“Don’t even try to deny it, unless you are going to claim you were also a Baekseok High School mathlete,” Baekhyun warns.

I can admit defeat when it’s staring me in the face. “I can explain…” I say as calmly as I can. Kyungsoo is too busy turning red as a tomato to have much input.

“Yes, please do explain how you happen to be at our Saturday morning hangout wearing Soo’s clothes, when for all we know, you were together last time we saw you,” Jongdae pipes up from the couch, “I’m not going to jump to any conclusions, but you do realize how this looks, right?”

“It looks like you went home with our little angel Kyungie and did something that involved taking your clothes off and—“ Chanyeol is unable finish his thought when he is loudly interrupted by Kyungsoo yelling, “THANK YOU CHANYEOL HYUNG. I THINK WE GET THE PICTURE.”

Shaking my head, I start to explain what happened the previous night, starting with when the beagles left us at the club. It doesn’t take long before the boys are all sprawled out across the couch and table, guffawing loudly and slapping their hands on anything they can reach. “Hahahahahaha oh my God, you thought that Nini was doing something in your apartment with Steph??” Chanyeol struggles to ask while gasping for air. “He would never do that to a girl!”

Kyungsoo shoots me a guilty look before speaking up in my defense, “She didn’t know! And I may have kinda sorta not told her…” All heads swivel in his direction, jaws on the floor, body language obviously asking ‘What do you mean you didn’t tell her?’

Attempting to save us both from an awkward discussion about why he wouldn’t tell me that his best friend isn’t a womanizer, I interject before Kyungsoo can respond. “Its fine, guys! I, uh, wouldn’t have wanted to interrupt their alone time even if they were just watching a movie.”

“So, you two went back to Kyungsoo and Jongin’s apartment and did what, exactly?” Jongdae presses for answers. These people are really not going to let this go.

“We played video games and watched anime—“

“I kicked his at Perfect Dark—“

We reply at the same time. Glancing sideways at each other, he looks ready to protest my response while I flash a broad grin. “Kicked my at Perfect Dark? Really? You won by two kills. TWO. If you want to talk kicking, we can always talk about your fine display of talent in Smash Brothers, assuming you won’t die from embarrassment,” he retorts. Aaaaaaand snarky Kyungsoo is back.

“Ok, I told you I picked Smash Brothers for the sake of nostalgia! We were just messing around and you had to go and make it all serious by trying hard—“

“You made it sound like you wanted to compete for real initially! You didn’t mention anything about nostalgia until after you lost. And you can’t give me crap for trying hard; did you see how aggressively you were playing Perfect Dark—“

“Only because I was mad that I got humiliated at Smash! I had to prove to you that I’m not completely worthless at video games, Smash was just a fluke—“

A loud whistle cuts us both off, followed by a command of, “THAT’S ENOUGH, LOVEBIRDS. YOU ARE FIGHTING LIKE AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE.” Chanyeol is standing with one hand on his hip and the other held up to his face to stare at his watch. “We don’t have time for this right now, y’all.”

Jongin slams a shiny, cylindrical, metal object on the table and segues, “Speaking of y’all and the Old West…it’s the second Saturday of an even-numbered month, so you know what that means!” It appears as though Baekhyun has connected his phone to the Bluetooth speakers, because on Jongin’s cue, the strong opening beats of BIGBANG’s ‘BANG BANG BANG,’ comes blaring through the speakers. Jongin, Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Chanyeol are standing close together in a V-formation and start moving to the beat of the music in what seems to be the actual choreography.

“Seungri! Get your over here!” Baekhyun yells over the music. Sending me an apologetic look and mouthing ‘Sorry about this,’ Kyungsoo reluctantly takes his place in the lineup and start moving along to the music as well. I can’t help but to laugh, clap, and sing along, as the guys attempt to emulate the famous boyband (Kyungsoo as Seungri, Baekhyun as Daesung, Jongdae as Taeyang, Chanyeol as TOP, and Jongin as G-Dragon).

3 minutes and 40 seconds later, I am on feet my giving them a standing ovation when they finish. “Holy crap, guys, that was actually really good!” I compliment them. “Are you sure you’re not secretly part of a famous idol group moonlighting as normal people?” They all laugh as they take a seat around the work table, and Jongin opens up the metal canister to lay out some cards.

