I kind of imagined this as the sequel of "The stranger" (chapter 5), but it can very well be read separately.

Also, I wrote this while listening to "If I lose myself" by One Republic, thus the title.

Sunggyu looked through the window, memorizing every single detail of the golden color of the sun slowly setting on the city, changing the cold, grey horizon of cement into a thin, warm line. He liked the city. He liked the fresh smell of coffee emanating from the small café next to his apartment when he got out in the morning. He liked the energizing atmosphere of the little square a few streets away, where young people would gather throughout the whole day and night to sing, dance, spend some time with their friends. He liked the calm, soothing evening air of hot summer nights, strolling in silence through a park. He liked the busy life, hurrying around him and enveloping him until he felt like he was a part of it. A part of this world, a world that would be quick to forget him and that he would probably forget just as fast.

But oblivion didn’t really matter and the reason for that was slowly making his way towards him, before enveloping him a back hug, dropping his chin on Sunggyu’s shoulder. Oh how Sunggyu loved the scent of the younger, the heat of his arms around his waist, his regular heartbeats against his back.

“Woohyun…” The younger hummed on his shoulder, before turning him around in his arms and pressing their foreheads together. Sunggyu’s fingers automatically trailed up to lock themselves into the black strands of hair and he smiled at the familiar softness. “I love you.” And, as always, he could feel his heart skip a beat at the sight of Woohyun’s bright smile, that beautiful, caring, loving smile that only he could see.

His lover cupped his face carefully and looked straight into his eyes before answering. “I love you too, Sunggyu.”

Then the elder reduced the distance between theirs lips, but was stopped before reaching his goal. Woohyun’s smile had disappeared, along with Sunggyu’s carelessness. “Gyu, you know we can’t. I don’t want you to forget.”

Usually, Sunggyu would huff at him in annoyance and go pout in a corner for at least ten minutes, maybe just stealing a small peck, but not that night. That night, he remained calm, his eyes drowning into the other’s ones, and smiled a knowing, pained yet loving smile. “I don’t care, Hyun. You’re the only one that matters and you’re the only one I won’t forget.”

The other seemed to hesitate for a second and Sunggyu took advantage of it to finally press his lips on Woohyun’s, tasting his most precious memory. When he pulled back, he looked into the other’s brown orbs once again and realized he had forgotten the smell of coffee. Pain and remorse flashed in Woohyun’s beautiful eyes and, when he spoke, his words were reduced to a whisper.

“What have you forgotten this time?”

Sunggyu traced the other’s features with the tip of his slender fingers, taking everything in – the eyes, the nose, the jawline, the lips. Then he looked up at his eyes again and answered in the same way. “Nothing important compared to you.”

This time, Woohyun was the one to close the distance between them and his lover let him carry him, locking his legs around the younger’s waist, never breaking the kiss. They were already on the bed when Woohyun pulled away, automatically locking their eyes and Sunggyu was left with a weird feeling of something missing. Flashes of people laughing and dancing were slowly fading at the back of his mind and, instead of vainly trying to hold onto them, he let them go and sustained the other’s gaze.

“How can you be so sure?”

Now the younger looked more worried than ever and Sunggyu didn’t like that. He tilted his head to the side. “About what?”

“About not forgetting me.”

Sunggyu could see panic make its way into his lover’s eyes with every passing second and he caressed his cheek in a soothing motion to calm him down. Maybe he should have panicked as well, because he simply didn’t have any logical answer for that, but he remained composed. He just smiled, because he couldn’t be wrong. If there was one thing he was certain about, it was that one fact – he could never forget about Woohyun.

“I just know it.” When he saw the other was about to protest, he shut him up with a peck and suddenly wondered what coffee was. “Hyun, trust me. I know it. I won’t forget you, I promise.” His hand made its way up to where the younger’s brows were furrowed and he slightly caressed the crease, trying to ease the mark of worry. “Now can you please smile for me?”

They kissed again and again, between the doubts of all there was to lose and the euphoria of all that could be gained. And with every graze of their greedy lips, with every fluttering touch and insistent grip, Woohyun could see Sunggyu’s eyes change. Eventually, later into the night, when Sunggyu’s breathless skin seemed to merge with Woohyun’s, ripping away every last bit of his helpless constraints, the younger could see in his lover’s half-lidded eyes that Sunggyu was losing the last part of himself.

Woohyun didn’t dare get a second of sleep that night, waiting for Sunggyu to wake up, fear playing around in his stomach. As the first rays of light made their way through the light blue curtains, he saw those small eyes he loved so much open slowly, blinking a few times to adjust to the light and focus on anything. But then those eyes looked around and Sunggyu sat up as quickly as he could, his breathing uneven and his eyes suddenly as wide as they could be. He looked at the man next to him and seemed to hesitate for a second, during which the younger stopped moving, breathing, living.

“Woohyun.”

The latter let out the shaky breath he was holding and went to hug his lover, who was trembling, looking around frantically. “I’m here, don’t worry.”

“Woohyun. W-what… What happened?” A desperate sob left Sunggyu’s panicking lips. “W-who? I don’t understand anything, Woohyun. Where… Where am I? I-I-”

The younger dropped a small kiss on his temple and pulled him down on the bed once again, holding him in his arms, as close as he could. He rubbed his hand up and down his back in a calming motion. “Shhh Sunggyu, calm down. You’re in my arms, that’s all that matters now.”

Sunggyu took a deep, shaky breath and nuzzled his head into the crook of Woohyun’s neck, effectively calming himself a little. But if Woohyun thought he felt his heart break with the panicked questions of his lover, he still had to hear the last one.

“Sunggyu? Is that my name?”

~ Piou0102 ~

I'm sorry, this isn't a very happy ending, don't hate me! ><" I still hope you liked it! ^^ If you did, subscribe and leave me some words! :)