SadisticSinner
reviewed by: ayaaachan
»Originality {Have I reave something similar to it? Is the idea very well-thought out? Is the plot something new?} -/30
I have read some fics with the same prerequisite (like the a good boy gone bad/ playboy getting played instead / a supposed predator-you know what I mean- getting served instead the other way) But this is my first time reading a very graphic/detailed one so it’s new kind of read in a way and experience. Man, you literally wrote to its very definition
Points: 26
»Grammar {Does this need explanation...?} -/30
I did not notice any mistakes at the foreword. Thumbs up!
I’ll point out your some of your grammatical errors to help you out since English is not really your first language. (You said I should be strict so here goes. . .)
Chapter 1
1. "What?!" Onew was slowly loosing all his patience and he hoped that Jonghyun won’t say something stupid, for his own good. Correction: ~ the word that should be used is losing. I think you got confused with loosing and losing. Or was it just a typographical error?
2. And like that wasn’t enough, Onew fell in love with a really pretty boy, that shared the same feelings for the elder. Correction: ~ And like that wasn’t enough, Onew fell in love with a really pretty boy, who shared the same feelings for the elder. ~ ‘that’ is used when you refer to an object; you were referring to a person so you should use ‘who’ instead.
3. "It’s ok, hyung. I understand. I was just to angry for the past days because we didn’t manage to spend more time together." Correction: ~ “It’s ok, hyung. I understand. I was just too angry. . .” ~ I don’t know if this was a typographical error or if you were confused of ‘to’ and ‘too’.
4. "I never was good at this part. There’s always something that escapes me and the plan fails." Key said as placed his hands on his hips and shook his head. Correction: ~ “I was never good at this part . . . “~ The one you wrote is not wrong but this was just seemed more fitting. It’s just a suggestion =))
Chapter 2
1. Jonghyun looked amazed at the boy, completely puzzled by the his actions. They were just kissing a moment ago and now Key ignores him? What was going on? Correction : ~ You should omit ‘the’. Maybe it’s just a careless mistake.
Chapter 3
1. “I love you, too. For now and for ever.” Correction: ~ it should be ‘forever’.
Chapter 4
1) Because of the position he was currenly in, Correction: ~ a typographical mistake: currently
2) How embarrasing. `Correction~ embarrassing
4) . But Key never promised outloud that he’ll stop after 5 seconds. ~ it should be out loud
Chapter 5
1. don’t forget to take these pills because the headoffice requested some tests on you ~it should be head office
2. This question took Key by surprise, his head raising up quickly and a shocked expression visible on his face. ~Verb confusion, it should be rising up.
3. Jonghyun decided to stay silent, he couldn’t deny it, his heart was acting weird, beating crazily at Key’s every touch Correction: ~ Jonghyun decided to stay silent, he couldn’t deny it, his heart was acting weird and beating crazily at Key’s every touch
And other mistakes such as proper spacing before/after comas/periods (in truth it’s negligible)
Your mistakes are mostly minor so no biggie. And your mistakes and errors decrease as your story progress. The only mistakes you have in your writing at the end are the spacing before/after comas/periods and some spellings and mistyping. So that’s good, it means you’re getting better and really those are just minor mistakes.
Points: 23
»Characterization {Are the characters relatable? Has the author taken time to devlop the characters?} -/15
Okay with your characterization, it was really good and some points about the characters were thoroughly explored even with just 5 chapters. Especially about Key, I LOVE HIS CHARACTER HERE! It’s not that I have a thing for crazy/scary people, it’s just that it is well expressed, his character and everything. And even with all the craziness/weird adorableness he has, I still want to explore him, to read more about him. With Jonghyun, I like how his character was presented at the first chapter. Everything important about it was laid out clearly and you made me understand how he could change so much with your writing.
Points: 13
»Vocabulary {Come on, quit using 5th grade adjectives...} -/10
I love how you challenge yourself with words even though English is not your first language.
Points: 8
»Development {In this catergory: title, dialogue, pacing, and overall how the story is brought together} -/15
Sick Pleasure- the fic is SICK! And when I say SICK, I mean the fic is badass okay? It’s a compliment. And about the pacing it’s not done yet but so far I like how it goes. And since it is a rated fic, I understand as to why there are many underlying stuffs that were revealed and not yet revealed, and as why the characters seems to get twisted more and more. You almost made me crazy myself like Key with making my emotions go all over the place. And at the end you made me curious, there are still so many things that need to be answered. –the MINHO thingy- (I’m not hating him okay, Or I am?)
All in all, I like how you approached the story, developing it in such a way all pieces are all together with the seriousness and how everything is somehow connected. And really, you’re turning me in a ert just by reading this (compliment again)
Points : 15
Total : 85/100
Note : I tried to be really strict but personally I like your story=)) FIGHTING FIGHTING =))
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