hiatus:

i really think i might take a hiatus from this site. it's a lot of pressure trying to balance school and writing, especially if i feel pressured to write. not that anyone on here is forcing me to write lol but idk, i just feel like being in such a writing community, i personally feel bad if i don't write. but i'm not a creative writing major (or minor yet lmao) and i'm literally in my second semester and i just declared my major and i'm ing drowning already.

legit almost had a breakdown two weeks ago but we're not gonna talk about that lol. also, despite being like 'oh haha i think i'm falling out of kpop,' tvxq has redeemed the genre for me, but i just don't think it's the same anymore. i could go off, and i definitely will later, but that's later.

i just don't like to come on here and feel like i'm trash for not writing or not being into the latest groups or whatever. like, man, i do write for myself but when i write for a community i do want to be appreciated lmao. and the fact that i write for more obscure groups now means less recognition and i'm wondering why i even write these things in the first place. in the beginning, i just wanted to stick premade characters into aus that i thought were nice. now, i'm reevaluating and i really want to write my own , with my own characters and , and... i at character/worldbuilding, but that's what we need to work on, isn't it?

so in short, i need to take a break and write for myself, under less pressure and especially because i don't want to keep doing this thing where i write and no one reads it (lmao external motivation much, but for real).

that's not to say that i won't be on. i have the app on my phone and will probably check the site when i'm bored, so if you need to talk to me, yeet me a pm. i'll also be generally keeping up with the stories i've subbed to, and occasionally i'll post stories too. but other than that, i really do want to stop coming on here so much. it's eating up too much of my time (like now, i could be trying to figure out my data from the last i did... last thursday. haha) and i really hate it.

tl;dr: will be keeping up with subbed stories and pm, but that's about it

why kpop ain't no more:

for me, at least, being into the older groups, i've noticed some things that, should i say them, would be highly controversial. the long story short, i've been on the verge of falling out of kpop for a while now, but each time, a new group saves me. this time, it was tvxq, but i can tell that things aren't the same anymore. for me, i fell into exo first, and man, having fallen in a month before cmb comeback, the hype was REAL. i loved keeping up with the teasers, loved the hype, loved theorizing and all that, and it was the same after i got into super junior, with infinite, even with shinhwa's brief comeback in 2018(?).

but now it's just too much. the first and second gen (and i'd even say the third gen) suffered so much to be able to chase their dreams and debut. but now that kpop is such a worldwide phenomenon, it feels like kids try out and audition and stuff for the fame, not for the passion. i'm definitely not saying that everyone is like that, but the general vibe is much more... fake. constructed, i guess, and not like it wasn't like that back then, but back then, kids were willing to risk their lives to debut. man, a couple of them nearly died for it, and now, it just doesn't seem as genuine anymore.

and why not admit it? the fandoms bother me. not just the newer fandoms; hell, cassies and elfs still piss me off. there are elfs that i want to slap for things they've said that i personally don't agree with, and there are cassies that i want to yeet out of the fandom for still wanting tvxq and jyj to reunite (that's a whole nother rant that i won't get into here). it's a lot of pressure from the greater fandom for being a casual fan and not having money to spend on kpop and also not wanting to spend my parents' money on useless stuff that is kpop. i have better things to spend their money on; for instance, an education in this hellhole of a capitalist country. 

yixing's barely in exo, sungmin's still not back in super junior; howon's left infinite, ftisland's been through cjh's scandal and seunghyun's departure; tvxq's always in japan and hanbin's left ikon; up10tion isn't in the public eye and shinhwa's probably preparing for a comeback but even so will not be as hot as they once were. i'm tired of people bashing on the groups i like, and i'm ing sick of the war between fans. where is the solidarity that once was, years ago? where did the genuine passion and disregard for fame from the idols go? 

maybe it really is just my problem, and i have a problem with letting go of the past. but man, i'm just tired of everything going on with kpop. i still wear my infinite hoodie and my super junior hoodie, and given the chance, sure i'd get a tvxq hoodie, but i'm so ing sick of the general goings-on. i love kpop, i still do and probably always will (okay, always is a strong word), but i can't deal with the fandom stuff and evolution in music anymore. changes too quickly for my nostalgic and i need time. the world just moves too fast for me to keep up, and i need a break.

so after all that long and controversial , please miss me a lot. i'm egotistical like that and i'm too tired to slap on any filters. please grovel in the comments and beg me to come back. please shower me in praise and how you just absolutely love my stories and wail and cry for me to not leave you alone.

jk why the would you ever do that. if you have time to do that, you might as well listen to city lights by yunho ft taeyong.