“Hi, my name is Lee Jinki, better known as Onew, and I think being the leader of SHINee is the worst thing that could’ve happen to me.”

Jinki closed the small notebook carefully so the sound wouldn’t wake the other members and slipped it on the underside of his pillow. He switched off the small torch and tucked it away in a drawer at his side. He sat still in the darkness then, ears alert, and only when he was sure the other members were still fast asleep and none of them had stirred (especially Kibum, who was by now, known by everyone, a very, very light sleeper) did he let go of the breath he had been holding all this while and laid down on his own bed.

Jinki blinked in the darkness several times, the constant whirring of the ceiling fan resounding in his ears. It’s not like he doesn’t like SHINee, he loves it. He loves being a part of the quintet. And he loved Jonghyun, Key, Minho and Taemin.

He just well… doesn’t like the idea of being a leader of them. Leader. Jinki winced a little and his side, sleep still a thought tucked somewhere far away in the back of his mind.

Being leader meant that he had to be in charge. Being leader meant that now he had a whole load of responsibility on his shoulders. Being leader also meant that four hopeful dreams are now in his hands. And it was all… just so stressful and burdensome to say the least.

He was just here to live his dream. To sing. Jinki sometimes wondered what if SM delayed Kyuhyun’s debut and put him in SHINee instead. Jinki wouldn’t mind.Then he would be the leader. And there would be 6 members instead of 5. And sharing a dozen chicken wings would be so much easier.

And Jinki wouldn’t have to deal with having the burdensome title of leader.

“How can you take care of the members if you can’t take care of yourself?”, his mind mocked him in the stillness of the night. His heart skipped a beat and Jinki can almost hear it echo throughout the quiet room. It was true. He had always been told he had two left feet. And he was always knocking things over. And hurting himself. He was the clumsy, dorky Jinki that everyone laughed at and nobody took seriously. So because of all these reasons, Jinki decided he wasn’t sure. Jinki wasn’t sure he was capable of handling it all. Jinki wasn’t sure of himself.

But he can’t do anything, he can’t say anything, because they all relied on him and if he suddenly decides one day he doesn’t want to be leader anymore, goodness knows what would happen then. What will Taemin think, the sweet dongsaeng who thought the world of him. What would he do? And Jonghyun. He would be so angry. They promised to take care of the youngest three together ever since they debuted that night. And there would be a huge uproar. And SHINee? What would happen to them?

And in the end it would all be his fault. It was always his fault.

So after all these months, Jinki learned the best thing to do is just to shut up.

A/N: First chapter is up!! So... what do you think so far? (: Comments are loved! ^^ <3 as well as criticisms (harsh or constructive) to improve my writing. :D