Chapter Twenty-Four: The Hospital

The hospital ceiling was white. So was the bed sheet. And the frame of the bed itself. And the side table. The tile floor was a shade off-white, and the curtains were white with a gray circle pattern. At least Ji Hyo’s hospital gown was pale pink.

Ji Hyo disliked hospitals. She had ever since she was little and had gone to the emergency room after being dehydrated for five days. It was then that she discovered she was allergic to some of the medications used in IV drips. Less than fifteen minutes after the doctors had injected the needle, Ji Hyo had started wheezing and struggling to breathe. The doctors had managed to calm her breathing, but Ji Hyo had never forgotten that feeling of lying in a white hospital bed, staring at the white ceiling and gasping for breath.

It had been a poor choice on her part to agree to an IV drip so she could continue filming Gyebaek. She’d passed out only two days prior during filming, and the doctors had told her that she needed rest. However, the filming schedule for Gyebaek was packed, and Ji Hyo didn’t want to let down her coworkers or the production team. Despite how her image on Running Man could impact her character in the drama, the staff had been willing to give her a chance. She wanted to do well, to prove to them that she was an actress as well as a variety star and to prove to herself that she could be both. So when the director had recommended the IV drip, Ji Hyo had agreed, telling herself that she had probably outgrown the allergy as some people tended to do. Of course, it turned out she hadn’t outgrown it, and ten minutes later, she was gasping for breath, her coworker calling for an ambulance.

She had been in the hospital for over thirteen hours now, the first seven of which had been spent attached to a respirator and for most of which she had been fast asleep. Even now, her eyes felt heavy, and her body was begging for more rest. However, she felt she owed her coworkers an apology. She had collapsed during filming. It was unprofessional, and it must have inconvenienced them so much.

Ji Hyo reached for her smartphone, which her mother had placed on the bedside table. As she extended it, her pale hand trembled ever so slightly, but Ji Hyo pretended not to notice. She needed to get better quickly.

There were over thirty missed messages on the phone. Some of her coworkers on Gyebaek and the director had sent her messages, telling her to think of her health first. There were also messages from her brother, her friend Ye Seo, and her dongsaengs Hee Chul, Joong Ki, and the boys from JYJ, who she had recently gotten close with after acting in their music video. Her parents had both left voicemails saying that they were on their way to the hospital, though that had been hours ago. Ji Hyo had seen them when she was drifting in and out of sleep, and she figured they were now somewhere in the hospital finding food or dealing with paperwork.

The Running Man PDs also left messages with reassurances that she could take tomorrow off work and her spot in the cast would be waiting for her when she felt well again. Her VJ Sung Gyu had told her that even in this condition, she could probably still run faster than him, and her coordinator Ju Eun promised to send chocolates instead of flowers since she knew how much Ji Hyo hated flowers as a present.

And then, there were the messages from the Running Man members themselves. Kwang Soo had been the first. Apparently, Ji Hyo’s manager, Jin Woo, had responded to a text Kwang Soo had sent to Ji Hyo’s phone, explaining that Ji Hyo was okay but she had been hospitalized. Kwang Soo had then messaged the rest of the cast members before sending Ji Hyo a message telling her to get better and promising to be a better dongsaeng from now on. The second and third messages were from Haha and Jae Suk, both of whom told her to look after herself since she was their precious cast member. Jong Kook’s message had been short: “Are you doing better? Eat healthy and rest. I need my partner on RM.” but it had been enough to make Ji Hyo smile. Gary and Suk Jin had been the last two, since they’d both been busy and hadn’t seen Kwang Soo’s message until late. They’d both wished her well and hoped for her return. “It won’t be Running Man without you,” they’d both said.

Without responding to any of the messages, Ji Hyo closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the smooth screen of her smartphone. She was thankful, so thankful to all of them, but at the same time, she wished her hospitalization could have been kept a secret. She was embarrassed to be admitted to the hospital twice in the span of three days. She wasn’t weak; she didn’t want them to see her that way.

Her phone vibrated against her forehead. She lifted her head and checked the screen. There was a new message from a number she didn’t recognize. When she opened the text, it read: “Song Ji Hyo-sshi, this is Baek Chang Joo. I heard about your illness and was worried. I will take care of your film schedule. I hope you feel better soon.”

