[title song: pour up (feat. zico) - dean // press your number - taemin]
[9,608w]

three.

I’ve never been in here before.” Zelo murmurs, shouldering past her and into her apartment. Jessica blinks before she reaches into her pocket, digging for her phone.

Her fingers curl around air and her eyes widen.

She pales when she realizes that her cell phone is charging beside the television, which is exactly what Zelo is dragging a finger over, his expression curious as he examines her room.

Her heart pounds in her chest, her palms sweating, and she’s never felt so scared before. It’s not like her to get scared and Jessica wishes the panic would just hold off for a little bit longer.

“How have you been?” Zelo looks over his shoulder at her and there’s a sickly sweet smile dripping from his lips, making her cringe immediately even as she reaches for the door. He shakes his head, holding out a hand, “Oh, no, no, no. I would stay put if I were you. My people are waiting for me to come out first. I gave them specific orders to shoot anyone who comes out before me.”

Zelo continues grinning and Jessica hasn’t felt this trapped in a long time.

Not since the warehouse, over a year ago.

“Aw, come on, there’s no reason to be awkward, Jessie.” Zelo wiggles his fingers at her. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

~.~.~.~.~

One Year Ago

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” Zelo slurs, smile lopsided. Jessica sees it, however, the dead look in his eyes, glazed over by the alcohol he’s been consuming. She sees the sadness and when he looks at her, really looks at her, she sees the blame, because she was part of the reason why Yongguk, Junhong’s older brother not by blood but by bond, was dead. “I don’t blame you for any of this. I just…I just need to talk? I need to…I need to? I—”

His voice breaks, but no tears spill over (something Jessica is grateful for). Instead he picks up another shot glass filled with dark liquor and he drowns in it. He flags down the bartender once more and the man comes over, raising a brow at Zelo while amusement fills his eyes. The bartender has full pouty lips and heavily lined eyes and Jessica thinks there’s something strange about him. She squints at his nametag, the alcohol in her system making it a little hard to read. The bartender—Daesung, according to his nametag—pours out two shot glasses and slides it across the bar. The music pounds in her ears as Daesung throws Jessica a friendly smile before walking off to the other side of the bar, his grin never faltering.

Jessica shouldn’t care about how completely drunk out of his mind Zelo already is, how she’s pretty sure another shot will make him blackout, because Zelo tried to kill her and her friends and she shouldn’t care about him. She should be glad that he’s too drunk to stab her in the back. But she feels bad, horrible really.

Zelo reaches for the shot glasses, missing them a few times, and she watches as he pouts childishly, appearing much younger than he really is at that moment. “Ugh.” Jessica groans, stomping her foot as she sighs, steeling herself for what she knows she should do, grimacing at the shot glasses with slight disgust.

Zelo pouts at her, hands flat on the table. He tilts his head and blinks, his cheeks red, “Ugh is right.” Zelo proclaims, words slurring together.

Before he can reach for the two shot glasses, Jessica snatches them off the table, ignoring his mumbled protests, his fingers curling around her forearm, tugging lightly. She downs both the shots, one after the other, wrinkling her nose at the sting of the dark liquor sliding down . “Ew.” She mumbles. She slams the shot glasses back down on the table and gives Zelo a stern look, “I hate whiskey. You owe me for this.”

“Wha—” Jessica interrupts him, dragging him off the stool as she ignores his soft whining and the way he stumbles all over the place, as if he’s lost the ability to control his long limbs.

“Where are you staying?” She asks, pulling him along by the wrist as she shoves past the sweaty bodies all around him. She makes a face at someone who throws her a dirty look when she shoves past him and the guy backs off, only after his eyes flicker upwards, past her shoulder. Words spill from her lips before she can think them over, thanks to alcohol in her system. She was never that great at holding her liquor. “In fact, why the hell are you here in YG City?”

“Revenge. I w—want revenge.” Zelo hiccups, bursting into giggles as soon as the sentence manages to leave his mouth, words slurring together almost incomprehensibly.

Jessica freezes, stumbling out of the crowd of club goers, her grip on Zelo loosening. Zelo staggers up against the wall of the club, a few meters away from the exit, knocking into a few high chairs and tables set up along the wall there. He mumbles something inaudible over the bass of the pounding music, rubbing his shoulder, as he wobbles on his feet, trying and failing to steady himself by holding on to one of the high chairs. Jessica blinks at Zelo, at his messy hair and droopy eyes, at the way the, the neon red of the high chair forms a stark contrast against his pale hands, like blood on snow. He grips the chair and rocks forward into it, giggling as his head falls forward, the chair skidding forward at the same time. All Jessica can do is stare as Zelo sways, unable to hold his balance because of how drunk he is, her vision swimming a bit because of the alcohol in her own system. Those two shots of Zelo’s were a bad idea; she should have just thrown them out.

“…Revenge?” Jessica asks, her voice carrying over the pounding club music, despite the choking feeling in .

They were just starting to pick up the pieces Yongguk left behind and here Zelo is, restarting the cycle yet again.

(Her hands curl into fists, but he looks so pitiful that her heart twists.)

“You want to ask why, huh?” Zelo leans his chin against the back of the high chair, looking up at her through his lashes, a lopsided, drunken smile dripping from his lips. “Because that’s all I know how to do.” Zelo murmurs. “That’s all Yongguk taught me to do for years.”

And then he laughs and all she can do is watch.

“It’s all I can do.” Zelo’s voice falters, drowned out by the pounding club music.

~.~.~.~.~

“Oh, don’t give me that look.” Zelo eyes her carefully from where he lounges on her couch. His smile is tight-lipped, thin as can be, his eyes drifting off to the side and around the room. “It almost makes me feel bad for being here.”

He snorts unattractively and she stiffens, his eyes sliding back on to her.

“And why don’t you?” Jessica asks, her voice surprisingly steady. Zelo raises a brow, tilting his head. “Why don’t you feel bad for being here?” She clarifies, crossing her arms as she leans back on the kitchen counter behind her, making sure to put the coffee table and her other couch between them.

Zelo’s lips curl up into an amused smile. “For revenge, of course.”

