It has become more chilly and cold ever since the month of October started; it makes Youngjae, Jinyoung’s seven year old son, stay in bed a little longer with a cute baby muffin pout on his adorable face. The boy is in grade one now, so even though Jinyoung himself doesn’t want his son to leave their cocoon, he had to coax him to wake up because he’s a big boy now.

“Wake up! Youngie youngie!” the mother who rolls the young boy into the blanket said. Youngjae, on the other hand, keeps laughing.

“Mama! Hahahah, stoooop, hahhahaha. I’m awake now!” the little boy who is now in Jinyoung’s arms but still inside the cocoon blanket tried to wiggle out from it.

“Okay, big boy! But where’s mama’s kiss?” Jinyoung puckered his lips towards his son who laughed for ten more seconds before leaning in to give his mother a morning smooch.

“I love you, mama!” the boy said when he leaned back, he stared at his mother’s eyes and gave him a smile that makes Jinyoung warm and fuzzy inside.

“I love you too, I love you more, never forget that, okay?” He pulled his son towards his chest and hugged the young boy.

Having Youngjae at a young age of eighteen, it surely taught Jinyoung a lot of lessons. He had heard a lot of people calling what happened to him a misfortunate accident, but as for him, having a little boy telling him he loves him every morning is far from being misfortunate. The kid is transcendental on a different level of understanding life.

Youngjae’s father is Jinyoung’s first love; the mother had known him ever since high school, but due to their personality differences and cliques, they never get to talk until college. Jinyoung’s a straight A student while the father never gets grades above B+. Jinyoung’s a studious kid and the father likes to sleep in classes, mouth open, loudly snoring.

It’s a bit mind reeling to understand how Jinyoung can like such person, they were polar opposites, but he has answers for that. Despite the guy being a slack in academics, he excels in other areas in life; he’s good with people, he has lots of friends, he’s a good dancer and a singer, and there’s something endearing about how he sees life.

He is a very carefree person, full of impulsiveness and unplanned actions. It’s almost stupid, but that’s everything Jinyoung’s not. So for a change, for the first time in his life, he threw his worries away and went to a frat party he was invited to. For the first time in five years, he had a chance to talk to his first love.

He had actually done a lot of things with his first love. One of which is the conception of his son,

“Ma?” the little boy asked when he noticed his mother is not moving at all.

“Sorry, baby, take a bath now and I’ll prepare our breakfast.” The mother unraveled the boy from the cocoon and ushered him to go to their bathroom.

“Ma, are you okay?” the young boy, whom he thought had gone inside the bathroom already, said and hugged his waist.

“I’m fine, baby.” Jinyoung crouched down to his son’s level to cup his face.

“Are you thinking about Papa again?” with his cheeks being squished, Youngjae said and then placed his hands atop his mother’s.

Jinyoung nodded, even though the kid never met his father, he has been really open about it to him. Youngjae knows his father’s name and how he looks; Jinyoung had given him a copy of their first and last photo together. He kinda looks like Youngjae and there are similarities in their voices as well.

The kid leaned forward to kiss his mother again before saying, “Don’t worry, ma, I miss him too.” he brushed Jinyoung’s hair and continued, “I believe we will meet him in the future, so don’t be sad and hold on.”

Jinyoung knows that the longingness in his son’s eyes is just equal with him, but he seemed to get a better hold of what’s happening to them. He nodded and picked up the young boy to bring him into the bathroom.

“Mama?” Youngjae said as Jinyoung fixes his son’s coat, tucking him nice and comfy.

“Youngjae?” he imitated his son’s tone to which the young boy giggled.

“Are you still sad?” the young boy imitated what his mother was doing; he fixed his collar but stick his index finger inside Jinyoung’s nose. “Booger check.” He announced, laughing with his eyes turning more beautiful than the moon’s crescent.

“No, not anymore, thanks to you my little superhero!” the mother beamed at the young boy before picking him up to go outside their house.

Jinyoung had wanted to carry his son in his arms until they reach the school, but the young boy insisted on walking hand in hand with him. Who can resist Youngjae’s puppy eyes? Obviously, not Jinyoung.

