...then there's really something wrong with you...tsk.....

lol. j/k...or maybe not...

Ahhhhhckkkk...nooooo...my heart!! 

Even though there are so many shippable pairings in Misaeng despite the drama having no blatantly romantic loveline/plot...thanks to the entire cast having superb acting...even down to the most minor of characters...but these two is the pairing i looked forward to the most each episode...xD...bcuz their dynamics n heart fluttering factor were just off the charts. Misaeng is just awesome i probly won't stop spazzing n praising it...i remember crying nearly every episode lol...even for a minor character who wasn't the nicest guy...but watching his back leaving the company to take responsibility n feeling how the other characters felt about it...just brought the sadness...i love how the littlest of roles and parts in the drama were so powerful.

And tbh...Siwan is just too shippable with male than female...he needs to start getting really worthy female partner in dramas cuz i really want to ship him with girls too...lol. i think the closest i've ever shipped him with female in drama was in Equator Man...and sadly he's not even worthy of that girl n treated her like crap once he found out she had unimpressive family background...tsk.

though still...his chemistry with male actor wins...even in that drama...

though it's hard to ship Siwan with anyone there cuz he's just focused on developing his evilness...n i like watching that process better than any ships...cuz in dramas...bad guys are always just bad without any layering...but siwan's character showed how evil is developed and the struggles to really get to the complete evil side...

some other receipt/example/proof of how shippable Siwan is with guys/aka my ships...lol

^ of course, the original ship...HeeWan <3 (sikwang who?)

^ i'm still mad how the sitcom made siwan-kyungpyo into such a shippable thing...yet towards the end...suddenly out of nowhere even kyungpyo liked somin...like...do they need to make everyone like the same girl? it doesn't even make sense from how kyungpyo seemed to be soooo into siwan before that....even if they make him like yewon would make more sense tbh...weirdo sitcom.

ok...let's just have another geurae-sukyool...this one's really worth a watch too...why are these fans so good at making fanvids? (WATCH IT!!! i assure you, you won't feel your 3 minutes wasted)

and...HeeWan duet...T^T...

(i think this song is so heart fluttering too, don't you think so?)

Okay...so...the other day was a strange, yet familiar day.

I had an unconventional session with a group of strangers who easily bonded and communicate with each other...and me being me...always the awkward silent and left out one...even though during discussions...there were many times i wanted to disagree with the mainstream narrow minded typical mentality i always heard from basically everyone i've met in the field n basically everyone present there in that occassion...as always...i don't know why people always seem to have the same mainstream thoughts...like...they just want to give the 'right' answer (cuz i find it hard to accept they just never thought of a different perspective/way of thinking n have very limited perspective)...even if not everything in this world has one right answer like in our stupid exams...but in the end...i didn't say anything due to taking too long to organize my thoughts and trying to find courage to speak up...just like the typical me...usually...only when i had nowhere else to turn to or hide from delivering my thought, that they'd be poured out....i mean, with exception of internet world where nothing ever hold me back even the slightest...now can you see why i am the way i am here? haa.

So...when it was my turn to speak...as always...it ended with me getting the same old response...jaw drop/shock/surprise...waterfall of praises...people always say when i open my mouth to speak, i surprise them so much...but you know...if you think that's a compliment....for me, it only means one thing. the premature assumption was always that i know nothing, and could do/say nothing remotely impressive/competent/intelligent/anything good...because of my appearance n how i carried myself...it shows that people always judge a book by its cover....i've gotten this response since...forever...it only means people intially looked down on me...so they're surprised that i exceeded their extremely tiny expectation...i'm not sure if that's something for me to be proud or flattered about lol. it only make me think...about a lot of things...like how even a popular saying like 'don't judge a book by its cover' is hardly applied by majority...n just fake sweet talk by self claimed/perceived idealists...

Nevertheless...because of my image, my appearance, my facade...i end up always, yes, without fail...'exceed' people's expectations...haha...though, if we look at what expectation they have in the first place...it's really not worth bragging...but it's nice to see how different people treat you when they thought you're some dumb, loser capable of nothing...VS when they have heard you talk, and suddenly became so friendly...like...one minute can make the entire difference...all that i learn and observe makes me more wary of human n their sincerity...so i become more awkward all the time...lol. but i guess, because i'm able to announce my weakness and my worries to people, the things people usually conceal in such situation...i appear way more uhm...confident? than i really am...using your weakness to your advantage is the greatest lesson i've ever learnt and applied in life...even if it doesn't make results better, it certainly make the experience better.