Zelo sighs, then, pushing himself up off the couch and Jessica watches him step around the coffee table, towards her. “It’s all you know how to do, right?” Jessica murmurs, recalling his words from so long ago.

“Ah, you remember my words, huh?” Zelo’s knees brush against her armchair, the only piece of furniture left between them. Slowly, Jessica reaches behind her, her fingers wrapping around a pair of kitchen scissors she’s left on the cutting board after making lunch a couple days ago. “That’s sweet of you. We really are friends.”

(Everything that leaves Zelo’s mouth is a twisted, sarcastic caricature of the sweetness he once was and it’s strange to Jessica.)

“You don’t have to keep doing this. You can stop now before it gets out of hand.” Jessica murmurs, her grip tightening around the kitchen scissors. “Don’t do this, Junhong.”

Zelo steps around the armchair, then, one step, two steps, until he’s just inches away from her, head tilting to the side, eyes calculating and smile slipping off his face almost instantly.

His expression is a blank slate, a sort of dark mirth blazing in his eyes, the kind that makes Jessica incredibly nervous, her grip tight around the kitchen scissors and her eyes pinned on his every movement, watching him like a hawk.

“It got out of hand the minute your Sooyong murdered Yongguk.” Zelo bites out.

He takes another step forward, closing the distance between them and Jessica immediately s the kitchen scissors between them, reflexively pulling them open and shoving the jagged, serrated edge of the scissors against his throat, right where his Adams’ apple juts out. Her other hand grips the back of his neck, pushing him up against her scissors.

He swallows, a hint of nervousness trickling through, and his skin drags over the serrated edge, the smallest trickle of blood gathering the0re, a drop of deep, dark red.

They both remain still, Zelo’s eyes slowly darkening, a hint of seriousness trickling into them, before he moves suddenly, one hand shoving her hand back and down, right into the counter, the impact making her hiss, the knife falling from her grip. His other hand twists the wrist of the hand she has clamped at the back of his neck, twisting it just so, until pain shoots up her arm.

He holds her like that, unable to move and in pain, while he observes her face. She sneers at him, attempting to pull away.

Slowly, he smiles, his lips curling and her heart lodges in (because fear is always there for her, even when she tries her best to squash it down; it’s a constant in her life, always lurking in the shadows, waiting and waiting).

But then Zelo lets go, allowing her to cradle her hands against her chest. Her eyes are wide as he takes a step back. His grin is gone, replaced by a serious, calculating look, one that has ice crawling down her spine. 

“What do you want from me?” Jessica murmurs, her voice soft as it echoes in her room. “Why are you here?”

Zelo doesn’t smile, doesn’t move an inch from where he stands. He just continues watching her like she’s sitting in a petri dish and he’s examining her through a microscope, his gaze almost clinical. “I thought it would be nice to drop by.” Zelo says, his dark eyes trained on her. “Before the real fun begins.”

Jessica blinks rapidly. “The real fun?”

Zelo’s tall, lanky form hovers over her, his expression almost boyishly mischievous, as if this is all fun and games to him. Maybe it is. It’s disconcerting, the next words that leave his mouth. “You know exactly what I mean by that.” Zelo continues staring at her, eyes boring into her soul in a way that completely contradicts her memories of him. He had never been so dark and heavy, his presence had always reminded her of what boys in college should be like; fun and awkward and utterly clueless. Yet here he is, the complete opposite of what he once was.

“But you don’t have to go through that. I have a deal for you.” Zelo continues speaking without waiting for her response. She swears she sees a flicker of hope flash through his eyes when those words leave his mouth, hidden beneath layers and layers of dark mirth. “You just have to say the word and I’ll keep you out of it.”

Jessica takes a moment to process his words, too lost in the hope in his eyes to hear his words properly at first. He smiles, almost tentatively, and that’s when she realizes exactly what he had said, what he’s implying.

“You mean—You’re saying—” Jessica is so startled that she stumbles over her words. is open, but no words come out.

He takes it as a positive response, nodding encouragingly at her loss of words, and his smile grows more confident, “You could join us, Jess. I could get you a position with B.A.P.” He looks around, his dark eyes scrutinizing the apartment he had spent so long observing already. He grimaces at the walls and the ceiling, “I can give you a safer and bigger apartment. One that’s much less dinky than—”

“How dare you?” Jessica cuts him off, explodes really, pushing herself off the counter and into his space. “How ing dare you?”

Zelo blinks, rapidly, and for a moment, she relishes in the fact that he finally seems confused, that he’s finally showing some type of emotion that proves that he’s affected by her (maybe even intimidated). “I was just—”

“Do you honestly think I’d leave my friends, my best friends, behind for money and a new apartment? For you?” Jessica snaps out, coldly, fire blazing in her veins. She’s appalled at his utter lack of tack, so appalled that she’s close to punching him in the face. Does he really think so lowly of her?

Zelo flinches like she’s just slapped him and she thinks good.

Good.

“Ah.” Zelo rears his expression back to a smooth mask, void of any and all emotions other than mild amusement. “I see.” Zelo’s tone matches hers in cold intensity, but she’s so angry she doesn’t even care.

“ off.” Jessica mutters, glaring at him. “Just off, Zelo.”

(For a moment, she thinks she sees hurt in his eyes, but it’s gone so fast she knows she had to have imagined it).

“I should have known you’d respond like this.” Zelo’s voice is smooth, but icy.

“I can’t believe you thought I’d respond in any other way.” Jessica retorts.

Zelo ignores her words and smiles with all his teeth, “Your loyalty and dedication is admirable, really. Too bad it’ll be your downfall.” Zelo tilts his head to one side, leering at her in a way that has her fingers curling into fists. “Your love makes you follow people blindly. First, your best friends.” The last two words come out harsh and biting, as painful and festering as frostbite. He looks disgusted with her for a moment and her glare darkens. “And now, those two boys of yours.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jessica responds immediately, fists shaking.