“We’re not, but if you want an autograph or photos before we become famous, I’m sure we’d be happy to oblige,” Chanyeol jokes. He goes on to explain that this is kind of a tradition of theirs for game days. Apparently, they have a set rotation of board games that they cycle through for their Saturday morning meetups. Before they start playing games each week, they mess around and perform a different song in their repertoire, one to match with each of the board games they play. “This week’s game is Bang, in case the song didn’t make it abundantly clear. We even have The Bullet edition that has the expansions. Have you ever played Bang?”

I scoff, “Ha! Have I ever played Bang.” The boys all look at me in awe. “I know I’m pretty cool, but you really don’t need to be so impressed. Can we establish a house rule, though?” They at least agree to hear me out. “Dynamite. Explodes on spades 2-9 INCLUSIVE, yeah?”

Jongdae looks at me inquisitively, asking, “Is it really a house rule if that’s just the rules? I mean, we always play that way, so I’m kind of confused about your question…”

“THANK YOU!” I exclaim and pat him on the back, “I played with a friend once who argued with me for three hours about whether the Dynamite would explode on him because he drew a 2 of spades. He wouldn’t stop arguing with me that the rulebook saying ‘between 2 and 9’ means it doesn’t include 2 or 9, and therefore he should move on unscathed. Our other friends got so fed up with us arguing about it that they all left, and I finally said screw it and caved at 3:30AM, and I ended up losing! I will never fall victim to the inclusive/exclusive argument again.”

The boys agree to the rule, we select our roles, and start dealing out cards. Jongin is the lucky gent who gets to be the sheriff, and the rest of them groan loudly, “No way! Nini is the worst Sheriff ever. He always goes on a power trip and shoots anyone who is within reach regardless that he doesn’t know who his deputy is!”

Jongin puts his hands up defensively and justifies, “Hey, only one of you can be my deputy, so the odds are in my favor if I attack everyone equally! I personally think it is a very good strategy.” I take a peek at my role and see that I am the lone renegade. I mentally fist pump because I love being the renegade—you get to play both sides. First you have to act like the deputy and convince the sheriff that you are on his side to get rid of all the bad guys, and then at the end you betray and take him down. I am also fortunate enough to have my choice between Slab the Killer (opponents need two Missed! cards to dodge one of my shots) and Willy the Kid (can fire unlimited shots per turn). I settle on Slab the Killer, since I can always get a hold of a Volcanic gun later on, which would give me unlimited shots per turn anyway.

The game begins with everyone playing relatively conservatively—nobody is taking shots, wanting to keep their identities hidden for the time being, while they work on acquiring weapons, horses, and other useful cards. They have also never played with me before, so they are wary of my playing style. Finally, I get fed up with the lack of action and after drawing my two cards from the draw pile for the start of my turn, I start slamming down cards. “Alright boys,” I say, cracking my knuckles, “I’m going to use this Wells Fargo, so give me three cards, thank you very much. We’re going to throw down some Dynamite, Chanyeol I’m putting you in Jail, and I’m playing a Gatling, so everyone feel free to throw out a Missed card.”  The boys all look at me, shocked.

“Damn, girl, you are not joking around!” Baekhyun jokes, “I feel like you’ve done everything there is to do already, but are there any other cards you want to play this turn?”

I slam a Bang card onto the table and point my hand (in the shape of a gun) at Jongdae and deadpan “Bang.”

He is quick to protest, “What did I ever do to you?!” I shrug and explain that I am just doing my job. My actions pique Jongin’s interest and he eyes me as the game continues, unsure if I am truly his deputy or not. As the game goes on, players slowly start dying off—first Jongdae, then Chanyeol, then Baekhyun. All three are revealed to be outlaws, which means that between Kyungsoo and myself, one of us is the real deputy and one of us is the renegade. It is up to Jongin to decide who he trusts and support them, or sit back and let Kyungsoo and I duke it out.

By this point, we have had to shuffle the discard pile back into the draw pile, and as far as I know, there is still a Volcanic that hasn’t been put into play. Crossing my fingers, I draw my two cards and bite back a smile when I draw the elusive gun. I take a quick inventory of my three remaining cards: I have a Duel card and two Bangs. Glancing at the cards Kyungsoo has in play, I note that he has a Barrel in front of him and two cards in hand, and he has two lives remaining. Quickly, my mind starts thinking of all possible scenarios of what cards he could have in in his hand, and how this turn could turn out.

