THIS TURNS ANGSTY AND SAPPY BUT ALSO WEIRD, SORRY I'M JUST RAMBLING AND PUSHING BACK MY WEB DESIGN EXAM BYE

Okay so while writing some oneshots and telling my friend my bias list I came to the realistation that, since I'm the most indecisive person in the world it also shows on my bias list. Let me tell you, when I first got into kpop my bias among biases was Donghae and there was no problem there, but then I don't know what happened and I started liking Siwon, and it was a struggle trying to decide between the two because it wasn't like hw was wrecking my bias list or anything but I just couldn't pick a favorite. I mean I did in the beginining but I was questioning? doubting my decision? I don't know but I liked them both for different reasons so it made sense that I couldn't decide, time went by and then came Kyuhyun and just shimmied his way on my list and for a small period of time, wrecked the hell out of it. BUT it's always been Donghae as my favorite and then the other two, he just has a special place in my heart. 

Plus I've always been a fangirl, I started with the Jonas Brothers and here I am, still waiting for them to come back like an idiot so...me and my cousin have been born into this weird world of fangirling and fandoms and just, you know. You understand how this works and kpop or not a fandom is like a family so I've always been comfortable and happy in that place even if I don't agree with some things

EXO debutted and I was always a casual fan, enjoyed their music and I just was into them but not too much because since I have no social life or anything to do I tendo to get a little extra when it comes to being a fangirl and it's usually all fun and games and just enjoying watching my faves. BUT NO

EXO WAS NOT HAPPY WITH THAT, NOT AT ALL.

I mean they probably don't care  becasue they don't know I exist pls don't hurt me

I mean I went to the Music Bank in 2014 and their concert in 2017 and I must admit that since I was such a chill and laid back fan (my sister was more invested in them because of Kai so I just was going with her to the concert because of that)  I had always thought my favorite was Suho and to this day he still is, I think. He was my first bias in exo and I had no problem admitting it. 

Then I remember the cane dance in Artificial Love (let me tell you I was NOT expecting that, I hadn't seen anything about the concert before plus I am a little embarassed to admit that I didn't really know all of the songs heh)  I mean, I had gone to a Super Show and Shinee World and those were the happiest times in my life and I really enjoyed the EXO concert but I don't know if it's because they're closer to my age (I'm 22) or what, but I feel closer to them? 

Then I did start getting into them, I mean I've been there since the begining but I guess I kind of calmed down and became a more chill fan once the Kris stuff started happening an I kind of just watched them from afar? Plus I was a Luhan stan so that also got me a little down, but I also got into university and a relationship that was pretty serious so I didn't have as much time as I used to and my fangirl life was sort of put on hold.  Also I was pretty down because Zayn had left one direction, then the exo things happened, also the Jessica-SNSD thing happened and the Baekyeon ♥ disaster happened to so I kind of backed off.

Fast forward a few years and I go through a terrible breakup with this guy and I kind of tried to find myself again, that's when I went to the EXO concert in 2017. I was in a REALLY bad place but I felt happy in the concert and well I was still a casual fan after that but I still listened to the songs and just stanned and felt really happy for them but from afar, still I always thought of Suho as my bias. I was a fangirl still and I even shared that passion with my ex (he became a twice stan because of me I'm not really that familiar with them, but i did get him into kpop because I am s big Super Junior, SNSD fan I also watched Roomate religously and a ton of variety so...I don't know where I'm going witht that but you get it)

I mean I did watch all of Busted. at first it was just because I like those escape rooms, Sehun wasn't my bias but he then slid into my bias list. Now it was Suho and Sehun, alright I can manage that...

WRONG

Since I had two biases now I had to pay more attention to the other members so I can see the two of them lol, that was a bad idea because I mean it's not that I didn't notice or care for the others I just was kind of lost? BUT THEN I'M A ER FOR VOICES. I've always liked people who sing well, I really really enjoy someone who can sing and express their emotions that way and that's a big reason I like Kyuhyun, his voice melts my hard, cold heart. jk I'm a softie 

But now I've always enjoyed EXO's vocal line, it's just WONDERFUL. I don't know when but my mom watched CART and played D.O.'s ost day and night and I honestly didn't mind so it was alrght. Now I'm studying in a country that is not my birth place, with a different language and I am alone. I mean I've met people at school and they're honestly amazing but I am still super shy and well it's not a familiar situation for me. I don't know how or when but I started paying more attention and dedicating more time to exo.