Zelo’s eyes fill with amusement, dark and mocking. “Oh, but don’t I?” Zelo reaches out to touch her face and she smacks his hand away, earning a humorless chuckle from him. “You love so much. Too much. You’re so damn dedicated. But does anyone ever notice?”

Then Zelo leans real close, crouching down to her height in a patronizing sort of way, before he whispers, “Do your boy toys ever notice any of it?” He pauses, “More importantly, do they even care?”

Jessica shoves him back then, her fingers gripping his face as she shoves him away from her roughly. He cackles, clutching his stomach as he laughs.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jessica repeats, words barely a whisper, her mind reeling as she tries to ignore the feeling in her chest his words have procured.

Zelo grins, obnoxious laughter ceasing almost instantly.

They stare at each other for a long, long moment, Jessica scowling while Zelo grins, the tension between them thickening, at least on Jessica’s part.

But then he shrugs, grin still plastered across his face, which only makes her more furious.

“If you ever change your mind,” Zelo says, an undercurrent of meaning running through his voice, “My offer still stands.”

Jessica watches, burning with anger, as Zelo turns and walks out her front door without another word, the door gently clicking shut behind him.

~.~.~.~.~

Five Months Ago

                Jessica is fully aware of the fact that she’s not supposed to go any further into the abandoned warehouse. But it was Jongin who had snapped out a low Wait here (along with an indefinite wait time) and they both know she doesn’t listen to Jongin. She never did so why should she start now? Especially when there’s tension in Jongin’s shoulders and Sehun’s been gone for a good two hours, now.

So Jessica doesn’t listen. One of Jongin’s henchmen reaches for her arm and Jessica pulls a knife on the man, swiveling on her heels to face him and his buddy, the ‘guards’ Jongin had decided to leave with her while he disappeared into the abandoned warehouse looming over them, “Touch me and I cut off your fingers.” She states, her eyes narrowing.

The first man is dressed in a suit and a red bowtie while his friend is comparatively underdressed, in Bermuda shorts and a white polo. She had commented on their appearances earlier, earning a rare smile from Jongin as he took her arm and led her into the restaurant. She doesn’t understand how their night devolved into this.

It had started out so damn well. There was wine and steak and both Jongin and Sehun looked genuinely happy and Jessica couldn’t help but look over the scene before her with a tight feeling in her chest, not the dreadful tightness she feels now, but the kind that made her corners of her lips twitch upwards and her heart swell to the point where it felt like it would burst right then and there.

And then there had been a ding of one of their cellphones and Sehun had excused himself and Jessica watched, with each passing minute, as Jongin’s expression began to grow sour. She still managed to drag a laugh or two out of him, he’s never as immune to her efforts as he likes to think he is, but there was a growing tension in his jaw she didn’t quite get.

And then there was another ding and Jongin nearly toppled the table over in his haste to get the hell out of the restaurant, while she trailed after him in confusion.

Now, the guards, men she had simply ignored, since their presence was close, but never too close, stood before her with their arms in the air.

The well-dressed one gives her look, “The boss told you to stay out here.” He speaks slowly and she scowls.

“He’s your boss, not mine.” Jessica retorts sharply.

The man looks like he wants to argue, but the other one just shakes his head, grabbing him by the arm, “She’s right, dude.”

The man gives her a look, obviously beyond irritated, “Whatever. As long as Kai knows we tried to stop you, I’m good.”

Jessica steps into the warehouse without any idea where she’s going.

But there are faint voices drifting through the building and Jessica follows the sound, her heart lodged in and her fingers pressed to the walls, trailing alongside her, as if she’ll somehow feel out a path on the wall.

There’s a stairwell up ahead, wooden and rickety, worn out from years and years of misuse, and she leans against the rail, testing it first before she places the rest of her body weight against it. She looks down first and it’s like she’s staring into a black hole. She can’t see the end; she just knows that the stairs keep going, spinning round and round, further into the ground, into nothingness.

Her hair slips out of its loose bun as she looks up, peering up towards the dim yellow lights dangling from the ceiling a few floors up. The lights cast shadows up and down and all along the walls. Sometimes, if she turns her head too fast or if she peers out the very corner of her eyes, the shadows along the walls seem to move, dancing in the light, like monsters rearing their heads.

She slowly begins to ascend the stairs, listening to the incomprehensible voices drifting down her way.

Her footsteps creak and moan and she’s sure they expected her to walk through that door (surely they must have heard her footsteps), but they don’t even look her way when she steps through.

She walks in on an unknown man tied to a chair in a dusty room. Jongin crouches in front of the unknown man and Jessica notices the little details first. The way Jongin had the courtesy to tie back the man’s shoulder length hair into a tight ponytail, his bruised and bloodied face on full display, eye so swollen that it's barely visible underneath all the purple and red. The fact that Jongin’s not wearing his suit jacket, his shirt sleeves rolled up and his tie loose as if he’s getting ready for bed. The man’s eyes, or at least the one visible one, are the widest pair of eyes she’s ever seen, even compared to Kyungsoo. There's a bloodied knife glinting in Jongin’s fingers, the gun casually hanging off his hip, fully on display.

The look on Jongin’s face, the rage, the dark, dark eyes, hidden by the shadows cast by the dim yellow warehouse lights that dangle from the high ceiling sticks with her.

Then she tears her eyes off of Jongin’s lion-like, predatory stance.

Sehun sits on the stripped bed in the corner, the only other piece of furniture there, and clutches his face.

His legs are spread wide, his elbows resting on his knees as he clutches his face with both hands. And when Jessica really looks at him, she notices the streaks of dark, dark, dark red slipping between the cracks of his fingers, not a lot of it but also too much.

Details, details, details. She notes them all. Sehun isn’t wearing shoes. There are ropes on the floor. Jongin’s suit jacket is draped over Sehun’s shoulders. His breathing is heavy, somehow overpowering the unknown man's own heavy breathing.

Sehun’s looking at her. There’s a bruise blooming right under his left eye and a shallow cut along his right cheek, where the blood is coming from.

His dark eyes fill with concern for her, when really he should be concerned for himself.

He’s looking at her. He’s speaking, but she doesn’t hear a single word. He has a split lip.

