Before I know it, not only has the remainder of the weekend passed, but thanks to ‘busy season’ arriving in full force, a whole month of long hours at work has passed as well. Normally the pace at which four weeks passes would not alarm me (I’m used to not knowing what day it is and feeling like I live at the office), but the fact that I haven’t seen Kyungsoo during that time span is concerning. We haven’t seen each other since we “pretty much confessed to each other” (Steph’s words, not mine), and it feels like there is a giant elephant in the room asking, ‘So where do we stand?’

Despite not seeing each other physically, Kyungsoo and I have done a surprisingly good job of staying in touch through random daily texts or short phone conversations. Even though my stomach is vocal enough to make sure I never miss a meal, he usually texts me around meal times to remind me to eat, and he sends me funny memes or articles that he sees online. In turn, I text him funny (i.e. inappropriate) conversations overheard at the office and sad-looking selcas after it gets to be after 9 pm.

After a couple weeks of Kyungsoo being aware that I regularly leave the office at 11 PM (or later) to walk to the parking garage to drive home, he starts insisting that I call him as I’m leaving my desk and keep him on the line until I am safely locked inside my car:

Loner: You really shouldn’t walk out to the garage by yourself every night.

Loner: You never know what kind of creepers are lurking around!

JRY: Calm down, Kyungsoo. I’ve been walking to my car late at night for the past three years and nothing has happened yet. I’ll be fine.

Loner: Keyword being yet.

JRY: You worry too much.

Loner: How can I not? Don’t you have coworkers or something?

Loner: I can’t believe they just let you walk around alone at night.

Loner: What a bunch of gentlemen they are.

JRY: We walk out together sometimes, depending on if our schedules line up.

JRY: We work on different projects, so how late we stay varies per person.

Loner: I guess. It would really make me feel better, though, if you would call me when you walk out alone, and talk to me until you get to your car

Loner: So I can call the cops if anything happens to you.

JRY: What are you, the NIS? Would you like a detailed timesheet of where I go and who I spend my time with too, Dad?

Loner: Ugh. Don’t call me that!

JRY: Ok, ok, fine, I’ll call you when I walk out to my car. Do you feel better now?

Loner: Promise?

JRY: Promise!

And so from that day forward, I habitually call Kyungsoo on my walk to the garage every night to ease his worries and shine a beacon of light on my otherwise stressful days. We usually make small talk about how our days went, what we had for dinner, what I plan to do when I get home, amongst other things. Two nights ago, our conversation went something like this:

Loner: Where did you order dinner from tonight?

JRY: This Italian place down the street; you know, the place that is famous for its spaghetti?

Loner: Oh, so you ate spaghetti?

JRY: No, I got their tiramisu.

Loner: Right, for dessert. But what did you get for your entrée?

JRY: Uh, I don’t think you understand…I only ate tiramisu.

Loner…you only ate dessert…?

JRY: Yeah, I do that sometimes when I’m feeling stressed.

Loner: Noona, that’s not healthy.

JRY: Yeah, mom, I know.

Loner: How many times do I have to tell you to not refer to me as one of your parents? It’s weird.

JRY: I’ll stop doing that when you stop acting like them.

Loner: Fair enough. But seriously, you need to eat real food for dinner tomorrow.

JRY: Eh, I’ll see how I feel.

That was two nights ago. Despite Kyungsoo’s desire for me to eat ‘real food,’ my appetite yesterday was still not feelin’ it, so I opted to eat a pint of mixed fruit for dinner. As anticipated, Kyungsoo was not happy about it and scolded me (yet again) about how my eating habits, coupled with my work schedule, do not equate to a ‘sustainable lifestyle.’

I am responsible for calling in my team’s dinner order at exactly 6:30 every evening, and today I am surprised to see an incoming call from Kyungsoo around 6:15. “Hey noona, you haven’t ordered dinner for tonight yet, right?” he asks me.

“Not yet, I will in about 15 minutes,” I inform him.

