► playing : “ keep me afraid - nessa barrett ”

Baozhai’s entire existence went a little something like this. She was born into a traditional Chinese household, where her father had a rivalry with his brother that was encouraged by their parents, and as a result, this trickled down to their children, Baozhai and her cousin Renjun. She was an only child as was he, although they had extended family of cousins, they still felt pretty much alone in their own worlds. 

Baozhai’s father made sure he competed with his brother in everything, and had been that way since birth. They expected the same rivalry to adhere to their children, meaning that Baozhai and Renjun were born the same year, and put into everything together as a way to one up the other. Baozhai’s father had wanted a boy, but instead, he and his wife had little Baozhai as their only child. Being secretly disappointed and a little bitter as his brother rubbed it in that he had a son, Baozhai’s dad decided he’d create the best daughter that he could. Men wouldn’t be competition to her, neither would women. No one would beat his daughter in anything. He her into the spotlight from a young age, constantly making her compete with Renjun in everything. If Renjun could do something, then Baozhai was expected to do the same and ten-times better. Although, Baozhai’s parents plan wasn’t exactly a fool-proof one, especially when it seemed that Renjun was naturally better, and didn’t seem that interested in competitions of any sort. 

Baozhai didn’t have a traditional relationship with her cousin as a product of their upbringing, leading to their relationship strain. Baozhai wasn’t sure whether to rely on him as a friend, or to treat him as a rival like they wanted of her. So, as a result, things between them were always awkward and tense. It was when Renjun started showing a natural talent for singing that Baozhai’s dad jumped on it and forced Baozhai into every singing lesson and vocal course available to his child. So she was classically trained from the age of 8 onward. It didn’t matter whether she wanted to or not, that decision was entirely up to her parents, and Baozhai didn’t argue with anything they wanted her to do. 

This plan was pretty much thwarted when Renjun’s parents announced at a family dinner that a young teenage Renjun was to join SM Entertainment in Korea after passing a secret international audition in hopes of becoming an idol. Baozhai’s dad was furious, to say the least. How the hell could his child one-up that? Renjun was already beating her by being a part of the company whereas his daughter was still here in China. 

Secretly, Baozhai felt perturbed by everything. She hated being compared to her cousin, or anyone in general, and wanted so badly for her dad to move on with his stupid inferiority complex, but she knew that wouldn’t happen any time soon. To be completely truthful to herself, she didn’t even know what she wanted to do with her life. She felt very lost and saddened that maybe she would never be good enough to her family. 

Just as expected, Baozhai’s parents did everything possible to get her scouted by a korean company. She had taken lessons in the language since a young age, as expected of the schools in their area, so the language wouldn’t be a huge issue. It was just a matter of time, according to her parents, that she would be selected as an idol trainee that would become better than Renjun. Her father was so sure that she’d flourish because girl groups, in his opinion, were much better than boy groups, gaining popularity and status faster, so he was determined to get his child in the limelight. Although, Baozhai was finally coming to terms with the problems she’d been exposed to and developed overtime. Did she really want to do what her parents told her for her entire life? Baozhai didn’t know exactly what she wanted to accomplish, but she made a secret promise to herself that she’d find an interest outside of her parents goals.

Throughout her parents ridiculous forceful plans of getting Baozhai accepted into a korean entertainment company, Renjun ended up debuting as a kid with NCT Dream and gaining international popularity and recognition. Baozhai’s parents felt like disgraces because of Renjun’s success. In their family and friends circle, everyone was talking about Renjun and his young career and Baozhai’s dad became even harder on his daughter trying to get her to also debut somewhere. Hundreds of thousands auditioned to kpop companies every single day though, and Baozhai was one in a million. The chances of her actually getting in were slim to none, but her parents refused to believe this. She had the experience of lessons and classes, so she would get in.

Years passed and nothing on Baozhai’s part. She didn’t get accepted into anywhere notable. If it wasn’t a korean company then her parents turned the offer down, until enough was enough. After graduating highschool, baozhai stabbed her parents in the back by getting accepted into SM entertainment without them knowing and decided to start slowly cutting ties with them. She figured, hey, this is what they always wanted, well she’d give it to them on her own terms. Maybe she’d even find herself here. So Baozhai left China in 2018 to join SM’s trainee program and start her new life her own way