She snaps out of the details when Jongin says her name, her eyes darting up to meet the side of Jongin’s head, since Jongin still seems so preoccupied with the man in the chair. Jongin has a split lip, too.

“I thought I told you to wait outside.” Jongin’s voice is loud, steady as hell, and she thinks it’s the perfect anchor, something for her to hold on to so she doesn’t sink and lose herself in the details.

"I don't take orders from you." Jessica murmurs, her tone much less steady than she wants it to be. She sounds breathless to her own ears, shaky.

Jongin's jaw ticks and his frown deepens, especially when she makes herself further into the room, towards Sehun's hunched over form.

"I wish you would." Jongin mumbles, a pout momentarily flitting across his face.

Before she can respond, before she can even cross the empty floor and reach Sehun, footsteps echoing in the silence, the tied up man speaks, his voice hoarse yet so, so harsh.

"So it's true?" He croaks out. "EXO's managed to recruit LILAC, huh?"

Jessica's eyes snap up, away from Sehun, and she stares at the man, briefly wondering if maybe she should find the man familiar in some way. Jongin's fingers tighten around the knife.

"Though God knows what kind of recruitment work you two are doing with her. From the looks of it, recruitment isn’t the right word..." He trails off, grin bloody, and her fingers curl into fists when the man leers at her with his good eye, giving her body a slow once-over that has the hairs at the back of her neck standing on end and an inkling of panic settling in her chest.

Before she can stomp across the room and punch the man's creepy grin off his face, Jongin throws a punch, the sickening crunch of bone cracking filling the room. The man groans loudly, seemingly choking on blood, some of it dribbling down his nose and pooling into his mouth, and Jongin speaks quietly, angrily.

"Look at her again and I'll gouge your eyes out." Jongin smiles and it's so predatory that she's glad she's never been on the receiving end of those looks. "She could even do it herself if she wants."

Jessica thinks maybe she should have asked that unknown man how he knew about them, about EXO and LILAC. But Sehun had grunted out a sound that seemed to be a cross between a snort of amusement and a grunt of pain and she had immediately crossed the short distance to his side, forgetting the unknown man completely, her vision tunneling in on Sehun. She vaguely note the way Jongin had tilted his head to the side for a moment, concern and worry washing over his eyes as he looks past Jessica, gaze lingering on Sehun.

"Hey," Jessica says, standing over him, "Hey, look at me.”

Despite the fact that she’s standing over him, his head still reaches her chest.

Jessica leans forward and touches Sehun’s cheek with the back of her knuckles, almost hesitantly (because the last time she touched him like this was a while ago and it was under much different circumstances). Her fingers linger against the smooth skin of his left cheek, right under the bruise, and Sehun slowly blinks at her, his dark eyes hazy as he stares at her, stares and stares and stares.

There’s something in his eyes that's sad almost, the same kind of sad exhausted look he had given her the morning after they had returned with Sooyong from YG City, the day he and Jongin had taken her aside at different times and explained to her how much of a mistake they had made the other night. Jessica hesitates, her fingers curling over his cheek, and Sehun just reaches out to take the hand against his cheek, his bloodied fingers curling around the back of her hands.

His hands are cold, she notices. The man’s whimpers and gurgles of pain seem to grow in the background and Jessica doesn’t dare look over her shoulder. She hears snippets of Jongin’s words, growls of anger, cries of pain, and begging, but she doesn’t dare look, no matter how much she wants to. She tunes it out, instead, completely focusing on Sehun.

With one hand and her teeth, she reaches for the hem of her thin, cotton t-shirt (internally overjoyed that she happened to be severely underdressed for their dinner, seeing as Sehun and Jongin had decided to surprise her with the dinner in the first place) and she tears off a strip. She ignores Sehun’s look of disapproval and uses her other hand to pry his hand off his face, balling up the cloth and pressing it onto his face, watching as dark red blood seeps through the cotton, Sehun wincing at the feeling of the fabric up against his wound.

“What happened?” She mumbles, her thumb brushing along the bruise that had blossomed all across his pretty cheek. Sehun winces at her touch and she draws her hand back in regret, only to have him wrap his fingers around that hand, placing both their hands in his lap. His thumb traces circles into the back of her hand and she sighs, watching him carefully, waiting for him to answer her.

He doesn’t answer her, though. Jongin does. “I was going to ask the same thing.” Jongin murmurs, his voice echoing in the silence of the warehouse. His tone is deep, gravelly, and she immediately turns to look up at him.

She stares at him, watching as his fingers clench and unclench around the knife in his hand (the knife itself looks like it’s been dipped in blood and she tries not to think about that too much). Jessica’s gaze flickers over his shoulder, where the man is keeled over the chair, body limp and eyes wide open, face contorted into one of horror. There’s a gaping wound across his throat and Jessica tries not to focus on the cuts running along his chest, his face, the extra cuts marking his throat, his head carelessly thrown back. Before Jessica can keep observing, keep taking in the details, Jongin steps into her view, blocking her off from the sight.

(She’d never admit how grateful she was for Jongin, then, because Jongin knows her limits, even if she likes to pretend that he doesn’t. Sometimes, she thinks he knows her limits more than she does.)

She blinks up at Jongin, and Jongin stares between Sehun and Jessica, back and forth, until his gaze settles on Sehun. Sehun lets go of Jessica’s hand, taking the makeshift bandage she presses against his face, his smile soft when he looks at her. Slowly, she straightens up, looking between Sehun and Jongin. “What happened?” Jongin repeats her question, but somehow his tone is smoother, more demanding yet gentler somehow. It sounds different somehow and it makes her feel strange, intrusive, right then and there.

“I got a text from Yang, as you know. I was just going to supervise some shipments for half an hour and then get back to dinner.” Sehun’s expression contorts into a grimace, “Yang’s a double-crosser, by the way. That guy,” Sehun nods in the direction of the dead man, expression never changing even as he looks over the man’s mangled body. “Drugged me. He probably sent you that text. I don’t…I’m still not sure what he wanted.”

