A Word of Advice from Therapist Elle

Hello, guys... this is random. Anyway, how are you? Good? Great! Listening to DFTF must've changed your life for the better too then. Good to know I'm not the only one.

So, you're probably wondering, why did she tag it "important" if she just came to here to (not) accidentally hype EXO? Or you're probably wondering why I'm here at all. Or not. Well, this is not a goodbye note or anything because in all honesty, I'm not a sentimental person and I'm not ready to stop writing yet (but I will delete my account a few years from now). I even have trouble apologizing to my mom or someone I love. But that's besides the point. Tonight or today, whichever one it is for you, I came here to talk to you about tolerance and empathy, which, I know, is random, but some people need to hear it.

(This isn't about anything weird, so you can stop thinking about clicking off.)

Today, Elle was casually scrolling through YouTube when she watched one of those reel things (I don't know what tf they're called) and it was about idols and groups who have struggled. I noticed that the creator failed to include many groups, or all groups for that matter (which I know is impossible, but I felt pretty bad about it).

What I'm meaning to say is, no matter what group you like or who you follow, no matter if you like one or a bunch, it should not change the way you see people. You may look at BTS and say "oh, but they were taken off the radio at debut and they didn't get much fame at first, therefore they struggled more." You could say "b-but EXO was called SM's biggest failure and weird for their concept", and a similar story with Seventeen minus the rich company. You could look at Gfriend and say "but they were called SNSD wannabes!" And you could do all that with literally all of the K-Pop groups in the industry. My point is, why don't, instead of whining because "my faves went through this" or "they had it worse than them", we see eye to eye and come to the consensus that no matter who you are, regardless of any circumstances you could possibly think of, we have all suffered.

Every group out there suffers through scandals, saesangs, criticism, under-hype, over-hype, personal problems, eating disorders, rude fans, albums with low popularity, unappreciated members, anti-fans, and anything under the sun. I understand your sympathy for your group, but when you see their problems recognized, why do you forget about other's? Every person, every idol, no matter what we may look at them and think about them, has gone through something bad in their lifetime, just like you. Now, this is not aimed at everyone, no specific fandom or YouTube user who just happened to frustrate the out of me, I just wanted to make it clear.

Everyone struggles. Today, this world has a lot of accusation it. "You said that so you're...", "this person doesn't follow this so they're...", "this person has completely different beliefs than me so I hate them for it." Stop it! I know it feels like I'm being rude, but I'm just being honest. Stop singling out people and belittling them, stop categorizing them just because of something they said that might come across as something bad to you, because I want you to imagine how that would feel if you were in their shoes. And this isn't just for K-Pop idols or fans, but just regular people. Stop acting like by labeling them infidel, you are doing something righteous. I see it all too much in my own country and I'm sick of it in the music industry I choose to follow.

Everyone has problems in their life, even rich people despite the fact that it may not seem like it. You may not think so, but it's true. So I don't care who you choose to like, whose music you listen to, who you voted for, what religion you are, whether you are vaccinated or wear a mask or not, you are not entitled to making others feel less worthy, deserving of what they have, or less human. That is not your job and it never will be. I don't care if your dad is the ing mayor or some kind of powerful position, that is not your right.

However, what is your right is to be empathetic. To understand and communicate civilly. Stop going to Twitter to complain about people you don't like for some stupid, inhumane reason, stop pretending like you don't give a about you would feel if you were the one being humiliated by some random user on social media, and just be nice. Is that hard? No.

I don't care if your faves have won 5 million Daesangs (which is what everyone seems to try to say), I don't care if your group is more popular, I don't care if your idol did this and my idol didn't, this is not a competition. Views are not the main focus, worldwide popularity is not the main focus, awards are not the main focus. K-Pop is, or rather, what it should be about, about finding something or someone you like and listening to their music, watching their videos, perhaps even buying an album. Stop making it into some kind of stupid- race that little kids made up on the playground.

Fun fact: I assure you, I, or any other regular person for that matter, do not care how big your group is internationally. I don't care how many Guinness World Records they have (it's theirs, stop acting like it's your own). I don't care about their music and award show wins. And I sure as do not care about how many views your faves have gotten on YouTube.

But what I do care about? If your group worked hard. If they struggled. If they fought tears on their first win, or if they're shedding them because there's so much focus on one group that they can't get one. If they fought despite the hardships they faced. If they fell and got back up.

In short, I don't care if your fave is more popular than mine, or any of that other y'all spout on social media. Every person, whether you doubt it or not, has never had a perfect life. We all go through things are that so painful that we can't even begin to explain them. So before you belittle this person in the comment section for mentioning their group even if it wasn't mentioned in a video, think about that. Your group has went through a lot, yeah, but so has Sally's and Billy's (random names I came up with, don't ask). It's not your job to say who has gone through some and who hasn't, who is better and who isn't. 

Please, I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, love each other! I don't care what your differences are, stop hurting each other and just be nice. God...

I know that was wordy and kind of weird, and it looked like it belonged on Twitter or Quora or Reddit or something, but I just felt like some people needed to hear it. Because you are not alone! Whatever you're going through, remember that everyone has their down days. And remember that it's not alright to hurt others and or hate them for what they believe. Under no circumstances are you rightfully going to hate someone for what they believe in, I don't care who you think you are. That is not fair.


I'll be reading over this tomorrow to fix any mistakes I made.

Be nice, safe, kind to EVERYONE, and remember that I love you!!

(a quick GIF of my boys who deserve an apology)


-Elle, accidental therapist 


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