Woohyun's stomach grumbled uncomfortably as he continued his staring competition with the banana in front of him. He had to eat it. He hadn't eaten anything in almost three days and it was starting to affect his work. He was dizzy and it was hard to concentrate. Even if it was only one bite, he had to do it. He opened his mouth, but closed it the moment he smelled the banana. The smell made him queasy. Maybe a banana wasn't the way to go. He had picked it since it was full of nutrition and easy to eat, wanting to get it over with quickly, but he hadn't thought it through. For even though he could swallow it real quick, the taste would still linger in his mouth, the smell making his stomach want to return what little it had received. No. He aborted the mission, giving it to a nearby cordi noona, going straight to the bathroom to wash his hands.

There was something wrong with him. He could feel it. At first he had thought he had just caught some 24 hour stomach bug, or maybe eaten something iffy or was having an especially bad hangover. But then it didn't go away. Ever since that morning, when he woke up alone on Sungkyu's sofa bed, his stomach had been killing him. Ah, perhaps it had been the popcorn. It wasn't the most high class living situation they had over there, who knew what diseases were lurking behind their kitchen cabinet doors. Or, he had hurt his foot on the dresser that night, perhaps he had gotten some infection or other. Whatever it was, it was proving tough to shake. It had burrowed its dirty nails into his gut and refused to let go.

He had tried not to think too much about that night though, tried and failed. He had over-analyzed every single second, every mini-expression, but he only got more and more confused. That morning when he woke up, Sungkyu was already up and he was acting like nothing had happened. He wasn't even ignoring him, he was simply going about his business like it was just another day, getting ready for work. And he hadn't seen him since. No phone calls, no messages, no nothing. He had talked with Eunji the following night though, smoothly working Sungkyu into the conversation, casually asking whether he had also succumbed to the hangover demon or caught this weird bug that was bugging him, but apparently he was healthy as a horse. Not affected at all.

He wanted to ask in more detail, he desperately needed to know whether their moment that night had just been in his head or if it had really meant something, but he couldn't do that without Eunji realizing that he had the hots for Sungkyu. His feelings were all in a twist and he didn't know how to untangle them. He had never experienced anything like it. Or maybe he was just being sensitive because he was sick and miserable. He just needed a nice meal and a good night's sleep and he would be good as new. Except he couldn't eat so much as one bite and he hadn't slept a wink for way too long.

Normally he would have simply gone down to the coffee shop and pestered Sungkyu until he got the answer he wanted, but his schedule was crazy this week and they were even running behind, all because of his less than desirable state. He longed to take a break, crawl under the covers and sleep for all eternity, or well, that would be the same as dying and he definitely wanted to live, but for a very long time at least. But he felt even worse when he lay down, all alone with his thoughts, the loneliness creeping in like a snake made out of smoke, slithering undetected through the air, attacking without warning. No, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Here. You at least have to drink something.” Dongwoo sat down next to him and handed him a vitamin water. He was holding a bag full of all kinds of food and beverages. Woohyun could feel his stomach object in advance, so strongly that he instinctively put his hand over his mouth and ran to the toilet. But nothing came out. There was nothing there. He was empty inside.

“Aigoo!” his stylist exclaimed when she saw his face. “What have you done to yourself? I know I'm good, but I can't perform miracles! I think we're going to have to postpone the shoot.” she said worried. “I think you should take him to the hospital.” she added, directing her comment to Dongwoo. Dongwoo sighed, he had suggested exactly that about a hundred times already, but Woohyun had shot him down each and every time. But he had run out of energy to object.

“So, what seems to be the problem.” the doctor asked in a calm, friendly voice while X-raying him with his eyes.

“I seem to have caught some nasty virus.” Woohyun reported.

“Uhu.. aha.. what are your symptoms?” the doctor inquired.

