KIM JIYEON FLIES ACROSS THE WORLD ❀
机不可失，时不再来
Opportunity knocks at the door only once
Opportunity knocks at the door only once
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PAGE TWO
on the outside always looking in, will i ever be more than i've always been?
PERSONALITY TRAITS :
she could climb trees in seconds.
creative, hardworking, kind, loyal, inspirational, sort of a genius, ambitious, dedicated, capable, clever, gentle, individualistic, methodical, neat, honest, disciplined, complex, brilliant, curious,
stubborn, religious, anxious, self-consious, clumsy, quiet, neurotic, unstable, naive, emotional, intense, private, antisocial, sad, fragile
the issue was getting down.
ELABORATION :
i've learned to slam on the brake before i even turn the key.
jiyeon is first and foremost an artist and a perfectionist. she got her first camera when she was ten years old, and ever since then has been obssessed with filmmaking. she loves telling stories through film, writing scripts and shooting scenes whenever she can. she's meticulous, focused, dedicated behind the camera. she goes to any length to get the perfect shot, with the perfect lighting and shadow and frame speed and everything. honestly, this perfectionism goes into everything she does, whether its cooking or acting or just doing math problems, but it comes out most in her filmmaking. because of this perfectionist nature, she tends to second-guess herself a lot. she's always thinking and analyzing a situation, trying to come up with the best possible result. because of this, she's rarely impulsive or spontaneous. everything is neatly planned, every movement has a purpose. she doesn't really know how to let loose, how to be okay with all the messy things. sometimes, she gets caught up so much in her work, going a million miles a minute, that she will forget to eat or sleep if someone doesn't remind her.
i've learned to slam on the brake before i even turn the key.
jiyeon is first and foremost an artist and a perfectionist. she got her first camera when she was ten years old, and ever since then has been obssessed with filmmaking. she loves telling stories through film, writing scripts and shooting scenes whenever she can. she's meticulous, focused, dedicated behind the camera. she goes to any length to get the perfect shot, with the perfect lighting and shadow and frame speed and everything. honestly, this perfectionism goes into everything she does, whether its cooking or acting or just doing math problems, but it comes out most in her filmmaking. because of this perfectionist nature, she tends to second-guess herself a lot. she's always thinking and analyzing a situation, trying to come up with the best possible result. because of this, she's rarely impulsive or spontaneous. everything is neatly planned, every movement has a purpose. she doesn't really know how to let loose, how to be okay with all the messy things. sometimes, she gets caught up so much in her work, going a million miles a minute, that she will forget to eat or sleep if someone doesn't remind her.
before i make a mistake, before i lead with the worst of me.
because she second-guesses herself, because she cares so much about getting everything right, jiyeon is honestly terrible with people and human interactions. she's not just awkward - she's genuinely anxious. when her conversation has a purpose, like getting information or directing someone for a scene, she has no problem, because that conversation is simply a means to an end. when it comes to small talk or really genuinely connecting with people outside of working or achieving a task, though, jiyeon is totally lost. she's always unsure of how much of herself she should share, how much she should keep hidden. she's very afraid that if she says the wrong thing people will dislike her, so oftentimes she says nothing at all. she considers herself rather boring as a person - her work, she knows, is outstanding. jiyeon's films are outstanding. jiyeon, herself, she considers to be like a blank doll, rather uninteresting, maybe even defective. after all, if she was a real human being, wouldn't she know how to connect with other people?
because she second-guesses herself, because she cares so much about getting everything right, jiyeon is honestly terrible with people and human interactions. she's not just awkward - she's genuinely anxious. when her conversation has a purpose, like getting information or directing someone for a scene, she has no problem, because that conversation is simply a means to an end. when it comes to small talk or really genuinely connecting with people outside of working or achieving a task, though, jiyeon is totally lost. she's always unsure of how much of herself she should share, how much she should keep hidden. she's very afraid that if she says the wrong thing people will dislike her, so oftentimes she says nothing at all. she considers herself rather boring as a person - her work, she knows, is outstanding. jiyeon's films are outstanding. jiyeon, herself, she considers to be like a blank doll, rather uninteresting, maybe even defective. after all, if she was a real human being, wouldn't she know how to connect with other people?
give them no reason to stare, no slipping up if you slip away.
in a way, jiyeon hides behind her camera. the films she make are so beautiful, almost painfully so. they speak of raw human emotion, of experiences that jiyeon has never really experienced herself, but can only imagine. she's very empathetic - she feels things so deeply that it scares her, so she tries to shut it off and hide away. so she doesn't have many friends. her professors at school all know her as a good student, a talented filmmaker, but more than one has raised concerns about her antisocial nature. "it's fine to be introverted," they say, "but don't cut yourself off from life just because you're scared of making a mistake." it's easy to tell that jiyeon is brilliant - when she is working, everything else falls away. she sees things other people miss, little bits of scenery, subtle emotions in acting. she's able to weave together stories that translate beautifully onscreen. she gets up close and personal with her camera, leaving no stone unturned. at the same time, though, she keeps everyone else at arm's length.