Ji Hyo stared at the screen, reading and rereading the words. Baek Chang Joo. He was the CEO of her management company, C-JeS Entertainment. She’d met him maybe three times since she’d joined the company—once when she’d signed the contract, once when she’d been walking through the lobby, and once at a company party. His appearance was rather forgettable with a medium build and a round face, but he’d been nothing but polite and friendly each time they talked. They’d only ever conversed briefly, about small things like Ji Hyo’s work and how she liked her manager—certainly not enough to justify the CEO texting her when she was in the hospital and promising to take care of her schedule. But perhaps this was something he did for all his celebrities. After all, how often did they end up in the hospital twice in such a short amount of time?

Slowly, Ji Hyo pressed the “respond” button. What should she say? This was the CEO of her management company. She needed to be polite. First, she typed, “Thank you for your concern,” but then paused. What else should she say? What did one say to the CEO of one’s label? That she was doing well? That he shouldn’t worry? That it had been a stupid mistake on her part?

Take a deep breath, she reminded herself. No need to stress about it. She was in the hospital. She needed to relax. Relaxation was an important part of the healing process. And she needed to heal. Quickly.

Carefully, she typed, “Thank you for your concern and your help. I will work hard for my health and my shows.”

After she sent the message, Ji Hyo placed the phone on her bedside table. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if the CEO would respond. After a minute, she closed her eyes and leaned back against the white pillows. She needed rest. She needed not to think. But despite how hard she tried to sleep, the haunting thoughts kept coming back to her. She had failed both Gyebaek and Running Man. Despite all her efforts to prove that she could do both, she gone and done the opposite.

Ji Hyo still had not responded to his text. It’d been almost noon when Kwang Soo had sent a group message to the Running Man cast members, saying that Ji Hyo was fine but she had been admitted to the hospital again. As soon as he’d seen that, Jong Kook had sent a message to Ji Hyo, asking how she was doing.

That had been eight hours ago.

He knew she had probably slept most of those day, but there should have been at least ten minutes where she woke up long enough to check her phone and respond to his text with an “I’m okay”.

For the last eight hours, Jong Kook had been nothing but irritable. His parents had been mystified by how quiet he’d been at dinner. Eventually, when he realized how upset his silence was making his mother, Jong Kook had told her about Ji Hyo’s hospitalization. His mother had been shocked; she was a fan of Ji Hyo’s from watching Running Man.

His mother’s concern only made Jong Kook more frustrated with the entire situation. He was frightened—Ji Hyo had collapsed twice in three days—but he was also angry. He was angry with the producers of Gyebaek for not taking better care of their actors, and he was angry with C-JeS Entertainment for not telling the producers that they were running Ji Hyo to the ground. She’d collapsed during filming two days earlier—they should have known that her schedule was too much for her—but instead they’d decided that an IV drip was an acceptable solution.

Ji Hyo as well. Jong Kook was worried for her, but he also wanted to scold her for not taking better care of herself. It’d been two months ago, during one of their post-filming dinners, that Ji Hyo had told him, Kwang Soo, and Haha about the time an IV drip had given her dyspnea in the emergency room. She knew she was allergic, and yet she’d taken the IV drip.

And she still hadn’t responded to his message.

How hard was it to tell someone that she was doing all right? At this point, she was just being irresponsible and making her friends and coworkers worry.

Jong Kook had been at the gym for the past hour, hoping that doing his normal exercise routine would help keep his mind off his unanswered text. However, in the process of trying to distract himself, he’d driven his friends at the gym insane. Whenever they tried to talk to him, he’d only half-listened and given mumbling, repetitive answers because he couldn’t concentrate on anything they were saying. Thankfully, twenty minutes ago, Choi Min Ho of SHINee had seen an article about Ji Hyo’s hospitalization come up on his newsfeed. He’d put two-and-two together and realized it was best to leave Jong Kook alone.

Jong Kook appreciated being alone right then. He could focus on the weights in each hand, lifting them rhythmically before taking short breaks between each set of dumbbell curls. The use of his muscles, the feeling of working out, the comfort of familiarity, it helped push away the image of a pale Ji Hyo gasping for breath because of the IV drip. Exercise was his safety net, the thing he turned to when the world didn’t make sense and he needed stability.