Sehun seems perturbed suddenly, his eyes locking with Jongin, and Jessica can tell they’re doing that thing again, that thing where they seem to have silent conversations with their eyes. They glance at her, she swears they do. Jongin just nods before he reaches down to help Sehun to his feet, his hand lingering on Sehun’s arm for a moment too long, at least until Sehun shakes Jongin’s supportive hand off, scowling lightly at him. Jongin just grins in response, expression warming up.

(She feels strangely intrusive then, looking on as Jongin and Sehun grin at each other for some inexplicable reason.)

--

Back at the car, Jongin opens the car door for Sehun, helping him inside, despite Sehun’s annoyed protests, before he turns on the two guards he left behind, shoving the well-dressed one into the warehouse wall next to the car, so hard the man’s head knocks against the wall with a dull thud and he groans out a few nasty curses. Jongin murmurs something into his ear that has the man freezing in place, eyes widening as he shakes his head franticly, and all Jessica hears is sorry boss, I’m so sorry. I swear it’ll never happen again.

That’s when Jessica decides to intervene, yanking Jongin’s arm back, the arm holding the knife poised like a spear, ready to launch. “Stop.” She mumbles, clutching his elbow, “If you’re threatening him for letting me go, then you should know he tried to stop me. I told them I’d kill them if they didn’t let me go.”

Jongin turns to look at her then, his grip on the man’s collar falling away. The man scrambles away, grabbing his friend. “Get the hell out of here before I kill you both.” Jongin states. Without another word the two men scurry off, turning the corner without a glance back.

He turns to fully face her, then, hovering over her, an arm’s length away. His tan skin glows under the dim streetlight, his eyes seem darker than ever and she wonders if that’s partly because of what he did up in the warehouse. She’s noticed that when he kills, he becomes darker, gloomier (unless Sehun or one of the other boys are there to cheer him up). He takes a single step closer, his stance lion-like in its grace and she watches as he raises his knife a little.

For a moment, fear courses through her, but she squashes that down immediately because this is Jongin and he’d never hurt her. But his fingers tighten over the knife handle and she shivers unconsciously.

Then he reaches out to touch the hem of her ripped t-shirt, his warm fingers grazing over the exposed skin there, making her skin tingle where he’s accidentally touched her. He tugs at the ripped hem and a small smile tugs at his lips. “You didn’t have to MacGyver that cut on Sehun, you know. It was nothing.” Jongin mumbles, his eyes crinkling into half-moons as his gaze remains fixed on the hem of her t-shirt. He tugs at it again and she feels butterflies tumble at the pit of her stomach, despite the fact that there’s nothing to feel butterflies about. Then he looks up at her, meeting her eyes, “We have bandages in the car, Jess. You were the one who insisted on putting them there, too.”

Jessica’s cheeks heat up and that only seems to make the fond smile on Jongin’s lip morph into a sarcastic smirk, eyes clouding with amusement. “Shut up. I forgot.” She mumbles, glaring at him. “There was a lot of blood.”

“You’re an idiot.” He says and, despite his words, his tone is filled with a mixture of amusement and adoration and she feels her cheeks heat up even more. She rolls her eyes and Jongin just pulls at her shirt again, wiping away the blood on his knife on the fabric without warning, an infuriating smirk plastered across his face.

He walks off before she can shove him away for wiping blood all over her. She glares at him and he only laughs, his laughter intensifying when she slidee into the car and slams the car door shut behind her.

--

The tension between Jongin and her seems to grow again, though this time it isn’t quite as sharp and fiery as it usually is, there’s more playfulness there than ever before and Jessica wants to hate the change there. But it feels nice, great even.

Sehun feels warmer towards her, somehow, and she wonders if something’s changed between the three of them that she isn’t exactly privy to. It wouldn’t be the first time this has happened and usually, she’d just let it happen without question, but there’s something heavier between them now, something softer, something just as sharp-as-nails dangerous as before, though the underlying current of it all remains as soft and rosy as watching the afternoon sunset from Jongin and Sehun’s apartment, the saturated pinks and blues and purples blending together and spilling from over the tops of the buildings the same way blood swirls down the shower drain, mixing messily with the shampoo. It feels more meaningful now

Or maybe it’s only different for her.

Because she still sits on the outside of whatever thing Sehun and Jongin have and she thinks that this unknown feeling of intruding is only getting worse.

“It’s loneliness.” Jongdae tells her, his eyes pinned on his 3DS as he unsuccessfully tries to hit her cart with a turtle shell.

She cackles as she steers out of its way and leaves a banana behind her, grinning when Jongdae’s cart runs right into the banana peel, sending him off the road.

“ Rainbow Road. Why do you always pick this track?” Jongdae groans, dropping the console into his lap when Jessica gets first place yet again.

“Because I’m good at it.” She says, stretching her legs out beside him.

“Only Satan is good at Rainbow Road.” Jongdae tells her, quite seriously. Then he gives her a pointed onceover and adds, “Which would explains pretty much everything.” He pauses before he adds, "Satan." for good measure.

Jessica glares at him and Jongdae laughs loudly.

Mina snorts in amusement from the couch above them, where she’s reading a magazine and pretending to not eavesdrop on their “Mario Kart Heart-To-Hearts” as Jongdae likes to call them. They both know Mina’s bad at pretending not to eavesdrop.

“About what you just said.” Jessica sighs, “Why would I feel lonely when I’m hanging out with both of them?”

“Maybe you feel left out?” Jongdae shrugs, “I dunno. I’m bad with feelings. I usually just pretend like nothing’s wrong until everything blows up in my face.”

He says it so matter-of-factly that Jessica can’t help but stare at him in awe. “That’s bad, isn’t it?”

“Isn’t that what you do, though?” Mina pipes up, flipping a page of her magazine extra loudly as a sort of emphasis.

Jessica scowls at Mina, because Mina is right, and mutters, “Aren’t you supposed to be pretending that you’re not eavesdropping?”

“Yeah, you’re really bad at that, you know.” Jongdae says, offhandedly, picking up his 3DS.

