THIS IS A CRACK FIC. With that being said, I'm really surprised at the reviews and subscriptions x_x. On only one chapter. Hope this makes you laugh as much as I did writing. I owe at least that much to you guys :P. Thanks so much <3.

Onew woke up to something soft snuggling up against him, and reflexively wrapped his arm around the warmth, snuggling under the covers. 

He mumbled something intelligible, feeling like going back to sleep instead of waking up. It was really nice sleeping with someone else - this must be why he always found Key in Jonghyun’s bed. So comfortable. 

Why didn’t he normally wake up feeling this good?

Ah, sleep some more…

“Good morning hyung~” a soft voice sung, music to his ears. Such a nice voice. 

“Mm, good morni-” Onew broke off, suddenly, eyes flying open to find that he’d buried his face into a milky white neck. Tousled reddish brown hair signified- “TAEMIN? WHAT’RE YOU DOING IN MY BED?” 

Onew sat up abruptly, and with a loud bang, slammed his head against the bed board. OUCH.

“Mmm, let’s sleep some more hyung~” Taemin mumbled, rolling over in bed and looking up at Onew with sleepy eyes.

“GET OFF MY BED!” Onew shouted, head pounding and scrambling away from the boy in a panic, remembering Taemin’s soft skin and warmth and -

“Yah, hyung-” Taemin called out, almost warningly, but Onew pulled as far away as he could until-

Onew hit the floor with a thud, the blankets still wrapped up around his legs. More pain. He looked up at his bed to see Taemin poke his head over the top, innocent but wide eyes filled with concern. 

“Hyung, you fell down.” He stated, simply, eyes half lidded with sleep, not lust, sleep, and Onew tried desperately to get his thoughts in order. What happened? What had he been doing?

Onew scrambled up, trying to get to his feet without tripping over the blankets that were tangled up and preventing him from moving fluidly. 

He shifted in his panic, hopping up frantically, stumbling back and trying to-

The door to his room flew open and bashed into the back of his head, loudly.

Onew fell back to the ground, grabbing the back of his head and groaning in pain, washed over with dizziness.

“Does that count?” Taemin asked, and Onew whimpered a little, doubling over and feeling disoriented.

“No, Taemin, it doesn’t. He's in pain.” It was Key's voice, tinged with confusion. Key, you..idiot...so much...pain... “What were you doing in here?”

Isn’t anyone aware that he’s in pain right now!?

Onew looked up, sending Key a resentful glare, only to realize that none of the attention was on him at the moment. Key had a hand on his hip, head tilted to a side, looking at Taemin.

“I was trying to get him to moan!” Taemin exclaimed as if it had been the obvious thing, and Onew looked at the younger boy, hand still rubbing the back of his head, blinking.

“By sleeping in the same bed as me?” Onew questioned in disbelief. He kicked the blankets off and staggered to his feet, throwing his hands in the air. “What does that achieve?”

“Morning moans. Minho makes them when I wake him up, but usually falls asleep right after…” Taemin trailed off, thoughtfully, and then looked at Onew meaningfully. “You would’ve made them too, if you’d been patient. You were already...you know…” Taemin blushed a little, lowering his gaze at Onew’s-

“Yah! Taemin!” Key shouted while Onew’s eyes widened and he spun around, trying to hide the evidence most boys got, signally that he’d just woken up. 

“Unfair, Key, you interrupted me.” Taemin whined, making Onew wonder just what on earth Taemin had been planning. 

“I’m glad I did, and in any case, I don’t think it was working.” Key said, voice shaking a little.

“Hmph!” Taemin huffed, and Onew turned around in time to see Taemin jump out of bed and walk towards him determinedly. 

And then he pointed blatantly at what was so evidently poking through his pajamas, much to Onew’s utter dismay. 

“See, if Key hadn’t interrupted, I would’ve helped with that going away!” Taemin said, loudly, before stomping out of the room. 

Onew opened his mouth, and then closed it, only to find Key giving him a weird expression. 

“W-what?” Onew demanded, not looking to have Key lect-

“You ert. He’s, like, underage.” Key said, scrunching up his nose, before spinning on his heel and leaving the room as well. 

Onew covered his face with his hands, mortified.

“It’s about time you came downstairs,” Key called out, as Onew walked down the stairs from his cold shower. His hair was still wet, and he still had goosebumps, but he had a feeling they weren’t from the shower. 

Key was in the kitchen while Taemin (don’t make eyecontact) and Jonghyun were in the living room, eating. Where was Minho? 

“Hyung! You should’ve told me! We could’ve showered together!” Taemin's voice broke through, sounding disappointed.

“Eh!?” Jonghyun exclaimed, looking at Taemin in shock. He looked down at his half empty plate of - YAY, LEFTOVER CHICKEN! “I don’t even feel like eating anymore.” 

“I can eat it!” Onew eagerly shouted out, starting towards Jonghyun excitedly, because leftover chicken was almost as good as it being fresh - but who cares, because it’s chicken and chicken is-

“You’re not allowed to eat, Onew!” Key ordered in a loud voice, suddenly, stopping him in his tracks. Onew blinked, staring at Jonghyun, who was frowning over his shoulder at Key.

