grimchuckler
»Originality {Have I reave something similar to it? Is the idea very well-thought out? Is the plot somethinf new?} -/30
-I've read stories with a slight similarity but your idea is still fresh and new (to me at least). The big idea -someone denying a mental disability while close ones argue with them- is pretty common but the deeper plot is something I've never read before and I applaud you.
Overall points: 28.
»Grammar {Does this need explanation...?} -/30
-'My members from the group I'm in, Exo-M, the other four...' 'Exo-M' and 'the other four' both modify the same thing- members- so, why use both?
-"Yes, I live with you," uhhh I think you meant 'I'll live with you'. Typos will be counted.
-"...doing the thing that he was currently perfoming." 2 mistakes. 1) you used two tenses. Currently is present, yet you used 'was' with it. Should be: '...he is currently performing.' 2) it just sounds wrong... Should be: "...shouldn't be seeing him perform this action." Or there are other ways you can write that.
Over all points: 26
»Characterisation {Are the characters relatable? Has the author taken time to devlop the characters?} -/15
-I think Chen will be very relatable to the readers because he is misunderstood. People can comprehend his problem of not being believed. The way you progressed Chen was also very good. He gradually became more and more insane. I can also see the way s care very much about him. Xiumin talking to him calmy, members taking away Chen's laptop for his own good, Sehun running to check on him. Very good.
Overall points: 15
»Vocabulary {Come on, quit using 5th grade adjectives...} -/10
-Other than the various unformal speech, the rest of the story was very well-decorated. But you shouldn't use slang such as 'creeped out'.
Overall point: 9
»Development {In this catergory: title, dialogue, pacing, and overall how the story is brought together} -/15
-I think you could've came up with a better title, honestly.
-Dialogue is well-written. Suitable for the age of the characters, also.
-I slightly feel as if the ending was rushed. A few more words could've been added. But other than that, the story is well-paced.
-Generally, the story developed nicely, could've been better, but still nicely.
Overall points: 13
grimchuckler:
91/100!
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