Except it was hard to concentrate.

What if she wasn’t able to check her phone? What if Kwang Soo and the news articles had been misinformed and Ji Hyo wasn’t okay?

Jong Kook knew he was being ridiculous, but he couldn’t stop himself from checking his cellphone yet again, just in case there was a text from Ji Hyo or at least an update from the other Running Man members.

There was nothing.

Frustrated, Jong Kook found Kwang Soo in his contacts list and sent a text: “Any news on Ji Hyo?”

Kwang Soo responded almost immediately with a blunt “No”.

In some ways, it was nice to know that Ji Hyo wasn’t just ignoring Jong Kook’s message, but it was also worrying because, if she wasn’t messaging anyone, perhaps it meant that Ji Hyo wasn’t in a condition to access her phone. The image of her struggling to breathe was becoming all the more vivid.

The weights were sitting on the mat in front of Jong Kook. He picked them up, one each hand, and tried doing sets of dumbbell curls again. When he finished that, he shifted position and began dumbbell rows, lifting the weight from the ground to his chest with his right hand. He was just finishing the set when his cellphone vibrated again. He set the dumbbell down but was disappointed to see that it was another message from Kwang Soo. Fighting back a sigh, Jong Kook opened it to find that it read, “I talked her manager. She’s doing better. We can visit her tomorrow before filming if she’s okay with it.”

She was doing better. But she still hadn’t texted him. Not that he deserved special treatment. Jong Kook shook his head, trying to clear it, before typing out a message to Kwang Soo that he wanted to visit Ji Hyo and that they should see if any of the other members wanted to come. The way Jong Kook was acting was ridiculous. There was no reason why he was so moody and upset that Ji Hyo hadn’t texted him. Yes, they were friends, but he hadn’t done anything to deserve preferential treatment. Even Kwang Soo, who was Ji Hyo’s close dongsaeng, was messaging her manager and not her.

With a sigh, Jong Kook placed his phone back in his pocket. She was doing better. That was what was important. He shouldn’t be angry with her for not responding—especially if she was sleeping.

Jong Kook managed to get through the rest of his workout without distraction. He even managed to have a proper conversation with his trainer and Min Ho. He talked to his trainer about the soccer season and to Min Ho about SHINee’s work in Japan, their first Japanese album was being released later that year. No zoning out or half-hearted responses Jong Kook had improved so much since when he first arrived at the gym.

On his way out, after showering and changing clothes, Jong Kook stopped at the food vendor for his usual protein shake. It was as he was sitting down at one of the metal tables that his cellphone vibrated with a new message.

It was from Ji Hyo.

Jong Kook had never opened a text so fast before. The message read: “I’m doing better, oppa, but they won’t let me leave the hospital.”

“I trust the doctor’s assessment more than yours,” typed Jong Kook. “You been sleeping all day?”

He sent the text and waited, his untouched protein shake sitting on the metal table in front of him. Barely a minute passed before his phone vibrated again, and a new message from Ji Hyo appeared. “I slept all day and now I just want to go home. I have a lot to think about.”

Jong Kook bit his tongue as he read those words, “I have a lot to think about.” He suspected she now faced the inevitable question: should she continue to do Running Man? He’d been in the hospital himself when he’d asked himself that same question. It’d been right after his doctor had told him that he would have to undergo emergency surgery because the bottom part of his vertebra had ruptured. They hadn’t even filmed ten episodes of Running Man yet, and after spending most of them on painkillers, Jong Kook had wondered if he’d be able to continue doing the show. After coming out of the surgery, Jong Kook had spent hours talking it over with his Dragon Brothers. Jang Hyuk and Tae Hyun advised him to stick it out a little longer, and even though there was still the occasional day where the pain in Jong Kook’s back wouldn’t let him get out of bed, he was glad they’d convinced him to stay.

A part of Jong Kook wanted to say all this to Ji Hyo. To explain to her that the show, the producers, the cast, the fans—it was all important to him. She shouldn’t give it up because of temporary pain. However, Jong Kook didn’t feel it was his place. The Running Man members didn’t talk about their injuries. And, besides, she hadn’t asked.

