i've been really upset since lunch today

earlier this week a not very close friend of mine and I were just chillin' in the library on our phones not really talking

and this guy she does sports with comes over

and i knew that he liked her cause i heard about it from a friend

anyway

he asks her out and it was insanely awkward cause they weren't make eye contact and she kept looking at me and trying to be all cute

they started 'dating' (if you want to call it that)

best part was her response to being asked out

"I guess, I don't care"

like damn

cold stone killa

(also kinda reminded me of Got7's If You Do

that was like two days ago and it still bothers me that they're going out

cause

1: i don't really believe in high school relationships

2: she's pretty horrible to be around cause she complains about everything and it mean most of the time

3: he's a senior so....

but today after lunch

my close friend who i think i mentioned before with her boyfriend

(only way i'm coping with that is pretending it doesn't exist)

she tells me that our other close friend (who i kinda crushed on a little and istg i thought she had a crush on me)

is "dating" a senior

i mean the guy she's dating is at least nice and kinda funny

but i don't know if i'm upset cause she's dating someone or because she never told me

and to be honest

i don't want to know when they started dating

i'm not very big on romantic relationships, if you've read any of my other blogs you might have guessed that

another thing that's kinda bothering me is these are all people who i thought would never date in high school

they just seemed so unlikely to do it

i'm hoping i'll still stick to what i believe in that high school relationships aren't really worth it especially now that all the seniors are applying to college

and all the juniors are struggling to make good grades

dating just seems more like a college thing, i see it as something more grown up and something kids shouldn't really do

i mean i could be wrong and they could all get married

but to me

dating is more special, it means a lot to me and i don't want to hurt myself by thinking more of someone

but i would hurt myself willingly if a cute girl asked me out

but a boy.......not a chance

there's also this annoying tick that i know isn't true but i can't help but feel this way sometimes

i feel like no one finds me attractive or pretty

i know my mom does and my family does but

i feel like no one has felt anything more than 'oh this one aspect of her is pretty'

cause i know my hands are pretty

i get told my nails are pretty and my friend once said i could be a hand model

and i take great pride in my hands

but i feel like my face isn't super attractive

like i'm one of those people that you don't do a double take when i walk by

it's more like you notice they're attrative after you've become friends

and that's a feeling

and i know i'm just a kid

not even 17 yet

but i wish someone,would just say 'hey i think you're pretty'

not like a love confession but just saying that

anyway

i'm upset and i'm gonna watch movies to get over it