Reviewer: mocha3288

 

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»Originality {Have I read something similar to it? Is the idea very well-thought out? Is the plot something new?} 23/30

 

Alright so, the originality was great, I mean, yeah, well done! However, I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve never read any story with the same plot/similar plot because I have. I’m not saying that you copied them or anything because I know you haven’t! Your story was really different in terms of explaining it and the scenes; however the main plot was quite similar to some other fanfics that I have read. The way you described everything so perfectly really made it stand out from the other ones though.

 

So all in all, the plot was a bit cliché, I mean, two lovers, one dies and the other has to change their life. If anything, sometimes I found myself guessing what was going to happen soon in the story, and I was correct. However, it was really great in general, but I am rating your originality in this section of the review.

 

Your mark is: 23/30 (sorry if this was a bit harsh TT)

 

 

 

»Grammar {Does this need explanation...?} 27/30

 

Alright, I’m not going to be picky on grammar, because I know that English isn’t your first language. There were a few grammatical and spelling errors here and there but that didn’t bug me as much and it’s pretty self-explanatory.

 

HOWEVER, the ellipses. I noticed you used many of them in your story! One thing that really bugs me is when people use ellipses when they aren’t necessary. Some of your ellipses weren’t technically necessary (some were though) and that bugged me.

 

And sometimes when you had a few ellipses in the same sentence, you didn’t put any spaces to start the new sentence. I’m not saying this was all the time, just a few places here and there.

 

Speaking of spaces, you lacked spaces in some places. I personally find it confusing and annoying when that happens.

 

Overall, that was pretty amazing for someone who’s English isn’t their first language.

 

Your mark is: 27/30

 

 

 

»Characterization {Are the characters relatable? Has the author taken time to develop the characters?} 15/15

 

Characterization, I don’t even need to write anything as your characters were perfect. The characters were really relatable and you developed them well. However, you developed Kibum a lot more than your developed Jonghyun and I guess that does make sense as Kibum is the main character, however, I was just, I don’t know, craving to know a bit more about Jonghyun and his character? You did really good, all in all. Good job with the characterization!

 

Your mark is: 15/15

 

 

 

»Vocabulary {Come on, quit using 5th grade adjectives...} 10/10

 

Considering that English isn’t your first language, wow, where did you learn those words? Your vocabulary was so good and there was such a wide range that, dare I say, your vocabulary is bigger than someone who is a native English speaker! (not all, but some) Another great job, author-nim!

 

Your mark is: 10/10

 

 

 

»Development {In this category: title, dialogue, pacing, and overall how the story is brought together} 14/15

 

I loved the ‘flow’ of your story. I have read multiple stories when heaps of events happen in a few chapters and stories where one event happens over a number of chapters. That I find, is annoying. However, you story was perfect flow-wise. There were a few parts where I personally think you could have removed to make it flow a bit better, but that’s very minor so I wouldn’t really worry about it.

 

The title was amazing, like holy GOSH DAMN how did you think of that? Flight of Time is a perfect title which draws interest and makes you wonder. If I were to be REALLY critical, I would say that it’s a bit confusing and misleading, however the confusing part is good as people will open up your story to see what it’s about! ^w^

 

The dialogue was smooth as well. And overall, the development was brought together really well! I commend you again! :)

 

Your mark is: 14/15

 

 

 

Overall points: 89/100 Good job author-nim! x3

 

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»Reviewer Note

 

Hey! mocha3288 reviewed this, hope it’s okay and sorry if it was too harsh.~

 

tbh; I’m not the biggest shawol, I don’t technically fangirl over them, I just listen to their music and reblog photos of them every once in a while. ^^ I’ve only read one fanfic on SHINee ever, and I didn’t technically finish it, however this story was so good. It’s so good for a work in progress, the angst and tragedy was so.. well described! I’m a very emotional person, however I’m sorry to say that I didn’t cry in this, TAT. I did have watery eyes though! I guess my emotions aren’t that drawn to SHINee? I don’t know keke.

 

But to the story; the foreword was very well written. However, I tend to like forewords where the author introduces the characters and the setting etc. Your foreword was great as well though! The short and ‘sweet’ introduction, much like a blurb of a book was great and I bet attracted many readers. The length of the excerpt you gave and the tense setting in it was very well described. I commend you with the foreword as usually, forewords are the letdown of the story. (I reckon, at least LOL) And dat prologue man, dat prologue. Ugh. o u o.

 

But yeah! Good luck author-nim! Hwaiting!

 

Yours faithfully; L.