in a way, jiyeon hides behind her camera. the films she make are so beautiful, almost painfully so. they speak of raw human emotion, of experiences that jiyeon has never really experienced herself, but can only imagine. she's very empathetic - she feels things so deeply that it scares her, so she tries to shut it off and hide away. so she doesn't have many friends. her professors at school all know her as a good student, a talented filmmaker, but more than one has raised concerns about her antisocial nature. "it's fine to be introverted," they say, "but don't cut yourself off from life just because you're scared of making a mistake." it's easy to tell that jiyeon is brilliant - when she is working, everything else falls away. she sees things other people miss, little bits of scenery, subtle emotions in acting. she's able to weave together stories that translate beautifully onscreen. she gets up close and personal with her camera, leaving no stone unturned. at the same time, though, she keeps everyone else at arm's length.
so i got nothing to share. no, i got nothing to say.
at her heart, deep down inside, jiyeon is very gentle and kind. some might think of her as cold and unfeeling, given her antisocial nature, but that's not the truth at all. she cares so deeply about what other people think, what they feel. she genuinely wants the people around her to be happy, but sometimes she's not sure how. to the few people who are able to get truly close to her, they are surprised by what a warm and loyal person she is. jiyeon, when she loves, love deeply. those close to her might also be concerned by how fragile she really is inside. again, she feels so much, maybe too much, that it's easier to just shut down and act as though she's uninteresting and feel nothing. in truth, jiyeon wants to desperately to be able to express herself, not just through a camera, but through her words, through herself. she wants to believe that she is truly someone interesting and worthy of other people's time, it's just. she always seems to trip up on the words. she's so scared that she won't be able to do it right.
at her heart, deep down inside, jiyeon is very gentle and kind. some might think of her as cold and unfeeling, given her antisocial nature, but that's not the truth at all. she cares so deeply about what other people think, what they feel. she genuinely wants the people around her to be happy, but sometimes she's not sure how. to the few people who are able to get truly close to her, they are surprised by what a warm and loyal person she is. jiyeon, when she loves, love deeply. those close to her might also be concerned by how fragile she really is inside. again, she feels so much, maybe too much, that it's easier to just shut down and act as though she's uninteresting and feel nothing. in truth, jiyeon wants to desperately to be able to express herself, not just through a camera, but through her words, through herself. she wants to believe that she is truly someone interesting and worthy of other people's time, it's just. she always seems to trip up on the words. she's so scared that she won't be able to do it right.
BACKGROUND :
we start with stars in our eyes.
kim jiyeon was born in daejeon, south korea, on february 17, 1994. she grew up in the city, she loves the city, she wants to always live in a city. her parents were older than the typical first-time parents; both were in their fourties when she was born, and had no other children. it was a quiet household, not very much excitement. but they loved jiyeon very much.
from a young age, jiyeon loved movies. she loved the friday nights when her father would come home from work and sit down on the living room floor with her and her mother, and they'd watch movies and eat popcorn. her father would wrap jiyeon up in a blanket and let her sit in his lap. those nights were warm and fun and jiyeon felt so safe and loved. so she grew to love movies, loved the stories they would tell her, the journeys they would take her on, all from the comfort and safety of her father's lap. she began acting out stories when she was around five, performing short little skits for her parents about dragons and fairies and little girls in towers. when she turned ten years old, her mother let her borrow a rather cheap video camera to film her adventures on. jiyeon had always been a serious and responsible child, and took care of the camera as if it was a younger brother or sister. she taught herself techniques, looking up filmmaking tips online as she got older.
her family moved to seoul when she turned 12. in middle school and later high school, she saved money to buy a higher quality camera, and could always be found behind it. she took videos of school events, class outings, and at the end of a school year, would compile it into one beautiful montage that everyone adored. people at school looked forward to "kim jiyeon's yearly recap" because it was so beautiful, turning their ordinary lives into something magnificent. but jiyeon was never present in those videos - she was always behind the camera. there was always a wall between her and the moments she filmed.
we start with stars in our eyes.
kim jiyeon was born in daejeon, south korea, on february 17, 1994. she grew up in the city, she loves the city, she wants to always live in a city. her parents were older than the typical first-time parents; both were in their fourties when she was born, and had no other children. it was a quiet household, not very much excitement. but they loved jiyeon very much.
