Dear Diary,

 

I didn’t sleep last night.  It was kinda like the Matrix, was I really there? Did that really just happen? I twirled the Peridot heart shaped ring in my hand all night.

 

Anyway~ Kang-ssi grounded me along with Rabbit! I was about to get really upset (I thought it was like a ‘Leader goes down with the ship’ type of deal) but then Kang said he knew about ....what happened last night. I was like 'WTF did you follow me or something?" (Now I didn’t say this… But I was totally thinking about it though!) He even knew about the ring. Aish, now what do I do. Well, I haven't had any real time with Rabi-san since that time but, now that we are stuck here together I guess this is my chance to finally get to know the real Choi Rabi... again... Hahaha... 

 

So diary, we have the same taste in K-dramas. Remember that show Minho was on? We totally fangirled over it! But then Kibum and Minho showed up! 

 

I’m glad they both came, you know? Kibum and I talk all the time now (even more than I talk to Nessa). That’s right diary! I need to call her more. Maybe Key, Ness and I can 3-way skype when I have some time. OH and she's not Ness anymore, she's going by Van now, that’s so hard to remember......She'd totally wants to know about Jong-........ok Chiba........Sigh

 

It's just… I shouldn't be writing right now... my eyes still hurt... and I hurt Kris...

 

I forgot that Jong hung up on him last night. He came in sooo pissed. When we got back to my room I could barely look him in the eye. I didn’t mean to… but, I had one quick glance at the ring, and somehow Kris knew... (How does he do that? Are Hana and Kris exchanging notes?!?!) But I couldn’t talk about it. Hell, I couldn't believe it myself. I was so not ready then, and I’m still not now. He demanded to know what happened... Aish... 

I looked away from him and... I heard the sound of one of my bowls crashing to the ground, breaking. We both stopped then. I knew he didn't mean to. Kris looked surprised himself for a second... I was just about to pick it up when there was a cry from Rabi's room. Minho came busting through her door like "LEAVE" to Kai. Kris was right in front of me at that moment so he blocked the view in the room (he is tall…) When he turned round it was the first time, today, that my eyes met his... and I...

 

The tears flowed down my cheeks.  I couldn’t catch them fast enough.  He hated me now… There was no more “us”. I had to let go of my Caterpie. 

 

I closed my eyes.....

 

Then I felt his warm hands caress my cheeks. He so tenderly wiped away my tears, to give me a kiss. 

He… still kissed me… And that was a wanting kiss, diary! Now since I kinda kissed somebody else… it really put his kisses in perspective now. His kiss was soft but there was something hidden behind it, some emotion I never knew made…tangible. As Kris walked away that… tangible thing left with him. It faded away slowly with him, just like his long strolling strides. 

 

But why did I say he was like winter? Wasn't he a dragon? Why did I feel so...

 

It just hit me diary. I was the cold one. Inside my own soul was the silence of winter and… he was the fire to my soul. It was his warmth alone that warmed me up, and when he leaves... that same warmth… that same fire… leaves with him.

 

Kris... Caterpie...

 

Please just hug me again... wrap your arms around me once more. I need your warmth...