Help Please!

Okay...I am STUMPED,on how I should add more things to my first chapter for my vampire novel. My nana suggested,maybe later on in the story my main character's brother,could find him talking to my main female character in the wood's while my main vampire character is trying,to have her leave because he senses his brother's prescence. I'd love to add that...but I don't know how they should even meet,because I don't want to rush into it.

Here it is,if you're curious :3 (Please point out any grammar/spelling mistakes too)

Chapter One

A dream.

She had that same dream..or more like a vision,for the past five nights in a row now. A girl with dark brown hair that went past her shoulders,and crystal blue eyes was in a forest. Why was she there you ask? She didn't know either. But,it was like...like something was calling out to her. Or someone. As she reached the meadow,her eyes widened in shock when she saw a beautiful young man,leaning against one of the trees.

He had ink black hair,that was a little spiked at the top and bright ruby-red eyes. He wore a simple black t-shirt,with grey sleeves and dark black jeans. At first she thought the young man,was sick or something because of how pale he was. He was VERY pale too,almost chalk white.

"You must never come here..." He told her in a voice,that reminded her of wind chimes blowing in a gentle breeze. The girl blinked;Unsure of what he meant.

"W-What do you mean?" She asked quietly,but loud enough for him to hear her. "Who are you? And why shouldn't I come here?" The young man just frowned at her.

"If you do...I will be forced,to do something I don't approve of."

What did he mean by that? Kill her?

"...Ber...Amber? Amber!" The girls eyes suddenly burst open,when her best friend called out her name suddenly. She looked up and saw her best friend,

Ae-Cha looking at her with a confused look on her face.

"Amber: Are you alright? It looked like,you were having a nightmare or something."

The girl who's name was Amber Kwon,looked around the room and found she was in one of her classrooms and not that forest she saw in her dream,or vision whatever it was. The highschool girl,just shook her head and sighed a little. "That dream again...what does it mean? And who was that boy...?"

Ae-Cha just looked at her friend like she had grown an extra head. "Amber,are you SURE your okay?"

"...Oh! S-Sorry Ae-Cha. I guess I was spacing out a little." Ae-Cha rolled her eyes and giggled.

"You weren't just 'spacing out',you were actually asleep through the whole lesson. I could hear you snoring,all the way from the middle row." Amber's face turned a light shade of red,and she laughed a little.

"Man maybe I should stop reading,so many of those manga's and just go to sleep instead."

Ae-Cha chuckled. "You always were,a comic book geek." She teased,and Amber pouted at her playfully. "Well anyway,come on! Let's go grab some lunch."

"Sure."

But as they were,walking down the hallway Amber couldn't stop thinking about that dream she had. What did that young man mean when he said 'Stay away from here'. She groaned mentally.

(Agh...I hate it,when dreams don't make sense!) She thought in her head.

 

Many thanks ^^ This is where,I don't know what else,I should write :(

 

Comments

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ChaoticDarkAngel
#1
Cool thanks :) So it's a guide for writer's basically? I'll have to look for that, next time I go to the library.
tkhuynh #2
It's all right. English is a messed up language. -_-'
If I may recommend, you should read "The Elements of Style" by William Strunk Jr. It has all the fundamentals of English writing, and it's only about 50 pages. But if you don't want to get it, I made a blog about some basic grammatical rules that you can find in "Writingtips" or from my profile.
ChaoticDarkAngel
#3
Ah okay thanks a lot, sorry for the grammar errors I fail at that *sweatdrop* I don't know why but I just don't get grammar sometimes, I know being an American I should know grammar by now especially at my age ^^; Thanks a lot I really appreciate it.
tkhuynh #4
I've edited the entire excerpt so that it is grammatically correct.
tkhuynh #5
A dream.
She had that same dream...or more like a vision. For the past five nights in a row now, a girl with dark brown hair that went past her shoulders and crystal blue eyes was in a forest. Why was she there, you ask? She didn't know either. But it was like...something was calling out to her. Or someone.
As she reached the meadow, her eyes widened in shock when she saw a beautiful young man leaning against one of the trees.
He had inky black hair that was a slightly spiked at the top and bright ruby-red eyes. The simple black t-shirt he wore had grey sleeves, and dark black jeans fitted his lower body.
At first she thought the young man was sick or something because of how pale he was. He was VERY pale—almost chalk white.
"You must never come here," he told her in a voice that reminded her of wind chimes blowing in a gentle breeze.
The girl blinked, unsure of what he meant. "W-What do you mean?" She asked quietly but loud enough for him to hear her. "Who are you? And why shouldn't I come here?"
tkhuynh #6
The young man just frowned at her.
"If you do...I will be forced to do something that I don't approve of."
What did he mean by that?
"...Ber...Amber? Amber!" The girls eyes suddenly burst open, and she saw her best friend calling her.
Ae-Cha looked at her with a confused look on her face.
"Amber: Are you alright? It looked like you were having a nightmare or something."
The girl called Amber Kwon looked around the room and found she was in one of her classrooms and not that forest she had seen in her dream—or vision, whatever it was. The highschool girl just shook her head and sighed. "That dream again.... What does it mean? And who was that boy...?"
Ae-Cha just loThe young man just frowned at her.
"If you do...I will be forced to do something that I don't approve of."
What did he mean by that?
"...Ber...Amber? Amber!" The girls eyes suddenly burst open, and she saw her best friend calling her.
Ae-Cha looked at her with a confused look on her face.
"Amber: Are you alright? It looked like you were having a nightmare or something."
The girl called Amber Kwon looked around the room and found she was in one of her classrooms and not that forest she had seen in her dream—or vision, whatever it was. The highschool girl just shook her head and sighed. "That dream again.... What does it mean? And who was that boy...?"
Ae-Cha just looked at her friend like she had grown an extra head. "Amber, are you SURE you're okay?"oked at her friend like she had grown an extra head. "Amber, are you SURE you're okay?"
tkhuynh #7
"...Oh! S-Sorry Ae-Cha. I guess I was spacing out a little."
Ae-Cha rolled her eyes and giggled. "You weren't just 'spacing out.' You were actually asleep through the whole lesson. I could hear you snoring all the way from the middle row." Amber's face turned a light shade of red, and she laughed a little.
"Man maybe I should stop reading so many of those mangas and just go to sleep instead."
Ae-Cha chuckled. "You always were a comic book geek." She teased, and Amber pouted at her playfully. "Well anyway, come on! Let's go grab some lunch."
"Sure."
But as they were walking down the hallway, Amber couldn't stop thinking about that dream she had had. What did that young man mean when he had said, 'Stay away from here.' She groaned mentally.
“Agh...I hate it,when dreams don't make sense!” she thought.
ChaoticDarkAngel
#8
Hmm...I never thought about that,actually :3 Maybe I'll add that in the story,like maybe her grandmother or grandfather has some kind of psychic ability or her parent's that know of things,that are about to happen?
Caribbeanpop17
#9
sounds interesting.........i hate it when dreams dont make sense also :P.........good job does she have a magical ability or something, a family gene she doesn't know about? besides her dreams about vamps! ^_^