“I can't eat, like at all, everything makes me nauseous, to the point that I'm throwing up nothing. I can't sleep, no matter how tired I am. I'm overly sensitive and the slightest things can bring me down. I'm having very uncharacteristic thoughts and feelings. I'm much more nervous than I'm used to being. I have this constant knot in my gut that just won't go away, it's like it's holding my body hostage. I'm so tired, I'm having trouble concentrating at work. I'm constantly dizzy. I'm really at the end of my rope. I feel like giving up. And I would, if I only knew how.” the words poured out of him as if a dam had burst, telling the doctor everything. It felt strangely good. Like his burden had gotten slightly lighter by sharing it with somebody. He had this principle never to divulge too much information about himself to anyone else than Dongwoo, for one never knew who could be trusted and where that information would end up. But he was too tired to care.

“I see.” the doctor said deep in thought.

“Tell me.. those thoughts, do they have some common theme or something along those lines?” he asked after a short pause.

“Uhm... what has that to do with anything? Shouldn't you be doing like blood tests and stuff?” he pointed out rather annoyed. What kind of a hack was this? Had Dongwoo been slacking off, skipping the background check?

“Oh, don't worry, I will, I will. It's just important to get all the facts.” the doctor smiled kindly as he examined him, using his weird light probe to peek into his eyes, ears, nose and mouth. He was thorough alright.

“Well, I don't know, it depends on what you call a theme. I think it's just that I'm more sensitive than usual, you know, so I'm letting people get to me more than I'm used to.” he half-shrugged.

“Aha. Mmh.” the doctor mumbled distracted as he drew blood. “And what do you think about when you can't sleep?” he probed further.

Woohyun didn't know what to say. Sungkyu. That was who he thought about at night. But it wasn't like he was going to tell the doctor that, especially since it was obviously irrelevant.

“Problems at work? Coworkers that you are having trouble with?” the doctor suggested when Woohyun hadn't said anything for a while.

“No, no, nothing like that. I mean, of course there are issues from time to time, but that's just part of work, you know, everyone has that.” he explained, not wanting to say too much.

“Perhaps a special someone then?” the doctor inquired further.

“I guess you could say that.” he frowned, not comfortable discussing it.

“Are you together? Trouble in the relationship?” the doctor kept asking, insistent on getting Woohyun to divulge every little thing, even though it almost certainly had nothing to do with anything. A total busybody, that was what he was.

“No, I'm single. I prefer it that way. I'm not the relationship type.” he said confidently. It was the truth, after all.

“I see.” the doctor replied. There was no hint of judgment in his tone so Woohyun couldn't tell what he was thinking or where he was going with this line of questioning.

“Ever been in love?” the doctor handed the nurse a couple of vials of his blood and she disappeared out the door. The nurse looked disappointed that she couldn't hear the answer.

“Mm. I don't know. What is love anyways? Isn't it all just physical attraction playing mind tricks?” he wondered out loud. In his experience attraction could drive one crazy if it went unchecked for too long, but the moment you slept together, it slowly started going away if it didn't just vanish instantly. So he kind of lived by that philosophy. If he was attracted to someone, he just slept with them. End of story. Life was much more simpler that way. And he got to sleep with a lot of gorgeous guys. Win-win.

“Heh.. well, that's what the scientists would say. That it's all just chemistry. But there is nothing 'just' about chemistry. It is what the whole world is made out of. It's the foundation of life. If love is chemistry, it just means it's just as magical as life itself.” the doctor chuckled, clearly realizing he was way off track. “I digress. But there is a certain someone that's on your mind a lot these days? The chemistry playing mind tricks on you?” he continued even though it was none of his business. Woohyun suspected he was just satisfying his own curiosity. He nodded slightly before he could stop himself. Well, it was too late now. The cat was out of the bag. He hoped he wasn't planning on making a deal with the press afterwards, selling him the scoop. He froze. The press. According to the media he was dating Eunji. . And he had proudly announced to the doctor that he was single. . . . How could he be so careless? What was he thinking? His stomach churned audibly.

“Mmm. Alright. I've put a rush on the blood test, we will have the results in about two hours. Make an appointment with the nurse to see me this afternoon if you are not busy.” the doctor shook his hand and sent him on his way.