from a young age, jiyeon loved movies. she loved the friday nights when her father would come home from work and sit down on the living room floor with her and her mother, and they'd watch movies and eat popcorn. her father would wrap jiyeon up in a blanket and let her sit in his lap. those nights were warm and fun and jiyeon felt so safe and loved. so she grew to love movies, loved the stories they would tell her, the journeys they would take her on, all from the comfort and safety of her father's lap. she began acting out stories when she was around five, performing short little skits for her parents about dragons and fairies and little girls in towers. when she turned ten years old, her mother let her borrow a rather cheap video camera to film her adventures on. jiyeon had always been a serious and responsible child, and took care of the camera as if it was a younger brother or sister. she taught herself techniques, looking up filmmaking tips online as she got older.
her family moved to seoul when she turned 12. in middle school and later high school, she saved money to buy a higher quality camera, and could always be found behind it. she took videos of school events, class outings, and at the end of a school year, would compile it into one beautiful montage that everyone adored. people at school looked forward to "kim jiyeon's yearly recap" because it was so beautiful, turning their ordinary lives into something magnificent. but jiyeon was never present in those videos - she was always behind the camera. there was always a wall between her and the moments she filmed.
we start believing that we belong.
when jiyeon turned 18, two things of note happened. one, she gradutated high school and began studying at korea national university of the arts, working towards her bachelor degree in the school of film, tv, & multimedia. the second thing that happened was that her father passed away due to a lower respiratory tract infection caused by pneumonia. it was devastating to jiyeon and her mother, to say the least, and jiyeon considered not going to college as a result, but her mother insisted. not sure of how to deal with her grief, jiyeon threw herself into her first year of university, studying furiously, creating works that stunned her professors in their intensity, their ferocity, their agony. they applauded her brilliance, but also recommended maybe checking in with a mental health professional as well, just in case everything wasn't all right.
jiyeon did not make many friends her first year of university. she was deeply depressed and anxious, and during her second year her work began to suffer as well. everything felt dark, emotionless, numb. she grew frustrated, especially dealing with a certain project in which she was supposed to work with students from the school of drama. jiyeon had acted a bit in her high school's drama department, but still lacked the social skills necessary to really be able to work with actors. she wasn't able to translate the ideas she had in her head to the tell the actors what she wanted to see. she considered giving up, going back home to her mother, giving up on ever becoming a film director.
then, after one frustrating rehearsal, something very strange happened. one of the actors, a student by the name of lee jaesung, pulled her aside, and asked if she wanted to go grab a cup of coffee. jiyeon hadn't really interacted with people outside of classes and work, hadn't really hung out with someone since high school. she was so shocked, she forgot to tell him no.
so they went and got coffee. jaesung talked, a lot, and jiyeon sipped at her sweetened americano every now and then and listened. jaesung had a way with words, an eloquent speaker, genuinely charming. he was in the year above her, but very well-known and popular. everything she wasn't. so jiyeon was surprised, once again, when he stopped talking and called her "spielburg."
"spielburg?" she asked. "yeah, like the director. steven spielburg," jaesung said. "you want to be like him, right? you're talented. one of the best directors i've worked with so far at university, and i mean even including the professors."
it was a seamless shift. they started talking about work, about the project they were working on. that came easily to jiyeon, talking about work, and jaesung listened and added his own thoughts, and honestly, jiyeon was amazed at how easy it was to talk to him. at one point, she realized that somehow they had drifted from the topic of the project to books they'd read, popular tv shows, their favorite colors. she had been talking, holding a conversation about something real, without even thinking about it. it was amazing.
so it became a routine. after rehearsals for the project, jiyeon and jaesung would get coffee. after a few weeks, he invited her to his apartment to watch movies and talk about them, and jiyeon wondered if this was what it was like having a friend. he'd say hello to her every time they passed on campus, offer to have her join him and his friends when they went out to dinner. after a month, jaesung asked if he could introduce some his friends to her, and jiyeon hesitantly agreed. so sometimes more people would join their coffee dates, and jiyeon would realize suddenly, a few hours in, that she was surrounded by people. she was a part of them, she was connecting with them. she was a part of a group, she belonged. it was a wonderful feeling.
and then they finished the project. it was spectcular, it got them all full marks. the professor was even considering entering it in a festival competition. it was one of jiyeon's greatest works. still, she was slightly sad, knowing that now they didn't have the project to bring them together, she and jaesung had no reason to hang out anymore.
to her surprise, though, the day after turning in the project, he texted her and asked her to meet him at the coffee shop. when she did, the first thing he did was stand up, tell her, "hey there, spielburg," and kiss her.
