There’s this erroneous belief that beauty is somehow negatively correlated with intelligence. Like, somehow, if you have a pretty face, there’s no way you could possibly have a good brain to go along with it.

Balderdash!

Granted, it might be hard to believe, for instance, that a person who looks this:

That is, possessed of a face and a body that would turn aual amoebae into dribbling pools of frantic desire—well, it might seem a tad unfair if such a person was blessed with both superior looks and an extraordinary intellect. I mean, leave something for us mere mortal ynoonas people to aspire to!

Alas, the world is wholly unfair and this extremely hot person is not only…uh, extremely hot (I can’t think of a good synonym for “extremely hot”, because yeah, he’s extremely hot)…he’s also a man with a capable, active mind. His brain is never at rest; it’s always pondering the important issues, pushing at the boundaries of reality, trying to take apart this phenomenon known as “truth”.

This is evidenced by that dreamy quality you might have spotted in his eyes.

He’s always lost in thought, even on the streets of a foreign city.

Our budding philosopher; outwardly having fun, but his eyes say he’s seriously thinking about…wait, where are his eyes?

Anyhow, our dear leader has seen fit to share some pearls of philosophical wisdom with us. He’s even been so gracious as to deliver his insights to us in English, so us poor non-Korean speakers won’t have to cry and tear our hair out waiting wait for subtitles!

Such perspicacity! Can hardly believe such wisdom came from the cutie commander. As expected of one of the smartest oldest men in Kpop.

Let’s break down the philosophical insights our leader shared, shall we?

♦ I’m not a monkey, but I love banana.

Clearly, this is a statement on identity, and the construction of this most important, but most amorphous of concepts. What makes you you? Sunggyu wants us to think about this. He attacks the syllogism of:

Monkeys loves bananas.

I am a monkey.

Therefore, I like bananas.

Clearly Kim Sunggyu is not a monkey (as pinnochi pointed out to me, he is a hamster), and yet, he loves bananas—or actually, he loves banana, the singular, the Platonic ideal of the banana. It’s so deep, it sets off a whole round of lively discussion among the dongsaengs (okay, mostly Woohyun and Sungyeol, but perhaps the others needed a moment to process the deepness of the message).

♦ I’m not a monkey, but I love banana.

You may think he is just randomly repeating himself, but no! Never our salamander guru! It’s obvious that in stating this again, he is asking s, and us, the audience, to consider the nuances of this seemingly contradictory truth. I found myself saying it aloud with different inflections, trying to unearth the truth in this seemingly nonsensical statement.

“I’m not a monkey…but I love banana.”

“I’m not a monkey, but I love banana.”

“I’m not a monkey. But I love banana?”

This is truly a vigorous mental exercise!

♦ I’m not a monkey, but I love banana.

Indeed. (I refuse to believe he was just reading a T-shirt!).

♦ Be careful. Be careful.

Said with a smile—what does it mean?!? Omo, Gyu-yah, noona’s mind is still working on “I’m not a monkey, but I love banana”!

♦ Do you like coffee? I like it.

Obviously, this is not just Gyu admitting to an addiction to this caffeinated drink (no matter the abundance of evidence found in other clips from when they were Stateside). No, he is engaging in epistemological enquiry. Here, he is challenging and/or providing his own counterargument to Descartian rationalism or perhaps even Humean empiricism…

Ohmygyumyungiebackfullonmyungiebackohmygyutakemyfirstbornmyungie….what was I saying?

This post approved by Kim “Exposure of my body trumps pseudo-philosophical ramblings” Myungsoo.

*Pictures and video credits to their owners