Scariest Thing in the world

A few things scare me in life:

» A favourite group of mine disbanding/being involved in a career damaging scandal.

» Someone going through my internet history and realise that I spend waaayyy too much time watching shows that aren't even my culture.

» My parents or a family member dying.

» The exorcist.

But the only thing scarier than that is my future. I literally just had the biggest reality check of my life and realised that my life is headed nowhere.

I just spent the last hour crying cos I worry about stupid things that don't even affect my future (not having updated and replying to people becauseI'm too lazy) but don't spend enough time worrying about where my life is headed and things that will affect that.

I just .... I just don't know anymore! I have no special qualities! Any quality I have that I consider to be good will get me nowhere!

Who cares that I'm highly sympathetic and empathetic? Who cares that I appreciate animals more than most? Who gives a damn that I'm nice? And yeah, those are the only good qualities about me! And I wouldn't even call them good! I can't even tell someone "no" unless I have a decent reason to back myself up!

I've become a joke... I used to dream big, but now I have no dreams or desires. I spend most of my time in my own little world to escape the harshness of my own impending future (but it's okay, then know me here ... and like me /shot/).

Yeah, my future is an empty canvas to be painted on, but you need a direction first! Painters paint masterpieces with a guide and/or an idea! Don't tell me my future is bright when it may not be. Don't give false hope.

I have no idea what I want to be or do. I don't excell in any field. I don't so dismally bad either. But I failed two summer exams. And that didn't even give me a reality check. And I know a lot of people on here are amazing at English - especially of it's not your first language! - and your other school subjects. But I'm the opposite of you. I barely get by in languages and I'm mediocre at best in everything else. I'm one of the worst in my English class. I may have a boundless imagination, but I can never articulate myself well.

Heck, there is nothing extraordinary about my life. I have nothing to complain over. The only thing that ever hindered me was myself! I realise that now. I fobbed problems off on others and blamed other things and people for things that didn't go my way. I'm going to show a more mature side in the future. (Why am I reminding myself of idols by saying that?)

So this was a load of nothing. Kudos to you if you got through it.

~~~

TL;DR: I'm terrified of my future and instead of facing it, I'm running away with my tail between my legs.

~~~~

I feel like I've been very serious here lately, which is something I didn't want to happen. I'm sorry for that and will try to stop with my rants and opinion posts. I'll put on a happier front from now on.

/rolls away/ (wishing I could insert a gif here, but I'm on my phone. Hence the typos.)