His fingers moved slowly over the keypad as he typed, “You should trust your doctors. If you want to stay out of hospitals, you should eat healthy, sleep properly, and exercise daily. From what I’ve heard, you’ve been doing none of those.” He paused and then added, “It helps to talk to someone who will understand.”

It took Ji Hyo a lot longer to respond this time, and Jong Kook had started playing a game on his cellphone when her message finally came. Her message said, “You nag like my grandfather, Jong Kook-ongnim.”

Jong Kook scowled at his phone. Her “cute” honorifics for him were never ending. Being called “ongnim” by Ji Hyo was far worse than “hyungnim”. He typed quickly, “I’m not an old man.”

Her reply came seconds later. “You’re old in spirit, ongnim.”

They talked for at least another twenty minutes. And Jong Kook found that he was happy to sit at the metal table, sip on his protein shake, and exchange texts with Ji Hyo. She complained to him about the hospital’s awful lighting and even worse food. He told her about the time when he was eight and his brother fractured his wrist. Then they exchanged stories about their siblings. Jong Kook had been the youngest and therefore the one being bullied, whereas Ji Hyo was the older sibling and therefore the bully. Only when she said her mother wanted her to sleep some more did the conversation end. Jong Kook threw away his empty plastic cup and left the gym with a faint smile.

After sleeping for twelve hours, Ji Hyo was ready to leave the hospital and get back to work. Of course, she was in no condition to work. Her manager, friends, and family would all throw fits if she even mentioned working today or tomorrow.

So Ji Hyo had stayed in bed. She’d eaten some of the watery hospital dinner. She’d responded to everyone who had messaged her. She’d napped for another hour. She’d listened to her mother’s lecture about health. And now, she was watching Song Joong Ki’s new drama on the laptop her parents had brought for her. In all honesty, she could barely call what she was doing “watching”. She was staring at the screen, but she had no idea what was going on plot-wise. One of the characters could be violently murdered, and she wouldn’t even notice.

Her mind was preoccupied with other thoughts. Running Man was filming later today. Myuk PD had messaged her manager Jin Woo, saying that they had arranged for a two-day couple race and thankfully had managed to find a female to take Ji Hyo’s place for the episode.

It was difficult to describe the cold, hard feeling that had filled Ji Hyo’s chest when Jin Woo had told her that a female idol was filling in for her. Was she so easily to replace? Maybe Running Man didn’t need her. If she quit, the show would go on—perhaps even more successful than it had been with her. After all, people loved female idols. And it was better for Ji Hyo to surrender her spot on Running Man than to wear out her body like this. What if every time she took on a new drama, the two film shoots would coincide, and she would have to choose one over the other or else end up in the hospital again.

Ji Hyo closed her eyes. Her mother had just told her that a healthy mind was just as important as a healthy body. Stressing about this right now was not going to do anything to help her recovery. She needed to focus on happy, positive things.

She picked up her smartphone from her bedside table. There were two new messages: one from Joong Ki asking how she was liking the drama and one from Baek Chang Joo that read, “Don’t work too hard or you’ll end up in the hospital again”.

Ji Hyo stared at the words of the second text. She didn’t know how to respond. Baek Chang Joo was the CEO of her management company. Yes, she was a valuable employee, but… did he really need to take such an interest in her? At first, Ji Hyo had thought he was just being mannerly, but now she was beginning to think that there was more. Was her CEO interested in her?

No. He was probably just being kind. Besides, even if he was interested in her, what would Ji Hyo do about it? She couldn’t imagine dating her CEO; it was too unprofessional. There was a line between an actress and her management company, and crossing it would cause serious damage to an actress’s reputation.

And on top of that, Ji Hyo had someone else she was interested in. She flipped through her messages until she found the name “Jong Kook-ongnim”. A small smile flickered across her lips. She had changed it last night. He’d hated it worse than “hyungnim”, and so, of course, Ji Hyo couldn’t resist calling him that.

There was a knock on the hospital room door. Ji Hyo’s head jerked up in surprise before she saw her mother opening the white door and peeking in. Ji Hyo quickly exited out of her messages as she placed the phone back on the bedside table. Her mother smiled when she saw that Ji Hyo was awake and asked, “Some of your coworkers from Running Man are here.”