when jiyeon turned 18, two things of note happened. one, she gradutated high school and began studying at korea national university of the arts, working towards her bachelor degree in the school of film, tv, & multimedia. the second thing that happened was that her father passed away due to a lower respiratory tract infection caused by pneumonia. it was devastating to jiyeon and her mother, to say the least, and jiyeon considered not going to college as a result, but her mother insisted. not sure of how to deal with her grief, jiyeon threw herself into her first year of university, studying furiously, creating works that stunned her professors in their intensity, their ferocity, their agony. they applauded her brilliance, but also recommended maybe checking in with a mental health professional as well, just in case everything wasn't all right.
jiyeon did not make many friends her first year of university. she was deeply depressed and anxious, and during her second year her work began to suffer as well. everything felt dark, emotionless, numb. she grew frustrated, especially dealing with a certain project in which she was supposed to work with students from the school of drama. jiyeon had acted a bit in her high school's drama department, but still lacked the social skills necessary to really be able to work with actors. she wasn't able to translate the ideas she had in her head to the tell the actors what she wanted to see. she considered giving up, going back home to her mother, giving up on ever becoming a film director.
then, after one frustrating rehearsal, something very strange happened. one of the actors, a student by the name of lee jaesung, pulled her aside, and asked if she wanted to go grab a cup of coffee. jiyeon hadn't really interacted with people outside of classes and work, hadn't really hung out with someone since high school. she was so shocked, she forgot to tell him no.
so they went and got coffee. jaesung talked, a lot, and jiyeon sipped at her sweetened americano every now and then and listened. jaesung had a way with words, an eloquent speaker, genuinely charming. he was in the year above her, but very well-known and popular. everything she wasn't. so jiyeon was surprised, once again, when he stopped talking and called her "spielburg."
"spielburg?" she asked. "yeah, like the director. steven spielburg," jaesung said. "you want to be like him, right? you're talented. one of the best directors i've worked with so far at university, and i mean even including the professors."
it was a seamless shift. they started talking about work, about the project they were working on. that came easily to jiyeon, talking about work, and jaesung listened and added his own thoughts, and honestly, jiyeon was amazed at how easy it was to talk to him. at one point, she realized that somehow they had drifted from the topic of the project to books they'd read, popular tv shows, their favorite colors. she had been talking, holding a conversation about something real, without even thinking about it. it was amazing.
so it became a routine. after rehearsals for the project, jiyeon and jaesung would get coffee. after a few weeks, he invited her to his apartment to watch movies and talk about them, and jiyeon wondered if this was what it was like having a friend. he'd say hello to her every time they passed on campus, offer to have her join him and his friends when they went out to dinner. after a month, jaesung asked if he could introduce some his friends to her, and jiyeon hesitantly agreed. so sometimes more people would join their coffee dates, and jiyeon would realize suddenly, a few hours in, that she was surrounded by people. she was a part of them, she was connecting with them. she was a part of a group, she belonged. it was a wonderful feeling.
and then they finished the project. it was spectcular, it got them all full marks. the professor was even considering entering it in a festival competition. it was one of jiyeon's greatest works. still, she was slightly sad, knowing that now they didn't have the project to bring them together, she and jaesung had no reason to hang out anymore.
to her surprise, though, the day after turning in the project, he texted her and asked her to meet him at the coffee shop. when she did, the first thing he did was stand up, tell her, "hey there, spielburg," and kiss her.
but every sun doesn't rise.
jaesung was her first everything. her first kiss, her first boyfriend. the first person to ever bring her flowers, the first person to stop by her apartment when she was sick to check up on her. the first person to ever send her "good morning!" texts and wish her a "good night!" every day. the first person to really notice whenever she would get caught up in her work, the first person to nudge her gently and remind her to sleep and eat. the first person other than her parents that she truly felt completely and utterly comfortable around, like she could show all the parts of herself that weren't so nice and he wouldn't hate her for it.
he was her first everything, the first person she gave herself entirely to. the first person who told her "i love you," and the first person she ever told "i love you too."
it was like something out of a dream. jiyeon couldn't believe it sometimes, because they were so different. jaesung was so outgoing, so bold, so brave. he made friends nearly everywhere he went, he always said the right things. he was funny and handsome and talented, one of the best actors she had ever met. he'd take jiyeon places she had never been before, museums and parks and restaurants in seoul she had never heard of. sometimes they'd go to parties. jiyeon had never been to a party before, and jaesung helped guide her along, introduced her to his friends, kept her in the loop of conversations. and it was nice. jiyeon never had realized how nice it could be to be around people. but even then, sometimes it would get to be too much, and jiyeon's anxiety would rise. and jaesung, clever, wonderful jaesung, he'd excuse them both, and walk her home.
