Title: Fracture

Story Link

By armyofseouls

Reviewer: musicbeat

1)Grammar: 5/ 5        

          No mistakes.

2)Diversity of Conversational Structure: 5/ 5    

Contains mostly of short conversations and more of descriptions, but is essential to create character and mood throughout the story.

3)Typographical errors and Layout: 4.5/ 5 

 Everyone would have different opinions for this and I think that making the font a little bigger would make it easier for readers not to squint their eyes like me. The chapter title definitely gives more of the dark and mysterious mood to the story.

4)Story Title: 5/ 5 

The title, “Fracture” fits the story concept and each chapter strengthens the meaning of the story title.

5)Description: 2/ 5 

The description was a bit of a disappointment. With a nicely thought concept and storyline, the author could do better than that. Like what I say to most of my reviews, it’s important not to tell everything to your readers. It might be hard to imagine but in writing descriptions, you only have to give a small peek of what the story is about and not ‘MOST’ of what will happen. The story will show them that. They do not need to know everything but just enough to arouse their curiosity and read.

6)Foreword or Prologue: 4/ 5 

Still has this flavour of light and dark aspect that could make readers wonder

 7) Story Plot: 

• The presentation of Characters: 3/ 5   

Kyungsoo is well-written.  From what I’ve read, Kyungsoo likes to prove he could be independent and is normally a bright person. He loves the sun and crowds. Even with Concisus trying to control him, he’s strong and I admire that trait.

As for Kai and the Kyungsoo’s nightmare, Concisus, I have a few concerns. Kai appears too much of a nice guy. I like that for Kyungsoo but seeing that his lover has a lot of insecurities, I wonder if Kai has one. I think he lacks a small aspect of being human which is being flawed. I know he’s a writer but there has to be more to him than that and his work. And then, there’s him… The author often describes him as evil but how do you tell someone is evil? I can see that he’s dominant but I still cannot visualize how he carries himself.  He likes to scare Kyungsoo with his repetitive tune and his reminder that he’s always around somewhere waiting. That’s about it. A little more personality perhaps?

The distinctiveness of the conflict: 15/ 15  

The conflict is definitely obvious: His dilemma over the nightmare trying to take him and his life and this secret that he’s trying to hide from Kai, his boyfriend.  I have no complains about it. Some readers would think that more conflicts would be better but the simpler the conflict, the easier it is to make a good story out of it.

The flow of the Events: 10/ 10 

I like the first chapter ‘Split’ for being short and yet there’s quality and creates a good foundation to the story. It really shows what’s happening to Kyungsoo and how he felt about it. Focusing on the main character and showing his dilemma from the very beginning is a good wow factor for readers. In my opinion, it would really intrigue readers to continue and see what happens next.

In the second chapter, I’m wondering how you describe someone’s words evil? I’m curious about Concisus’ personality and how it is different from Kyungsoo. It’s a nice idea to show how much Kyungsoo changed ever since the nightmares started. The nightmares seemed to be the life out of him and changing everything he loved, causing him to be isolated and alone. The good thing about this chapter is that it shows how much Concisus is taking over Kyungsoo’s life. It gives some sort of creepy element when the author mentioned that the person in Kyungsoo’s nightmare is just waiting to strike. I think at that point, it shows the readers that the protagonist’s nightmare is not sitting back to enjoy the ride but making his move to conquer.

3^rd chapter… I’m smiling like a creep. This is the reason why I like scary, angsty fics, the quality is really different. The kind of hopelessness in the beginning was perfect. I’ve been thinking that if I was Kyungsoo, dealing with nightmares every night, I might not be able to last as long as he had. He’s strong but like any other human, we also break. Good thing, Kai finally came into the picture. Describing Kai was nicely done. Nothing was exaggerated. It’s really hard to see imperfection when you’re really into a guy I guess~ The scary part comes in when Kai’s gone. Kyungsoo might have gotten stronger but with Concisus’ words, that strength might not be enough.

Chapters 4,5, and 6 tells us Kyungsoo’s growing relationship with Kai. It’s like a match-made in heaven and yet his secret remains. I think Kyungsoo is scared if Kai ever knew of Concisus. There’s a possibility that his lover might think he’s crazy and leave him. I understand Kyungsoo’s fears and logic at his situation. It’s a good touch to see that Kai is not just the typical supportive boyfriend. He’s starting to get curious about Kyungsoo’s behaviour and I hope that soon, he would start being more assertive. If he doesn’t do anything, what’s the purpose of their relationship? Being involve is not just about being their but acting because you care.

 

• The quality of the description of the setting and its appropriateness: 5/ 5 

You don't see a lot of plots like this which makes it a unique concept. To make it better, the story construction is well done. In real life, even with the horror aspect of it, you will wonder if it’s real or not.

• The fitness of the twist in the story: 15/ 15 

Each chapter has a twist that makes you want to know what happens next.

• The consistency of the content: 5/ 5 

I should say that I could no problems whatsoever in this story. My words might sound exaggerated but it’s what I truly think. The pace is neither fast nor slow and fitting for the plot the author has written.

• The taste of the story: 13/15

Fracture is a kind of story that would be well-liked by people who want to read stories that is more than the typical love story. It’s not the extremely scary ones where you want to hide and forget you ever read it but it’s the type of story where there would be times that you would look back or either look at the mirror and wonder about your own version of ‘Concisus’.

   Overall score:  91.5 POINTS

 

One of the highest rated reviews I made. I love how the chapters are short and the dark aspect lurking around somewhere and by the end of each chapter, it whispers to you saying that you’re not alone. Call me crazy or weird but that’s what I think. The story is still young and definitely worth reading.