Review shop: SHINee World one-shot and review request shop

Story: So Pretty Ma Boy

Author: springjasmine91

Story title: (3/5)

Ah, is this a play on B2ST's 'Beautiful'? It's clever, sure, and I do like it. But, it's not that eye catching and it is a little...boring? Honestly, I would probably have skipped passed it. And, really, the title begins to lose its meaning after chapter 10 when he is no longer in the academy.

Appearance: (8/10)

It's a little bland, honestly. But, as it's better than being blinding and really distracting, I didn't dock you much. I would just suggest that you put the poster at the top of every chapter, though, because it's a nice poster. And, though it does give the reader a better picture of what everything looks like, the pictures through the chapters of outfits and rooms are a little distracting. They're pretty, but maybe you could try your hand at making descriptions of the rooms/outfits?

Foreword/Description: (14/15)

I only marked a point off because the description part is spaced oddly. I don't know if it was intentional, but it is a bit awkward because the sentences just cut off and are placed on a different line. But the rest of it is good, and the pictures are helpful for those who aren't familiar with the other idols in the story, like Kiseop for your Shawol readers.

Characters: (14/15)

The characters are fine, really, but I feel they lack a little depth. You don't really need this, I guess, but if we knew more about each character and what they are like, the readers would be able to connect more with them. For example, I don't think you ever fully explained why Taemin was dressing as a girl in the academy in the first place.

Originality: (10/15)

Honestly, the gender-bending idea isn't original, it happens all the time. And the same with the two jealous admirers and relationship-foiling plan. But, even though this story is like others, you put your own spin and style on it, which makes it enjoyable to read and like I haven't read or watched it a million times before.

Flow: (7/10)

It flows nicely, but the chapters are a little short. But, they're fine like that, honestly. But, it seems like the story goes a little too fast at some points, and when you skip days, you don't really indicate how much time has passed, except in chapter 11 when you mention the one year later bit. And, the little snippets at the end where you hint at the character involved 'never knowing...', it puts a little bit of a damper on it. Although it gives the reader a little taste of the upcoming drama, it makes them expect it and sometimes, you want your reader to be on the edge of their seat. Even in the last chapter when Taemin gets...injured, you hinted at everything being okay. And, well, sometimes you have to let your reader continue to guess and worry a little!

Grammer, Spelling etc: (15/25)

Since I don't know if English is your first language or not, I didn't dock you as much as I would have. So, sorry if you are, but I'm going to be a little brutal here (as if I haven't been already). At times, you switch around verb tenses, or even leave out a few words. And, particularly in the first few chapters, you switch points of view from third to second, as in saying 'you' instead of 'she'. And, at times you even switch from the third to first, saying 'I' instead of 'she'. And, your phrasing can be a little awkward, too. But, it's understandable, so it's not that big of a deal.

Bonus: (5/5)

No matter the mistakes, the story is really good and I find myself eager to know what happens to the characters next. You fill it with drama that people crave, and even put in a few twist that I didn't see coming, even though they were a bit cliché (again, sorry, but I'm being honest). Sometimes, cliches aren't a bad thing though, remember. I tended to find myself frustrated with the characters as I read, which is a good thing for you to get your reader to feel. Although it wasn't as frustrating as watching 'You're Beautiful', it's still good that you've managed to evoke that kind of emotion, which is sometimes hard to do. And I want to say good job on the story. ^-^

Total: (76/100) You got a B~~~!!!

Notes that you want to say to the requester:

Don't be discouraged over my review, as I'm supposed to constructively criticize. And, honestly, your story is quite good, don't forget that. Also, if you need someone to edit and go through your chapters to catch and grammar mistakes, I will of course be happy to help, but holler if you need me. ^-^