jaesung, beautiful, kind jaesung, he could be so gentle with her. for someone who was usually so loud and extroverted, he could be so quiet too. there'd be afternoons they'd just lie in his bed, speaking softly to one another about movies, about classes, about patterns they'd see in the ceiling. it almost scared jiyeon, how used she was becoming to holding his hand.
once, she asked him, "why me?" he could have easily had his pick of any girl on campus, any girl in seoul, really. if he had been so inclined, he might have even become an idol. so why choose someone as flawed as jiyeon? and he responded, "its because you have a fire inside of you, spielburg. i can see it every time you speak. you're so beautiful. i'd be a fool not to want you."
no. jiyeon felt like she was the fool, caught up in a dream. she smiled more often, sometimes even laughed. she was so happy, that if it was a dream she didn't want to wake up.
they dated through the end of her second year of university. that fall, they moved in together, into a tiny apartment in gangseo. the top floor, right next to the door leading to the roof.
on july 18th, last summer, jiyeon fell asleep on the living room couch, her laptop out in front of her. she had been editing her latest project for class, perfecting certain scenes, making notes on what to reshoot. when jaesung came home from an evening class, he put a blanket over her and kissed her forehead. wrote on a post-it note, left it on the face of her laptop.
that night, lee jaesung jumped from the roof of their apartment building. he died at 3:24 in the morning upon arriving at the hospital. at 5:12 am, jiyeon woke up and read the note he left her.
"good morning spielburg! :) i love you."
jaesung was her first everything. her first kiss, her first boyfriend. the first person to ever bring her flowers, the first person to stop by her apartment when she was sick to check up on her. the first person to ever send her "good morning!" texts and wish her a "good night!" every day. the first person to really notice whenever she would get caught up in her work, the first person to nudge her gently and remind her to sleep and eat. the first person other than her parents that she truly felt completely and utterly comfortable around, like she could show all the parts of herself that weren't so nice and he wouldn't hate her for it.
he was her first everything, the first person she gave herself entirely to. the first person who told her "i love you," and the first person she ever told "i love you too."
it was like something out of a dream. jiyeon couldn't believe it sometimes, because they were so different. jaesung was so outgoing, so bold, so brave. he made friends nearly everywhere he went, he always said the right things. he was funny and handsome and talented, one of the best actors she had ever met. he'd take jiyeon places she had never been before, museums and parks and restaurants in seoul she had never heard of. sometimes they'd go to parties. jiyeon had never been to a party before, and jaesung helped guide her along, introduced her to his friends, kept her in the loop of conversations. and it was nice. jiyeon never had realized how nice it could be to be around people. but even then, sometimes it would get to be too much, and jiyeon's anxiety would rise. and jaesung, clever, wonderful jaesung, he'd excuse them both, and walk her home.
jaesung, beautiful, kind jaesung, he could be so gentle with her. for someone who was usually so loud and extroverted, he could be so quiet too. there'd be afternoons they'd just lie in his bed, speaking softly to one another about movies, about classes, about patterns they'd see in the ceiling. it almost scared jiyeon, how used she was becoming to holding his hand.
once, she asked him, "why me?" he could have easily had his pick of any girl on campus, any girl in seoul, really. if he had been so inclined, he might have even become an idol. so why choose someone as flawed as jiyeon? and he responded, "its because you have a fire inside of you, spielburg. i can see it every time you speak. you're so beautiful. i'd be a fool not to want you."
no. jiyeon felt like she was the fool, caught up in a dream. she smiled more often, sometimes even laughed. she was so happy, that if it was a dream she didn't want to wake up.
they dated through the end of her second year of university. that fall, they moved in together, into a tiny apartment in gangseo. the top floor, right next to the door leading to the roof.
on july 18th, last summer, jiyeon fell asleep on the living room couch, her laptop out in front of her. she had been editing her latest project for class, perfecting certain scenes, making notes on what to reshoot. when jaesung came home from an evening class, he put a blanket over her and kissed her forehead. wrote on a post-it note, left it on the face of her laptop.
that night, lee jaesung jumped from the roof of their apartment building. he died at 3:24 in the morning upon arriving at the hospital. at 5:12 am, jiyeon woke up and read the note he left her.
