she screamed at him. As usual, he was silent. That's what she had liked about him, that he was a strong and silent type, but now it just annoyed the crap out of her. Her supposed 'best friend' lettuce wasn't saying anything either, just lying there with her leaves half peeled like the shameless green little harlot Bom now knew she was. Oksusu was also mostly unhusked, showing all his yellowy glory. Bom was totally disgusted. They were in public!

“Okay, I am soooo done with you bishes,” she told them with her best valley girl accent. “I got a friend named chocolate cake who has been wanting to get a piece of this for years and I'm gonna give him a call. Seeya.”

Oksusu popped and the kernels flew right in Bom's face. She picked him up and started to shake him. “DON'T YOU POP AT ME!! YOU GOT NO RIGHT! NO RIGHT, CHEATY CHEATERSON! I'm swearing off corn forever!” She tossed him back onto the vegetable stand and stomped her way home.

Chocolate cake was very glad to see her. Ssabunim, at her next workout session a month later, was not.