It’s stupid that now I’m listening to their songs. It hurts so much but I can’t even cry anymore. Just staring blankly while trying to write my emotion down because it’s just too…hard. It hurts so much. I didn’t know it’d hurt this much. I never like separation, I always hate ‘goodbye’. I don’t want them to split up. I am still hoping that it’s just a nightmare although I know it’s real, it just makes me hate reality even more. Why it must hurts so damn much? Why I care so much?

A single tear fall and the song is still playing. I’m hearing their voices and it’s just too much to think that everything will not be the same. Why something like this should happen? Why now? Why I care in the first place? They don’t even know I’m exist, I never see them in real life, they are thousands miles away from me. Why do I care so much?

I don’t know what’s going on, I still don’t know and everything is just freaking confusing. I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I don’t know who’s at fault. I have zero knowledge about what’s actually going on and it frustrates me so much. I’m already depressed because of my own problem and during that time I started getting to know them, then I started to care, then they started to be important, then they just… I really hate it.

Listening to their songs right now feels so different. I know I should stop listening… it hurts, but somehow it also comforts me a little. It’s strange like that.

I really hope everything will be alright.

I want them to be happy. Their happiness is what really matter. And I really really really hope they will always be ONE. I don’t, I really don’t want what happened to those five people (read:DBSK) start all over again. This is just too much. Too out of the blue, too painful.

I really don’t want them to be hurt. Worst thing that I don’t want to happen to them is if they are forced to hurt each other. That’d be immoral, unforgivable. Some people often forget that they ARE just ordinary humans being. They are still so young for God’s sake! I really hope everything will be alright.

“All I want is for everything in the right place and everyone is happy, is that too much to ask for?”