i think...

i have to take a break from writing fics. /n maybe from reading too/

there are so many fic projects i wanted to finish but couldn't.

lately...no matter how long i stare at the fics trying to update them, i just couldn't. /even to concentrate in reading takes a lot of energy/

for some fics...i lose motivation...

for some fics...i lose inspiration...

for some fics...i lose ideas...

for some fics...i lose the drive to write...

for some fics, i lose the flow/writing style to connect with old one

for some fics, i lose everything...

i guess...i'm just not the type who can stay on something for too long...my passion for ideas and inspiration comes n goes away strongly, and fast. /which is why i always try to update as fast/much as i could when the fire is still there...bcuz i know it'll be burnt down in no time/

and once it's gone...it's not easy to go back to where i stopped.

which means...a break could possibly mean an end as well...it depends....i manage to update [spectacular] n [mystical gift] even after like a year of break...but that rarely happen...i think of them as miracle. haa.../and i have to give credit to some readers who motivated me/

well, not that it will affect anyone anyway if i stop lol...

yeah, some will call it/me in this case... 'irresponsible writer'....mostly...'irresponsible readers' are the ones who always complained that, i noticed. haaa, the irony. excuse my observant nature. but before calling a writer irresponsible or cruel or anything....look inside yourself as a reader first...vice versa actually...don't make me laugh by calling out on writers who stop writing when you never do any active supportive part as reader...although i won't say all writers stop writing for the same reason...since obviously there are multiple reasons...but if you can be silent reader at their fics...i suggest you not complaint about them not updating either. keep classy. /shrugs/

for [unlock the devil fourever] i've been battling with myself for sometime already....n i'm getting extremely tired of the inner fight...i have the plot down to the end which i'm excited to share lol...but i can't write...and the annoyance generated n piled up didn't help honestly...i need to find the drive to continue from within...i really want to complete this...i was determined...and that's how it still went on to now...but i can only try n try for so much...it was supposed to end at chapter 40-44 depending on the flow...but i have to regretfully put this under indefinite hiatus status as well....joining the rest...indefinite hiatus can also mean forever hiatus...but since i can't tell the future...we leave it at that. besides, this is good news for all my annoyingly unresponsive readers who couldn't even take a fking poll to respond on top of stubbornly not responding to anything as well when this is like one of the hardest for me to write...so....haha...yay~

for ZE:A project....it had failed once with high pressure tension i guess...lol. but then i tried to pick up the scraps n restart it...n i even thought of posting it this week...but now that i lose all this motivation...i'm stuck again...n i don't think i'll be able to pick up myself again...do you think it's easy to fail n start again and fail again and start again n keep having to pick yourself up for everything? yeah i know success stories always make it sound fairytale-ishly do-able...but try going through it on your own...consider it failed as of now...if it ever comes up, it will...but it could be next year or the year after or who knows...no promise. i'm sorry. if anyone else would do it...by all means, do it. you can use all available resources. i'm not the only one who love them am i? there are so many more ppl more updated than myself about their whereabouts n love them more, i don't even belong in the fandom or any other fandom for that matter...i'm willing to help you advertise...but right now...after trying and failing over n over again by myself...i can't pick up my own pieces myself anymore...so i can only help to that extent. i just feel bad bcuz this project was my own idea...but i couldn't even do it now. n nobody would either probly.

i just feel kinda bad for fics that had to be chopped off even without a chapter....like [insensely subtle] which i had been trying over n over again to update but seemed that i had lose it...worse this fic has already gotten like 10 subs even without a chapter...that's the most i ever got without posting chapter(i don;t even know why...it doesn't even have a popular tag)...so i feel kind of bad...but the idea is kinda too ambitious-subtle deep n poetic that i have no confidence of forcing it if i feel i couldn't anymore. of course miracle can happen...but don't count on it...miracles rarely happen.

same goes for [365 strumming scents]...this fic, i personally am fond of it...even without being started...but it requires too much energy in which i had to do compilation of so many celebs before i could begin...but i still have some miniscule hopes for this...maybe one fine day...maybe.

the only ones i will most probably continue to write...