THEN TEMPO AND LOVESHOT CAME ALONG AND I WAS DESTINED TO FALL ONCE AGAIN INTO THE WORLD OF FANDOMS AND THE UNAVOIDABLE FATE THAT CAME WITH STANNING SUCH A TALENTED GROUP AS EXO.

Let me make something clear, I was still a casual fan. I kind of missed the release of tempo but one day I was in class and some of my korean friends were singing to tempo and the beat got stuck into my head and then I listened to it. Okay I was hooked but then I AM A GRAPHIC DESIGNER SO KPOP MUSIC VIDEOS MAKE ME SO HAPPY BECASUE THEIR VISUAL QUALITY IS OUT OF THIS WORLD. I also enjoyed the video because of that, but I mean I watched Sehun's part more because even if Suho's my main bias I must admit I'm not really that fond of that hairstyle they gave him.

BUT THEN THIS MF APPEARED

I've always been aware of Baekhyun's presence, I even remember calling him Bacon in the beginning because it sounded amusing. and I mean like 7 years ago lol damn I'm old but I kind of just...I don't know he just killed me on that comeback, I listened to more of the b sides and complete albums not just the songs I KNEW i liked so I eventually developed a thing for Baek's voice too...and his face...and his everything. I mean I 've never been into super muscular men or just have an ideal type when it comes to appeareance but one thing i KNOW that I love for sure are broad shoulders and THAT MOFO UP THERE HAS SOME INCREDIBLY GREAT PROPORTIONS. (I also love Sehun's shoulders I mean, who doesn't? I mean even my mom is a Sehun stan loool)

LOOK AT THOSE SHOULDERS OMG JUST LOOOK

This is unnecesarily long because I keep getting distrated I'm so sorry, but I was saying. I then started noticing Bake, and now his mere existence makes me melt into a puddle of feels, I mean it. THE FEELS ARE SUPER STRONG HE IS TOO DAMN ATTRACTIVE. HE OBLITERATED MY BIAS LIST like, I even started questioning my love for Suho and let me tell you THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED. MY MAIN BIAS WAS ALWAYS MY BIAS AND THAT NEVER CHANGED (He still is I'm just too distracted by Baek, I mean I was super sad that I am indeed in italy and he was too but I was on my exam period and in another city like 3 fkn hours away from my bias so it's all cool but now my whatsapp bg is BAEK I'm so sorry)  but it was a possibility. Then I just gave into the feels and accepted that I'd have a pyramid on my bias list once again because my indecisive can't pick. 

LOL YOU THOUGH I WAS DONE? WELL SO DID I, BUT NO. EXO WAS NOT DONE

Some of you may know that I've gone back to writing, something I hadn't done in a few years and I'm enjoying it. I even surprised myself when I had maybe a bit too much wine and wrote the WANT oneshot, because I was tipsy. That's true but I wrote that with Baek in mind, not Sehun or Suho...Baek...ADSFJKA HE'S GOING TO BE THE END OF ME. And this week I don't know I guess it was his 4D personality that I can identify with but I looked at D.O. and I'm just...

I'm lost again, I'm also falling down the rabbit hole of the D.O. feels and I'm not even mad about it, I MEAN EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS JUST SO CUTE AND WONDERFUL AND HIS VOICE IS SO MANLY BUT IT GETS SO SOFT AND HIS JAW. HIS LIPS OMG SOMEONE JUST COME SMACK ME IN THE HEAD I CAN'T HAVE 4 BIASES I'M GOING TO GO CRAZY I also watched exo next door so that effed me up too

So....that's it I guess? Stay tuned to get some fanfic updates adn don't be afraid of leaving a comment. lol