When they reached the school gate, Youngjae pulled his mother to his level to hug him. His son is very good at sensing when his mother isn’t fine and as an understanding son that he is, on days like this he would never let his mother’s hand go.

“I love you forever, okay?” Youngjae whispered to his ear. Those were the words Jinyoung needs to hear whenever he feels a little lonely and he’s glad his son knows exactly how to make him feel better.

He did not leave after his son turned to go inside the school gate, he counted ten and that’s enough for his son to turn around and give him a big heart and silly faces. He would do the same thing and wait for his son to laugh and when Youngjae’s done with his laughing fit; he’d wave exaggeratedly and run fast towards his classroom.

After sending his son at his school, Jinyoung would proceed to his work at the local library. Though the pay is low, it is enough for them and the work doesn’t tire him that much; it’s good because he still gets to spend time with Youngjae when he gets home.

When he was in college, he was taking up BA Literature and he had wanted to teach Post Modern Korean Literature at the local school in their town. But because of what happened to him on that faithful night at the frat party, six months after that he quit school and his father disowned him.

Jinyoung doesn’t blame his father, though, he had a lot of plans for his son and he broke it in just a single night. He still talks to his family; it was just his father who ignores him, and only him. Because the first time he saw Youngjae, he had grown a liking towards the adorable boy.  And even though his father is still not talking to him, his mother tells him about how excited he is whenever Jinyoung tells them they would visit for the weekend.

“I’m here.” Jinyoung announced as he went inside the library to greet Jackson, the owner’s son.

“Someone’s looking for you, Jinyoung.” The shorter guy replied, he’s curious but not by much, it’s probably just his sister, he remembered her telling him about visiting his cute nephew.

He doesn’t really expect it to be his first love, standing few feet away from him with a sad and longing eyes seething into his soul.

“Jaebum?” Jinyoung, albeit shaking inside, had managed to look calm. He placed his bag onto the counter and walked closer to the visitor.

“Why did you leave?” Jaebum asked without any preamble, his brows knotted and his nose flaring.

“Huh? When?” The mother pretended not to know what the visitor was talking about, but he does, he really does. He had imagined this scene a thousand times already, and if he follows his script, it should go fine.

Jaebum released an annoyed breath and said, “You know exactly what I mean, but in case you forgot, the morning we made love, you left, then after five months you went completely missing on the face of the earth! Why did you leave me?”

“It was… It was a one-night stand, what are you talking about?” Jinyoung tried to play it casually, but the way his eyes move, he knows he’s ing his script up.

“One-night stand? Is this what you really are? Are you… are you really this heartless?” Jaebum, who does totally not believe what Jinyoung was saying, asked; he looked more hurt than mad now.

“It has been seven years or so, what do you expect?” The mother tried to stop his tears from falling, but ever since he woke up he’s not really feeling well.

“Oh please, don’t tell me I went to look for you for eight years just for this.” Totally dejected, Jaebum held Jinyoung’s arms.

“You went here for nothing, you should leave.” Jinyoung wiggled his arms out of Jaebum’s hold and went to the staff room without looking back.

Jaebum pushed his hair back infuriatedly, he looked towards Jackson and said, “That guy doesn’t know I have been in love with him for more than ten years now and just when I thought I could finally get a chance to make him feel how much he matters to me, he left. Without a word, without a note, but he took my heart with him. I didn’t go here to take it back, I just want to take his and maybe, just maybe we could finally start again.” He went to collect his bag from the couch, sniffling quietly.

“I feel so stupid, so unwanted, so broken.” He bitterly laughed and proceeded to leave before saying, “Thanks, at least now I know.”

“Are you giving up?” Jackson said, scribbling something onto a small paper.

He shook his head and smiled to Jackson, the latter smiled back at him and handed him the piece of paper and topping it with a finger on his own lips, telling him to be quiet.

Jinyoung heard Jaebum’s confession, but he only went out when he’s certain that the visitor had left already.

“Really, Jinyoung?” Jackson said once he sat on the counter.

“What?” He turned to the short guy with his tear-smeared face.