I hear him release a quiet sigh of relief, “Good. Don’t.” I try to get him to spill the beans on why he is telling me not to order dinner after two consecutive days of judging my unhealthy eating habits, but to no avail. He just makes me promise that I won’t order anything before hanging up.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I stare at my phone, still trying to process what just happened. Not too long after, a familiar mop of hair pops up over the edge of my cube and comments, “Sorry, sunbae, I couldn’t help but overhear your phone conversation just now—are you abandoning us for dinner? And if so, are you still going to order for us?” The familiar face, belonging to one of my junior team members, shoots me a sly smile.

“Be honest, Joonmyun, are you more concerned about me not eating or are you more concerned that you’ll have to call in your own dinner order?” I respond jokingly, “Think carefully about who is filling out your evaluation before you answer.”

Joonmyun scratches the back of his head as he stutters, “O-of course I’m just worried about you eating! You haven’t eaten well the last couple of days…”

Sighing dramatically, I mutter under my breath, “That’s what he said, too.” Apparently I didn’t say it quietly enough because Joonmyun picks up on it immediately and asks me who ‘he’ is: “You mean who you were talking to on the phone just now, sunbae? Is he your boyfriend?”

I choke on the sip of water I just took, and visibly redden, trying to play it off as water going down the wrong pipe. Joonmyun is still standing there with his arms and chin resting on my cube wall and it doesn’t look like he intends to leave without an adequate response. “He’s uh…” I try to think of how to describe what Kyungsoo is to me right now. “He’s uh…somebody.”

He smirks a bit before commenting sarcastically, “Oh, he sounds like somebody alright.”

Thankfully, an alarm notification pops up on my desktop to remind me that it is time to call in the dinner order, so I feel less bad about shooing Joonmyun away with an annoyed look. Chicken is on the menu for tonight, and I can’t help but feel regretful that I won’t be having any. Minutes after I place the order and make sure that my teammates are aware of when it will be delivered, Kyungsoo calls me once again.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on now, or can I hang up?” I demand upon accepting the call.

“Just come downstairs to the cafeteria on the first floor,” Kyungsoo responds cryptically. He refuses to reveal anything more and hangs up on me again after reiterating two more times that I just have to go downstairs to the cafeteria to see what all the fuss is about. He better not be planning to buy me cafeteria food, I think to myself. I let my team know that I am going to meet my friend for my dinner break and will be back in a bit.

When I reach the first floor, I am greeted by the sight of Kyungsoo standing by in slim jeans and a light sweater, with a sack of something in hand. It feels like it has been forever since I have seen him in person, so this is a very welcome sight. I immediately rush to his side and make a grab for the bag he is holding, asking, “Did you bring me something??”

Kyungsoo quickly transfers the bag behind his back to his other hand and pouts, “Noona, it seems like you are happier to see this mystery bag than me.”

This. I miss this about Kyungsoo; how he can be so quiet and so unsure sometimes, yet so cute and adorable and whiney on occasion. It’s one thing to experience this side of him through texts and short phone calls, but it’s another thing entirely when experienced in person. “Awwww is our Kyungsoo jealous of a bag?” I coo.

If possible, his lower lip juts out even further and his thick eyebrows seem to meet in the middle as he frowns. “Fine,” he resigns, holding out the bag at arm’s length. “Take the bag; I’ll just leave you here to enjoy…whatever is in there…alone.” He makes a move towards the door and I instantly reach out to grab his arm.

“Noooooo,” I plead, “Don’t leave me! I’m happy to see you, I really am!”

Kyungsoo’s eyes round and his cheeks flush as his lips tug upwards into that heart-shaped smile I haven’t seen in a month. “So you missed me, huh?”

My instinct is to reach out and punch his arm, chiding him for sounding so smug, “Don’t make me regret it.” I lead him to a corner booth in the cafeteria (because, you know, secluded corner booths seem to be our thing) and I lean forward in anticipation with my chin resting on my hands. “So…what’s in the bag?”

He starts retrieving items out of his magic bag of tricks, laying out a large container alongside several smaller containers of side dishes. I close my eyes and deeply inhale the scent of home-cooked food. “Oh my gosh it all smells so delicious! What is this even??”

He explains that the main dish is his ‘famous’ kimchi spaghetti (famous amongst who, he couldn’t tell me), and he also brought rolled egg, fish cakes, and pickled bean sprouts for sides. He doesn’t need to tell me twice to dig in. With a cheery ‘Thank you for the meal!’ I dig in and am blown away by the taste of his cooking—it tastes even better than it smells! Kyungsoo is watching me nervously, anticipating my reaction to his cooking. I swallow my first bite and he quickly asks me, “How is it? Do you like it?”

