I woke up today, and a friend called me before I even had a chance to see what was online. She said 'i'm sorry to tell you... but Jonghyun has taken his own life'.

She broke the news to me. Which broke my heart. But at the same time. It was better to hear it from a friend that to see some of the articles going online. I sat for a while and cried and then asked why. Then I got up and did all the things I needed for my day. I have to work night shifts this week to christmas, and so I will be and have been very unactive in the fandom and pages and even here. It . I really does. 

Jonghyun had been a big part of my life for the past few years since I found them in 2012. He wasn't my Bias but I admired him a lot. He was talented and smart and creative. And he could hold a note that gave me chills.

I have suffered with depression and I know that when you are in that dark cloud of depression. No matter what anyone says you dont wanna hear it. You don't believe it and its a lonely place to be. I hope that he knew he was loved.  I hope he knew that he was great. I'm so sad to know that in his final moments he was alone. 

This time of grief will be hard. But it wont stop me from remmebering him.

I will continue to write my stories. It will be a way for me to keep him alive. And I wont allow this time to break me or pull me down. 

As for SHINee the other members. We can only wait to see what they will do in the future. I believe life is a test. And all things that happen can either break us or strengthen us. But my heart is with them as they grieve their work partner and brother. And I hope we do not loose another of them. 

I can't think of much else to say. 

But please if you feel as Jonghyun once did. Seek comfort from friends and family or see a professional and fight the darkness. I did and I made it though. There is a calm after the dark storm. I promise. It does get better. 

I love all my Shawol family. <3 

ChoiGiGI