Ji Hyo blinked. She vaguely remembered getting a text from Kwang Soo while she was drifting in and out of sleep last night. She might have responded, but she wasn’t certain.

“Should I tell them you need rest?” asked her mother.

Ji Hyo shook her head. “I want to see them.”

Her mother stepped back to let Kwang Soo, and whoever else had come along, enter. The door swung open allowing Haha, a wide grin on his face, into the room. Kwang Soo followed with a bit of a confused look, and then Jong Kook with a warm, almost shy, smile. Ji Hyo couldn’t help but smile back at them.

“Noona, did you not know we were coming?” asked Kwang Soo.

“Of course, I knew,” lied Ji Hyo. She tried to remember what Kwang Soo’s message had said, but her memory was blank.

“You don’t look like you knew,” said Haha.

“Noona even told me to bring Jong Kook-hyung,” said Kwang Soo.

“I did?” Her voice was small and squeaky.   

Kwang Soo nodded. “Because you needed to beat him up for nagging too much.”

It took all of Ji Hyo’s willpower not to breathe a long sigh of relief. She hadn’t said anything too embarrassing.

Jong Kook was still standing at the door, talking to Ji Hyo’s mother. A part of Ji Hyo willed Jong Kook to pay attention to her, but another part of her was filled with a light feeling at the sight of him talking with her mother. Against her will, an image formed in Ji Hyo’s mind of her bringing Jong Kook home for Chuseok and introducing him to her parents. Her mother would adore him, and her father would admit that if he had to let go of his daughter for anyone, it would be Jong Kook. Quickly, Ji Hyo chased that image out of her head. Sometimes her imagination got the better of her.

“So you’re manager’s keeping you in here, right?” asked Haha. “You haven’t tried to sneak out or anything.”

Ji Hyo lowered her voice. “My eomma would murder me.”

“I thought there was no one scarier than noona until I met the woman who raised noona,” said Kwang Soo. “When we approached your room, you should have seen the glare she gave us.”

“There are three things in the world, I’m afraid of,” said Ji Hyo. “Bugs, zombies, and my eomma.”

 “We were all so scared,” said Haha. “But then Jong Kook-hyung bowed politely and told her that she was a good mother for having raised you so well. Your eomeoni fell for him in seconds.”

As if on cue, Jong Kook laughed. Ji Hyo glanced up, and when she saw her mother and Jong Kook enjoying their conversation together, Ji Hyo couldn’t help but smile.

“Jong Kook-ongnim,” she called out and was rewarded with a scowl, “what’s so funny?”

“You are.” Jong Kook bowed his head ever so slightly to Ji Hyo’s mother before he crossed the room to join Kwang Soo and Haha at the edge of Ji Hyo’s bed.

“Did you come to visit just to make fun of me?” asked Ji Hyo. She couldn’t have stopped herself from pouting a little even if she’d wanted to.

“We came to see how you’re doing,” said Haha. “You didn’t answer anyone’s texts for over half a day. Kwang Soo was talking to your manager.”

“I was sleeping,” said Ji Hyo.

“We thought that, noona,” said Kwang Soo, “but that doesn’t mean we didn’t worry.”

Ji Hyo smiled and clasped her hands in her lap. “I’ll be fine.”

“You said that when we were filming in—” Kwang Soo was cut off when Haha elbowed him in the side. Ji Hyo felt grateful. She knew she hadn’t been in the best of conditions during the Bejing shoot, but she’d rather they didn’t bring up just how bad she’d been.

“Just look after yourself properly from now on,” said Jong Kook.

“We’ll miss you during today’s filming,” said Haha.

“Don’t lie.” Ji Hyo smiled at him. “I heard today is a couple race with female idols.”

“It is?” asked Jong Kook while both Haha and Kwang Soo’s eyes lit up.

“You mean we’ll all be paired with idols today?” asked Haha. “And no chance of being paired with—” Ji Hyo raised a fist, and Haha stepped out of her reach, still grinning. “We’ll miss you, Ji Hyo.”

“I wonder who the idols are going to be,” said Kwang Soo.

“They’re probably all from the same girl group if the PDs could get another female idol guest on such short notice,” said Jong Kook.