“What do you mean I can’t eat!?” Onew cried out, spinning around to face the other boy that stood in the kitchen, one hand on the counter, the other hand on his hip.

“You’re going on a diet, Jinki!” Key proclaimed, seriously.

There was the loud sound of Taemin coughing, seeming to have choked on his food. Onew’s mouth mimicked the motions of a fish, as he stared at Key with incredulity. 

“D-Diet?”

“Key, what’s that about?” Jonghyun questioned, confusion lacing his words.

“You eat too much anyway, Onew!” Key said, looking back down at the counter, away from the older boy, who stood still in shock.

“I...what?”

“He’s not fat. Did SMENT order this?” Jonghyun asked, sounding completely dubious. Onew looked down at his stomach, and patted it, feeling the 6 pack under his shirt. What!?

“No, I just figure that if he goes long enough without eating, when he eventually eats, he’ll make those noises that he’s supposed to.” Key said, lightly, a tone of finality to his voice.

Silence. 

“E-ex-excuse me?” Onew stuttered, staring at Key who looked up now, nonchalently at Onew. The boy shrugged, and picked up a plate of food and walked past Onew.

Onew felt numb, and then suddenly, a surge of anger flowed through him.

“I don’t have to listen to you!” Onew yelled, before stomping to the kitchen and pulling open the refrigerator door to-

Empty.

“Yeah, I thought that through, Jinki.”

Onew stared at the empty fridge.

Then he heard the front door unlock and looked up to see Minho, with plastic bags in his hands and a crease on his forehead. He immediately caught Onew’s eyes, and held them for a moment, before kicking off his shoes and walking past everyone.

“Yah, Minho, don’t you want to eat?” Key called, but Minho didn’t reply, trudging up the stairs and out of sight. Taemin chewed loudly, making no notice of having seen Minho. 

“Hey, Key, did you hear about the sale that was happening at the mall today?” Jonghyun suddenly said, and Onew looked away from the stairs to find Jonghyun staring at Onew intensely. 

“WHAT?” Key cried out, jumping up from the couch, looking at Jonghyun.

“Yeah, all designer clothes are 80% off.” Jonghyun said, breaking gaze with Onew and looking at Key. There was a flash as Key disappeared, the front door slamming shut behind him.

“He didn’t even do his hair…” Taemin said, softly. 

“Right well, now that he’s gone…” Jonghyun got up, grabbed Key’s plate and poured the chicken on his own plate, grabbed Taemin’s plate out of the smaller boy's grasp, poured the chicken that had been on it on his as well, and then got up, walking towards Onew.

Taemin frowned at the lack of food on his plate, which had been shoved back into his grasp.

“Here.” Jonghyun held out the plate to him.

“What is this?” Onew couldn't help but be cautious, looking at the plate and up to Jonghyun, the other boy's expression unreadable.

“Chicken intervention.” Onew felt confused now.

“But Key said-“ 

“Forget what Key says! You can have all of this!” Jonghyun shoved the plate in his direction.

“W..”

“But you have to moan. Just do it. For me.” Oh right, they were all trying to get him to- WHAT?

“That’s bribing, hyung!” Taemin cried out, and Onew looked to see the younger boy pouting..

“But…” Jonghyun then hesitated, and Onew grabbed the plate before the other boy changed his mind,  laughing triumphantly as he ran up the stairs and into his room. 

Key came home twenty minutes after he’d left the house, anger radiating with the slamming of the front door and the stomp of his feet.

“Jonghyun…” He started, threateningly, and Jonghyun looked up from the television, bracing himself for Key’s outburst.

“He played dirty, hyung!” Taemin whined loudly, pointing a figure at Jonghyun as well. Minho sat silently on the couch next to Taemin, one arm around his shoulder, the remote in his other hand, flipping through channels.

Key glared at Jonghyun, who threw his hands up in the air. 

“I can explain-”

“There was no sale!” Key hissed, dangerously.

Taemin gasped, loudly, while Minho made no notice of paying attention to the conversation.

“You lied to Key about shopping!?” Taemin breathed, eyes big circles.

“You were trying to starve our leader!” Jonghyun blurted out, and Key narrowed his eyes.

“He would’ve eventually eaten.”

“But he was hungry-”

“Liar!” Taemin cut in, and Minho looked up from the TV, giving Taemin an interesting look. “He gave Onew hyung all the chicken, and Onew took it upstairs, and I’M HUNGRY.”

“Shh, we can go buy food later,” Minho muttered under his breath, pulling Taemin’s head against his chest.

“You bastard!” Key shouted out, throwing himself on Jonghyun’s lap and grabbing him by the collar. “You lied to me to-to-”

“How long do we have, anyway?” Taemin cut in, and Key let go of Jonghyun’s shirt to look over at the younger boy, frowning at the two.

“For what?” Jonghyun and Key's voice asked in unison.

“To convince Onew to make the noises.”