There's one thing that i really want to experience though...i'm so used to be the bottom of the barrel when it comes to making a first impression...i never met anyone worse than me...so i've never been in that 'highly' and judging position...the way i'm always judged lowly by the 'better' ones, based on the image i carry along. I really want to meet someone who appears like a loser, like myself...that makes me feel 'i'm definitely better than her'...and then maybe be surprised by how good she/he is....i want to know how i'd think/perceive that person in the first place...would i be typical n the same like everyone who judge me premature...or would i be surprisingly better at not making premature judgment due to my experience of being judged prematurely all my life? i wonder...i guess in order to be in that position, i'd have to change my personality or put on a fake outgoing one...but faking is never my thing...and probly will never be...which is why my path is so dificult lol...sometimes, a little faking is needed, but i'm honest to a fault in real life...i guess that's what shocked people the most...how i'm able to admit out loud and embrace my weakness that people usually try to hide and overcome/try improve on their own....

from hearing what i had to say for like a minute or two...they concluded that i'm surprisingly entertaining...and original n so much better than they thought. i guess, the original part is what makes me feel good...though i never understood the appeal in copying anyway, and thought being original is the only choice i have other than being painfully lame.

i really want, for once...being in the powerful/privileged position to assess my own way of judging people who appear shabbier n have worse first impression than myself....merely for the sake of learning about my ownself...but...i guess it probly won't happen bcuz other people always bring their A game when it comes to making first impression...while me...too lazy to apply my acting skills i learnt during studying time to impress people....trying to impress is just so tiring n i would've learnt better than judging people by appearance after living through that judgment for all my life, and i'm more prone to judge people based on their mentality rather than how they appear...besides...i've learnt that i can use people's premature judging nature to my own advantage without even having to fake anything or make much of an effort...it's...kind of fun...seeing people's 'deceived' faces,...when i'm not even the one who deceive them...but they allowed themselves to assume and leading to the deceive...n impressing them not by my own effort but their effort to assume what they don't know...they find me entertaining...but what they don't know is...they might have entertained me even more...haha...

Anyway, weird and one of a kind, but very familiar experience aside...i just want to make a post n dunno what to write lmao. (why am i thinking hard for a blogpost rather than using that free-ness to uhh update fic or sth? lol...n now as i'm posting this...the weekend is already over...tsk)

(i love this group n miss them T^T...one of my fav songs from them...though it's hard to decide whether it's meant to be serious or not...the melody is serious but the lyrics....especially the english part....xD)

About the fan community again...i uhh...thickened my face to still post things in the chatroom...and guess what?...as always...ended up being a ghost...maybe they're not used to someone who doesn't go there everyday to repeat exact same oppar so cute, hot, handsome, beautiful, love you oppar...seriously...the team always post interesting funny random contents...but the reaction by basically everyone there...feel so...lifeless and repetititve to death? idk...maybe fangirls could relate to such comments...but it's so upsetting to see hardly anyone reacting towards the gracious contents we're given...other than the generic so cute kinda comment that honestly can be posted without having to see any content n just oppar face doing nothing...

i love reading comments...i'm quite an interactive person online at least...so when the comments made me feel dead, on top of being treated like a ghost...it's such a torturous community to be in...i need a great deal of strength to keep being there...it's weird...that in aff...i actually wish to not get attention at all...for my blogs...but there, being unresponded to the entire time while they respond to each other...just make me sour...lmao. and make me desperately want to get suddenly popular,...so that they'd be the ones groveling at my feet while i can be the one to ignore them. haa. it's always been that way. people just treat you differently according to your status/popularity...and not your attitude or anything...surprise? even in aff....popular peeps can always get away saying jerky things and nobody call them out on it...but when nugu members says something half as bad...oh just wait for it....haa,...

or maybe it's the same as in real life situation...maybe even online...my nugu presence reeks irrelevance...which is why i continuously get ignored...human always want to see your achievement/relevance/power/status in order to respect you or even to just be nice to you...isn't that funny? but at the same time, they'd feel frustrated to not be acknowledged as a human...honestly...the way i see it...humans are filled with hypocrisy to the core...if you think you're not...that's just the ego blocking...

and when i said humans...did i exclude myself...? am i not a human? so...get those pitchforks n bazookas down...i don't need 'em....i can shoot n stab myself better thank you.

this vid is heart fluttering too xD

(my ship. need i say more?)