Ji Hyo tried to smile as her cast mates started to discuss the possible girl groups. However, her stomach twisted into a new knot each time they mentioned a group. Her earlier worries were coming back to her. Was she so easy to replace? Would they be happier with a female idol as their seventh member?

She had started to express her fears to Jong Kook last night. He’d told her to talk to someone who would understand, and she’d thought he’d be the perfect person. After everything he’d gone through and was still going through with his back, surely he would understand her dilemma. Last night, she’d typed out an entire message, explaining how afraid she was and how much pain she was in, but then she’d realized that Jong Kook wasn’t the person she needed to talk to. He wasn’t an actor and he hadn’t been there when Joong Ki had left. She needed Kwang Soo. So Ji Hyo had deleted the entire message and jokingly called him “Jong Kook-ongnim” instead.

She’d been surprised when Kwang Soo had walked through the hospital door—her plan had been to talk to him next week. But now that he was here, she felt that she couldn’t let the opportunity pass. She needed to explain herself, her feelings, now instead of bottling them up inside.

Of course, getting time alone to talk to Kwang Soo was harder than she’d imagined. The three of them sat around her bed, happily discussing their lives. Haha talked about how well his song “Rosa” was doing, and Jong Kook mentioned wanting to put out an album next year. Then, after some prying, Kwang Soo admitted that the actress he’d been interested in already had a boyfriend. Jong Kook, of course, had to brag about his ability to tell when a woman was and wasn’t interested, which Ji Hyo couldn’t help but laugh at.

She tried to pay attention to their conversation, but the fact that she was in a hospital and that she was missing Running Man today kept coming back to her. The question hovered over her like a dark cloud: could she keep being an actress and a member of Running Man? She didn’t know. She needed to talk to Kwang Soo.

After forty-five minutes passed and no opportunities appeared, Ji Hyo began losing patience. Finally, when she could bear it no longer, she picked up her cellphone from the bedside table, and pretending to listen to what Kwang Soo was saying about method acting, she texted Jong Kook: “You said I needed to talk to someone. I need to talk to Kwang Soo.” She hoped the “go away” was implied strongly enough.

After she sent the message, she watched out of the corner of her eyes as Jong Kook pulled his flip-phone out of his pocket and read over the message. Pulling out all his acting skills, Jong Kook refrained from looking at Ji Hyo. Slowly, he turned to Haha and, interrupting Kwang Soo mid-sentence, said, “We should grab a bite to eat before filming.”

Haha blinked, looked from Jong Kook to Kwang Soo and back, and then asked, “Now?”

Ji Hyo had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing aloud. There was no subtlety in Jong Kook’s acting.

“I saw a cafeteria on the first floor,” said Jong Kook. “We can grab some food and then come back here.” He glanced over at Kwang Soo. “Do you want us to buy you anything? Hyung’s treat.”

“I can come with you,” said Kwang Soo.

“Someone has to stay and keep Ji Hyo company,” said Jong Kook, waving away Kwang Soo’s comment.

“I could stay with her,” said Haha.

“You’re coming to get food.” Jong Kook gave Haha a sharp look.

Haha blinked again and then said, slowly, “That’s true. Kwang Soo will probably mess up the order somehow.” He glanced over at Kwang Soo and Ji Hyo. “Do you two want anything?”

Ji Hyo was afraid that if she opened she would break down in fits of laughter, so she just shook her head silently. How was it that Jong Kook was so good at being the spy on Running Man but absolutely terrible at acting in every other situation?

Kwang Soo mumbled something about wanted kimbap, and then moments later, Jong Kook practically dragged Haha out of the hospital room. Silence was left in their wake. Ji Hyo’s shoulders were trembling with mute laughter, while Kwang Soo had a blank, confused expression on his long face. Finally, he turned to Ji Hyo and asked, “What was that about?”

Trying to regain some level of composure, Ji Hyo shook her head.

“Hyung looks like he was possessed,” said Kwang Soo.

“They’ll be back soon,” said Ji Hyo finally. “With kimbap.”

Kwang Soo nodded, his gaze fixed on the hospital room door as if trying to solve a puzzle. After a moment, Ji Hyo found herself staring at the door as well. As she took in how white the door and the walls and the ceiling were, she remembered why she’d needed Jong Kook and Haha to leave in the first place. The twisted feeling in her stomach returned, and she started knotting her fingers together in her lap, staring at her fingernails instead of at Kwang Soo.