Mina rolls her eyes, “Fine. I won’t give you advice then. Let Jongdae help you.” But Jessica can hear the small smile in her voice and Jessica can’t help but smile at the emotion, the playfulness, emanating from Mina these days.

Jongdae gives her an offended look, “I give the best advice ever.” He whines and Mina snickers while Jongdae pouts.

They play another round of Mario Kart and this time Jessica lets Jongdae win.

--

Jongin’s tracing circles onto the expanse of Jessica’s back, his fingers trailing from the middle of her upper back, down, down, down to just above the middle of her lower back, right where her spine dips. She shivers, blinking at him, and the tension continues to build and build and build, just as it always does. This is how their tension always manifests. But this time Sehun is standing across from Jessica and speaking about something, a piece of paper in his hand. Jongin nods along, but Jessica can’t concentrate at all.

At some point, Sehun stops talking and Jessica concentrates really hard on a specific floor tile in front of her as she tries to calm her heart rate.

But then it becomes eerily quiet and Jessica looks up, cheeks flushing when she realizes that Sehun is staring at her, his gaze flickering from her face, down to her waist, over to Jongin and back again, over and over like a never-ending cycle.

His eyes darken when the fingers Jongin rests against the side of her waist begin to rub up and down, up and down, slowly lifting a bit of her shirt, until his fingers find warm skin and her cheeks are on fire, her eyes still locked with Sehun’s. Butterflies soar, tumbling and somersaulting and rocking against the very pit of her stomach and she takes a deep, shaky breath.

(All she can think about is the fact that this feels like déjà vu and the one time it happened, back in YG City, felt like a dream and a nightmare all in one and it had been explained away as a simple mistake the next day. But if this feeling is happening all over again, then was the first time really a one-time mistake? What will happen if they make the same mistake twice?)

“Jongin.” She mumbles, blinking rapidly as she breaks eye contact with Sehun and turns to face Jongin.

“Yes?” He hums, his eyes so, so dark as they flicker over her, over her face, before they flicker over to the side, where Sehun is standing. His tone is soft, gravely, and throaty and it makes her knees weak. He bites his plump lips, smile small but so present. She glances over at Sehun and she can’t look away again.

Oh, God, she thinks, because Jongin’s fingers are playing with the very top of the waistband of her jeans and Jongin keeps glancing down at it, Sehun’s eyes following his.

Maybe she should have known that a mistake can only happen once, because when they leave university two minutes later, Jongin’s hand catching hers as they follow Sehun out, they’re stopped by a familiar figure at university’s threshold, his eyes drifting between the three of them as if he’s caught them dead in the act.

(He did last time and Jessica pales.)

Zelo laughs. “So that one time wasn’t just some drunken thing, was it?”

And Jessica shouldn’t really care what Zelo thinks, she doesn’t, but the slight disgust in his eyes, the judgement, reminds her of what other people may think. It reminds her of the next day and the look in Jongin and Sehun’s eyes, like they were troubled with what had happened and she’s reminded of that word again: mistake.

She pulls her hand out of Jongin’s and only later does she realize that that was her second mistake.

(Letting Zelo, other people, get to her was her second mistake and whatever tentative, fragile thing they had started wouldn’t even last the rest of the day.)

~.~.~.~.~

(Present)

Jessica doesn’t know what to do with her hands. She fiddles with everything within arm’s reach and she doesn’t know how to stop it.

Even when Sehun stops twirling his lanyard around his fingers and stares down at her, watching the way she twists her backpack straps around and around her fingers, fingers tense.

They’re walking towards the university and Jessica can’t seem to bring up the fact that Zelo had shown up at her apartment yesterday. She can’t seem to tell them because she doesn’t want Sehun to worry about her, especially since it seems like that’s all he does these days, take care of her and worry about her.

He looks up from her hands, when she clutches the edge of her shirt and forces her hands to stop moving, and she gives him a tight smile. He searches her face for a moment before he smiles back, swinging his lanyard back and forth again as he starts hum tunelessly.

~.~.~.~.~

“Why do you keep doing that?” Jongin asks, staring at her rather intensely from across the table. They’re both in a group study room and Sehun left to use the bathroom a few minutes ago.

“Doing what?” Jessica asks, raising a brow.

Jongin stares pointedly at the pile of ripped up paper in front of her and she blinks at it before she shrugs, nonchalantly.

Jongin continues staring at her and she turns to her laptop, ignoring him completely.

“I can practically feel your anxiety, Jessica.” Jongin states, his voice dragging her out of her mindless scrolling through random news articles.

“Oh, really?” Jessica raises a brow, glancing at him before returning her gaze to her laptop. “That’s funny because I don’t feel anxious at all.”

There’s a lull in the conversation and Jessica hopes Jongin will just let it go like he usually does.

But then Jongin presses a hand against the back of her laptop, effectively snapping the lid shut right in front of her.

He’s leaning over the table, hand on top of her laptop, and she tries to ignore the way he’s looking at her, studying her like he can see right through her.

(He probably can and that pisses her off more than anything else, the fact that she’s an open book to them.)

She glares at him, just as she hears the study room door open and close with a soft click.

Jongin’s gaze feels soul-searching in its intensity and it’s nerve-wracking. Then Jongin speaks, his tone firm. “Are you hiding something from us?”

“No.” She replies quickly, too quickly because Jongin raises a brow at her, disbelief clear on his face.

They stare at each other for a long time, as if Jongin believes she’ll blurt out the truth if he gives her that look long enough. She just takes it as a challenge and glares, adamantly defying his look.

Then Sehun butts in, sighing softly like he can’t believe he has to deal with this. “If she says she isn’t hiding anything then let her be, Jongin.” Sehun murmurs, yanking at Jongin’s arm with an annoyed frown.

Jongin gives Jessica one last, disparaging look before he slumps back in his seat, grumbling. “She’s being so weird though.”

“Isn’t she always being weird?” Sehun replies, offhandedly, focusing on his laptop rather than Jongin or Jessica.

Jessica turns her glare on Sehun, “She’s right here, you know. Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” Jessica grumbles.

