As someone who only posts blogs when there's something to rant about (which isn't often since most of my rant blogs are from 2014) this is something I feel like I can't talk about anywhere else. Mainly because to other people who aren't into K-pop or aren't people who avidly listen to music, they don't understand the concept of "they're not just an idol/celebrity to us", I get it. They don't know we exist individually but they know we're there as a whole -- a fandom that they stand with.

This is a personal blog as well as "some rant" (not really a rant) about hating on idols. The first part is how SHINee impacted my life as a whole, how I feel... just personal stuff. The second part is about what hate can do and that we should stop hating on idols, this is just... heartbreaking. It's heartbreaking that so many idols have to deal with hatred for just breathing. It needs to stop.

This is a longer post. 

When I first got into K-pop in 2012/2013, I was an SM stan all the ing way. SNSD, TVXQ, EXO, SHINee.

I remember when I first listened to Replay. Jonghyun wasn't my bias at the time but he was there and I absolutely loved him and his personality. SHINee was my "first" for a lot of things. My first roleplay character for K-pop was Taemin, my first Korean show was Hello Baby, my first K-pop OTP was JongKey, my first fanfics read in the K-pop scene were SHINee related. I remember buying a shirt back in 2013 that said "Onew Condition" on it with a goddamn chicken. I still have the shirt of SHINee in my closet that says "We live in a SHINee world" with all of their names on the back. It's small on me but it's a shirt I cherish dearly now.

Before I went to bed at 7 in the morning, a roleplay friend of mine said "Jonghyun is gone ;;;;;" and I legit asked "who is jonghyun" because, as a roleplayer, you know a lot of people and a lot of different people who are various idols. So, I figured it was a roleplayer he lost contact with as he was talking about not remembering his KKT and left it as that as I went to bed. I wake up around... maybe 11. He replied with "Jonghyun of SHINee" and I still had no clue. I replied "I figured Jonghyun from SHINee" because the only other Jonghyun I know of is from NU'EST. 

Then I opened Twitter and everyone was tweeting about Jonghyun and I was confused and, truthfully, lost. Then I saw the news of "SHINee's Jonghyun passes away" and I legitimately couldn't, and didn't, want to believe that. I didn't cry, I didn't say anything. I just kept scrolling and hoping it wasn't real. But it is. It's real and when the reality of that crashed down, I silently let tears fall. Hell, I'm trying to keep it together while typing this AND while listening to Jonghyun's cover of "As Long As You Love Me". 

This isn't the first time I've dealt with someone who is an idol/actor passing away. Ladies Code, Rottyful Sky, Jimmy from A7X, now Jonghyun and a few others. Comedian Choi Seo In passed away today as well, but of cancer. I have no idea who she was but I bet she was wonderful and she's in heaven just like Jonghyun. 

Depression is a monster, anyone who has/had it would tell you that. Back in 2015, I had depression. Maybe not as serious as this but there were times where I thought about taking a razor to try and take the suffering away. I never did, thankfully, but there were times I wanted to genuinely die. I recovered but some people can't recover. Depression is a ing monster and Korea needs to wake up, everyone needs to wake up. I feel like Korean entertainment industries (not every company but some) don't pay attention to the severity of Depression and what it can do. Look how many idols have died from suicide because of the pressure of the music industry. It's upsetting.

I respect SM for cancelling everything because I bet every single person that works for SM, no matter how ty that company can be, is mourning the loss of our angel Jonghyun. Seeing different fandoms come together for once to mourn is beautiful. Seeing fandoms fight is heartbreaking sometimes and I hate that the death of someone as amazing as Jonghyun is the reason we come together. I wish it could have been on a better note. 

To the people who are disrespecting Jonghyun just because he is Korean, there's a special place in Hell for you really. It's disgusting how people can make comments on posts about someone's death. It doesn't matter who the hell they are and what nationality they are, they're a person and they just lost their life. I saw comments saying "Sum Ting Wong" like how ing OLD are you? The disrespectful comments are just disgusting.

I probably won't listen to SHINee for awhile, just like it took me years to even attempt to listen to Ladies Code, because it's hard. They're such a talented group that will always be 5, even if one person isn't physically with us anymore -- he's still there in our hearts. If SHINee were to disband, I would be okay with that. While it's hard for us, as fans, it's even harder for the members of SHINee -- people who know Jonghyun closer than we ever could. It's probably going to take a toll on the members and if they need a break, they deserve one. They need one. Time can heal some wounds, sure, but there will always be something missing. 

Whether they push on as, dare I say, four, or decide that this is the end of the road for SHINee, I will support anything they decide. Being in the music career is something stressful and many idols/celebrities/artists talk about depression within their music -- Jonghyun included. We've seen the suicide of too many idols. I feel like more needs to be done about it and I feel like people should stop ting on every idol they don't like.

You don't like someone, IGNORE THEM.

You don't like someone's appearance, DON'T LOOK AT THEM.

You hate someone's singing, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM.

Don't HATE on them when you don't KNOW them or what they're going through.

You never know when something will trigger and you NEVER know when someone will take their life because of something. Depression comes whenever the it wants and sometimes, it doesn't leave. I hope this is a wake up call to anti's of ANY group. I don't care if you don't like a group, not every group will be loved. But DON'T EVER go around spreading hate about them. EVER. If you do, then you're the ing problem. YOU'RE the reasons some idols feel like they aren't GOOD enough. 

If an idol leaves a group, leaves the music industry -- DON'T TELL THEM NO, DON'T PRESSURE THEM INTO GOING BACK. They have their reasons for leaving. If they want to share, then okay, if they don't, don't pressure them.

You can be sad about someone leaving the group but if they're pressured, sometimes things like this can happen. Idols aren't robots, they are living and breathing people who can feel like we do. They feel hurt, they feel pain, they feel sadness, happiness, excitement. They feel everything we do.

And if a member leaves a group or the music scene, be happy they are still alive and well, doing what they want to do. BE HAPPY that THEY'RE happy. Because some people aren't happy even if they look as if they are. Some didn't make it even though they were smiling days before.

Smiling doesn't mean someone is happy.

Just remember that.
 

REST IN PEACE, JONGHYUN AND CHOI SEO IN.

YOU WILL BOTH BE MISSED DEARLY.