How should she approach the topic? Should she just jump right to it, or should there be a build up? It wasn’t an easy thing to explain. She knew how important this was to Kwang Soo, how much her being a member of Running Man meant to him after Joong Ki left. And yet, this was a choice that had to be made.

“Kwang Soo…” Finally, Ji Hyo lifted her gaze and, to her surprise, found that Kwang Soo had been watching her.

“Noona,” he said, pronouncing each word carefully, “did you ask Jong Kook-hyung to leave?”

Once the surprise drained out of her, Ji Hyo found herself nodding.

“Why?” asked Kwang Soo.

That was the question. Ji Hyo had to answer it. But the words were difficult to form. “Kwang Soo.” She took a deep breath. “You remember when Joong Ki told us he was leaving Running Man?”

Kwang Soo’s shoulders stiffened. He didn’t answer her question.

“You and I, we promised…” Ji Hyo gulped. “The night before his last episode, we talked on the phone for hours. You remember? And we promised each other that we wouldn’t cry when we said goodbye to Joong Ki, and we promised each other that we would never quit like he did, that we would never quit because of acting.” Ji Hyo’s eyes were starting to sting. “I think I might have to break that promise.”

She’d talked to Kwang Soo about leaving Running Man before—back in the early days, before she’d found a role for herself. He and Joong Ki had told her that it would take time to find her place and that she shouldn’t give up so easily. She’d listened, and she was glad that she did. But now the issue was not about fitting in with the oppas or finding a character but rather about her health.

“I don’t want to leave.” Ji Hyo tried to find the words to explain. “I love Running Man—you know how much I love Running Man. I’ve grown so much over the past year, and I’ve met so many people, and I don’t remember how I lived before I met you and Joong Ki and the oppas. You’re all so important to me. And I know we promised that we wouldn’t quit because of our acting careers, but I-I…” Ji Hyo couldn’t get the words out anymore. She felt salty tears start to fall from her eyes, and she quickly dashed them away with the sleeve of her hospital gown.

“You can’t leave, noona.”

Ji Hyo gulped, fighting to hold back her tears. Jong Kook and Haha would return soon, and her mother was somewhere in the hospital. She didn’t want her mother to see her cry.

“I don’t want you to ruin your health either, noona,” said Kwang Soo. “Neither do any of the hyungs. But you…you are so important to us. You weren’t there, noona, so you wouldn’t know, but when we went to Bejing without you, we could feel your absence. All the hyungs were saying how much they missed you. And I know you’re worried about your health, noona—we all are—but we’ll do whatever we can to make sure you can do the show and be healthy. If you ever feel sick and tired, you can tell us and we’ll make sure you can rest. Even if that means tearing off your nametag early on, we’ll do it.”

Despite the tears, Ji Hyo let out a little laugh. “You’ll rip off my nametag for my health?”

Kwang Soo nodded. “You shouldn’t give up so easily, and you’ll regret it if you do. I know you will.”

Ji Hyo bit her bottom lip. There was truth to that. She loved Running Man. She loved the cast. She loved the show. She loved the challenges it gave her and the things she learned. All the cast members had down days. She knew Gary had talked to Haha about quitting because he couldn’t find a character, she knew Jong Kook had thought about quitting because of his back problems, and she knew Suk Jin had discussed quitting with Jae Suk because he couldn’t stand being the weakest link. Ji Hyo wasn’t alone. Everyone had bad days, days where they felt like they couldn’t keep going.

“I just…” Ji Hyo buried her face in her hands. “I don’t know if I can. Every day I feel so tired. I try to be energetic for filming, but every part of me aches and wants to sleep. I feel like death, and it’s not good for me.”

“Noona…” Kwang Soo looked as though he was about to cry as well. “You can’t leave us. You’re our Ace.”

She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t. But her body hurt so much and there were so many rough days when she was filming… But she didn’t want to quit. She wanted to be the Ace. When the Running Man production crew first bestowed that title on her, she didn’t believe that she was deserving. The cast and the staff helped her out a lot, highlighting her successes and calling her “Ace”. But she didn’t want that title because they thought she needed a role. She wanted that title because she earned it. The Ace wouldn’t quit. The words came to Ji Hyo suddenly, and she blinked in surprise. The Ace. Ji Hyo didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to give up on the friendships she was forming, and the job that she had agreed to take on. She wasn’t ready to let go of that.

