I'm not sure how many of you are like this.

I've told you guys I don't have a lot of real hair. I'm not sure how many of you know why.

I pull my hair out, and I eat it.

I'm probably the biggest idiot on the planet for admitting this on the internet. People like me don't talk about it. We get stares, we get questions, we get judged.

I know I'm not the only person who does this. I know there are other people who pull their hair out, it's an actual condition called Trichotillomania. Only like 2% of the American population has it. 1% of that 2% eat the hair they pull out. So, I'm a freak within a class of freaks.

But it feels like I'm all alone. I've met one person, and this person is online, who also pulls their hair out. And they don't even eat it. It feels like I'm the only person who does this, and it feels like I can't talk to people about it because I'll get judged and stared at. So I'm telling my friends on here, because I like to think that we're a supportive group of people here. And it's the internet, I'll get judged anyway, ya know?

People like me are incredibly obsessive about hiding the results of what we do. We wear our hair differently so that you can't notice the bald spots. Some of us pull from our eyelashes or brows. Those people wear fake eyelashes and brows to cover it up. There was a time in the sixth grade I was so anxious that I pulled out all the hair from both my eyebrows. I refused to go to school for the next week until we could find fake eyebrows for me to wear that didn't look outrageously fake. My next door neighbor was very helpful - She's a hairdresser - with finding me something. I still pull from my eyelashes, and I avoid wearing mascara because it makes it more obvious that I don't have any eyelashes.

For those of you who read my story Living With Bigbang, Top has trichophagia, which is what I have.

It makes me feel like such an alien. I'm different from everyone else. They all have nice full heads of hair, whereas I don't. They all have nice clean teeth, whereas I have hairs in between my gums. Sorry that was probably tmi.

Do you have any idea how hard it is? I visit three two different doctors about it... So I'm getting help, and it's getting better.

But since, as I said before, only 2% of people in America pull their hair out, let alone eat it, I'm a pretty isolated case. Or at least that's what it feels like. My mother... She doesn't seem to understand. Ever since I developed the disorder, she's been making it very clear to me that she wants it gone, and that she thinks I'm not doing enough to get over it. She calls me a freak when she gets angry. I think she's embarrassed too. She gets upset when I go out in public and don't wear my wig. She doesn't want anyone to know that her daughter isn't the perfect little girl she wanted.

I know that pulling my hair out and eating it isn't the most attractive thing to do, or the most socially acceptable. But I don't really have a choice, I guess. It's an impulse-control type problem too.

What makes me mad is that society in general judges me and makes fun of me for it, makes me feel bad, when I already do that to myself. I know I'm a freak, thank you very much for telling me.

Thank you guys for reading and putting up with me.