"good morning spielburg! :) i love you."
and no one tells you where you went wrong.
the period between jaesung's death and the funeral was short, maybe a week or two. his parents drove in from busan. his friends showed up in droves. his clothes and possessions were given away to charity, per his sister and parents' wishes. his body was cremated.
jiyeon ached to hold his hand, just one more time.
at first, it was all anyone at the korea national university of the arts could talk about. why would lee jaesung, the drama department's brightest star, so full of life and happiness, who always had a smile for everyone, why would he kill himself? he left no note other than the one on jiyeon's laptop, and she told no one but the police about it. it was her secret, the only thing left of him she had. she carried it in her wallet, took it out to look at it sometimes, his neat hangul, the way he looped his 'l' in the english name 'spielburg'. the smiley face. the only times she cried was when reading that one last note. otherwise, she went impassively throughout her day.
other students whispered. "maybe it was his crazy girlfriend that drove him to it." "kim jiyeon, she's a weird one. brilliant, but obssessed with her work. maybe if she had paid a little more attention she could have stopped him." jaesung's friends, the ones jiyeon had gotten to know, tried to squash these rumors. some of them even reached out to jiyeon, offered a shoulder to cry on. but jiyeon did not cry in front of people. instead, she retreated further into herself, into her work. hiding. she spent nearly the entire rest of the semester in the film production classrooms, or wandering seoul, shooting strange, abstract videos. her final project of the semester was simply titled 어딘가 (somewhere). it was completely silent, no music, no narration. it made her professors cry, it was so painful.
jiyeon told her mother everything, of course. her mother offered to have her take a break from university, to rest for maybe a year or two, to mourn. jiyeon declined. "i have too much work to do," she said. "i can't stop. i can't stop."
the period between jaesung's death and the funeral was short, maybe a week or two. his parents drove in from busan. his friends showed up in droves. his clothes and possessions were given away to charity, per his sister and parents' wishes. his body was cremated.
jiyeon ached to hold his hand, just one more time.
at first, it was all anyone at the korea national university of the arts could talk about. why would lee jaesung, the drama department's brightest star, so full of life and happiness, who always had a smile for everyone, why would he kill himself? he left no note other than the one on jiyeon's laptop, and she told no one but the police about it. it was her secret, the only thing left of him she had. she carried it in her wallet, took it out to look at it sometimes, his neat hangul, the way he looped his 'l' in the english name 'spielburg'. the smiley face. the only times she cried was when reading that one last note. otherwise, she went impassively throughout her day.
other students whispered. "maybe it was his crazy girlfriend that drove him to it." "kim jiyeon, she's a weird one. brilliant, but obssessed with her work. maybe if she had paid a little more attention she could have stopped him." jaesung's friends, the ones jiyeon had gotten to know, tried to squash these rumors. some of them even reached out to jiyeon, offered a shoulder to cry on. but jiyeon did not cry in front of people. instead, she retreated further into herself, into her work. hiding. she spent nearly the entire rest of the semester in the film production classrooms, or wandering seoul, shooting strange, abstract videos. her final project of the semester was simply titled 어딘가 (somewhere). it was completely silent, no music, no narration. it made her professors cry, it was so painful.
jiyeon told her mother everything, of course. her mother offered to have her take a break from university, to rest for maybe a year or two, to mourn. jiyeon declined. "i have too much work to do," she said. "i can't stop. i can't stop."
LIFE TODAY : jiyeon currently lives with her mother in seocho. obviously, after jaesung's suicide, she just couldn't stay in the apartment in gangseo. her mother, too, was getting a bit on in her old age, and so jiyeon felt it was her filial duty to take care of her. also, her mother really didn't want jiyeon to be so alone in her grief, even as jiyeon insisted she was fine. so they moved to a rather nice house in seocho, paid for with her mother's pension.
their house is considerably nicer than the apartment, closer to the university too. it is neat, clean, and quiet. jiyeon has a room entirely for her film projects, and usually spends most of her time there, when she's not in class or taking care of her mother. she rarely goes out, only really for groceries and class. she's considering picking up a part-time job or an internship, just so that they don't have to live off her mother's pension, but her mother insists that she concentrates on school. it's a bit of a lonely existence. jiyeon buries herself in her studies, in her films, sometimes going days without eating or sleeping until her mother reminds her. she's gotten thinner, paler too. still, whenever she has to go out, or whenever someone comes over to the house, or whenever her mother worries too much, jiyeon knows how to put on a face, wear nice clothes, wear makeup. on the outside, she's pretty and put together. on the inside, she is dying.
their house is considerably nicer than the apartment, closer to the university too. it is neat, clean, and quiet. jiyeon has a room entirely for her film projects, and usually spends most of her time there, when she's not in class or taking care of her mother. she rarely goes out, only really for groceries and class. she's considering picking up a part-time job or an internship, just so that they don't have to live off her mother's pension, but her mother insists that she concentrates on school. it's a bit of a lonely existence. jiyeon buries herself in her studies, in her films, sometimes going days without eating or sleeping until her mother reminds her. she's gotten thinner, paler too. still, whenever she has to go out, or whenever someone comes over to the house, or whenever her mother worries too much, jiyeon knows how to put on a face, wear nice clothes, wear makeup. on the outside, she's pretty and put together. on the inside, she is dying.
