No worries...i'm not looking for answers from any of you...i'm just pondering as usual....ah...the never ending self conflicts..

I have way much more incompleted fics than completed ones...i get greedy n shortsighted n fickle all the time...but is it my fault that i felt so desperate that i could never find what i want to read, so much that i ended up giving in to temptations of writing 'em on my own? regardless of knowing this would not end well? or rather...might not even end?

whenever looking for something to read...i can't help feeling suffocated....why is it so hardimpossible to find different idols/characters? different pairings? different plots? different characteristics? different endings? is asking for something remotely different so wrong?

and before you launch into attack on how annoyingly demanding/fussy/whiny i am...actually...just difference or rather...variation in idols/celebrities would make me happy...i don't scrutinize plot or cliches that much if i can just get at least a difference in terms of the characters/idols(although i do appreciate better stories)....but it appears that you can only survive as a reader in aff if you just stan a few same groups or if you don't care for what idol you're reading n you don't vomit of reading toooooooo many of same idols n same pairings...

i know i'm not in the right to complaint...hey, not their fault if it's so happen every reader n writer happen to loooooveee same few things...and i know that instead of complaint i could just write what i want but couldn't get...but that's the thing....i end up starting new fics everytime i got into something new and couldn't find anything on them...and i end up not able to complete anything out of my own lack of discipline...n tendency to lose the willpower fast despite not exactly losing interest in them...sometimes, being different/having different tastes than the crowd can be such burden...

i'm not even a reader who'd barge into a story to lash out negativities...in fact, to give strength to writers...i'd try my best to find anything positive to say even if i'm not that impressed with the stories and if i really can't find anything nice to say...i'd run away ASAP from the fic...i know how negativity can hurt especially to writers who barely even get comments...but it's been awhile i could even find something to leave a comment to...in fact, earlier today...i just randomly clicked a fic that left me wishing there's a downvote button bcuz what the fk did i just read....ughhhhh i'm not even that mean really....lol...

i'm not saying my own fics are good...in fact, far from it. my range is very limited where setting n subject/themes are concerned...i always kinda focus more on the characters/characteristics/feelings rather than the plotline....especially when i'm not feeling creative and just want to write something so that i can read something for idols/celebrities/pairings i want to read but nobody would write of...i think i love doing mild cricism on entertainment industry so much...i can have the wildest of ideas...but i would not be able to write them if i'm not inspired enough or feel like i could commit...but with light/familiar setting/storyline...my flow just go better...although that's not an excuse to write same thing over n over....

so i'm thinking...since i can't find any fic of my newest interest...should i start one more fic?

huh...again.

really.

i know i won't be able to power through everything...i know i can't get over the guilt to my other fics...i know i'll end up feeling burdened n abandon all of them eventually....i know that it doesn't matter bcuz i'm my only reader...but still....

whew....so many dilemmas...

now while i continue to ponder over...please watch my new interest...the reason of my conflict today, my girls' awesomeness....aaaaahhh.../flailing/

if you need to know who is who...

some preview if you wanna know how their songs sound:

and whut? you haven't watch their MV...shame on you...xD

i feel like i can promote them everyday....lmao.

Bulldok bringing back the inner giddy kiddy kpopper in me...lmao.

ps: but Hwang Sooyeon needs to debut like right now....what the hell are you doing happyface....T^T...