Have you ever felt like a dead despite still being alive? Have you ever wished to vanish from this world? Have you ever wished to die but too afraid to actually kill yourself and too afraid of the unknown life after the death?

Have you ever felt so... lost? Like you have no idea why you are still alive. Why God created you in the first place. Why you have to be happy because you forget the reason why you need to be happy.

Have you ever felt so scared to meet people that know you? Have you ever felt so much more comfortable with a stranger rather than your so called friends?

Have you ever felt like the only one in the world? Like, you actually know very well that there are so many people in this world, but you still feel like you are the only one because no one is beside you.

Have you ever made a big big mistake and despite knowing how to solve it, you are too scared to take the first right step?

Have you ever had a dark secret that you want to burry deep inside you but at the same time you want to share the secret because you feel like it's too hard to keep the secret alone? You want to share the pain that is caused by the secret but you know the secret can also hurt people that you love and hurting them is something that you never want to do. But even when you keep the secret from them in order to not hurting them, you are actually still hurting them and you hate yourself so much for that.

Have you ever felt like you have no one whom you trust enough to understand? You have people whom you love so much and you know they love you too, but a little voice inside you tell that they will not understand and that's the other reason why you keep them in the dark. You keep lying and pretending that everything is alright when everything is far from being alright.

Have you ever wanted to jump from the highest building and just fall? Wishing when you reach the ground you will forget everything.

Have you ever lock yourself inside your room for around two months? Trying to forget and ignore the world outside your wall. But deep inside you know you can't because you are alive, you are, unfortunately, part of the outside world although you wish you are not.

Have you ever felt so weird? Have you ever cried while reading a funny book? You just... suddenly the tears just fall and wouldn't stop.

Have you ever missed your old self so much? Have you ever wished you'd never grow up? Have you ever felt like you are trapped in your past and had no idea how to go to the present time?

Have you ever felt so ridiculous because sometimes you feel like your so called problem is not a problem at all and at the other times you feel like the problem can make you go crazy and it hurt you so much you wish it will kill you?

Have you ever wanted to hug your parents so much but at the same time you don't want to do it because you are afraid you'll cry and spill everything to them if you hug them? You don't want them to know because you are afraid to hurt them, or maybe you are just afraid that if they know, it will change the way they look at you. You are too afraid that they will not understand.

Have you ever cried just because of writing stupid thing like this?

Have you ever wished your life was a fiction?

Have you ever...wanted to shout but you can't?

Have you ever needed help so much but you are too afraid to search for help? You are too afraid to tell the problem to people that know you.

I just wanted to disappear.

I just... need somebody to listen, but I have no idea who's or where's that 'somebody'. And I don't want that somebody to know me. Stupid.

p.s : I'm sorry if this post is the most stupid thing that you ever read. Usually I write stupid things like this on my private blog but for some reason I couldn't log in to my blog since yesterday ._.