Sehun just grins at her, amused, and Jessica’s lip twitches upwards into a small smile, despite everything. When she looks up and away from Sehun, at Jongin, he’s staring at her with unreadable eyes and a small pout. For a moment, Jessica wants to describe him as adorable, especially when his eyes land on Sehun’s smile before flickering to her lips, pout deepening slightly. But then he meets her eyes and there’s a guarded look there and she feels so small under his gaze.

She blinks and he looks away first, jaw locking with tension.

She just stares at him in confusion.

~.~.~.~.~

“How do you even get any of your school work done?” Mina asks, leaning against the wall, watching on in amusement as Minhee lifts her coffee cup and misses five times. “You’re practically dead on your feet.”

“I don’t sleep.” Minhee mutters in a serious tone. “That’s how I get my homework done.”

Mina makes a face, “They shouldn’t be working interns so hard, though.”

Minhee groans in a rather dramatic way, slumping against the wall, coffee cup nearly falling out of her hands. “The project is a big deal apparently. There was something about foreign shipments and the company looking into investments in a completely new industry. So the whole company’s been hopped up on coffee and two hours of sleep for weeks now. Except for the CEO. He’s all happy and he literally glows. Can you believe that? The CEO’s skin actually glows. Honestly, now that I really think about it, all of the higher ups are beyond gorgeous. It’s ridiculous. They aren’t even jittery or anything. None of us have even seen them yawn yet. I bet they get more than two hours of sleep.” Minhee looks annoyed at the thought, cutting off her own caffeine-induced rambling.

“If he’s glowing, he’s probably getting like ten hours.” Mina says, offhandedly.

Minhee glares, “What the .”

Jessica can’t help but laugh at Minhee’s genuinely offended expression and Sooyong joins her, giggling into her hands.

“It’s not funny. I’m going to die in that damn building.” Minhee mumbles.

“I thought you liked your internship.” Sooyong says, forcing her expression into a more serious one for Minhee’s sake. Jessica doesn’t even bother, still smiling as Minhee complains. Jessica thinks Minhee’s problem is so normal that it’s almost calming. It makes it easier for Jessica to forget about Zelo’s visit and his words.

Minhee nods, tipping her head back against the bricks behind her. “I do, but I didn’t know I’d have to do this much work.” Minhee mumbles.

“I’m sure it’ll get easier after the project is over.” Jessica reassures her, only because Minhee looks awfully pathetic slumped against the wall of a dirty alley as she tries her best to keep her eyes open, coffee cup clutched to her chest.

Sooyong pats Minhee’s back, “Why don’t you take a nap or something? You have today off right?”

“I did,” Minhee makes a face, pointedly nodding her head in the direction of the building just around the corner, the one they’re supposed provide Minseok and his squad back up for as soon as they get the signal, “But we’re kind of in the middle of a raid, aren’t we?”

“I mean, yeah. But you can always just take the bus back to my apartment. We can handle this.” Sooyong rubs Minhee’s back and Jessica and Mina nod along in agreement.

Minhee smiles in appreciation, but she shakes her head tiredly, “No, it’s okay. I’m already out here, so I might as well help. First of all, you’re all idiots and those boys are all idiots. I’m not about to leave your lives to them. Second, I’m always the one saving your asses so—”

“You know we can hear you, right?” Chanyeol’s deep voice drifts through their earpieces, interrupting Minhee’s explanation.

“It’s not like any of what I said is a secret.” Minhee snaps back, rolling her eyes, “You’re all idiots.”

Kris speaks up then, his voice low and filled with irritation, his exasperation clear, “We’re not the ones who stopped to get coffee before a serious raid.”

This time Sooyong rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed that Kris even bothered to speak, “Mind your own business, Kris. We’re not eavesdropping on you, are we?”

“That’s because we know how to turn off the microphones when we’re not using it.”

Sooyong opens to snap back at him when Minseok breathlessly interrupts their argument, “Sorry to break up this little fight, but we really need you girls out here. Now.”

Minhee drowns the last bit of coffee, yawning loudly, even as Sooyong replies, “We’ll be right there.”

~.~.~.~.~

Raids are usually quick. They go in and get out, incapacitating anyone in their way. They easily take over the warehouse, right after Jessica shoots a man with a knife pressed to Minseok’s throat right through the head, earning her a small thankful smile from Minseok and yet another person under her kill list. Jessica wonders if she’ll have nightmares about this man tonight.

(They all still have nightmares about the people they’ve killed; they just don’t talk about it anymore. At least, Mina stops mentioning it offhandedly and Sooyong smiles right after like it’s not a big deal and Minhee just shrugs it off, while Jessica pretends like she doesn’t notice the tightness in their jaws, the slight tremor to their fingers.

Jessica wonders if it’s considered progress or something that she’s able to shoot people right through the head without hesitation, now. Jongdae certainly thinks so, he even takes the time to clap her on the back and murmur well done as he passes her by, later, after it’s all over.

But when she watches Mina slash someone’s throat without her usual shaking fingers and swimming eyes, a small part of Jessica thinks that maybe maybe this isn’t progress anymore; this is regression and they’re becoming just as jaded as Kris or Minseok or even Soojung. Or perhaps their problems, their monsters, have taken their compassion, too, along with everything else.)

Like usual, Kris appears, phone against his ear, and his henchmen file in, carrying the cases of weapons, drugs, and money off to their vans. Jessica momentarily wonders if there are girls being dragged to that car, too, but the thought of it makes her sick to her stomach so she immediately turns away, shoving that thought away. After the warehouse is empty, Chanyeol douses the dead bodies in gasoline, flicking his lighter on and off, on and off, a giant grin spilling from his face.

Like every other time they do something like this, the aftermath involves Jessica becoming restless, because she doesn’t want to become so jaded so young. She doesn’t want to be like Kris or Minseok or even Soojung.

Usually she waits for him to come to her.

But this time she texts him first with a I can’t sleep.

Me neither, he says right away.

She closes her eyes and sees dead bodies drenched in gasoline. She imagines them going up in flames but it doesn’t make her feel any better. It’s quiet, peaceful almost, until her phone vibrates against her stomach.

I’ll be there in ten minutes.