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TheChuglyOnesTheBest #1
That's how I feel sometimes. My sisters are super smart and get super good grades, and my biggest sister is applying for collages, (like the UC and IV schools) and I don't get very good grades, and I get lectures from my parents about my grades and my sisters are over there criticizing about how I won't get in very good collages. ;-;
MyDeerLikesBacon #2
You have a… tail? Nah jk jk. The point is, jut be confident with who you are and work hard (yeah I know you heard this before but DON'T YOU DARE ignore it <-- nah jk again). Your future will bear fruit I you work hard now.
YuxieWuxie #3
Oh em gee. You just spoke my mind so accurately it's weird! My exact thought and feelings. I just settle thinking 'something's gotta give' and hope God has a great plan for me, or to die before I throw my life in the trash... I mean, I'm in college, studying something just for the sake of my parents, preparing for a career I chose, but I do not wish to pursue for the rest of my life. I realized I need to get my together when my plan became 'marry someone rich', but I still can't figure anything out... So I decided to take one step at a time and that is what I advise you to do too. Also, do something you like, because it's horrible finding yourself in the middle of a class, asking yourself 'what the am I doing here?' :| so chase your dreams, become a vet, you seem to have the qualities for it. You're kind, empathetic and love animals. If I could go back time, that's what I would do. Maybe I will, after I finish this one. If I don't marry Taeyang xD
Haerin55 #4
Please dont doubt yourself. Im only 13 and im terrified about growing up and going to university and all that, but the best i can do is believe in myswlf and work harder. Im not the smartest person in the world either and i use to think i would end up as nothing when i grew up because im in foster care and my father is a gang leader and i thought i would grow up in that world. However i still have so much time to decide what my life will be and what direction it will face and so do you. You say ur not good at anything but u mevet know there migjt be a hidden talent in you just waiting to be found. Im not trying to give u flase hope but all i will say is never doubt yourself and always believe even though it sounds really cheesy its kept me from not killing myswlf all these years.
ScreamingMidget #5
Lmfao. I'm a SENIOR in high school and I still don't know anything about my future. College? No clue. But that's okay. If anything, that's what makes it better. If my life was laid out like those rich kids with good grades then WOW I would be bored. And I think you would be too. It's normal to feel like we're 'good for nothing'. It's okay because I thought the same exact thing. Get to know yourself better. People aren't just 'nice, friendly' but they have layers to them that they don't realize. It's okay if you're not exceptionally talented or whatever. Luck is a skill too, you know. I'm sure if you let fate or God or whatever you believe in just HAPPEN, that you'll end up somewhere better than you could have ever imagined. Just go with the flow.
minjeonginamo #6
High five. I don't know where my future is going. There was one time, someone asked me if I'm afraid of the future, I answered her, "No. Because I don't have a future." I'm dumb. and the only dream I have is to become a kpop star which my family thought of as a silly thing. :/
BAPBlackjackVIP #7
I'm scared of what might happen in my future too. I used to dream big also, but not anymore and I have two years of high school left, but I don't even know what college I want to go to and what courses I want to take. Plus, how am I gonna get a job/interact with people if shy and quiet in person!? UGH
aznawzmao #8
Actually here's a thought:
Stop worrying about your life.
Start thinking about who you are, and reflecting your views and your connection to nature.
Know that your life is one small dot, but it means so much to the world around it.
That you're a lot stronger and harder to kill than you think you are.
Sorry I've been reading a lot of transcendentalism stuff :3
Kuehki #9
That's the same way I am. Instead of facing problems I rather run away, I've had a few panic attacks about it before. Don't force yourself to be happy though. It's okay to be upset about this and putting up a front won't help. If you ever need help we're here.
luvyuh4evr #10
OMG I know how you feel, I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in college, what I'm going to be majoring in, or what I want to do as my future career. Most of my friends already know, b/c they know what they're good at, and then there's me and I just think, "What am I doing with my life?" "What am I even good at?" "All I do is go on my computer and fangirl" And then I wanted to be a nurse, but then I really do not like blood. Then I thought of being a lawyer, but my mom said it was too much money and it's a lot of school. All I know is that I want a job that will let me travel as well. My aunt works at Apple and she has a pretty good life, good money, she travels, and has time for her family as well. But It'll probably be hard to get into Apple. I feel so lost in life, I would rather stay in high school honestly b/c I'm so scared of going to college all lost not knowing what I want my future to be like. *sigh* sorry if my comment is long
turtlepanda22 #11
Im not gonna say pretty words here in dis comment cuz im here to cry with you ;-; omfg i know how u feel! Just so lost and . You see all these talented people (on this site nd everywhere) who are gettingg somewhere in life and im just sitting here pouring my life energy into a computer. Ugh i feel useless ur blog just gave me a reality check. "What am I good at?" "What do I want to be in my twenties to retirement wasting 40yrs on?" "What job will make me happy and succesful?" IDK TT TT thats scary just like you said. I don't like how society works: get an education/go to college/get a job/ be successful/ raise a family/ grow old/ die! Life would be more interesting if we lived it like some fantasy anime with magic and journeys and hot asians on every corner lol i live too much in this unrealistic world ugh ENOUGH ABOUT ME well on the bright side of ur troubles im sure youll find something to do eventually. Inspiration for the future doesnt come with a snap of fingers it comes when the time is rite :) so wait a lil longer nd try out new different things to c what you like and can do (sorry for long comment)
Jinhwanderer #12
I feel for you. I'm in my first year college (at 16). When I was in high school, I wasn't planning to go to college. I just, just had no idea where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. Then I missed the Big Bang concert in October 2012 and I realized that I have to really do something, really BE something, no matter what that is, I have to meet Big Bang, heck I even considered being a stylist or just anything. I want to be worthy of seeing my oppars.

Now I'm taking up tourism management because I thought it was related to kpop and would somehow, get me to Korea. My life is kpop centered.

Himnae!
exo-exorcism #13
Aw Hun, I know how you feel. I'm almost 17 an I have no idea what to do with my life :( I'm reasonably unphased by that fact though and I think that's what worries most.
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