I lean forward and prop my chin on my left hand before answering, “Kyungsoo. Can we just go ahead and get married so I can eat your cooking every day?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze immediate drops to his hands that are resting in his lap, and despite the crimson color that his face is turning, he is unable to keep the shy yet proud smile from forming on his lips. “You could eat it more if you didn’t work so late all the time,” he says quietly.

“Hey, I heard that!” I reprimand him. “I promise that I’m not working late just because I like working late—I really do have a lot that needs to get done. It is busy season, after all.” He proceeds to ask me why I’ve been working the last few weekends as well, and I don’t have a good answer for him. “I think I have deluded myself into thinking that if I work on the weekends, the rest of the week won’t be so bad.”

He urges me to start eating again because my break time is running out. “How many days in a row have you worked, Riyoung?” he asks, voice laced with worry, “You know that this grueling work schedule is going to lead to burnout. Plus, with your terrible eating habits, lack of sleep, and lack of physical activity, this is also going to lead to an increased risk of heart disease, , and a weak immune system. I read a couple studies about it.”

I attempt to bite back the urge to call him ‘mom’ again, but the opportunity is ripe and I can’t stop myself, “Thanks, Mommy. I’ll be sure to take my multi-vitamins every day and eat more fruits and vegetables.” Nostrils flaring and eyes narrowing, Kyungsoo throws his hands in the air, declaring that this is the last time that he will try to be helpful. I have to clutch my stomach from laughing too hard. “Soo, I’m sorry, but it was just too easy! I legitimately think that my mom told me about that study last week in another one of her attempts to get me to look for a new job,” I try to explain.

His ears perk up at my response and he looks at me with wide eyes before asking, “What did you just call me?”

I have to backtrack in my mind before responding, “Uh…I think I called you Soo? Is that ok? I mean, I think I heard Jongin call you that a few times, and it kind of just slipped out. Sorry if I overstepped.”

He shakes his head vehemently and says, “Nonono, it’s totally fine; most of my friends call me that pretty often, actually. Or Kyungie, but I don’t like that one so much. I just…have never heard you call me that before and it caught me off guard. Really, it’s ok. It, um, actually felt kind of nice when you called me that; like we’re getting closer.” I think the color in his cheeks is becoming a permanent thing.

Chuckling lightly, I flash him a broad smile, “I feel like we’re getting closer too. I mean, you even brought me a home-cooked dinner, which honestly, most of my friends wouldn’t even do.” Before I can continue my thought, my phone lights up with an email notification, reminding me that I need to get back to work. I help Kyungsoo pack up the food containers and walk him to the front door of the building.

“Hey, thanks for feeding me real food tonight, it really was delicious. I know you are busy too, so it really means a lot that you would take the time to make this and spend some time eating here with me—I really needed this,” I tell him. I leave out the part about his gesture making my heart flutter.

“You know what I really need?” he asks boldly before he can convince himself otherwise. I tilt my head as a signal for him to continue. “Me. You. Movie night in. This Friday.”

I grin broadly and , “Are you asking me out right now?”

All of his former bravado evaporates as he scratches the back of his head nervously, as if there is even a remote possibility that I would say no, “Uh…y-yeah…I am. Do you want to watch movies with me on Friday?”

“Is it ok if I fall asleep? With my sleep record lately, I can’t promise you that I will stay awake or will be the most fun date ever—don’t worry, it won’t be because I’m bored with you,” I warn him.

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine,” he says, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I figured you would probably be super exhausted, I just haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Then I’d love to have movie night with you!” I agree excitedly. We tentatively plan for him to pick me up from my apartment at 6pm on Friday evening and I bid him farewell with a quick hug and a promise to call him on my way to my car tonight. I catch him so off guard that he doesn’t even have the reaction time to pull his hands out of his pockets to hug me back before I am on my way to the elevator bank. I throw him one more smile and a wave over my shoulder before I step inside the elevator to go back upstairs. What I don’t get to see is how he continues to stand in the building lobby for another five minutes, hand clutched over his heart and a big, goofy grin on his face.