“I think it was a week or something,” Jonghyun guessed, shifting a little under Key’s body. Noticing this, Key immediately got off, getting to his feet and dusting off his clothes. 

“A week?” Taemin frowned, looking at Minho, and then back at Key and Jonghyun. “Is that enough?”

“It’s Onew, Taemin. He doesn’t know much of willpower.” Key stated, crossing his arms, and throwing Jonghyun a dirty look before going into the kitchen and pulling out the food he’d stashed away in the drawers and cupboards.

“But he’s the oldest, what if we can’t make him?”

“Don’t worry.” Minho’s deep voice cut in through the conversation, making even Key stop his movements. 

“Wha-”

“I have this under control. Just wait until tonight.” Minho said ominously, before directing all his attention back to the television.

Taemin fell into a thoughtful silence, while Jonghyun frowned and Key tilted his head.

Huh, so Minho was playing too?

Nightfall came, and Onew hadn’t risked leaving his room. He’d eaten all the chicken, and had moved on to some ramen that he had hidden under the bed. He was grateful for having television in his room. He’d peeked downstairs earlier, and had noticed Taemin asleep on the couch. He supposed Key and Jonghyun were in their relative rooms. Minho had been out of sight.

Had Minho even come back home?

He sneaked out of his room to use the washroom, and hurried back to his room to avoid meeting any of-

Minho sat on his bed, just like he had that morning, frowning at Onew.

Onew closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, looking at the boy who just sat on his bed.

What was up with Taemin and Minho and being on his bed?

Unless Minho planned to kill him…-AH STOP THINKING THAT, MINHO ISN’T GOING TO-

“Hyung.” Minho stated, blinking at Onew. 

“It’s late. What are you doing in here, Minho?” Onew replied calmly, clearing his throat and walking towards the bed. He then noticed a plastic bag on his bed, and stopped.

“Here.” Minho pointed at the plastic bag before picking it up and emptying the contents on his bed. 

“…What…” Onew blinked, eyes glazing over the titles on the dvds. ‘Two Girls No ’ ‘Two Girls One ’ ‘Two Guys No Girl’

Onew blinked, and looked at Minho, who was peering at him. 

“It’s . Let’s watch.” Minho said plainly, picking up the dvds, and holding them towards Onew.

Onew stepped back, his back hitting the door and his eye twitched.

What!?

Minho frowned, and lowered the dvds, looking at them.

“See, I didn’t know what you were into. I thought you were straight, but then I realized I wasn’t sure. You do act weird around Taemin, but then again, it’s Taemin and most people act weird around Taemin. I’ve never seen you with a girl, so I don’t know what type you like. You could be biual too, I guess. I tried to see if there was anything chicken related, but the clerk looked at me weird, so I just picked out what I could find…” Minho trailed off, and looked back up at Onew. 

“Minho…” Onew started, softly, and then stopped. 

Minho leaned forward, blinking a little.

Onew tried to start again, taking in a deep breath.

“Minho…”

“Yes?”

Onew stopped again. He didn't even know if he had words for what was happening.

“You know, you don’t have to worry,” Minho went on, absently, putting the dvds on the bed. Onew blinked as Minho started to take off his shirt, pulling it off and tossing it to a side. He looked up now, at Onew, shirtless. “It’s not bad if we watch together. It’ll be like bonding.”

“…” Then why did you take your shirt off…? And why do you say that so indifferently...

“I do this a lot with Taemin, you know. It’s very natural.” Minho said, nodding to himself, and started to his pants-

WAIT WHAT HIS PANTS WHAT 

“YAH!” Onew cried out, and Minho looked up. The voice that had started off so loudly, died at Minho’s intense stare. Flaming charisma, or just flaming…? 

“Oh, do you want me to do you first?”

Onew no longer attempted to put the words together.

“Minho, gtfo.” Onew breathed, and Minho stopped, looking up confusedly.

“Huh?”

“Minho...I...you and Taemin...I...Minho, leave.” His voice shook, and he knew it wasn’t because Minho was half on his bed with a stash of next to him. I mean, that obviously wasn’t it. Must’ve been something else.

“But…” Minho frowned, looking at the and then back at Onew. Onew tried to get his thoughts in order.

There’s on my bed. Minho bought and put it on my bed. Minho bought , thinking of me, and is sitting on my bed because he wants to watch the that he bought for me with me with his shirt and pants off.

“Just...you…” Onew had no words.

“Okay. If you wanted to do it alone, I guess that’s fine too. I’ll leave it here.” Minho got up, picking up his shirt, and smiling brightly at Onew now, for the first time in a while. 

EH!?

“What-no, that’s not..” Onew’s voice got higher, voice spluttering.

“Just make sure you think of me when you start !” Minho said happily, patting him on the back, opening the door, and closing it behind him.

Onew sank to the floor, his knees growing weak at the prospect of what Minho had had in mind…Minho had...been...planning on...watching ...possibly gay ...in his bed...with him...

On another note, just what kind of relationship do Minho and Taemin have?