The pain… The other members would help with the pain. She had to trust them. Yes, there was currently a no-talking rule when it came to each other’s injuries, but Ji Hyo needed that support, and she knew if she told them, they would listen. She could do this. She could do it because she wanted to, because both Running Man and acting were important to her.

“Noona?” Kwang Soo was watching her nervously.

Ji Hyo managed to smile up at him. “I’ll try. I’ll try to stay.”

Kwang Soo actually did start crying then. He quickly turned away and tried to rub the tears away but not before Ji Hyo saw them.

“Don’t cry,” she said. “Don’t cry. I’ll stay. I’ll try my best.”

“You can do it, noona,” said Kwang Soo as he turned back to her, no traces of tears remaining. “If anyone can, it’s you.”

Ji Hyo didn’t know if that was true, but she appreciated the thought behind it. She smiled at Kwang Soo and said, quietly, half-hoping he couldn’t hear her, “Thank you.”

Kwang Soo laughed a little and scratched the back of his head. “Now that we’re not crying, I feel a little awkward.”

“Shut up,” said Ji Hyo. “And I didn’t cry.”

“I didn’t cry either,” said Kwang Soo quickly.

Their smiles had returned, and there was no more threat of tears falling. Ji Hyo’s smartphone vibrated next to her, and she saw that there was a new message from Jong Kook, saying that he and Haha were heading back up.

“So Kim Eun Ha had a boyfriend all along,” said Ji Hyo, putting the phone back on the stand. “Jong Kook-oppa was right.”

Kwang Soo winced. “Ah, noona, don’t bring that up.”

“Why? Are you heartbroken?”

“No,” said Kwang Soo. “But I don’t want to admit that Jong Kook-hyung was right all along.”

Ji Hyo laughed. “I can’t believe he said he’s good at telling when women are interested.”

“Why do you say that?” asked Kwang Soo.

Ji Hyo opened and then paused. How could she explain to Kwang Soo? She couldn’t admit the truth. It was embarrassing in a way, to admit that she couldn’t get over this stupid crush. In the end, she said, “Men always think they know more than they do.”

“True,” said Kwang Soo, who apparently didn’t find her pause suspicious. “I was convinced Eun Ha liked me…” Something outside the hospital room windows caught his eye—Jong Kook and Haha talking to Ji Hyo’s mother in the hallway. Kwang Soo glanced back at Ji Hyo and asked, “Are you going to be okay, noona?”

The suddenness of his question surprised her, and Ji Hyo found that she couldn’t answer right away. Even though she’d resolved to stay with Running Man, she was afraid. Afraid that her body would give out on her. Afraid that her acting in Gyebaek wouldn’t be received well. Afraid that she wouldn’t be able to be the Ace or the Monday Girlfriend or any of her roles properly. Afraid that she would never get over Jong Kook. Afraid that she would end up having to quit like Joong Ki. Afraid that she would disappoint everyone. Her fears lay before her, waiting so that if she made one wrong move, they would break her. But at the same time, she felt better. She had made a choice, and she was stronger because of it. Finally, Ji Hyo nodded. “I’m going to be okay.”

Less than a minute later, the door to the hospital room opened, and Jong Kook and Haha entered, carrying a plastic bag each with food from the cafeteria.

“Sorry we took so long,” said Haha. “Jong Kook kept complaining that there was no healthy food.”

“All their chicken meals had sauces on them,” said Jong Kook. “How hard is it to serve plain chicken s?” As he placed his plastic bag down on the seat of the chair next to Ji Hyo’s bed, he shot her a questioning look.

Ever so slightly, Ji Hyo nodded back. Thank you. 

A/N: Firstly, I was excited to get to write more about Ji Hyo and Kwang Soo's friendship so that was fun. 

Secondly, yes, we are approaching the SJH-BCJ relationship. I've read lots of different theories on how this could have gone, and I picked the one that I think is most likely to write. Hopefully, you all like it.

Thirdly, please, please, please leave a comment. I worked hard on this chapter, and I want to know what you think!