If I play my Duel first, he could potentially have two Bangs in his hand. If he plays both, I also have two, so I will beat him and cause him to lose a life; however, it will then be his turn and I will be out of cards, which leaves me in a really bad position if he attacks me during his turn. But what if he has two Misses? Or a Beer? Damn, he also has a Barrel in play, so if he’s lucky that will count as a miss against my Bang... I ponder these alternate courses of action with a frown on my face for a couple minutes before I resign myself to the fact that in every worst case scenario, I will be card-less against Kyungsoo’s next turn, unless I choose to do nothing at all.

“Time’s ticking, lass,” Sheriff Jongin warns me, “Our hour is almost up.”

Screw it, go big or go home…I think to myself. I hold up a card and look Kyungsoo straight in the eyes, deadpanning, “I challenge you to a Duel.” His eyes flit between the Duel card, the cards in his hand, and my eyes, contemplating whether he should take the hit or play a card. After a few moments, he concludes that regardless of what he does now, he 100% needs to draw a heart for his barrel to defend against the Bang that he is almost certain that I have.

“I…will take the hit,” he says slowly, lowering his remaining lives down to 1. Next, I put my Volcanic into play and lay down a Bang. He flips over the top card in the draw pile, cringing when he sees it isn’t a heart, so his Barrel won’t save him and he will have to sacrifice both of the cards in his hand to dodge my bullet. I know at this point that I will be sending Kyungsoo to his grave and leaving myself defenseless against Jongin’s next turn, but I can’t risk Kyungsoo potentially drawing some cards during his next turn that will give him some extra lives. I send him a sympathetic look and say, “It was nice knowing you,” before laying down the final Bang card in my hand.

Jongin smirks and asks, “Just for clarification, who is that card targeted towards?”

Confused, I respond, “Kyungsoo—isn’t it obvious?”

His smirk widens and he clarifies, “So…you want to bang Kyungsoo?”

“Mature, Jongin. Really mature,” I comment while making an unimpressed -_- face.

“Answer the question, noona!” the peanut gallery (Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun) chimes in. They had slowly lost interest in the game after their premature deaths, but their eyes and ears are focused back on the game, specifically me.

Sighing, I state very clearly, “Specifically within in the context of this game and the situation at hand, yes, I want to bang Kyungsoo, as in shoot him with a bullet so that he will die and we can move on and end this game before our hour in the VIP lounge is up.”

While the other guys cause a ruckus with their laughter, Kyungsoo flips his role card and reveals that he was the deputy, which comes as a major shock to Jongin. Kyungsoo scolds him for sending shots his way during the whole game and not being able to recognize his ally. Jongin first draws a card for the Dynamite he put into play his previous turn, and breathes a sign of relief when it doesn’t explode on him. Despite the fact that I have no cards in my hand, Jongin doesn’t draw any cards that would be able to kill me, so the gameplay goes on. I cross my fingers and pray to the heavens before I draw my card for the Dynamite. Luck is not on my side, though, as it comes up as a 9 of spades.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I lament loudly, loudly dropping my head on the table and silently cursing that my self-imposed house rule is coming back to bite me. The boys snigger and comment, “Sorry, noona; a house rule is a house rule.”

When I start to pout, Jongdae says brightly, “But noona, you were so cool playing the game! You are going to play with us every Saturday now, right?!” grasping one of my hands in both of his.

“You really have a habit of doing that, don’t you?” Kyungsoo mutters, while prying Jongdae’s hands off. I laugh internally at Kyungsoo’s not-so-subtle display of jealousy and respectfully decline, “I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to intrude on your male-bonding time; you probably see me enough on Friday nights!”

My response is met with loud protests and more pleas to hang out more often. I kindly tell them that I will think about it and turn to Kyungsoo to ask if he can take me home now. He ignores the gang’s wolf whistles when he tells them that we are going to leave first before leading me down the spiral stairs. We bid Minseok goodbye on our way out, who waves enthusiastically and tells us to come again soon.

As soon as we are out the door, he turns to me and says, “So…that’s why the lounge needs to be soundproof.”