TRIVIA :
❀ loves anything strawberry flavored - cake, ice cream, pocky, candy. she actually has an enormous sweet tooth, which is a bit surprising for people to find out
❀ usually orders an americano with sweetener at coffee shops, but doesn't mind regular drip coffee. she drinks a ton of coffee. jaesung used to have to jokingly remind her that "coffee isn't food, ji-yah."
❀ definitely has depression and severe social anxiety, but she's been dealing with it undiagnosed for so long that she's developed coping mechanisms for it, even if some aren't so healthy
❀ has a soft spot for girl group songs - when she was younger, she would sing and dance along to the wonder girls and snsd discography in her room when no one was looking
❀ has made a total of 12 short films while at university, since she's currently finishing up her third year. she only made one with jaesung, titled 런어웨이 (runaway). jaesung was the main character. jiyeon refuses to watch the film now.
❀ she studied mandarin a little bit because she admired several chinese film directors, and considered studying abroad there for a while. she decided not to, simply because she has enough trouble with communicating in korea - what could she do in china?
❀ her camera is her most prized possession, other than jaesung's suicide note. it is a canon 5d mark iii, small and portable, but one of the best on the market. she's affectionately named it "baby".
❀ she's done a little acting in high school and college. mostly it's been other students in her program asking for favors, or people assuming that because she's pretty she'll make a good actress. in actuality, her acting skills are average, and she prefers to be behind the camera rather than in front of it.
❀ she loves cute things, which again, surprises some people
❀ her favorite color is a light pink
❀ steven spielburg actually isn't her favorite director - it's akira kurosawa
❀ she likes kettle corn better than regular butter popcorn
❀ one of her dreams used to be to someday work in hollywood
❀ her favorite food is kongguksu
❀ she doesn't drink very often, but when she does she is a total lightweight. when she's drunk, she tends to be more open - smiles a lot more, says more of what she's thinking, which can be hilarious
❀ knows how to cook fairly well
❀ does not have social media
❀ she's religious - roman catholic
❀ has a soft spot for disney movies. her favorite is tangled
❀ deathly afraid of clowns and spiders
❀ has a really good poker face
❀ she looks younger with her hair up
❀ loves anything strawberry flavored - cake, ice cream, pocky, candy. she actually has an enormous sweet tooth, which is a bit surprising for people to find out
❀ usually orders an americano with sweetener at coffee shops, but doesn't mind regular drip coffee. she drinks a ton of coffee. jaesung used to have to jokingly remind her that "coffee isn't food, ji-yah."
❀ definitely has depression and severe social anxiety, but she's been dealing with it undiagnosed for so long that she's developed coping mechanisms for it, even if some aren't so healthy
❀ has a soft spot for girl group songs - when she was younger, she would sing and dance along to the wonder girls and snsd discography in her room when no one was looking
❀ has made a total of 12 short films while at university, since she's currently finishing up her third year. she only made one with jaesung, titled 런어웨이 (runaway). jaesung was the main character. jiyeon refuses to watch the film now.
❀ she studied mandarin a little bit because she admired several chinese film directors, and considered studying abroad there for a while. she decided not to, simply because she has enough trouble with communicating in korea - what could she do in china?
❀ her camera is her most prized possession, other than jaesung's suicide note. it is a canon 5d mark iii, small and portable, but one of the best on the market. she's affectionately named it "baby".
❀ she's done a little acting in high school and college. mostly it's been other students in her program asking for favors, or people assuming that because she's pretty she'll make a good actress. in actuality, her acting skills are average, and she prefers to be behind the camera rather than in front of it.
❀ she loves cute things, which again, surprises some people
❀ her favorite color is a light pink
❀ steven spielburg actually isn't her favorite director - it's akira kurosawa
❀ she likes kettle corn better than regular butter popcorn
❀ one of her dreams used to be to someday work in hollywood
❀ her favorite food is kongguksu
❀ she doesn't drink very often, but when she does she is a total lightweight. when she's drunk, she tends to be more open - smiles a lot more, says more of what she's thinking, which can be hilarious
❀ knows how to cook fairly well
❀ does not have social media
❀ she's religious - roman catholic
❀ has a soft spot for disney movies. her favorite is tangled
❀ deathly afraid of clowns and spiders
❀ has a really good poker face
❀ she looks younger with her hair up
PAGE THREE
RELATIONSHIPS :
lee jaesung (deceased) ❀ january 1, 1993 ❀ outgoing, gentle, talented, selfless
"hey there, spielburg."