[pieces of shattered heart] - since it's just poem compilation n the updates had no relation to one another. no pressure...n i get poem ideas whenever i'm hit with any strong feelings anyway so yeah...

my month-themed short fics. - well, as you stalkers probly know, this fic idea just started as a one time thing...but one thing leads to another n now it has one sequel...which isn't impossible...to be continued with yet another sequel but that's not confirmed...it depends on my willingness/feels. you might be aware that all the characters are OCish....except some sub characters....n creating OCs are much harder than writing existing idols where you can just copypaste their real characteristics n such...but all/most of the mysterious OCish characters are actually inspired by real celebs that will not be revealed...n their characters are mix of fictional and real so you can imagine how tiring this is right?...but since this is my newest fics...it's easier for me to stay with this one^^. besides the premise is nothing ambitious or grand...n more character centered n has very tight deadline where i'd finish it no matter it's complete or not by the end of the month...n i like that idea of completing by time n not plot development, so far...it helps me to complete them.../of course, i might get bored by it soon enough...isn't that just me?/  but i kinda like the idea of getting people to read not because of the idols used, this is new for me...

[twinnieverse:the youngsaeng hunt] - because this is crack...and i'm just a co-author and so there's no pressure n it's all in good fun n not to be taken seriously ...except for my annoying co-author keep shoving a certain annoying attentionwhore to me everytime...yah, since when is he the main character? someone seems to be sooo in love. huh. n it definitely ain't me if i get sick of it...i'll just take defeat n stop it...though won't it be sad if that happens? i'm supposed to win. :<

as for [my recommendation] ...well, if i find fics worth recommending...i would...my 'reputation' depends on my recommendation...so i can't just throw in anything for the sake of update...lol. the thing is...i hardly even read anymore lately...there are too many fics with characters/plots that just don't draw me in....that i gave up on even searching....n i'm just sick of reading lately...so to fics i'm subscribed to...if i'm not commenting...it means i'm not reading the updates, sorry><....i have my own dignity as a 'responsible' reader and i won't get myself into that lame silent reader lair...i just need a break n i'll be back when i feel like it....n i hope your other readers who are still reading won't be 'irresponsible' enough....since i just can't take in too much right now...

of course though...you'll still see my annoying blogposts...mostly my beloved quizzes....cuz i love 'em...n cuz i can't disappear for too much...then you'll start missing me n maybe appreciate my annoying existence n we can't let that happen can we? :p

again, i don't think anyone's affected or that i have to notify anyone anyway...

but just in case...

to my non-silent aka active readers(though i think that can be counted with fingers from one hand lol), i'm sorry..it's unfair to you guys(if you really looove my fics that much which i doubt lol)...but life is full of unfairness i guess...you'll find better fics anyday anyway...

mostly...

to my fics, i'm sorry...i couldn't treat you better n more fairly. (eventhough you can't read this either since you're not alive...lol)

but i'd like to think i've done well here...

i've completed 16 fics(including 7 oneshots/excluding ss501 anniversary project since it's not a fic)

that's already more than my achievement at other forums i wrote in...combined together...

many of my fics were managed to be completed bcuz of my beautiful supportive readers(especially the long ones...considering i have short span self motivation n drive to write)

so thank you so much. and sorry for always nagging and ranting, lol.

/bows/

completing a fic is actually the best feeling ever for a writer, to me^^.

don't you think so?

so to other writers, keep it up~ and i might stalk you back again/n comment of course/ once i'm out of this sick-to-read situation/but of course, i still don't read exo or other trending fandom fics, so don't wait for that to happen/

bbye~

/runs/

ps: i always feel silly/embarrassing/ whenever i talk about my fic status in blogs...pft...but for some reason...i keep doing it.../shot/