(this whole post will just talk about my own fics...feel free to click out now...this is a very self centred post)

I always felt this little fic was perhaps, my best. and i always wondered why it had to be in malay(or perhaps that's the reason, naturally i'd be better in my own language than in english...where i'm more limited), since there's less chances of readers, and for malay fics...almost no chance at all to have reader if you don't write the same old popular idols. whereas there was still a tiny chance if it's in english since there's just naturally more people who speak the language so the potential readers are higher.

but oh well...it is what it is.

i felt it's very to the point, has life lesson, yet not pretentious...it didn't beat around the bush or tried to be more than what it was. i think the simple n to the point direct idea presented was the charm.

Reading it again, it's very simple...and my language/structures i guess didn't look as natural as other malay fics, it's kinda....archaic feel...like...umm...literature from the past decades? lol...maybe bcuz i read malay novels from those times...and i don't read rubbish novels with exact same plots over n over again from the present 1-2 decades that most of my friends back in school loved....ok just a little when they didn't want to bring home the heavy books and asked me to keep for them for awhile...

But the absurd thing is...i cried a little reading my own damn fic...lmao. i'm shameless to say it's one of the most beautiful thing i ever read. just a little story about an outcast learning about life and caring for others from a friendship he found one day while he's cutting himself. and there's also the other misfits/outcasts in his school who taught him about life in their own ways indirectly. A simple story of the importance of caring for others, and the endless chain of human connection. Even though in reality, i'm more like the Jungjin who didn't want enlightenment n prefer to be alone. Maybe because i didn't believe there's someone like Taehwa existing to pull me into the light. I made Taehwa's character so charming n endearing in his noisy talkative dramatic ways. Even though Taehwa was never my fav member in his group. lol sorry...but his group is always my fav.

Actually, this fic's main character, Park Jungjin, is a character modeled after a character in my other fic, Unlock the Devil Fourever. Haha, i bet nobody even thought of this. In that fic, Romeo was a human-turned-devil after succumbing to evil side, and among the people he murdered was his younger sister. Actually, he had another younger brother that i think was mentioned in the fic...but not present. Well, Jungjin is that younger brother. And because Bukan Sendirian (the fic i was talking about), had some subtle Islamic ideas as well, that came from Taehwa's neighbour(that wasn't even present in the fic), i thought it's a good gateway to write a more religious centred fic that tells more about religiousness in today's world n reach out to more people by being in english instead of malay, but not in preachy way....and hence i started Halted Steps that would focus on a Muslim girl who's not as religious in her faith as she might look on the outside n assumed so by others(this kind of situation is so common in today's world)...and how she learn from the people she met on her journey to fulfill some wishes before she dies since she didn't have long to live...those people she'd meet would be Jungjin, Taehwa, Taehwa's neighbour noona and the rest of the misfit crews from Bukan Sendirian...so she'd learn the essence of her own religion n really, basic common rationality from kids who aren't even from her religion, because such thing happen...i wanted to contribute something back to the society n religion by writing something meaningful bcuz i've read too many things that made me...think that kids these days...i mean including myself...we're drifting away so far from the basic of right path...while thinking we're religious enough by wearing hijab, praying five times a day or so on...and besides that, too many fics claiming to be religious these days would always be about romance anyway, i guess too much of what i'd call fake-nasyid ruined our perception of religious. heh. the story would just focus on everyday things n way of perceiving things...small things we always overlook but mean more than the big grand things we always focus on...nothing really focused on depth of religion, and nothing judgmental, since i feel we don't even get the simplest of concept right from our way of living/thinking/acting...to go that deeper, afterall, religion traits can be really universal n not confined to one religion...but many these days don't even understand the basics and just want to rebel senselessly....unfortunately, the burden of self expectations made my steps with this fic halted...and i'm not sure if i'd be writing it afterall...

Maybe bcuz i feel Bukan Sendirian(translated as Not Alone) is already too perfect n beautiful, that i fear of the sequel ruining my good feelings n pride for this little fic. my self expectations were too high and the burden n fear were too much for me...that i couldn't write...maybe one day...who knows...

but i decided to translate the description of Bukan Sendirian....even though i had no plans to translate the fic...because i feel a lot of the charms would be lost in translation...and a great part of the feel came from the language structures n vocabs that weren't exactly directly translatable...and even if the names of the characters were unfamiliar to you...no, none of them were OC....they're all actual idols/singers.

ok...so here goes the translation for the description....

You're not alone

And you'll never be alone, for as long as you're still breathing.

Because I'll never leave your side, for as long as I'm still breathing.

You and I exist, like stars glittering brilliantly, decorating the dark, empty sky. Even without the presence of one or two(stars), the sky is still brightened by the lights from the rest of other stars, but nothing will be the same, even with the absence of one source of light.

Therefore, hang in there/be strong.

Because you're not alone.

And you'll never be alone.

maybe i'm just the only one self absorbed to look highly upon my own fic...but i really feel it's the most meaningful thing i've ever written. i didn't even know how i managed to come up with that story. okay i should stop before the self praise continue further n make you more nauseous...

Anyway....

i have a new fic...yay....cheers for my irresponsible self...

inspired by my spiderman xD...

dedicated to my awesome boys...

but i'm not sure what it'll be about...or the exact direction...or whether i'll make it to the end...err...let's see where i'd go from here...wow...this is really started irresponsibly on impulse...haha.

presenting...B U G (Stronger than you) - don't feel obliged to check it out or even subscribe, please...i'm used to having no reader...it's better than having readers obliged to read without any genuine interest....that's an insult to me. i'm just sharing it here cuz i'm in the mood...

will i be able to lead this fic to somewhere great...? i dare not to hope to make a second S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R. i mean...ZE:A is an already established group n there are a lot of things to write about each of them in depth....but these kids are a one time team...so i have no intention to make the emotions n mood as deep n heavy as in S.P.E.C.T.A.C.U.L.A.R. but i do hope to strike a chord in some ways. because that's what i like doing.

Well, gotta stop blabbering n getting some writing done ey.