fc: oh jungkyu
"hey there, spielburg."
fc: oh jungkyu
jaesung was the golden boy. kind, selfless, a gentleman. a talented actor, always wearing a smile, always ready to extend a hand in friendship. it was impossible to feel lonely or sad around him, he had this effect on everyone he met. there wasn't a person he couldn't befriend, and indeed, he had friends all across seoul, not just at k-arts. he had such a love for acting, for life, and for jiyeon. he loved jiyeon, so, so much.
at the same time, however, jaesung was also a very private person. he had no problem talking to people, but often kept certain parts of himself hidden. for example, he rarely talked about his family. jiyeon didn't even know that he had an older sister until his funeral. he had instagram and twitter, but posted only rarely. most of his pictures, to be honest, in the last year or so were of jiyeon, captioned, "beautiful" and "love".
jaesung was jiyeon's first love. her first everything. though she tried very hard to hide it, his death devastated her. he had come to be a support for her, always gentle, always guiding. without him, the world suddenly seemed so much darker. when the police told her he had passed away, she shut down. she doesn't remember anything about the week after his death. his closest friends tried to look after jiyeon, but she shut them out. rebuilt herself. but she still keeps the memory of him in her heart, like a bruise that will never heal.
at the same time, however, jaesung was also a very private person. he had no problem talking to people, but often kept certain parts of himself hidden. for example, he rarely talked about his family. jiyeon didn't even know that he had an older sister until his funeral. he had instagram and twitter, but posted only rarely. most of his pictures, to be honest, in the last year or so were of jiyeon, captioned, "beautiful" and "love".
jaesung was jiyeon's first love. her first everything. though she tried very hard to hide it, his death devastated her. he had come to be a support for her, always gentle, always guiding. without him, the world suddenly seemed so much darker. when the police told her he had passed away, she shut down. she doesn't remember anything about the week after his death. his closest friends tried to look after jiyeon, but she shut them out. rebuilt herself. but she still keeps the memory of him in her heart, like a bruise that will never heal.
INTERACTIONS WITH THE OTHER GLOBETROTTERS : tba. jiyeon is grateful to them for letting her come, but also anxious, as she usually is around other people. shes awkward, clumsy with her words, always afraid that they hate her. also, she seems a little gloomy at first, until she slowly begins to open up to other people and the world around her.
MOTIVE(S) BEHIND LEAVING : as it was stated before, jiyeon is slowly dying inside. she spent so long dealing with her depression and anxiety by herself, only to get a glimpse of what life might be like with support and love, and then have it disappear. she can't find a place to go back to, she find home.
the other globetrotters were some distant friends of jaesung - didn't know him spectacularly well, but they all met him and jiyeon at one point or another, and so when jiyeon hears that they're planning a trip, she wonders. her mother encourages her to go, to get some fresh air, to take a break. jiyeon thinks about jaesung, and the rest of the world he didn't get to see. she thinks about herself, and how it feels like she's drowning in korea, just by living.
so she agrees to go. she wants to film their journey, record it all. take the trip that jaesung never got to, and create a film in his memory, maybe figure out why he killed himself. and then, if it ends, if after all this jiyeon still can't find a way home, then maybe she'll just have to create one herself. find a way back to him. "like a fitting ending to a tragic film, only instead. i end."
MOTIVE(S) BEHIND LEAVING : as it was stated before, jiyeon is slowly dying inside. she spent so long dealing with her depression and anxiety by herself, only to get a glimpse of what life might be like with support and love, and then have it disappear. she can't find a place to go back to, she find home.
the other globetrotters were some distant friends of jaesung - didn't know him spectacularly well, but they all met him and jiyeon at one point or another, and so when jiyeon hears that they're planning a trip, she wonders. her mother encourages her to go, to get some fresh air, to take a break. jiyeon thinks about jaesung, and the rest of the world he didn't get to see. she thinks about herself, and how it feels like she's drowning in korea, just by living.
so she agrees to go. she wants to film their journey, record it all. take the trip that jaesung never got to, and create a film in his memory, maybe figure out why he killed himself. and then, if it ends, if after all this jiyeon still can't find a way home, then maybe she'll just have to create one herself. find a way back to him. "like a fitting ending to a tragic film, only instead. i end."
PAIR ME UP? : your choice, i really don't mind either way. jiyeon could find love and strength in another person, or she could find it in herself. what matters is that she finds the strength to go on with life, no matter the source. if it is through another person, jiyeon doesn't really know if she prefers males or females. her only experience has been with jaesung, so it's possible she could fall for a girl on the trip. again, up to you.
PAGE FOUR
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