“Saeng-il chugha hamnida~” Yeon Jun finished his song as I shut my eyes, lips still curved knowing she’s just a sit away from me. All the people I love were here, my mom and dad, nephew, sister, close friends and someone close to my heart.

Everything went smoothly as I’ve planned. It was handful of days that I couldn’t sleep because I can’t wait to see her with me on my special day. I'm so thankful my sister got closer with her and that’s the reason why I had every reason to invite her. 

“Seunghyun, I’ll be going. I still have to pack my things for my flight to Philippines. I’ll have my advance birthday celebration there,” she caught me off guard. Her words were unclear, all I could see was her crimson lips, moving slowly. She casted some spell that all I could see was her lips, caressing every words she’s making. 

God. I was already tipsy. 

Before I could even respond, she was on her way giving farewells to people surrounding the table. “Wait!” I exclaimed, gaining a shocked look on her face and from all the other beings in the room. “Let me you outside.” 

“Can I come samchun? I wanna send my girlfriend outside too.” The little boy slyly grinned, looking at me with his huge puppy eyes, hands clasped together as he pouted while waiting for my permission. 

Everybody laughed with my nephew’s claims. She had her cheeks painted with glowing red, nearly choked with her own reserved chuckle. 

“You’re such a cutie.” She leveled down as she flimsy pinched his nose before giving him a brief peck on the forehead. Her smile never faded as she stood up and waved, “Goodbye all.”

Those caramel eyes finally landed on mine. “You stay here. Enjoy your party.” 

My mom who knew everything about his son, read my thoughts. “Let him be with you until the restaurant’s door.” She pushed herself off the table and leisurely approached her, slightly squeezing her hand. “Let him have his birthday request.”

Oh God. Birthday request? Did I mention to her my real birthday request?

I borrowed the color of flamingo as I felt my face heating up in embarrassment.

She gracefully nodded and bowed to my mother, gave her terse embrace. I followed her steps, slightly behind her and mimicking her phase. “What’s your birthday request?” Her roguish grin was something that made me more flustered. “Oh, that?”

“It is...” I felt my voice croaked a little, adam’s apple moving abruptly while swallowing my own saliva. “It’s a selca from you.” I made a lame alibi.

“You know, you’re not good in lying.” She crossed her arms as she slitted her eyes, scrutinizing me from head to toe. “Tell me your birthday request some other time. I’ll take the cab. You can go back inside.”

“Since I’m already here. Let me send you home.” I asserted. 

“Uh... you have an event over there and you’re leaving your family just to send me home?”

“Well, the party is nearing the end and they all have cars so they can go home by themselves. So... Please? Let me send you home. That’s actually my birthday request.” I lied again. 

Shaking her head was the only choice she had as she took a deep sigh before eventually nodding. “I should have brought my car. Alright alright. You’re too persistent and I know you won’t stop until I agree with you.” My breathing became at ease when I heard her decision.

She casually hopped beside the driver’s sit and safely buckled herself, unlike before that she opted to sit at the back. It was quite some time that I’ve been seeing her in such good mood. Her vibes were shining through the obscure night. 

I released the clutch as the wheels begun moving, her eyes had orange glowing flouresence  city lights, thoughts lost somewhere, humming with the radio’s playback, melting my heart. 

However, somewhere between her hum was a pause, a dismal sigh, and a contemptuous facade. I tried to comprehend her complexity at the moment, but any answer did not come to my question. 

“Good to see you a little less awkward with me.” I finally broke the ice. She just gave a timid smile while nodding her head in accordance. “Thanks for taking care of my nephew. He adores you so much.”

“I should be the one thanking him. He’s making my day a whole lot brighter every time we meet. I can forget all my problems. He’s such a loving and cute boy. And I see him as if he’s my own nephew.” She snatched a glance on my driving before she heaved another sigh, it was long and exhausting. It was so ironic how she tried her best to be positive but I’m sure her heart was being strangled by a rose stem of thorns. She hid behind those warm smiles. 

That bastard. Of course it’s him. That simple thought made my blood boil. 

The speed went from 100 to 160 kilometer per hour because of a sting in my chest, I saw her gripped onto her seat as I cleared my throat. “Thank you also.” It was a long pause, she stared at me for string of seconds. “For being with me in time like this. Maybe you’re the reason why I’m still holding onto this life.” 

Well, how will I say this? As cliche as it might sound, she’s my only reason to live. I’ve been in this deepest and most horrifying event in my life. Felt like all I’ve done was not enough. As if I’m not enough. As if taking my life was the only acceptable deed to the people in my country. 

I’m just a person, making mistakes, making stupid decisions. I’m just like everybody else. But why did it seem like my mistake was somewhere close to killing a person?

I’ve known this, people will still ridicule me until a thousand days to come. But, there’s nothing I could do much. All that matters, the person I needed right now accepted my flaws and didn’t leave me behind. She’s the person who gave me a handwritten letter since I didn’t took any calls or even read texts. As what she said, “you are not your mistakes”. That hit me hard and made me realized the almighty gave me this life not to end it, but to continue learning and be better version of myself. 

She didn’t know quite how to react on my words. How blind was she for overlooking at my feelings every time? “Oh, uhm... well-”

A reaping high pitch sound coming from her purse cut her. “I’ll just answer this.” She pressed her phone against her right ear as my head moved slightly, to hear who’s the person calling her in this kind of hour. “Mino-yah, oh?” Why’s he even calling her? I didn’t know they’ve gotten pretty close. “Okay. Maybe tomorrow before my flight at 12 noon. See you.” See you? She’s meeting him up? “Okay, good night.”

“Mino?” I asked. “Mino? As in Winner Mino? Mino of Winner?” I heard myself asking again and again in disbelief. 

“Yes. Such a thoughtful dongsaeng. He said he