Baekhyun had the unbearable urge to run out of the chapel as he watched the bride walking down the aisle toward the groom who had a wide smile on his face. If he had a chance, he will definitely decline to attend when the groom invited him, saying that he had stuff to do today.

But he didn’t.

Perhaps, in the deepest part of him, he wanted to put an end to this chapter in his life. He wanted to stop running because he was tired, facing the reality can be hurtful but as the saying goes, “Time will heal all wounds.”

He had no idea how much truth that saying had because it didn’t appear that he was healed even after all those years. The scars left behind had faded but it still hurt, it never really stopped hurting.

The groom’s smile was so dazzling and bright when he saw the bride. Baekhyun stood up with everyone else to clap and offered his well wishes to the couple. Insincere well wishes that he didn’t mean at all as he watched the ring slid down the bride’s finger.

Never had Baekhyun felt himself to be more pathetic and extremely laughable. Attending the wedding of the one person he never forget and offering up his well wishes when all he wanted to do is to drink until he was able to forget everything for tonight.

Going up to the newlywed, Baekhyun gave him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Congratulation, I hope you guys last.”

No, that was a lie.

Park Chanyeol had been persistent and Baekhyun was getting slightly annoyed. But he could never find it in himself to tell the taller male to go away. He was being cruel to the male and he only realised that he could be this cruel.

It wasn’t in the physical sense of cruelty but this cruelty was equally lethal or even more so. At least physical wounds stopped hurting after a while but emotional wounds will never heal. There were several times when Baekhyun wanted to tell Chanyeol to leave, to go away.

He didn’t deserve him, the taller male deserve someone better. He deserved someone who looked only at him, who smiled only at him and love just him. Not someone like Baekhyun who see another person through him, who smiled at him but his smile weren’t for him and who still couldn’t forget the man who become another person’s husband.

However, those words never did manage to come as he allowed Chanyeol to hold his hand. He allowed Chanyeol to kiss him before he entered his house, he allowed Chanyeol to put a name to their relationship.

Turned out that he was only more pathetic and laughable, much more than he was when he attended the wedding. Letting Chanyeol pulled him closer, he reached up to place a kiss on his lips.

He never hated himself so much.

“I am sorry,” Baekhyun said as the tears flowed down his face. “I am sorry, I am sorry. But I can’t do this anymore.”

There was the heartbreaking pain on Chanyeol’s face as he gave Baekhyun a smile. A smile which looked extremely ugly because it wasn’t the usual smile that Baekhyun was used to. There wasn’t the usual sparkle he saw in Chanyeol’s eyes.

He did this, he did this to him.

“I know, I know that you still couldn’t forget him.” Chanyeol said in a mocking tone. Except Baekhyun wasn’t sure if Chanyeol was mocking him or himself. “I am willing to wait. I am willing to love you despite everything. I believe that I can take his place in your heart one day.”

“But that day will never come, can’t you see? This isn’t fair!” Baekhyun exhaled deeply, pushing Chanyeol away. “Are you an idiot? Why are you willing to do so much for me? I can’t love you the way you wanted to!”

Cruel words but Baekhyun had no intention of taking it back. This is the least that he could do for Chanyeol, dragging this any longer will only be more painful in the future. “Don’t, I will try harder. I will am willing to do so.”

This is Chanyeol’s love for him, a love that didn’t have any integrity nor pride.

“I am sorry,” Baekhyun told him again. “Please, you deserved someone better. Treat yourself better, I am not worth it.”

I don’t deserve you.

Weeks passed since and Baekhyun went on his life as per normal. Only he would know that there was void in his heart. An unfillable void that was aching when he was alone at night.

He couldn’t get used to sleeping alone. He often cooked too much for himself, there were times when he wanted to share his happiness with someone only to find that there wasn’t anyone there.

Baekhyun realised too late, he realised far too late.

He used to think that the way Chanyeol smiled was similar that man. He used to think the way Chanyeol kissed felt like that man. He used to think – Baekhyun shook his head.

No.

When Chanyeol smiled, his eyes ceased at the side. When Chanyeol kissed, he will lean in slowly, closing his eyes before his lips reached Baekhyun’s.

He was wrong, he was dead wrong.

Somewhere along the way, he stopped seeing his first love through Chanyeol and began to see Chanyeol as himself. Only, he was too cowardly to face his feelings. The first time he got hurt, his life crumbled.

To protect himself, he chose to be the one to hurt others. Only to realise at the end that, you can’t hurt another person without hurting yourself. You can only do that if you don’t care about that person but Baekhyun cared, he cared more than he dared to admit.

Because of his cowardice, he found himself left behind with a pile of broken pieces. Wiping his tears away, he covered himself with his blanket.  

He just wanted to get away.

*an: hey guys! another chapter up. so this is a longer drabble than usual. hoping that you will like it (: all comments, upvotes and subscription are very much appreciated. it has been a while since i wrote something angsty, so this is probably not as angsty as i would like it to be. anyway if you have a prompt, leave them in my ask.fm. otherwise, chat with me or simply follow my progress on twitter.