Woohyun waited in the car. Worried. He wasn't used to being such a worry-wart. He solved problems, he didn't dwell on them. Only now he was stuck in one huge tangled web of problematic lies that were making his head spin. He felt faint. He leaned back in the seat, hoping to get a few moments of sleep, but the moment he closed his eyes, Sungkyu appeared before him. Grinning his little grin. His pouty lips mocking him. He could feel his cheek up against his neck, so warm. He couldn't take it anymore so he opened his eyes again.

“Sit down.” the doctor instructed him.

“So, ehm, what's the results? Please just tell it to me straight.” Woohyun swallowed, the dry walls of his throat sticking together.

“Oh it's a virus alright.” the doctor announced a little too enthusiastically.

“Is it curable?” Woohyun gasped.

“That depends, sometimes it's incurable, but most of the time it's manageable.” he said like he wasn't quite sure.

“Is it deadly?” Woohyun asked, his voice a mere whisper. He held his breath for an answer.

“I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely going to change life as you know it.” the doctor said, oddly optimistic.

“What do I have?” he bit his lower lip, squinting his eyes in preparation for the shock.

“You my friend, have caught what we call the love virus.” the doctor chuckled, sending him a warm smile.

“What? Are you serious?” Woohyun almost shouted, outraged.

“As a heart attack.” the doctor confirmed, not letting Woohyun mess with his rhythm.

“Is it like some ually transmitted virus, is that where it gets its name from? But I'm always careful...” he wondered, not believing the doctor could be so unprofessional as to play a joke on him.

“It is a virus of the heart, my friend.” the doctor patted him on the shoulder.

“So you're saying that the only thing wrong with me is that I'm in love? Seriously? And that explains all my symptoms, all my very physical, very real and very extreme symptoms?” he asked in disbelief. No way.

“I'm afraid so. It checks all the boxes.” he nodded. He wasn't kidding.

“Okaaay.. Then... what can I do to get better. I can't stay like this. I can't even work. Are you sure this isn't a real virus?” Woohyun was skeptical of this way too unconventional diagnosis.

“Oh, it's a very real virus, the love virus.” the doctor answered in a grave voice. “It can single-handedly take over the body, putting it through a constant rollercoaster ride until it starts breaking down.”.

“So.. ehm... what do I do?” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, starting to believe the doctor against his will. When he thought about it, it wasn't perhaps as farfetched as he would like it to be.

“There's no guidebook on this one, I'm afraid. But generally speaking, bottled up emotions can work like poison, slowly seeping into the bloodstream, infecting everything. The way I see it, you have to come clean. Sit whomever is on your mind down and tell that person how you feel. That's the only advice I can give you.” the doctor sent him an encouraging smile. “Try that first at least. It should release all that pent up stress and anxiety of yours. If it doesn't work, we can start considering more drastic measures like some medicine to help you sleep for one. Maybe some anti-anxiety pills as well. But those won't cure you. They'll only put a thin blanket over the problem. I think facing it head on is a much better way to resolve this.”.

“So what did the doctor say?” Dongwoo asked concerned.

“Huh?” Woohyun started, he had been deep in thought, hardly noticing that he had walked himself out to the car already.

“Are you going to be okay?” Dongwoo's voice was filled with worry.

“I don't know... I guess...” the knot in Woohyun's gut had only grown since he left the doctor's office. It couldn't be that Sungkyu was making him physically ill. What dark fate was this? Either way, he had to do as the doctor ordered if he was going to convince him to do some more tests to find the real cause. He could go get a second opinion, but he would rather limit the number of people that knew he was sick. His fans would go mental if they knew. It was best not to let them find out.

He sighed as he stared out the car window, watching the trees rush by. How was he going to tell Sungkyu? What was he going to tell him? He had never ever told anyone he loved them. Not for real. But was it for real? He wasn't exactly sure if he did love him, or whether he was capable of love in the first place. He wasn't even sure he believed in love as a concept, not really. But he had to do something. Things couldn't stay like this any longer.