Oh sure, we all know Kim Sunggyu as the y, charismatic general of Infinite. And of course, who wouldn’t want to marry a man like that?

The answer would be: this noona.

I am sorry to say, for all the reasons there are to marry Sunggyu, there are just as many reasons NOT to marry him. Hear me out, please!

I don’t know about you, but there are plenty of reasons why I will NOT marry Kim Sunggyu, the top 5 of which I present to you here with video evidence and probable disaster scenarios from married life with him.

1. Poor hand-eye coordination. Listen, those little eyes may be adorable, but they’re hazardous! I’m a natural klutz, and the two of us together would be a walking disaster zone.

Me: Darling, can you hand me that priceless porcelain vase that’s been in my family for ten generations?

Sunggyu: CRASH!

Don’t believe me? Ask SHINee’s Key about it.

2. Constant misunderstandings. Those little eyes can be dangerous! I’ve also been told I have a near-constant mean expression on my face. Between the two of us, we’d probably scare the dickens out of a lot of people. And I can’t even imagine if we had kids!

Me: Your teacher said you scared your classmates. What did you do?

Child: Nothing, mommy, I just looked at them. You know, the way daddy looks at Uncle Sungjong.

Uncle Sungjong doesn’t even get the worse of it!

3. Anger issues. Well, we all know Sunggyu’s brand of discipline. And I have something of a temper, too. I bet we’d get thrown out of a lot of restaurants and theaters.

Sunggyu: What do you mean, you’re out of strawberries?!?

Me: Darling, you need to calm…where’s the whipped cream?!? HOW CAN THIS BE CALLED A SUNDAE WITHOUT WHIPPED CREAM? (flips tables)

Poor Woohyunnie lives in constant fear.

4. Scared of dogs. Can’t swim. Can’t drive. I combined all these together, because, well, they’re kinda minor on their own, but the trifecta leaves me shaking my head. I love dogs, though I’m allergic to them. The other two dealbreakers might be particular to me, since I can’t swim and my driving is fail. Basically, if we ever got married, our kids wouldn’t have any pets, never be allowed near a body of water, and would have to take the bus everywhere.

Child: Daddy, I’m feeling sad we can’t get a poodle. Can we drive to the lake?

Sunggyu: Not the lake (shivers) , but I’ll drive you—

Me: NO! I STILL WANT TO KEEP MY BABIES ALIVE! STAY AWAY FROM THE CAR!

The dog thing seemed to have resolved itself somewhat. There might be hope for the swimming, too, but the driving…not so much.

5. Fail iness. Oh, it’s all well and good when he’s just standing around after the coordinoonas have gotten to him. Or even when he’s got some solid choreography down. But I can just imagine coming home after a long, hard day at work and just wanting a little something from my husband on the more mature end of the spectrum…and ending up like the following scenario.

Me: I’m not feeling that great, baby. Maybe you could do something to get my engine going?

Sunggyu: Sure…uh, where is your engine?

The Weekly Idols oppas feel my pain.

See? Still feel like marrying Sunggyu now?!? If he comes knocking with an engagement ring, you’d best slam the door in his face. I know I will reject him…

NOT!

Hahahaha, who am I kidding? I’d leap to marry him! At the end of the day, he’s still the sweetest, iest, hardest-working grandpa/hamster in all of Kpop, and whoever he does marry is going to be one lucky person!

Sadly, it won’t be you, Hong Jinho. Believe me, we all feel your pain.