KARD's fandom continue to tire and drain my spirit and energy...in almost every possible way and for almost every possible reason i could think of even though i like their members n i like their music n their talents but i don't like their pretentious international fans seriously......and the fanwar n rivalry between the female members' fans are really hot hot hot! too hot for me to handle. lol...i'll admit i'm a Jiwoo fan...but if i don't have anything great to say bout Somin, i just keep quiet(don't get me wrong, Somin seems sweet and all...just that...not everyone fall for the same kind of sweetness)...and i don't overpraise Jiwoo if i have no intention to comment sth nice bout Somin too....cuz....that'd only bring hate on Jiwoo n i wouldn't want that. honesty delivered here. lol. and i never buy this SoWoo ship people try really hard to sell (possibly to ease the fanwars and complete the ships in the group) bcuz from how i see it...this is a really forced ship...and that itself makes it feel so lame...not everyone needs to be coupled you know? Ahh...if only i only care bout boys...and totally look past the girls...maybe it'd be easier for me...haa...

Luckily my dose of coffee & muffin fills me up good...even though i prefer tea to coffee...haa...and they're the only ship with a special name instead of just their names combined...cuz they're just so much more than that. xD

Tbh...i never really bought this ship entirely too...they're too good to be true...and i feel like one side is not serious n probly even have an agenda of his/her own...but the other side seem to be teetering dangerous territory and could fall for real and i fear for that person...but their path is still long ahead...dynamics could change...for that, and for all the heart fluttering better-than-drama moments they're always providing me with...i'm willing to hold onto them a lil more...haa...

i've been shipping them since the first i saw the group anyway...even before their ship formed...this ship will get me sink and drown T^T...

lol.

and of course we need to end this with a VAV perf! yay! Even if you didn't watch all their perfs i shared in my previous posts...this one is a must...

They're extra hyper and fun and all sorts of good stuffs here...the best part though....oh you'll know if you play the video...

That passionate fanboy! xD

I'm kinda sad they've ended promotion on music shows...T^T...their perfs have always been my happy dose...and a reason to smile continuously for over three minutes...lol.

I hope for next comeback their haircuts will be improved(especially for St.Van,Baron,Ayno, the rest...pls don't touch their hair... already perfect)...lol. i just can't fathom how Baron always look so good in the MV but then he get this...not good looking haircut/style in perfs...

Whenever i see Cobbie now..i just feel like bursting out laughing...dude is funny without even have to do anything...or try to be funny, he's just funny by nature even with just a few words n his straight face...and the other day Lou had a solo fanchat session which seem to went really well and fun because he actually have pretty good english n didn't need translator to directly use it to communicate with international fans so yeah...but of course the best part was i had to miss it bcuz it was during the time i had other thing going on...T^T...

and their boss just posted pic yesterday in my hometown....haa...but the possibility for them to come here, not great i guess...since nowadays everyone's going the west side...

(the same group i posted somewhere up there...like i said...i miss them...probly one of my fav mixed gender groups. this was their debut song, and their biggest success)

Anyway, i was checking out my poem the other day and i just realized there's one increase in upvote....Thank you so much...though i appreciate comments a million times more...this is still a form of appreciation that i received and i think appreciation is really powerful...it can even save the situation that seemed completely hopeless and turn it the opposite direction...

And speaking of appreciation...

I keep seeing posts about people trying to find fics they've read in the past...but what bothered me was...if you love the fics so much...how come you didn't subscribe to it? like...so many peeps...maybe some did subscribe but by some twist of events just lost the fics...but that can't possibly happen to all people who posted asking to find the fics they read in the past for them...as if silent reader isn't already a disgustingly popular practice here...people wouldn't even subscribe? wow....just...wow....

If you're reading something n you like it...just freaking subscribe. not later, not tomorrow. but now as you read and thought of how much you're enjoying it...so that you won't have to make posts asking people to find the fic for you later...

And this...is a legit reason why subscriber only feature is legit.

let's really end this...with something sweet...xD

(this song/vid is just cute don't you think xD?)

or maybe...another Sukyool-Geurae....

if any AFF writers would write a heart fluttering fic for sukyool-geurae...let me know and i'll be the greatest reader n commenter you'll ever have...lol. am i not overestimating myself here? maybe cuz i know nobody will actually take up my challenge...:p