Her doorbell rings exactly twenty-two minutes later and Jessica throws the door open, frowning, “You’re twelve minutes late.”

Sehun sighs, leaning against the door, his hair so messy it looks like someone dragged their fingers through his hair for hours on end. There’s a dark spot marking the side of his neck, glaringly obvious in contrast with his pale skin and she can’t help but stare it. Sehun shrugs his shoulder, distracting her, and he gives her a smug look she can’t quite decipher. “Sorry,” He says, eyes twinkling, “I got held up by someone.”

“Someone?” She asks, but a small voice at the back of her head tells her that she knows exactly who that someone is.

Sehun just nods before he reaches past the threshold of her dorm room and wraps his long, pale fingers around her wrist, “Come on.”

And she lets him drag her off to God knows where because it’s Sehun and she’d let him drag her anywhere and everywhere. Unfortunately, she thinks he’s very much aware of that fact.

There’s a park next to the university. It’s dark and she doubts they’re allowed in there, but it’s peaceful and so, so quiet and Jessica sinks to the soft grass without another word, sprawling out on her back as she takes a deep breath.

She hears the grass ruffle and she looks to the side, craning her neck, watching as Sehun sprawls out beside her, his forearm touching hers. That subtle touch leaves her flushed and she looks away, embarrassed at her immediate reaction, and focuses on the stars twinkling overhead. The grass is overgrown and it tickles the bare skins of her arms and legs.

“Have you heard the myth of the Gemini?” Sehun murmurs, his voice carrying in the quiet darkness surrounding them.  

“It’s Greek, isn’t it? It has something to do with twins?” Jessica stares at the sky, carefully analyzing the different clusters of stars, from the brightest to the ones that are barely a speck in the sky.

Sehun hums, the noise throaty. “They weren’t really twins. They were brothers, however, called Castor and Pollux. Their mother was seduced by Zeus and she gave birth to two sets of twins. Pollux was in one set and Castor was in the other, but Pollux and his twin sister were fathered by Zeus so they were immortal, half-gods, while Castor and his twin were just normal, mortal human beings. Despite that difference, they fought for glory and fame together and made a name for themselves throughout Ancient Greece.” Sehun pauses and Jessica remains quiet, lost in his soft tone, in the way he tells the story, his voice settling in the darkness like a blanket, ever calming. “One day, Castor was fatally injured in a fight. He was just a mere mortal and he wouldn’t, couldn’t, make it out of that arena alive. So Pollux went to his father, to Zeus, and he pleaded with him to let him share his immortality with Castor so they could be together again. Zeus was so moved he agreed, in a way, and immortalized them in the stars. They both make up the constellation Gemini.”

“That’s sad.” Jessica whispers, frowning at the stars.

Sehun chuckles softly and she cranes her neck to the side, observing the curves of his face, the line of his silhouette breathtaking in the soft lighting all around them. “It is, but I like the feeling of the story. I like the ending.”

“They died.” Jessica says. She stares at him.

His smile is faint and she watches as he turns his neck, the moonlight hitting his face just so, his eyelashes illuminated even in darkness. He looks at her with dazzling eyes and says, in his usual blunt voice. “They died together.”

Jessica wants to ask if that’s what Sehun believes in. Does he believe in dying with his loved ones instead of carrying on with the memory of them? Instead she says, “Pollux was immortal. He didn’t have to die.”

“Is living forever really worth it if you’re all alone?” Sehun asks, voice carrying in the night breeze.

“Maybe,” Jessica looks at Sehun and she wonders if they’re still talking about Greek Mythology. She stumbles over her next words, “Maybe he could have found someone else. A new person to kill things and find glory with.”

She tries to inject some kind of humor into the morbid topic, but her joke falls flat. Sehun still smiles, though, and her eyes fall to the dark mark on Sehun’s neck, a deep purplish-red against his pale, white skin, the contrast of it distracting. Sehun nods, “Maybe.”

He’s quiet again, seemingly thinking, and she speaks up, “Where is it?”

Sehun reaches for her hand, then, the one barely touching his, and he wraps his fingers through hers, his fingers filling the spaces between hers and she tries to ignore the way her heart pounds in her chest. She watches, blinking rapidly at their interlinked hands, as he lifts their hands and moves left. He lifts her pointer finger and mumbles, “From here.” He traces downwards, following a path along the stars that Jessica pretends to pay attention to. “To here.” Sehun pauses and gestures towards the sky. “Pollux is the brightest star in that constellation and Castor is the second brightest.”

There’s something in his voice, as he’s holding her hand, his grip warm. There’s something in his voice that makes her realize that he’s really not talking about just Greek Mythology anymore and she wants to ask, she wants to know what he’s thinking of, what makes the corner of lips tilt upwards like that. Or rather who.

She wants to know, but she doesn’t ask. Because that clawing feeling in her chest is back and she can’t help but think of all those times, long ago, when Jongdae would give her advice while they played Mario Kart.

(Loneliness, she thinks, is much worse when she’s holding hands with someone who is thinking about something—someone, a small voice at the back of her mind screams—else with so much distant fondness.)

a/n: Honestly this feels much more character study-based compared to good girls, which was super action-y and dialogue based, but don't worry!!! I have action planned but I've got to take a moment to flesh the relationships out D: also Jessica's character isn't very....talkative.....which tends to become observations/details heavy and then i WRITE SO MUCH AND IT TAKES FOREVER!

Anyways, I'm not sure if my points came across well this chapter, so please remember to leave any constructive criticism down below! I love you all thank you so much for leaving comments and subscribing and generally being the loveliest people ever! I don't deserve any of you tbh ksdnsjxzjjsncjkxncn

Also I want to apologize for taking forever, as usual school is taking all of my free time. And also!! I got to see exo in concert for the north america tour (baek the loml waved at me bc i dorky waved at him so i've officially lived my life to the fullest and i've been emo ever since ;___;) and i still haven't fully recovered I don't think I ever will, but it was so hard to write about exo for the couple weeks after. I was getting war flashbacks omg...........

ANYWAY xoxo you're all the best love you