*~*~*~*~*

The walk back to Kyungsoo’s car and the drive to my apartment are comfortable, albeit quiet. We make small talk about what our plans are for the rest of the day and the rest of the weekend. When the conversation inevitably comes to a lull, I hesitantly speak up to apologize for my outburst earlier this morning, “I’m sorry about freaking out at you this morning and making you feel awful…I have the tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind sometimes without really thinking about how other people are going to interpret my words. That’s not really an acceptable excuse, but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me eventually?”

Kyungsoo takes his eyes off the road for a second to glance at me out of the corner of his eye. “It’s ok,” he responds shortly.

I turn in my seat to face him fully and retort, “No, it’s really not. What I said this morning obviously upset you, and I have no right to make you feel that way.”

“Fine, what you said earlier hit me in the heart; it made me feel like you didn’t want to be around me anymore, but I forced you to. It made me question everything I’ve been feeling, and everything I thought you have been feeling, for the past 6 weeks. Does it make a difference now that that’s out there?” he says exasperatedly. I know he doesn’t like talking about his feelings (or a lot of other things, for that matter), but at least I know how he feels now.

“Yeah, it does to me,” I state plainly, “Look, maybe this isn’t your style; and maybe I’m not your style, so I’m sorry if I’ve been wasting your time, but I like to be a straight shooter. I over share and I flirt openly and I say what I’m thinking and I put everything out in the open because I don’t want there to be any misinterpretations or miscommunications or misunderstandings. Because I’ve been there—I’ve been in relationships and friendships where there was too much overthinking and internalizing and not enough communicating and those all blew up in my face and ended really poorly. And I don’t want that to happen with you—with us.” I pause briefly to take a deep breath before rambling on, “Oh God, are we even at the point of there being an us? Sorry, my mind is probably moving too fast and I am getting ahead of myself without even thinking about whether you want to go in that direction, or how far we are on that path, and now I’m rambling and probably sound like an idiot so I’m just going to stop now—”

“I think I want that,” he interrupts me. Clearing his throat, he clarifies, “I—I think I want there to be an us; eventually.” He scratches his head, embarrassed, as he continues, “I’m sure my friends have made this painfully clear multiple times, but I have never really had a girlfriend. I don’t know how to be in a relationship, or how to be romantic, or how to be a good boyfriend. But with you…for the first time I feel like I want to try.”

I give him what I hope looks like an encouraging smile and say, “It’s ok; you shouldn’t have to change the fundamentals of who you are to be a good boyfriend. Isn’t part of being in a relationship with someone accepting the type of boyfriend or girlfriend they are without trying to change them into something they are not? Anyways, if it’s any consolation, I don’t know what I’m doing either.”

He frowns. “But I thought you just said you’ve been in relationships that ended poorly?”

“Well, I might’ve exaggerated. It was more like one. Or half, depending on how you look at it. And then a couple awkward ‘some’ situations. But that’s not the point! The point is I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend either. I’m selfish—I want to keep my same friends, my same schedule, and maintain my current lifestyle, which when I say it out loud like this, sounds completely unreasonable. Also, I’m awkward, I’m not lady-like, and I don’t know how to be romantic either. And my hope is that whoever my future boyfriend or husband is won’t expect me to change myself into someone that I’m not.”

Kyungsoo hums in acknowledgement and an awkward silence befalls us once again. I laugh quietly before commenting, “Well, that conversation just went a whole lot deeper than I thought it would; sorry.” He brushes it off as no problem right around the time that he pulls up to the curb in front of my apartment building.

“Well, this is me,” I say, as I move to unbuckle my seat belt. I place a hand on his, which is still resting on the stick, and give it a squeeze. “Thank you, really, for everything—I had an awesome, awesome time hanging out with you last night and playing Bang with you and the guys earlier. And thanks for not kicking me out of the car after I made the conversation too serious—if I were you I probably would have. I’ll wash these clothes and give them back to you at some point.”

He gives me a small, heart-shaped smile and replies, “I had a lot of fun too. And it’s no rush on the clothes—I have plenty of others. Relax this weekend, ok? I know you don’t want to talk about this, but you need to get plenty of rest in before you go back to work on Monday. And don’t work too much and remember to eat your meals. If you ever start feeling stressed out, I’m good for a snide comment or two.”

I nod and agree to text him if I start feeling overwhelmed before I step out of the car and wave goodbye as he merges back into traffic. I trek up the stairs to Steph and I’s 6^th floor apartment and am greeted by my stern looking roommate who has her arms crossed in front of her chest. “We have a lot to talk about, missy.”